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My daily activities changed from staying inside the house the whole day to being out on escapades with Jiyong.

 

 

 

It all started when we had our first bike ride to the beach.

 

 

 

Jiyong had taken his clothes off, well only his shirt, as soon as we got there. He ran towards the water while he screamed, “Come on, Dara!” Of course, I didn’t take my clothes off but I did join him.

 

 

 

He was smiling the entire time on the way back and when I asked him why he looked so happy, he said, “It’s been a while since I came here that I’ve forgotten how relaxing it is.” And just before we separated Jiyong thanked me for giving him a reason to visit the beach. I didn’t say it, but I was also thankful I was that reason.

 

 

 

Jiyong brought me to one of his practices and introduced me to all of s. It was a little bit awkward at first because they were all looking at me wondering who the hell I was but when Jiyong said my name, they simultaneously nodded, smiled and said, “Oh, so you’re Dara.”

 

 

 

I had no idea what that meant so I just said “Yeap, I’m Dara.”

 

 

 

During their break, I was sitting cross-legged on the floor when Jiyong suddenly lied down with his head on my lap. He was panting from the dancing and his eyes were closed. His hair was all over his face so I tried to fix it. Jiyong stopped me by holding my wrist, “I’m sweaty. You don’t have to do that.”

 

 

 

I lightly swiped his hand away and muttered, “I’m fine.”

 

 

 

He sighed before saying, “If you say so.”

 

 

 

I continued to move his hair away from his face. Once that was done, I even took the towel from his bag and started to wipe the sweat away. While doing this, Daesung asked, “Are you two together?”

 

 

 

I didn’t have a chance to answer because Seungri interjected, “Look at how sweet they are. Of course, they’re together.”

 

 

 

And then Seunghyun mentioned, “So that’s why Jiyong has been so happy lately.”

 

 

 

Lastly, Yongbae added, “It’s not just Jiyong. They both look happy.”

 

 

 

His words stunned me because I didn’t know what he was talking about. Well, I didn’t until I caught my reflection on the floor-to ceiling mirror across from us.

 

 

 

I was smiling.

 

 

 

I didn’t even realize that I was until I clearly saw myself doing it. And then, my gaze zoomed out from my face to the reflection of both me and Jiyong. We looked like a couple who were relaxing in a picnic, especially with his head on my lap and my hand on his hair, instead of being in an enclosed room. In fact, as I continued to look at us, our surroundings started to fade and all I could see was the image of us.

 

 

 

It was so perfect that I decided to take a mental picture of it that I could, wishfully, carry with me into the next life.

 

 

 

I looked down at Jiyong’s face, who, by the way didn’t deny what s had been saying. His panting had calmed down; his eyes were now open and gazing at mine while his lips also bared a breathtaking smile.

 

 

 

A week after that, I was having a dream of what heaven might look like when it was interrupted. I opened my eyes and instead of my white ceiling, it was completely dark. I honestly thought for a second that I had died and really went to hell. However, when I heard my ringtone, my rapid heartbeat started to slow down. Before I could even say hello, Jiyong screamed on the other line, “Good morning, Dara!” I had to pull the phone away but I could still hear what he was saying clearly.

 

 

 

I looked at the time and it was only 4:30 in the morning. When I was putting the phone back into my ears, all I heard was, “-keep my clothes on this time.”

 

 

 

I had a feeling I knew what he was talking about but I still asked him, “What did you just say?”

 

 

 

“I said, we’re going to the beach again and don’t worry I’ll keep my clothes on this time.”

 

 

 

“Jiyong, the sun hasn’t even risen yet.”

 

 

 

“That’s the point. We’re going to watch the sunrise in the beach.”

 

 

 

“Sunrise isn’t until at least 6am.”

 

 

 

“But it’s going to take us a while since we’re going to bike there.”

 

 

 

“I’m not-”

 

 

 

“I’m outside your house.”

 

 

 

“You’re what?!”

 

 

 

“I’m outside. Let’s go!! We don’t want to miss the sunrise.”

 

 

 

“Jiyong-”

 

 

 

“I’m giving you 10 minutes to get ready.”

 

 

 

Then, he hung up on me and because Jiyong told me to get ready in ten minutes, I did. I met him outside my house and when I saw his face, it looked like he hadn’t slept in days. I started to worry that he’d been so busy with work and that this bike ride would only make him more tired. Just before I could tell him to cancel it, he gave me my favorite smile. And because of that, I yielded into my weakness and went on with the plan.

 

 

 

The bike ride to the beach was quiet except for Jiyong’s humming. He sang A Fool’s Only Tears at one point and I was thankful I was behind him that he didn’t see my own tears. I wondered if Jiyong would ever think of me when he sings this song in the future. In a future without me in it. Would he miss me as much as his lyrics said?

 

 

 

Instead of running crazily into the water when we arrived, Jiyong dropped himself to the sand. I stood over him and asked his closed eyes, “Are you okay?”

 

 

 

“Yeah. I’m just tired.” He patted the sand next to him and said, “Lay down with me.”

 

 

 

We laid down next to each other in silence.

 

 

 

All I could hear was the gentle crash of the waves.

 

All I could see was the vast puzzles of the stars.

 

All I could smell was the significant scent of the ocean water.

 

All I could feel was the breeze of the cold summer dawn.

 

All I could taste was the salty residue that had been mixed in the evening air.

 

 

 

My five senses overpowered my emotions and my fear amplified at the thought of being numb to all of the beauty of the earth once my soul leaves this weak body of mine.

 

 

 

 

“Why are you crying?” I heard Jiyong’s voice as I felt his finger on my cheeks. He was now on his side, looking at me, wiping the tears I didn’t even know had escaped my eyes. I looked at him and I saw his gaze, panicked and worried. And because I could feel the amount of concern he was radiating, my heart almost gave up from the pain of not being with this man. “Dara, what’s wrong?”

 

 

 

“I think now I understand why you fear death,” I answered and because I felt the need to release my emotions, I did, “I was just thinking about what it would be like if I was dead. I wouldn’t be able to hear anything, see anything, smell anything, feel anything and taste anything. There would be nothing and there would be nothing of me in this world. Park Sandara would just disappear-”

 

 

 

Jiyong interrupted me not with his voice but with his lips against mine. It was my first kiss but I already knew it would be the sweetest I would ever get. It was just a light touch but I could feel everything of Kwon Jiyong in that kiss.

 

 

 

He moved his lips from mine.

 

 

 

“You can hear me, Dara,” and he kissed my ears.

 

“You can see me, Dara,” and he kissed my eyes.

 

“You can smell me, Dara,” and he kissed my nose.

 

“You can feel me, Dara,” and he kissed my cheeks.

 

“You can taste me, Dara,” and he kissed my lips.

 

 

 

This time, the kiss was more than a touch. It was more. It was everything. It was Jiyong’s way of telling me that I was still alive. That I should not be worrying about the future and how it would all end. He was telling me that I should focus on the present and truly experience the life I was living. And I decided to follow him, just like what I had been doing since our lives intertwined.

 

 

 

 

 

Therefore, when he asked me, “Would you be my girlfriend?” I answered him with a “Yes.”

 

 

 

 

 

Jiyong and I watched the sunrise that day with my back against his chest; his head on my shoulder and his lips so close to my ears that I could hear him breathing. I counted his breaths and when I reached a hundred, I made a wish upon a star. I hoped that since the sun was the biggest star on earth, my wish would be strong enough to come true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Please, let me live.”

 

 

 

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