Since I could remember, I had always thought that life was unfair. At least it was for me.

My mother passed away when she gave birth to me and since I didn’t have a father, for reasons I never wanted to know, I was put into adoption. I guess I was all my mother had and she was all I had, but God must have hated me because He took the only person I had.

I was lucky enough that a couple wanted me. I had no memories of them but I was with them until God, once again, decided to end their lives. It was a car accident, according to my records. Why I had survived and lived? I wasn’t sure but I guess God had more plans for me.

Plans that would eventually lead me to the happiness I hoped for.

However, that wasn’t the case because I had to stay in the foster care for months. Since I was already older, five at that time, no one wanted me. No one.

Finally at six years old, a single lady was kind enough to adopt me. She fed me, clothed me, took care of me, and I knew she loved me as well. Therefore, finally, I had a reason to thank God. Even without a father, He had at least given me a mother that wanted me in her life.

I was happy.

But once again that didn’t last long. This time, though, God chose to take my life away.

My mother was very spiritual. She would read me the bible every night before I went to sleep instead of those princesses bed time stories. I would never forget one of the verses in the bible:

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Now that none of the treatments would work and I was old enough to curse, I only had one word for that verse.

Bull.

“You have a few more years. Dara, live your life to the fullest.”

That was my doctor’s advice, on my eighteenth birthday nonetheless. At that moment, I decided that I would do as he told. I wouldn’t let this sickness take over my life. The only time I would ever give up was when I take my last breath and only then would I welcome the angel of death with open arms because at least I knew I had lived my life to the fullest.

After leaving the hospital, I went to a tattoo shop. I always wanted to get one but my mother would always reject the idea. However, after everything that we had gone through, and knowing what my outcome would be, she finally let me.

I walked up to the receptionist, whose name is Minho. Just before I spoke, he looked over my shoulder and grinned at whoever was behind me.

The guy that entered the shop was named Jiyong. I knew this because Minho said his name out loud. Minho seemed to pay more attention to Jiyong and I eventually found out from their conversation that Jiyong just got a tattoo last week and was getting some more today. He was also an idol about to debut in the entertainment business. He gave Minho a CD of his group, Big Bang, and he kindly asked him to play the songs in the shop for marketing purposes. Minho agreed as long as Jiyong advertised the tattoo shop as well.

After that conversation, Minho asked Jiyong to show him the tattoo from a week ago. I figured they would at least go to one of the rooms in the back. However, Jiyong took off his shirt right there, in the lobby of a tattoo shop, with a bunch of audience in the room. My first reaction was, Wow, this guy does whatever the hell he wants and the second one was, Wow, I want to touch his back.

Before I could succumb to my latter reaction, I saw what his tattoo said, and at that moment, without even a delay, I spoke, “Is it okay if I get the same tattoo?”

Minho and Jiyong both looked at me as if they had forgotten I was in the room in the first place. At the same time, they said no and turned around to look away from me. I was completely shocked by their answer that I was left frozen for a few seconds. When I came back to reality, they were already gone. I saw them heading to one of the rooms in the back so I immediately followed them and I just barely made it inside the room before they closed the door.

Minho hissed at me. However, I didn’t pay attention to him. What I did was to look straight into Jiyong’s curious gaze as I said, “I lost three people in my life before I was six.”

I saw both of their body stilled, and neither of them spoke a word, therefore I continued, “So I get it. I completely understand what that tattoo meant.”

Jiyong’s gaze turned warmer at my words. I hoped that I was getting through to him.

And I knew I did when he said, “Okay. I’ll let you go first.” I smiled at his response but before I could thank him, he added, “But I’m going to stay here as you get it while you tell me your story.”

Did I want this stranger to know the story of my unfair life, my endless battle with God and how my tombstone was already set and prepared? I was about to differ when my doctor’s voice rushed through my mind, Dara, live your life to the fullest. Therefore, I nodded my head and said, “Deal.”

And then, merely seconds after my reply, Jiyong gave me a smile.

It was a smile that shook not only my world but also deep within my soul. It was a smile that turned my anger to God into hatred. It was a smile that also, for the first time in my life, had me begging God to at least let me live long enough to have a life with the man in front of me.