All the Way to Heaven Final

Please play Big Bang's A Fool's Only Tears on repeat as you read this chapter.

and, please scroll down slowly.

Jiyong was on his knees with his forehead and clenched fist against the mirror. His loud angry screams that had been reverberating against the mirrored walls stopped a few minutes ago and now, all that could be heard was his rapid breathing.

"Let’s break up," I whispered, causing the room to be completely silent since Jiyong's body stiffened.

It felt like hours but it really was just seconds later when he quietly stood up and stayed with his back against me as he kept his head bent down. Then, he said to the floor, "No."

"Jiyong-"

"No. I don’t want to," his voice was hoarse from the screaming.

"Ji-"

I had to stop because he finally turned and faced me.

I never knew what so much anger and buckets of sadness looked like together but Jiyong’s face showed that, bringing me to my knees, literally. If death would hurt, I felt as if I had experienced it by just looking at him. And now, I was truly begging on my knees. However, this time I prayed that God would just take his pain away. I didn’t care how He planned on doing it, whether he miraculously take my sickness away or remove whatever emotions Jiyong had for me or delete his memory of me, I didn’t care as long as He just saves Jiyong from this agony.

Jiyong bent down in front of me and he tilted my chin to face him, "You're not leaving me until it's time to go." He whispered it but his voice held so much power that the only thing I could do was nod. He grabbed my hand as he pulled me up and when we were finally standing, Jiyong placed my wrists in between us, revealing my scars. He ran over his fingertips on each mark, marks that if was done deep enough would have taken this moment away from both of us.

"I’ve been wanting to ask why you did this to yourself," he whispered while still over the scars. "But now I understand," and then he placed the lightest kiss on my left wrist while he kept his eyes on mine. I saw Jiyong’s tears pooling in his eyes and it killed me that I was the cause of such weakness to a once very strong man. "I just hate that I wasn’t there early enough to stop you," and that was when his tears dropped as he kissed my right wrist. "But, I’m here now."

My relationship with Jiyong stayed almost the same except for a few things.

Jiyong’s calls and messages increased to almost every hour. Seungri, I wasn’t sure how he got my number, texted me one day to stop bothering Jiyong too much. He complained that he barely concentrated at work because I would always be on the phone with him. When I told him that it was Jiyong who initiated it, Seungri’s only response was, “Stop answering him then!” I knew that he was just teasing however, since Jiyong was finally living his dream, I didn’t want my sickness to get in his way. Therefore, I stopped replying and answering his calls after that.

It was so tempting to answer his calls and hear his voice but I tried to stand by my ground. I took a nap to help make time move faster.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep when I felt by body shaking. I was slowly waking up when the mumbled voice started to sound clearer, “Dara! Dara! Baby, wake up!”

When I opened my eyes, instead of the white ceiling, it was Jiyong’s frantic expression that welcomed me.

“Jiyong, what are-” I had to stop talking because Jiyong pulled my body towards him as he gave me the tightest hug.

“Don’t you ing dare do that again.”

“Jiyong, what’s wrong?”

“You stopped answering my calls and never replied to any of my messages.”

“I was just sleeping, honey.”

“I thought you left me.”

I couldn’t see it nor hear it but I felt it. Jiyong was crying again.

I held him tighter, putting all of my love for him in the hug to let him know that I was still breathing.

The other change in our relationship, probably the biggest one, was Jiyong moving in with me. It was neither mine nor Jiyong’s idea. It was my mother’s.

Jiyong had been sneaking in late at night for weeks because he demanded that we sleep next to each other all the time. Because I didn’t want to waste any more time and mostly because I was in love with him, I agreed. However, he would have to wake up very early, before my mother woke up, to leave the house.

It was one morning; Jiyong was giving me a goodbye kiss when we heard a cough. Our lips parted and our face simultaneously turned towards the house. We saw my mother walking our way with a luggage. My first thought was we had been caught and she was kicking me out of the house. Nonetheless, when she reached us, she gave the luggage to Jiyong and said, “Son, go back to your house, pack your clothes and bring them home tonight after work. I’ll give you a copy of the house keys later.”

I wasn’t sure if it was because she called Jiyong her son, or because she called our house his home now or because she was giving him his own pair of keys; maybe it was all three together. But I started to cry.

It had been seven years since I found out about my sickness but the only time I shed tears was during that night with Jiyong in the beach. At that moment, I cried because of my newfound phobia with death. However, this time, they were tears of relief for now I knew that once I was gone, my mother wouldn’t be alone. Jiyong wouldn’t be alone.

The two people who I loved the most would have each other.

Jiyong and I went to our beach every month to watch the sunrise. On our six month, we crossed off one of the things from our bucket list.

This time, when we reached the beach, I took off my clothes, all of them, and yelled, “Come on, Jiyong!” And this time as well, it was Jiyong that joined me in the water.

And then, with the sky as our witness, as we made love in the sand, Jiyong breathed into my lips, “I love you, Dara.”

“I love you, Jiyong.”

Ancient lovers believed a kiss would literally unite their souls,

Because the spirit was said to be carried in one's breath.

Every sunrise, we would sit in the same way we had been doing since the first time. Jiyong would be behind me, however, every month; his hold on me will get tighter and tighter. And as always, I would count his breaths and upon reaching a hundred, I would make a wish.

Please, let me live.

Take the pain away.

Give me more time with Jiyong.

Give my mother her own happiness.

Take Jiyong’s pain away.

Always make Jiyong happy.

Take care of my mother.

Take care of Jiyong.

During my last three months, I didn’t make a wish, instead I whispered into the peeking sun,

Thank you for giving me my mother.

Thank you for giving me Jiyong.

Thank you for giving me a life worth living for.

Kwon Jiyong stood in the center of the stage in front of thousands of people. The audience screamed for an encore. And because it was the last concert of his life, Jiyong would give it to them. However, there were some words he needed to say first.

Jiyong put his finger against his lips, requesting for silence. Once he received it, he gave them the slightest smile. He held the microphone and finally, his voice shared his most treasured secret.

“Ten years ago, I married the most beautiful person in the world.”

Even with the roar of the audience, Jiyong continued and this time, his words caused a complete hush in the sea of listeners.

“A year later, she passed away… This last song was her favorite. She probably didn’t notice it but I knew she would cry every time I sang this to her. Baby, this is for you.”

Jiyong sang A Fool’s Only Tears. Alone.

And when he reached the part that spoke the depth of his feelings, he whispered it instead. However, he knew that his voice would still reach her all the way to heaven.

I miss you so much.

Jiyong focused on the bright light that was directed at him at the end of the song. The audience’s applause veiled his voice, “Dara, wait for me.”

I had been called the protector of the pearly gates, the keeper of the keys to the kingdom, and many other things but most of the time; I just go by the name of Saint Peter.

However, a few decades ago, I was given the nickname, Pete.

I still remember that day like it was yesterday.

I was standing guard when a fog appeared in front of me, slowly forming the shape of the new person I needed to check off the list. When the fog had turned into a petite lady, I walked forward and asked, “Name, please.” I didn’t get a name because the lady kept her lips tight, protruding her eyes in shock so I asked once again. “Name, please.”

Instead of a name, I heard, “No way.”

“Excuse me?”

“Is this the gates of heaven?”

“Yes.”

“So you’re Pete?”

“Pete?”

“Yeah. Pete. The protector of the pearly gates. The keeper of the keys to the kingdom. St. Peter. Pete.”

“I prefer if you call me Saint Peter instead.”

“Ok. Pete.”

I sighed and asked one last time, “Name, please.”

“Kwon Sandara.”

I looked down at the list and saw her name. I gazed back at her and I saw that she was grinning widely. “What is so funny, Ms. Kwon Sandara?”

“It’s actually Mrs. Kwon Sandara. You see, I married the most beautiful person in the world.”

“That’s good news.”

“Yes, of course it is! I had been daydreaming of marrying him since I first laid my eyes on him.”

“I’m happy for you then.”

“Oh thank you. Would you like to hear our story?”

“No, thank you. Now, if you can please just proceed towards the gates. You shall find your white tunic and halo on the other side of the threshold. I suggest that you get extra small for you are very tiny in size, dear.”

“It’s ok. I’ll just stay right here with you.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I have to wait for my husband.”

And since then, this lady had been protecting the gates of heaven with me. When there wasn’t any fog coming up, she would tell me stories about her life on earth.

She told me the adventures she had such as parasailing, scuba-diving, jumping off a waterfall and whenever she would mention the time she swam the ocean, bared, her cheeks would turn pink. And lastly, she would show me the tattoo she had gotten the day after her wedding, numerous times.

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

She also mentioned how much she loathed the Almighty King for handing her a life full of misery. But after meeting her husband, she had come to an understanding that the King had actually given her a blessing.

Upon hearing those words, I would smile secretly.

That was a six decades ago.

Now, she was sleeping next to the pearly gates, when a fog came up. Slowly, it started to form a shape of a man. I walked to him and asked, “Name, please.”

“Kwon Jiyong.”

Every time I wake up, the first thing I would see was the white ceiling and it would remind me of my living years on earth. However, everything in heaven was white so that didn’t matter anymore. I was already awake but I kept my eyes closed. A few minutes later, I decided it was time to tell Pete about that time Jiyong and I skydived so I opened my eyes. Instead of the white ceiling, I saw the smile I had missed the most. Shortly after that, those lips moved and the voice I would always hear, even all the way here in heaven, spoke.

“Hello.”

“Hi.”

“I’m here.”

“Finally.”

The End.

I was planning on ending it at Jiyong's last concert, but I was challenged by a certain someone (you know who you are!) to write an ending she hasn't seen before. So when Pete and Dara's scene popped in my head, I immediately thought of it as the perfect ending. Since you all begged for a happily ever after, I hope this somewhat made your heart a tiny bit happier at the end.

There would probably questions on how or why I ended it this way (especially the beach/wishes part) but I put in a few hidden meanings... you just have to read in between the lines... and within the spaces.

I would to hear all of your interpretations/thoughts! Thank you for supporting this short story!

kamiru