(eight)

“Okay Donghae, bye, see ya! I’ve got lots of stuff to do!” I yelled as I carried all the lights out of the planetarium.

“Take care!” he yelled back cheerfully, after helping me put the stuff into a new box, he’d gone back to fussing with his new telescope.

Wiping it, watching it gleam, wiping it again… he was a happy little fellow.

I was glad he was so happy. Especially after that letter, he’d taken a turn for the better. Laughing, and smiling all the time, all he wanted to do was to find a star.

Inside though, I was full to the brim with guilt over what I’d done. The letter. Not about the telescope, but that letter…

I tried to get rid of the though for the time being and walked to the park where all the club members were waiting to start our work. Less than two days for Christmas.

I was walking when I felt someone take the weight of the box from me.

It was Eunhyuk. He didn’t say anything; he just took it away from my hands and walked along with me.

“Annyeoung Eunhyuk.” I said cheerfully.

Maybe he looked a bit surprised? I don’t really know. But he knew I was cheerful for some reason.

“Annyeoung…” he said.

“So, are we all ready?” I asked again, searching for my small notepad. “Less than two days to go y’know.”

He merely nodded his head.

“I saw you… at the party with that guy.” he finally said.

I looked up, a bit astonished. Why was he bringing that up?

So I nodded. “Yeah. He’s nice. He didn’t want me to miss out on it.”

“… Do you like him?”

“Huh?”

Now I was really startled. Did Eunhyuk have any reason to ask me that?

“Um… I dunno.” I muttered brushing some stray strands of hair out of my eyes.

“I saw you buy that telescope for him too.” he said, his voice much more louder.

That got me. I really hadn’t expected anyone to see.

“S-so?” I tried to keep the nervousness out of my voice, the slightly scared expression away from my face.

“That was the money you’d saved up. For something you badly wanted, Jin Hee-ah. And you went and spent it on a telescope?!” he said through grit teeth, his eyes showing some anger.

“So... so what? I wanted to see him be happy!!” I said, equally angry.

“He already has a woman! Why should you care??!”

“H-how did you know that?” I got a bit scared now. Had Eunhyuk been stalking me or something weird like that? He looked away, avoiding eye contact.

“… Shwi Sul was there last evening to get some LEDs. She... she saw him and asked him.” his eyes hidden from his face by his hair.

Oh? So Shwi Sul could be that type of person too? So she wasn't all innocent and completely loyal to Eunhyuk? Oh Eunhyuk, why are you saying it in such a way? Why not just say that Shwi Sul is a two timer? Or that Shwi Sul was tired of being stuck to one guy and tired of acting innocent?

I didn’t say anything. Instead, he muttered a “You know what? Forget we talked about this.” and walked off ahead of me.

I was left to walk alone.

After about half a day, we were finished. On Christmas at midnight, everything would light up. Of course, we’d have to light them up at the switchboards place where everything was connected.

“Okay, we’re good to go!” I cheered and hi fived with all the other members. Except Eunhyuk. He didn’t talk to me after that, nothing. But I didn’t know what I did, or what to do.

“Jin Hee this was a success!”

“Good work everyone!”

“We’re so going to be high on this!” I grinned widely at everyone and gave them brief hugs, like we always did when something of ours came out well.

When I got back home, my dad and mom were fussing with bags.

“Yeobo, I think you should take a few more shirts for him… its cold” my mom was saying and took out a bundle of new clothes and put them in a bag.

“Appa, what happened?”

“Donghae collapsed again.”

I was sitting by Donghae’s side in the hospital. He was in a sleeping state and I was sitting there, blankly. I felt lost. I could feel how Donghae had felt when I broke his telescope.

For something like this to happen to him… why? He didn’t deserve this. He was only 21; years and years of life were waiting for him. And yet because of something like this…

Before long, between silent fits of crying, I slept off, my head on the stretch-bed.

“Wake up Jin Hee-ah.” a soft voice sounded in my ear and a hand was shaking my shoulder gently.

“Hmph…” I woke up all groggy eyed and waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Donghae was smiling at me.

“Donghae! Are you okay!??” I shot up.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Its late sleepyhead, go home.” He laughed and patted my head.

“B-but you-”

“I can get out tomorrow after a few injections.” he reassured me and ran his fingers through my untidy hair.

“B-but Dongh-"

“You know?” he cut me off, and stared out of the window. “Because it’s winter… you can’t see the stars much. Because there’s too many lights and stuff. When there's too many lights, the stars aren't visible.” he said softly.

He didn’t look sad, he looked… normal. A calm and cool Donghae. Only until he sees his telescope though.

“Donghae, um… will your cancer… get cured?”

He looked at me carefully for a while before answering. He shook his head.

“But the doctors always force me to take an operation-”

I jumped on that note.

“Then take it! Please! You can live longer! Right?” I asked, my hands balled up, and my eyes gleaming.

He looked at me again, carefully.

He shook his head.

“I have only a 5% chance of surviving. If that chance goes, I’ll just die sooner. Isn’t this better? I have more time to find a star.”

My heart just got ripped into pieces.

It was at that moment, that I decided to do something else... something which Eunhyuk would never forgive me for.