He stared at the girl standing in front of his apartment door.  ‘What are you doing here?  I’m not ready to see you…’

“Aren’t you going to welcome me in?  Kyu Jong is not around at this hour right?” she said, oblivious at his faulty, unwanted mood.

Seeing him not budging from his position, she made her own way in from underneath his outstretched arms across the door.  He watched her making herself homely inside his one bedroom apartment as she used to do from her 2-3 time visiting and hanging out ever since they declared one and a half months ago.  He enjoyed her visits every time but not today.  Not after what he saw a couple of days back.

“Han Yoon Jae-sshi…please go home.  I have to study.  I have a paper in 2 days time.  I have no time to play with you,” he told her with a serious and stern tone. 

“Eh?  I could help you out with your study…that is the good thing of having a tutor as your girlfriend,” she said, trying to ease the tense aura he projected towards her.  From her act he could tell that she managed to sense that her presence was unwelcome by him but she tried to cover it up by playing dense.

“So, now you are saying I should use you because you’re my tutor?  When you told me to keep our relationship a secret from everyone else because of that particular fact?” he raised his voice, anger building up inside him.

‘You want to keep me at the back but it was okay for you to be seen with someone else?’ he snorted as the words formed inside his head.

He noticed the change on her reaction.  The shock expression, the glistening eyes but he was too absorbed in his own feelings to be bothered by it.

“Please, Yoon Jae-sshi.  Ka…”

He walked past her and went straight to the living room where his books are laying around, ignoring her as she stood still and staring at him in disbelieve.

“Kim Hyun Joong!  What is wrong with you?  Why are you being like this?  You ignored my phone calls, the text messages I sent and when I made the effort to see you, you dissed me off.  I mean, I know exam is just around the corner and you’re feeling pressured by it but why are you lashing it out on me?” she screamed out at him.

He could hear her hurt and unsatisfied wavering voice but he pretended as if nothing happened and kept making notes in front of him.  He could sensed that she was crying but his ego and hurtful feeling made his heart cold towards it.  She stormed out of the door a few seconds after her outburst.  As soon as she left, he threw the pen he was holding towards the wall, breaking it into two.

“AARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!”

He screamed, letting out his frustration.  Breathing hard, he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. 

“Why?  Why?  With my own friend…why must the same thing happen again?” he asked himself, feeling like his heart was being toyed again.

He lay down on his back with an arm crossed over his forehead.  The two incidents kept flashing in front of him.  The first was when he caught Seo Hyung together with his own friend when he went over to his friend’s house for his piano lesson he was secretly learning to surprise Seo Hyung.  How did they know one another, he has no clue but he did not stay to know the truth.  It was heart broken enough to see the both of them without clothes, together, with Seo Hyung beneath his friend, making those pleasure sounds on the sofa.

And now, after he managed to open himself for another commitment, another relationship, another person to love, he caught her with his own band mate on the floor in her room.  That satisfaction smiling on her face while she laid on top of Hyung Jun, her head on his chest and closing her eyes, was enough for him to know what had just happened. 

‘Am I not supposed to be loved?  Why must they stab me from behind?’

He got up, took his house key from the table, and went out of the house.  ‘I need to know the reason!’ he resolved as he searched for Yoon Jae from the long stretched street once he reached the ground floor.

‘Left or right?’

Looking at both sides, he noticed her car was still parked at the side of the street, across from his apartment.  Squinting his eyes, he tried to focus on the inside of the car.  To see whether she was in it or not. 

‘She’s still in the car.  Is she crying?’

His heart quivered a bit by the guilt he was feeling when he saw her in that state.  He walked slowly towards the car and gave a little knock on the window.  That gesture startled her and the surprised, sad look on her face when she saw it was him, made the guilt inside him grew.

‘She looked so sad.  What if I had been wrong?  No…I saw her and Hyung Jun with my own eyes.’

She seemed reluctant to wind the window down but seeing him still standing there, looking at her, she finally winded down the window while dabbing her eyes with a tissue in her hand.

“What do you want, Hyun Joong-sshi?  Do you need to say more harsh words in my face?  I don’t know what had gotten into you, but I do not deserve to be treated this way.”

He stared at her.  ‘What if I was wrong?’

“Can we talk?” he asked calmly, his anger subsided when he saw her current state.

He saw her staring at him.  Curious, confused can be seen clearly in her eyes.  She took some time before nodding.  Seeing her approval, he walked over to the passenger side and slide in, sitting next to her.

Looking at her, he tried to find the right word to ask her about what he saw between her and Hyung Jun.

“2 days ago…do you have anything to tell me?  Is there anything that happen that I need to know?” he asked cautiously.  His eyes was still on her.  Looking at her.  Trying to see any sign of guilt for being exposed.  But there was none.  The only thing shown on her face was confusion and query.

“2 days ago?  Nothing much happen.  Oh…Hyung Jun came to see me and we went out for lunch.”

“Hyung Jun…”

“What?  Are you thinking that I have something going on with that kid?  That I’m cheating on you?  Is that what this is all about?  Someone saw us having lunch and you flipped?  Do you think I’m that low?” she asked, accusing him for being shallow and not trusting her.

He stared at her before asking the exact question he wanted to know, “I saw you…with him…in your room…on top of him.  And don’t tell me I shouldn’t feel betrayed.”

He was shocked to see a smile formed on her lips.  He didn’t expected this.  ‘Will she admit to it?  Is this really what I want to hear?’

He didn’t want to listen to her confession.  “Forget it.  I don’t want to listen to your declaration of love for him.  Let’s break up so that you could be with him.  Good bye…” he said, opening the door and looked away from her.

He was about to leave when he felt her grabbing onto him from the back.

“Stop! Stop…Hyun Joong ah…listen to me.  You got it all wrong.  Nothing happened.  I tripped from the laptop’s charger and fell towards him.  I smiled not because I like being on top of him, I smiled because I was relieved my laptop and my work was okay from the wire jerking by me.  I love you…you...Kim Hyun Joong.”

He closed his eyes.  One thing for sure, he was glad he was wrong.  The other, was her confession.  This was the first time she told him straightforwardly that she loves him.  Holding onto her hand that was wrapped around his waist, he smiled of relieved and because happiness has replaced the lousy feeling he had previously.  In a slow but audible enough for her to hear, he, for the first time in his life, confessed to the woman he loves.  “I love you too…please stay by my side and love only me.”

He didn’t turned himself to face her as he was sure, he would be embarrassed in saying those words straight to her face.  And they stayed in that position until he was sure that the redness on his face were gone and his embarrassment has eased.  He let go of her hand and break them free from his waist as he turned towards her and kissed her forehead while she kept her gaze down, avoiding his.  Leaning towards her, he whispered to her ear, “Go home.  After that confession, I don’t think I can study with you by my side without thinking about what I can do to you instead.”

Hearing that, he smiled when he noticed she had held onto her breath and her eyes widen.  Pulling himself away from her, he said aloud, “Bye Yoon Jae.  I’ll call you, later.  I’m sorry for before.”  He opened the door and walked out of the car towards his apartment.  Before entering the building, he gave her car another look and saw that she was looking at him.  He waved at her and watched her leave.