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I always be in trouble just because I can’t express my feelings well. And what make it more worst is I can’t even show any emotion on my face.

I had stop smiling since my mom remarried; just a month after my dearie father died. At first, it seemed like a normal family that had just turning over a new leaf. But that merely short happiness ruin once again, as my mom died in terrible car accident when she was on her way back from work. Since then, my jobless stepfather changed and started to reveal his real look.

I turned to be a sack for him to throw all of his frustration each time he lost in his gamble. My body had to bear the violence and brutality of him when each time he came home in drunken state. He kept thought I was only a burden that my mom left to him and turned his life in such distress. Until one day, I never thought he would go that far. He had decided to hand me to one of the biggest nightclub in the main city. All he cares at that time was to getting big bucks from those despicable people in return.

Started that day, I experienced a life of living in real hell. I was being forced to work in the bar, but only a week before I’d been forced to do something else – entertained the customers to gain more profit for the club. Of course, I refused. Even my life was being threatened at the stake; I won’t do that kind of work. Each time I refused, I would be thrown inside an empty dark room to reflect my refusal and they hope I would change my mind. But I won’t.

Since then, I started to get used to sleep with accompanied by the cruelest cold of night. And used to be enveloped with terrifying and insecure feeling each time I tried to close my eyes in the darkness that surrounding me. Until one night I tried to escape, but they, those heartless people caught me when I was only a step outside of the back door. They beat me into a pulp while kept cursing me, like I was a worthless piece of .

When I almost lost my consciousness, they stopped, and gave me their last warning. But I was determined; even I was in my last breath, I won’t return into that hell. With last remaining ounce of energy left in me, I abruptly got up and run again as far as I could…

Rain started poured down harshly during the time, seemed cried on my unblessed fate. I didn’t get far as I stumbled into muddy road. Those men got to me in no time, and were about to drag me back when suddenly, they had been stopped by a steady-stern voice of a man.

At that time… I thought god just send me an angel. But, he’s just a human. A human which full of kindness and bless…

“What's going on here?” The firm and stern voice directed to those men came to my ears.

With half-lidded eyes as almost lost to bear my last strength, I urged myself to look up and met the tall figure of a man in his good-expensive attire. He just beyond…gorgeous, and behind him stood another two men in suit; one of them was holding an umbrella for him.

His softened-brown eyes threw me a sacred look as he extended out his hand to me. I almost sobbed at that time… It was first time someone looked at me in such chaste way; not like those people back there who eyes tainted with full of nefarious intents when eyeing me. My heart that was racing in fear, body shaking with dread and cold was enveloped by such splendor warmth, as he took out his long coat and wrapped it around me. He didn’t even care if that expensive cloth would dirtied by my muddy body. Then, in swift move, he lifted me up in his strong arms which brought me into puzzlement.

“Yoochun, you know what to do.”

With that short and cold statement which made me confuse; he walked away while carrying me in his arms to a black shiny limousine that parked right on the end of alley.

I was stricken by thousands confusion. But still I didn’t dare to questioning the man what he was been doing, as I felt cringe in my stomach at the possibility he would change his mind and decide to send me back to those men. I was so desperate to get away from that place. And this man, even I didn’t know what his real intent was, he was just doing that.

“You’re safe now. Stop shaking.” that was the first word he uttered to me in such caring tone, when we got into the car. He brought me close to his body to share the heat. Strangely, I felt very secure in those arms of him. That was first time I’d been held…by the man named Jung Yunho.

Since then, my nightmares had changed drastically as my life had never been this better before. Three months after living with the totally stranger man, which I didn’t know what work he do for living, and also what was his intention by picked me in that rainy night to live with him. But I just stayed put with him, as he didn’t seem to have any nefarious intent on me. Instead, he went out of his way to make sure I was comfortable and cater everything of my needs; seem he knew I was an orphan. I had been treated more than I deserve. He even send me to attend a private university, which I never had a thought that I could step a foot in that prestigious place after months living with him without doing nothing.

May be, he was treating me kindly out of sympathy. That’s what I believed until…something happened and changed everything between us…

All started that day, when he came back home in the middle of the night after a week of his disappearance. He was badly drunk at that time and the maid that wasn’t leave-in maid, had already left since her working hours finish that evening. Only leave me alone at home.

*

“How dare they call me home just to ask me take all of this ! I won’t be tricked by their ing lies again!” Yunho was in a bad mood that night. He slumps his deflated body on the carpet floor without thinking much, like that was his king-size bed.

I wondered, what the thing  that had irked him.

“Y-Yunho-ssi…you…can’t sleep here.” I walked down from the stairs and hesitantly approached him.

“Yun-ho…ssi…”

He just laid there in stiff, eyes closed.

I knelt down near him, hand on laps, as didn’t know what to do and just stared down at his jaded face. Part of me want to shook him and ask him to get into his room; even it seem impossible in his current wasted state. But another part of me, the strong part, just wanted to ignore him as I was scare he would probably get annoyed. Since two years living with him just enough for me to knew his bad side, but gladly he never shown that side of him directly on me, but on others, yes.

Slowly, my hand reached out to shook him slightly after so much determined. But, before I could do that, his hand caught mine. I startled.

“Jaejoong…?” His eyes fluttered open.

I just stared wide at him with heart thumped slightly.

“It’s you…” He smiled with those half-lidded eyes of him looks drowsy, gazed at me.

“Jaejoong…..” He called again, made me confused, seem he fond to mumble my name.

“Jaejoong… Why are you so quiet?”

“…………….”

“You know how I missed to hear your voice since this past week. I want to call you, but…I can’t. I want to see your face…but, I can’t get back here either. They restricted me…” He kept rumbling on in his drunken state. His words just dragged me into more confusion.

“Jaejoong, you know…I…” He stopped midway as eyes shown discontented; seem intensely searching something that was not shown on my face.

After a moment, he heaves sigh with hand still held my right wrist, “Jaejoong, I think… I will get married soon.” I stiffen on my spot as heard the sudden, shock news.

He kept his eyes on me and seems looks trouble; like something big had bothering him at the moment. I was deadly curious.

“But...I’ve a problem.” He continued.

I held my breath with pulse in abnormal; seem could sense what he was trying to say.

“The problem is…..you.”

It was first time I felt my heart seem crashing into thousands pieces. Because the things that I’m afraid the most had finally come - the time for me to leave this house when I started to feel home.

Maybe I was being a hindrance for him to get married. He might bring his life partner to live with him sooner and I didn’t have a reason to live here since the first place. He…this man just took me in out of sympathy. I wish he could say more and said it is okay for me to keep staying here. But he didn’t say anything further, as he had drifts into soundless sleep while still holding my hand to his chest.

So…the thing that bugging him was he feels hesitated to asking me to leave this place, was he?

Now, I really sounded pathetic and got hurt by my own words…

*

“Hey, wake up. Jaejoong…”

I felt my cheek being caressed along with my name being called softly. It seemed like I was dreaming and… this feel good.

“Hey…sleepy head. Wake up…”

My eyes shot opened this time, as the familiar gentle-low voice was too close to my ear.

I blinked several times as seen Yunho’s face was close to mine. He smiled, seemed caught my comical looks. Did I show that?

“Why did you sleep here?”

His question made my eyes scanned my surrounding and found I was in the living room, laid on the carpeted floor. I abruptly seat up.

“How could you end up fall asleep beside me?” Yunho asked in tight-lipped smile.

I dropped my face looked down, embarrassed. How stupid I was, to fall asleep while pondering alone last night. And what more in such awkward position, with letting him held my hand while we slept.

“You should just ignore me when I passed out last night, and get your sleep in your room.” He also sat up, and now facing me. “Your back will get hurt by sleeping on the hard floor.”

I just nodded in respond. He smiled and caressed my cheek, again.

I blinked, dumbfounded. Does he love my cheek so much?

“Anyway Jaejoong, last night… Did I have said something strange?”

I immediately looked down, as the word he said to me last night replayed in my head.

“Did I..?” He asked in curious tone as I remained silence. “I’m sorry if I did. I-”

I looked up at him and shook my head quickly.

“No?” His brows up before he let out a sigh of relief. “That’s glad…I thought I’d rumbling something nonsense. Usually I would when I’m drunk. If I did, I hope you ignore what I’d