You and Donghae, are the so called ‘dream couple’ of SMent. You were supposed to be the tenth member of SNSD but a few months before the debut…you were pregnant with Donghae’s baby. Lee Soo Man kicked you off the group and advised that you leave the company. Jessica and Tiffany were MORE than happy to see you go but there was one person who held you back. Donghae.

His named rolled off your tongue like a lullaby. The way his intense brown eyes stared at you made your heart flutter. He was tall and the long lashes of his eyes casted a long shadow down his prominent cheekbones. His lips were thing but when he saw you, he smiled.

You just couldn’t leave him. Everything in you forbade you to go.

Were you selfish? Deep down in your heart you knew you were. Before you met Donghae, your world was full of darkness and regret. Seeing your father abuse your mom, made you think that men wasn’t worth it. That they were lying, cheating, and selfish mongrels. Your mom died during your 10thbirthday and the moment you hit 18; you moved out to live with you girlfriends. 

Then, one day you met this sharp featured boy with floppy brown hair that fell over his eyes with a dinosaur face. His gaze penetrated into the depth of your heart. Something about this distant fellow made you believe again. 

He asked you out on a date once. Then twice. Then a third time. Before you knew it, you moved in with him in the trainee dorms. You were happy with him. He loved you.

You were just not willing to face the harsh reality of the outside world. After 2 years of dating everything fell apart. Everything just changed between Donghae and you. He didn’t come home once in awhile and you let it slide. He didn’t come back after a few days, you were worried. Then before you knew it, it turned to weeks and months and you were in denial.

No, Donghae is different.

We’ve been through so much.

He doesn’t have another girlfriend.

He isn’t cheating on me.

He loves me.

Repeating those thoughts in your mind made you believe it. Reality hit you the day you aborted your unborn baby.

“~~~~~-ah, we need to talk.” Donghae whispered in your ears one night as the two of you were lying on the bed with your head resting against the special place in his chest reserved for you. It was as if God made Donghae so he could fit against your body.

“What Oppa?” you asked softly.

“This is about our relationship.” He replied and his arms loosened around your waist.

“What about it?” You said.

“I-I there is no easy way for me to say this-. I-I think we should break up.” He told you without emotion.

You pinch yourself to see if you were dreaming. You lifted you head up and stared into his eyes. He wouldn’t look at you.

“What did Oppa say?” You questioned again with disbelief evident on your face.

“It’s over. Listen it’s not you. It’s me. I just don’t feel the connection anywhere. I hope we can become friends.” He told you.

Blood was pounding in your ears. Your whole body felt numb as if all the life had been out of it. The tears wouldn’t come. Did I hear right? You mentally asked yourself.

You raised the palm of your hand to slap him but he grabbed it before the blow struck him in the face.

“I said we could be friends.” He said gritting his teeth.

Friends? Friends? He made me fall for him. I wasted 2 years of my life with him. I aborted my baby for him. I gave up my dream for him. Everything I did was for him. He’s suddenly ending it?

A thousand thought streamed through your brain. Donghae was gently tapping you. You got up and started towards the door.

“Let me ask you one thing. Is this the reason behind not coming home? Have you been trying to make my wound hurt less? It never will. Who were you with? Jessica? Is should’ve known. I was nothing to you. Did you just say you love me just to get to her? How many times had you lied to my face and walked away? How many times you smiled like nothing was the matter? Was I your toy?” You questioned him until you ran out of breath. Your back was facing him.

“No. You don’t understand-. I don’t want this to happen. I did love you.” Donghae answered quickly.

“Did love me? As in I’m in the past?” You retorted. The unwanted tears escaped down your face and made drops into your shirt.

“Yes.” He barely whispered. The door slammed and Donghae flinched.

~~~~-ah, I never wanted to lie. I never wanted to do this. I don’t want to end it this way. I loved you and in the end I always will. Donghae thought to you mentally, hoping in his heart his message reached you. It didn’t.

If two past lovers can remain friends, it’s either that they are still in love or never were.