[GONGCHAN POV]

 

 

When Jinyoung and I sneak away from Sandeul, I have only one thing on my mind:

 

 

I really want to dance.

 

 

I'm not sure if it's because I'm at the bottom of the totem pole and this is my first party, or if I'm just in a good mood. Either way, the deep bass of the music and the sea of moving bodies is intriguing me.

 

 

I tug on Jinyoung's arm, pulling him with me towards the crowd. Despite the size of the expansive room, there are so many people that we end up packed like sardines. So when we situate ourselves between sweaty teenagers, my back is nearly pressed up against Jinyoung's chest.

 

 

I move my hips, beginning to sway slowly to the beat. It's my first time dancing like this, so I'm really just moving on instinct, following the beat and tune of the song and trying not to look like an idiot. Behind me, Jinyoung moves as well, though I can't really tell what he looks like, as I'm in front of him.

 

 

It's when the heat of the bodies surrounding us and the labor of moving have me breaking into a light sweat, that an unrecognizable person hands me a cup without another word. I peer inside, and it's filled with a liquid that looks along the lines of beer.

 

 

I've never had a drink before, my only experience with alcohol being a sip of champagne at my aunt's wedding when I was twelve, but the cup is ice cold in my hand and looks rather tempting. I'm hot, and hell, I should enjoy my first party to the fullest extent, right?

 

 

I take a sip of the drink, and wince when it burns a little going down my throat. But it's cool and refreshing, and the aftertaste isn't completely terrible, so I take another swig.

 

 

Jinyoung continues to dance, watching me with intense eyes as I sip experimentally. I continue to drink the bitter liquid, and within a minute or so, I finish. I crush the plastic cup in one hand a toss it somewhere on the floor, then resume my place in front of the older boy and continue to dance.

 

 

A little less than an hour and two drinks later, Jinyoungs hot hands travel down my sides and latch onto my hips. He pulls my tight against his front as we move back and forth to the beat. Jinyoung's only had one beer, but his breath is hot and lazy against my neck, his mouth parted and panting slightly. I close my eyes, and let myself relax into the rhythm.

 

 

The back of my neck is wet with sweat, and my hair is damp in front of my face. Jinyoung is in a similar state as the heat between us radiates. Maybe it's my hazy vision, but it feels like we're the only two people in the room. It's just me, Jinyoung, and the tempo of this song.

 

 

If my mind were in a normal state right now, I'd be scolding this boy for going too far, snapping at him that I don't like him this way, and people will get the wrong idea.

 

 

But right now, when everyone's doing they're own thing and half-wasted anyway, no one's paying any attention.

 

 

And maybe, at least right now while I'm tipsy, just maybe I do like Jinyoung that way.

 

 

Or maybe this isn't...

 

 

When he spins me around so we're forehead to forehead and pelvis to pelvis, I let out a quick, nearly inaudible gasp. He pulls me in as close as he can, and our hot breaths mingle in the air between us as we gaze at each other with half-lidded eyes.

 

 

I pull my arms up to rest around his neck, and his fingernails dig into my hips. We never stop our motion, swaying to the music that just seems like an excuse at this point.

 

 

The proximity, or maybe it's just the alcohol, makes me dizzy.

 

 

Why am I so okay with this...?

 

 

Jinyoung moves one of his hands away from my hips, dragging it upward so that his fingers brush the hem of my shirt. He then sneaks in, moving his hand so it makes contact with the sensitive skin of my abdomen.

 

 

I let out a shudder, and Jinyoung smirks.

 

 

“So is this what I have to do to get you to accept me?” he whispers in my ear, voice drizzled with something akin to lust.

 

 

I wince. This is just the beer. I don't really want this...

 

 

He pushes his front against mine, grinding me with a smooth swipe of his hips. We both let out a gasp.

 

 

This isn't...

 

 

He pushes his hand further up my stomach, rubbing small circles in the skin with his palm. I recoil, moving my hips further back, but he just takes that as an invitation to close the gap between our groins with his hand.

 

 

No.

 

 

Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's the good half of my brain pushing it's way through. But I don't want this right now. I push Jinyoung away, and he stumbles a few feet back, a confused look on his face.

 

 

“I-I have to go to the bathroom,” I mumble, looking down at the floor with furrowed eyebrows.

 

 

His eyes are wide when he nods his head. “O-okay.”

 

 

I quickly turn around and begin pushing my way through the crowd of bodies. My head is swimming and I don't really know where I'm going, but I go there nonetheless. When I arrive at the bottom of the stairs, I decide that there may be a bathroom up there. The functioning half of my mind reasons that lots of people have their bathroom on the second floor.

 

 

I never realize that I don't actually need to use the bathroom; it was just an excuse. So after a woozy trek up the steps, I wander around the dark hallways of the second floor, looking desperately for a bathroom that I don't need.

 

 

After opening many doors and being greeted by a lovely couple making out on a bed, or a room full of smoke and laughter, I finally come to the last door on the floor. Deciding it's probably what I'm looking for, I reach out to turn the door, but something, or rather, someone stops me.

 

 

I'm roughly grabbed by large hands and flung against a nearby wall, my head hitting the hard surface and creating a dull, painful throb that only heightens my hazy vision. I blink, trying to will my eyes to clear, but it just hurts my eyes so I give up.

 

 

Then, a large body is pressed against mine, and someone is necking me, biting and kissing roughly at the skin below my ear.

 

 

I wince and mewl and try to push them off of me, but they're too strong and heavy and I can't. I squirm under the person's weight, trying to somehow, somehow, break free.

 

 

It's no use.

 

 

They nip at my skin, and his – obviously, with his size, he's a guy – hands roam all over my body. He touches my arms, my sides, his fingers run through my hair, and he palms my crotch. He's got a familiar scent, but I barely notice as he's touching me in all the places he shouldn't.

 

 

I cry out, I try to hit him, I try to knee him in the place where it hurts. Anything to get this man off of me.

 

 

But it's no use.

 

 

Tears form in my eyes, his tongue tracing over my Adam's apple, my jawline, my collarbone. It feels disgusting and unwanted and his weight is crushing me.

 

 

You're hurting me.

 

 

His hand begins to me through the cloth of my jeans, and I will myself not to let it affect me. I feel gross, dirty, wrong. But there's still the alcohol that's clouding my mind and making me want to give up my struggling.

 

 

Please stop. Please.

 

 

I'm crying now, tears spilling down my cheeks as I yell for help. The man moves upward and kisses the tears away, a gesture that should normally be kind but just makes me want to vomit.

 

 

Please.

 

 

I'm flailing, screaming, crying, and my vision's slipping. Maybe if I just pass out, this won't be as painful...

 

 

A loud crack resonates throughout the hallway, and a few seconds later I realize the weight has been lifted off of me.

 

 

He's gone. He's gone.

 

 

He's gone.

 

 

It's okay. Maybe it never happened.

 

 

Eyes still closed, I slide down the wall, bringing my knees into my chest and shaking uncontrollably. The tears still fall, and I rock back and forth to try and calm myself down.

 

 

He's gone.

 

 

I should have been running out of there the second I was free, but my knees were to wobbly to stand any longer, and in the state I'm in, I don't think running through this house is a good idea. So I sit and rock, and I can faintly make out shouting nearby.

 

 

He's not hurting you anymore.

 

 

The shouting silences, and all of the sudden someone's trying to wrap their arms around me.

 

 

“No! Don't touch me!” I scream, crying, flailing my limbs so he can't get to me again.

 

 

“Shhh, Channie, it's okay, it's me, I'm here,” a voice says calmly, grasping one of my hands so I don't hit him His voice is smooth and comforting, and through my clouded mind I recognize him as Jinyoung.

 

 

Jinyoung is safe.

 

 

My eyes still shut tight, I cling to his hand, probably cutting off the circulation, and sob.

 

 

“Hey, hey,” he coos, attempting to hold me again. “Shhhh, it's okay.”

 

 

I let him, and he positions himself so that he's crouched next to me, arms around my shoulders. I turn my torso towards him, my hands in his t-shirt as he pulls me in tight and whispers comforting words.

 

 

“He won't hurt you now. It's okay. I'm here, so don't ever leave my side again. Got it, Channie? I'm going to protect you, so just never stray away... Shh, it's alright. It's alright. I'm here.”

 

 

For at least a half hour or so, I sob into his chest, soaking the cloth of his shirt, though it seems he doesn't mind. I feel like a scared little child who needs his daddy to keep him safe, but at this moment, I just really need his presence to keep me sane. The whole time, he my hair and mumbles things to me, and it helps me calm down. Soon, we're leaving the party and he's walking me home.

 

 

We walk slowly, our shoes scraping against the sidewalk with every other step. The stars are hidden by the remaining clouds from the storm earlier today, but the moon peeks through and shines brightly, lighting the way.

 

 

I've finished crying by now, though my head still hurts. I think my whole crying episode sobered me up a bit, and so now, I can think properly, at least for the most part.

 

 

“Thank you...” I whisper, the silence that's enveloping us a stark contrast to the rowdy party earlier.

 

 

“You're welcome,” Jinyoung says with a kind smile, and bumps my shoulder with his.

 

 

I'm about to say more but he cuts me off.

 

 

“And don't apologize,” he states firmly. I frown. “I'm the one that should be sorry... I pushed you a little too far earlier. I wasn't thinking. It's my fault you went up there...” he winces, ruffling his hair and sighing in frustration. I watch him, and he seems sincerely guilty.

 

 

I bump his shoulder this time. “It's okay, I forgive you. Just keep your hands to yourself next time, Mister.”

 

 

He smiles, and I mirror him. “Do I have to?” he asks, raising an eyebrow and giving me a cocky grin.

 

 

I slap him on the arm. “Yah,” I grumble, looking away.

 

 

He laughs, a sweet laugh that rings out in the night air. “I didn't mean it like that, silly,” he chuckles.

 

 

I glare at him. “Then what did you mean?”

 

 

He turns and looks at me as we walk, and gives me a goofy smile.

 

 

“This,” he whispers, and then swiftly slips his hand into mine, intertwining our fingers.

 

 

I look down, and my face heats up. “Oh – uh, umm.. oh,” is all I can say. My face is flushed, I can tell, and I don't think it's the remaining alcohol that's doing it.

 

 

Jinyoung laughs that pretty laugh again, the corners of his eyes crinkling up.

 

 

My heart beat may have sped up a little. Just maybe, though.

 

 

“And you call me the awkward one,” he laughs. I duck my head.

 

 

“Shut up,” I mumble.

 

 

One last time, that laugh. And then silence for the rest of the walk, but it's comfortable silence. I still don't know what exactly to think of Jinyoung, or how I feel about him.

 

 

But I know for sure that I don't dislike the way his hand is warm and comforting against mine, giving an encouraging squeeze every once and a while, swinging between us as we walk towards my house.

 

 

And I also know that when we part ways, and our fingers pull apart, there's a slight tug on my heart as well, as if it wants to go with him as he walks in the opposite direction.

 

 

Nah, that doesn't mean I like him, I think, coughing away a stupid smile as I unlock my front door and step inside.

 

 

Not at all.

 

 

---

 

 

[A/N]: Hey guys (: So I couldn't get this chapter out last night, so here it is now. ^^

 

 

And it's full of awful angst. I was in a weird mood. OTL

 

 

So um, enjoy? Or cry, you know, that's what I did. Okay maybe I didn't. Because I'm a failure of an author.

 

 

Subs and comments are love <3 your ually frustrated comments on last chapter were quite entertaining. XD

 

 

See you soon with the next chappie. (:

 

 

P.S. I didn't proofread this, so there might be some mistakes. D: I'll fix it later~