There's an awkward feeling between us now. I don't know if it's just me generating it, or if it's really there, but since last night...something is different. Krystal is shy around me. She blushes when I look over at her, she sometimes brushes her fingers through her hair, or twists a decorative ring on her finger in such a way that makes me worry she'll break her pinkie.

My eyes look awful, like I've never slept. I use some foundation to try and lighten the bruises beneath my eyes. I hardly slept at all after she kissed me. Too many thoughts racing through my brain, never shutting up, never letting me rest.

Does she love me?  Or is it just skinship taken one step further? I'm tormented by these two thoughts. They can't seem to leave me alone, giving me a haunted feeling. It's like a rat has broken into my brain cupboard and is eating my brain cereal, so that when I go back to my thoughts, they're a wreck, leaving me nothing real to think about.

I guess you could say, my mind is blown.

But for the sake of our group, I need to pretend like it didn't happen. I need to pretend that all we are is the result of fanservice.

At the moment we're eating lunch at a cafe, the five of us. Concert season has paused for about a week, to let us have a rest for our voices and to improve some of our dance numbers. I ordered two entrees and an appetizer for myself, but I haven't really eaten anything. I've chewed on a piece of lettuce for about five minutes. That got gross. I had to spit it out into my napkin.

"So, Amber. Are you going shopping with Krystal and Sulli after this?" asked Luna casually.

"What, aren't you going?" I ask, feeling a little freaked out. Luna laughs.

"No, silly. Onew is going to take me to a matinee over at the theater," she says, blushing a little.

"Oh," I say, a little downheartedly. I really need Luna right now. She's been through this whole ordeal with me the past few months, and now that Onew is back in the picture...I just feel abandoned. I can't talk to Krystal, not about my feelings. And Sulli--well, somehow talking to her would just not be the same as talking to Luna. Maybe it's time to hang tight to Victoria, see if she can be an emotional support for me.

"C'mon hyung, it'll be fun!" giggles Sulli.

"I don't need to buy anything," I mumble, trailing my chopsticks through my bowl of rice, before looking to my right at Victoria. She's viewing something important on her phone, carefully scrolling as she reads it. She remembers to take a bite now and then.

"Hey Victoria," I say, nudging her with my elbow.

"Hmm?" she asks, still preoccupied with her phone.

"What are you doing after lunch?" I prod.

"Oh, nothing much. Why?" she asks, finally looking up and picking up her water glass to take a sip.

"Can I tag along?" I ask. She smiles slightly.

"Sure, I don't see why not. Although I'm probably just going to wander in town for a little while. Maybe get a pedicure to relax. You sure that's okay?" She looks skeptically at me, knowing that I don't do things like manicures or pedicures.

I shrug. "Yeah, sure. It's something to do."

I avoid Krystal's gaze, and Sulli giving me a serious look for once that's asking me, "What are you DOING?" Luna's shaking her head slightly. She knows that I'm avoiding Krystal on purpose. I might get a lecture from her later.

I manage to start stuffing my face with rice and vegetables so I'm not starving later.

Why is she avoiding me? Stupid llama-brained idiot, sitting there stuffing her face like nothing's wrong...

No one else knows, except maybe Luna, what happened between Amber and me last night. I thought I had made it clear that things were more serious between us, but maybe she had not understood. I hadn't said that I loved her, I'd only said I didn't hate her...maybe somewhere along the lines that translated to, "and we're really good friends! so much that I'm going to kiss you!"

I focused on trying to be normal for the next few minutes while everyone sat at the table. Amber and Victoria left first, then Luna shortly after. As soon as Luna left, I couldn't hold my tears in any longer and I covered my face, letting the tears spill down my cheeks as I began to sob. Sulli put her arm around me.

"Shhhhhh, it's okay, Krystal," she tried to soothe me, patting my back, but all I felt was a horrible hollow pain inside of me. "Amber's stupid, you know that. Maybe she didn't know you really wanted her to come with us."

I picked up my napkin and dabbed at my eyes with it. 

"Here," said Sulli, taking the napkin and helping me clean up the mascara that had started to run. 

Luna appeared seemingly from nowhere and sat back down at the table. She set her phone down quite roughly on the table, as if upset with it.

"Onew said we'll have to wait a week. Something came up," she said with a frown. She noticed what was going on and soon her expression changed to worry and and anxiousness.

"Krys, what happened?" she asked, reaching across the table and taking one of my hands. I couldn't speak yet, I was working on my composure.

Sulli answered for me. "It's Amber. She's so dumb. She didn't want to come with Krystal and me, and went with Victoria to wander around and maybe get a pedicure."

"Pedicure?" asked Luna incredulously. "Amber hates that kind of stuff. Why on earth would she choose that over shopping with you two?"

Fresh tears spilled over my cheeks as I cried into my napkin.

"Oh, no," said Luna, the truth dawning on her slowly. "Oh, no. Oh, nooooo." She came around the table and held me. Sulli joined her and feeling them on either side of me helped me regain some of my composure.

"I...tried to tell her...last night..." I managed to say, the memory bringing me nearly to more tears.

"I know, I know," said Luna, wiping away some of the tears on my cheek. "What an idiot. She's really gonna get it." She grabbed her phone and began jabbing buttons.

Victoria and I were window shopping. Well, Victoria was. I was so bored. I probably would've been bored with Sulli and Krystal too, but at least...well, at least right now I wouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness between us. 

My pocket vibrated and I pulled out my phone. 1 New Text. Okay. I opened the text, and Luna's capitalized words were screaming at me:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I KNOW EVERYTHING, AND IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR BACK TO THE CAFE RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU.

I gulped. What to do, what to do...either stay with Victoria and pray that Luna doesn't find me in the large crowd, or run back to the cafe and get strangled by Luna, and possibly Sulli, for acting like an idiot. Either way, I'm screwed.

I typed: hey. busy right now. talk later?

And seconds later her text said: I SWEAR AMBER! I WILL KILL YOU! SULLI SAYS SHE WILL HELP ME!

Then I got a second text, this one from Sulli: it would be a really really good idea for you to just to come back to the cafe. luna is SO mad right now.

I sighed, and Victoria turned with a small smile. "Have to go?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, Luna has to talk to me. Important or something," I said, scratching the back of my head as I gave her a lopsided smile.

She smiled. "I understand. I'll see you later!" and after waving, she disappeared into the crowd.

I sighed again, taking off my cap and running my fingers through my short hair, before walking back toward the cafe. Luna was standing outside, looking for me. As soon as she saw me, she ran up and grabbed me by the arm very hard.

"Ow! Ow, Luna, let go, that hurts!" I protested as she shoved me into the wall. 

"You listen up, stupid llama breath!" she threatened, getting in my face. "I don't know what's going through your stupid dino brain, but you need to understand one very simple thing!" She pointed through the window to where Sulli was sitting with Krystal, comforting her. "That girl in there, the one you have feelings for, likes you! And she put herself on the line last night when she told you! The least you can do is stop acting like a moron and ignoring her! It's hurting her feelings!"

"She didn't say she likes me! She just said she didn't hate me!" I said defensively. "And ever since she kissed me--"

Luna's eyes widened, and suddenly she looked like she was seconds from murdering me on the spot. "She kissed you and you have the balls to say she doesn't like you? What is WRONG with you?!" she practically shouted in my face.

I shoved Luna back a step. "Hey! Don't you yell at me! How am I supposed to know what the heck is going on in her head? I thought that kiss was one step further with the whole skinship thing! How was I supposed to know it meant she has feelings for me?" I asked angrily.

Luna shook her head. "You really are an idiot. Look," she said, pointing in my face, "you're going in there, and you're going to talk about this with her. You two are going to get it all sorted out, all right?"

I paused to breathe for a moment and take in the new information. Then I slowly nodded.

"All right. I can do that."

"Good!" huffed Luna. She waved in at Sulli and Krystal, and Sulli got up, hugging Krystal before leaving the cafe and joining us outside.

"Now go!" said Luna, pushing me towards the door. I reluctantly went inside and sat down at the table across from Krystal, unable to look her in the eyes yet.

"Hi," I mumbled, feeling my face begin to grow hot.

"Hi," she said as she sat down across from me, blushing furiously.

"Hi," I said, wiping the last of the tears from my face. She glanced up, and immediatly her eyes turned sad.

"Krystal, I--"

"Why don't you call me Soojung, anymore?" I asked pointedly. She paused, uncertain and scratched at the table.

"I..." she tried to make words come out, but she couldn't speak. She shrugged, sighing. She looked tired.

"Is it because you don't love me anymore? Was calling me Soojung one of your secret ways of showing me how much you loved me?" I asked, feeling hurt.

"No! I mean, yes it was, but...of course I...ofcourseIloveyou..." she stumbled out the last bit, but even hearing it said so jumbled together made my heart flutter briefly. I sighed and looked down at the table, my hands in my lap.

Suddenly she got up and walked around the table, kneeling by me. I felt my heart starting to flutter again, beginning a steady throb that made my knees grow weak.

"Soojung, I love you. And I have loved you for a long time, several months at the least. Can we walk, so people don't have to listen to our private conversation?" She held out her hand as she stood up and I took it. She helped me out of my chair and escorted me out of the cafe, out to the sidewalk. She took my hand and interlaced her fingers with mine.

"I know that skinship is something many groups use to help their members grow close, so there is less fighting and rivalry. And I know that it doesn't mean the same to you as it does to me," she said, scuffing her shoes on the sidewalk. "But when you hold my hand, and touch me, and laugh and whisper in my ear, even though lots of it is pretend for the fans, I can't help but feel like I need you." She put her hand over her heart. "Inside me there is a longing to be with you and your touch makes me...it makes my heart break into pieces because I've had to believe it isn't real for a long time."

She sighed, taking her cap off to rub her head before putting it back on. "Last night, I just thought you were taking the skinship one step further. Maybe getting me used to the fact that we might kiss in front of our fans in a concert or something. And I've been feeling awkward..." she tried to look at me, but blushed and watched the crowd in front of her as we walked.

"I love you, Amber. I'm not sure how yet, but I need you near me," I said gently. She looked up, hope and fear in her eyes.

"You need me?" Heartache was so apparent in her voice. 

"Yes! I do, I know that I do. Our fanservice together has turned into something else for me," I said, pulling her to a stop between two shops. The crowd molded around us as people passed.

She smiled warmly. "Me too!"

 

[A/N: This is probably the end of the fanfic. I don't know what else to write. But it was fun! Thanks for your comments and subscriptions! Hope this gave you enough Kryber for the day! Sayonara!]