I'M BACK!!!!!!!! oh god..I thought I wasn't going to be able to update this fanfic. I'm about to publish a magazine with some of my friends and its consuming my life (no sleep at all T_T)...but I promised I'll update this week so here it is:

YIXING'S POV

Lina has been staying at my house since here mom died, and today was the funeral. I seriously didn't know what to do or tell her. At night she just goes to my bed and cries for hours. I've had to sleep with her so she can calm down and rest, otherwise she'll just cry her heart out until morning.  It breaks my heart to see her so broken and fragile. I just want to take her in my arms are protect her.

I wish I could bring your mom back Lina.

"I'm ready" Lina informed as she entered the living room. She was wearing a knee-length black dress with black heels. Despite this being a sad day, she still looks pretty. She tried to conceal the dark circles under her eyes with makeup, but they still were a little bit puffy from all the crying. As I looked at her from head to toe I could tell she had lost  weight in the last couple of days and she seemed really tired.

"Come here...let me fix your hair" I motioned for her to come closer to me. Her hair was a total mess.  She stood in front of me and I started fixing her hair with my hands.  She looked up  and stared at me while I fixed her bangs. I could tell she wanted to cry.

After a few second, she caught me by surprised by hugging me and laying her head on my chest.

"Yixing...I-I don't think I can go...I don’t want to say goodbye to her" she said while crying.

"You gotta be there Lina...you need to be strong" I stepped back and grabbed her face so she could look at me "I'll be there with you...Chen, Luhan, Xiumin and Lin will be there too. We won’t leave you alone, I promise."

She just nodded and gave me a little smile. I haven't seen her smile in days, so that made me feel better.

"Yixing, Lina! the car is ready...let’s go" my mom informed us. She gave Lina a big hug and a kiss on her head while taking her to the car.

--------------------------------- AT THE FUNERAL -------------------------------

Lina and her dad where standing next to each other, but somehow they seemed more apart than ever. I didn't understand their relationship very well, but I hoped that after that incident, they could get closer to each other. They needed each other’s support.

The pastor started praying while the people present at the funeral starting putting red roses on top of the coffin. It was Lina’s turn. I watched her every move...how she walked very slowly to the coffin and knelt down to caress the wood.

“Mom…I miss you” those were the last words she said to her mom before putting the last rose on top of the casket.  She stood up and the men working at the cemetery proceeded to lower the coffin into the hole in the ground.  

Instead of going to her previous spot, she walked to where Luhan and I were standing.  She stood right in front of me with her eyes full of tears as we heard the noise of shovels and the dirt hitting the surface of the casket.

“...hold me please” She whispered while looking at the ground. I did what she told me. I wish I could’ve taken her away from that place. I didn’t want to see her crying anymore.

“Lina…we are here for you” Luhan said while holding her hand. Xiumin, Chen and Lin approached us too. We all tried our best to console her.

“Thanks guys…” She was going to say more but people started approaching us.

“Lina…I think they want to talk to you” I whispered in her ear and she broke the hug.

“Thanks Yixing…thanks guys...” She let go and went to talk with rest of the people that attended the funeral. As soon as she left, her dad approached us.

 “Yixing…may I speek to you for a second?”

“Sure, sir” I said as we walked away from the crowd.

When we were pretty far away, he started speaking.

“I…I just wanted to thank you and apologize as well…Lina…she’s been having a rough time and I haven’t been much support to her as I should….”

I could tell he was in pain and didn’t want to be there at all.

“No need to apologize sir…Lina is my bestfriend. Being with her is the least I can do“

“Listen son, I..I don’t know what’s going to happen from now on..I don’t know if I’ll be much of a help to her…so I need you to promise me you’ll be there for her.  I don’t know how she’s going to handle her mom’s lost…so I need you to promise me you’ll take care of her. I trust you. Please, don’t leave her alone” He was crying and he sounded desperate. Why is he asking me this?

“I promise I’ll be by her side no matter what” 

“Thanks son” He gave me a hug, kissed my forehead and left the cemetery…without Lina.

His words kinda scared me a little bit… was he going to abandon her? Nah..he wouldn’t..right?  Was Lina going to do something drastic after this? I hoped not. I wasn't sure what to think anymore, but I knew I would keep my promise.

“Yixing honey…it’s time to go” I heard my mom as she was walking towards me. I looked around searching for Lina, but she was nowhere to be seen.

“Mom, have you seen Lina?”

“She’s by her mom’s grave…I think she wants to be alone for a while…” She said while grabbing my hand and slowly dragging me away from the cemetery.

I didn’t want to leave her alone, but I guess she needed time to be alone for a while.  As I got in the car, I looked back at the cemetery.

I’ll be here for you Lina.

-------------------------- TWO MONTHS LATER --------------------------------

December... two months had passed since Lina’s mom was buried and Lina…well, she changed a bit. I mean, she still behaved the same way as before: didn’t miss classes, had good grades, talked to people, eat and hanged out with us…but I know her better…

For starts, her relationship with her father got worst. He barely spent time at home; thus Lina was left alone most of the time. It felt as if her dad was avoiding her.

Did he thinkLina was to blame for his wife’s death?!

I wouldn’t say he didn't care about Lina, otherwise he wouldn’t have made me promise to take her of her. I just think he didn't want to deal with anything that reminded him of his wife so he just buried himself in work and tried to be as far from Lina as possible.

Another thing I must mention, and that scared me the most, was Lina’s weird conversations…mainly about death and the afterlife.

*

*

*

“ Yixing…do you think dying hurts?” It was 1am and she called an hour ago saying she couldn’t sleep.

“I don’t know Lina…I hope it doesn’t”  I honestly said.

“I wonder what’s on the other side…”

“Lina…why don’t we talk about something else…this topic is depressing”

“It’s actually interesting…” She really sounded curious about it but I didn’t like it when she talked about this topic in particular.

“it may be interesting but I don’t think it’s good to talk about this at this time of the morning…."

“I don’t want my funeral to be a sad day you know?… I want them to play music for people to sing…does that sound weird?”

Is she even listening to me?!?!

“ Lina…why don’t we go to sleep huh?”

“Yixing…” I could hear her breathing my name over the speaker. For some reason my heart suddenly stopped. Why am I getting nervous?

After what felt like an eternity, she finally spoke “Would you sing me a song?”

My heart started beating again after I heard her request. I stood up and walked to my window. I looked out at a particular building in the distance…the building where Lina lives…and started singing 

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you...

"I want to die tonight..." she whispered…more to herself than to me…but I heard what she said and I had to stop singing.

“Lina-“

“Goodnight Yixing”

I just kept staring at her building with the phone in my ear, listening to the repetitive beep signalizing that she had hung up.

What?… what are you thinking Lina?!

I suddenly became still. I felt the blood rushing through my body. I was starting to panic and the only thing going through my mind was that I needed to see her.

So I rushed to my closet and put on the first thing I could find and left my room. I tried to leave the house as fast as I could, not caring if I woke up my mom in the process. I pretty much didn’t care if I got punished for leaving the house at this time. Lina needed me and I promised to take care of her.

A ran the few blocks to her building, my mind completely blank.

I finally reach her apartment door and typed the password I managed to memorize. I suspected her dad wasn’t home, so I just went directly to her room.

I turned the knob of her door, but it was locked.  Damn it!

“LINA…OPEN THE DOOR!” I started pounding on it.

No answer.

"LINA! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR OR I'LL-" Suddenly she opened the door.

“Yixing?..what are you doing here?"  She sounded surprised to see me there. 

“YOU!…” I was so scared I could barely speak “You hung up on me…and you said you wanted to die!”

I grabbed her by the arms and pushed her against the wall.

“DON’T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN! NEVER! DO YOU HEAR ME!?!?” I was yelling at her.

She looked scared.  I could see it in her eyes. I have never yelled at her nor behave like a maniac before, but I didn’t know what got into me. Just the idea of losing her was driving me crazy. 

“I…I’m sorry Yixing…” she looked down and she started crying. “I don't know why I said that. I didn't mean it....I’m such a bad friend…I’m sorry”  She was looking at her feet...avoiding my eyes.

“Come …” I demanded in a serious tone while I grabbed her hand and tucked her in her bed. After she was safetly under her covers, I sat down to calm myself...I was still a little bit angry and scared. I seriously thought she was going to kill herself.

As I sat there in her bed, I could feel here eyes on me.

Isn’t she going to sleep?

I took the opportunity to talk to her more calmly

“Lina…you scared the hell out of me..I..I thought you were going to commit suicide…” Just saying those words made me feel nauseous.

I suddenly heard some movement and felt her hug me from behind. She rested her chin on my right shoulder. 

“Yixing…I’m really sorry. I don’t know why I said that…I just….”

“…I know it’s been hard for you. Losing your mom and not having your dad here with you.  But I'm here for you...just don’t give up ok?” I said as I held her hand.

After a few minutes of silence, she finally spoke

“I'm not going to kill myself. I promise” She whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek.

Just as those words left I felt at ease.  We stayed like that for 5 minutes until she broke the silence.

“Yixing…does your mom knows you are here?”

I had to turn around and stare at her. Yeah right, cause my mom was totally going to let me go to a girl’s apartment – who is all alone by the way -  at 1 in the morning. Not that anything was going to happen…but still!

“Obviously not!”

She smiled. I missed seeing a genuine smile on her face.

“I might as well leave now that I know you are ok” Truthfully, I didn't want to leave.

She lay back down in her bed and I covered her with the sheets again. She just kept looking at me the whole time. Her stares were making me nervous for some reason.

“Good night Lina” I said as I bent down and kissed her forehead.

As I was about to open the door to leave, she spoke. 

 “I love you Zhang Yixing”

It wasn’t the first time she has said those words to me, but in that particular time it felt different. The way she said those four words just kept me rooted to the spot.  It didn’t sound like the “I love you” you would say to your couple, nor the one you would tell a friend.  I couldn’t tell what exactly does that “love” meant to her nor me. I was about to question our friendship but I just didn’t want to go there,not now. That's dangerous territory.

So I just turned around and looked at her. She was looking at me with puppy dog eyes. Stop it Lina!

“I love you too” 

I finally opened the door and left.

I smiled as I walked home; ready to embrace whatever punishment my mom was going to give me for leaving the house. I regretTed nothing.

Lina…the things I do for you. 

I hope you guys liked it! I know it was angsty but don't worry...happy moments will come soon ^. ^ It was fun writting this story from Yixing's perspective.

The song is called "Fixed You" by Coldplay, thought I actually pictured Yixing singing this cover by Secondhand Serenade http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKFkIQNjvGQ. I don't know why, but for some reason his voice suited Yixing's better lol (don't judge me hahahaha)