YOU WANT ME TO CHANGE? I CAN’T.

Young Saeng’s POV

It’s been a month since I entered this school, 3 weeks since I’ve joined the school band. It’s fun, the boys are fun, eventhough I can sense their uneasiness with my behavior. Huh!  So what isn’t that what all people used to felt about me, scratch that! are feeling towards me.

I slowly walk to the dancing room, as usual today we’re going to have our practices again. The school is a mess, students are scattering around. Its already the end of the day, that’s way. I put my hand into my pocket, and increase the volume of my mp4. It’s too noisy.

I opened the door of the dancing room, expecting to see the 4 boys and a girl, but I was greet with an empty room. My brow;s frown, really? It always me who come late to the practice. Where are them? I can only sigh. My feet slowly enter the room, and walk to my usual spot beside the piano. I sit on the spot after dumping my bag on the floor. My mp4 still playing the song, so I turn the volume lower. The room is serene, just in the condition that I liked, without loud voices.

Nobody POV

Young saeng sits beside the piano and opens his bag. He brings out a paper. It’s the lyrics of a song that they were practicing. The paper are in a bad condition. It looks like it has been torn apart but then was patch again with sellotape. Young Saeng look at the paper and can only take a deep breath. He then lean his head back against the wall, closed his eyes with the paper still in his hand.

- Flashback –

      Young Saeng was in his room, sitting on his bed and silently memorizing the song, It’s a great song -Break Away, Big Mama’s song- which at first sound ridiculous for him. Really? The group is an all boy group but they were practicing a song for girls with high key. But after Hyun Joong said it’s just for the vocal, to see what their vocal limit are, then its sound reasonable. Until Hyung Jun start babbling that they can wear dresses with high heels and perform the song with audience, Young saeng stop feeling the reasonableness.

The door of his room was suddenly opened and he did not have time to hide the paper. There stood his father in the room.

                “What are you doing?” Young saeng’s father said with gritted teeth.

Young saeng jumped from his bed, putting his hand behind his back and stood still beside his bed.

                “Give me the paper.” His father held out a hand. Young saeng took a step back and shook his head.

                “I said…”his father took steps forward him. “Give me the paper!” held his shoulder and snatched the paper on his hand. He took a look at the paper and gives Young saeng an angry look.

                “How many times did I told you? Stop this madness! When I allowed you to listening to music does not mean I gave you permission to learn about it!” his father shouted. The paper in his hand is swaying.

Young saeng stood still. His eyes on the swaying paper. He knows this is going to happened once his father saw the paper. His father hated music and everything that has to do with music with real hatred. He knows that. Huh! He grown up with that hatred.  Don’t you dare humming any song in front of me! Turn the radio off before I burn it! You are not allowed to join any music lesson. Its wasting your time! And so on. He know about the hatred but he does not know the reason behind it. One thing his sure, his father hate music, he loves music, thus it is inevitable for his father to maybe hate him too. Hate might be a strong word. But, when all of your lives you were prevented to do something you like, Young saeng beg to differ.

He can only watched his father torn the paper apart. He then dumped the pieces to the floor and walk towards the door.

              “Why?” Young saeng lift his head and look directly at his father back. His father stop walking and look back to him.

               “You ask me why? It just going to disturb your studies”

               “Don’t give me that crap. You well know that it’s not going to disturb my study.” Young saeng looked directly into his father eyes. He saw the shock in there. He never talk back, never being rude to him. This is the first time it happened.

               “So, why? Is it because you were trying to be musician once, but you failed or your ex-wife who is my mother that I never saw even once, gave you bad memories about it or…”PANG! Young saeng touched his cheek. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. No, he’s not going to cry. He’s not giving the satisfaction to his father. Slowly, he lift his head and glared at his father.

             “You know, I was baffled because you never bring any of your friend to this house. Now I know why. You don’t have one aren’t you? You want to know why? because I think I know the reason. Its your behavior. THIS behavior that you never show me before. I don’t think any people who know you like this behavior of yours!” The words are meant to hurt and it does hurt.

 His father only look at him from his head to down.  Young saeng put down his hand and walk to his study table. He search for a scissor and sellotape. Ignoring his father. He jolted when he hears a loud thump of his door being bang to closed. He puts his palms on the table, stopping them from shaking.

- End flashback –

Young Saeng open his eyes when he hear the door of the room being opened, he then see Ara entering the room. He look at her and then look back at the paper in his hand. He look up when the shadow of the girl covering his form.

Ara’s POV

I open the door and startled when I saw Young saeng sitting beside the piano. Great Ara. Trust yourself to be startled when you already know he’s going to be here. I walk to him, slowly as I was trying to reduce the thump thump in my heart which is not in their normal rates.

Even with slow walk I know its not going to prevent my confrontation with him. Thus, I walk a little faster. My intention is that I can finish this in the same rate of my heart beating, faster. I stood in front of him. Young saeng then look up at me.

I took deep breaths. Which I think can be seen clearly by him. I don’t care! I want to finish this ‘great plan’!- which is not my plan- faster. I look directly at his forehead which is hiding behind his hair. Which mean I actually look at his hair. Oh my god Ara! Your going crazy!

             “Look, the boys asked me to talk to you, you know as a manager of this group not as a friend, as you know we are not friends so I can’t talk to you as a friend. So, it’s appropriate for me who is not your friend to talk to you as your manager as I am clearly your manager. Eventhough I don’t really know if I am a manger….”I stopped babbling and look at his eyes and see the confusion in there. Its official. I am crazy. It’s all thanks to the master minds behind this ‘great plan’. Thank you so much!

              “Ok…..” I look back at his hair. Get a grip Ara!

              “Hyun Joong, Kyu Jong, Jung Min and Hyung Jun and me, we felt quiet uneasy with the way you act around us. What I mean is the way you are distancing yourself. They want to be friends and you know talk to you, hang out which is important as we..erm you and them are in a group. So, yeah can you maybe change your behavior a bit? Talk with us. When I say talk I mean chatting and please don’t distance yourself. Hmm…that’s all. Take your time to think…ok bye..”

 I then closed my eyes and ran to the door. I open the door and close it slowly. Oh my god what did I say! I can’t remember anything I said a second ago. Please! Please! Let’s this problem be settled already. My heart can’t take the ‘great plan part 2’.

Young Saeng’s POV

I look at the back of the running figure.

“You don’t have one aren’t you? You want to know why? because I think I know the reason. Its your behavior. THIS behavior that you never show me before. I don’t think any people who know you like this behavior of yours!”

They want me to change? I can’t. Nobody has ever teach me on how to mingle, find a friend, hang out. I’m sorry…I can’t.

I'm sorry...sorry...sorry. It has been forever isn't it. but, if there still readers. I hope u enjoy this(which think the longest i've ever wrote). Once again, sorry for any grammar mistakes...and thank you for reading =) please comment if u can. I don't why but the comments make me happy =)