"Hey Yoseobie..." Gikwang greeted Yoseobs gravestone as he sat down on the bench across from Yoseobs grave. "Because of my absence it’s a bit hard for me to resume my studies again, but thankfully, there are some students that help me to do so. I'm very thankful for that. Xiah copied me all his papers. Isn't that nice? I’m so glad to have him. I also started to work again. To my surprise I didn't get fired at work, even if I didn't show up for weeks. Quiet the contrary, they where all so nice to me. I'm starting to feel better, because of all the nice people around me and because of Doojoon and Dongwoon, who visited me a lot lately. Even if I still miss you a lot, I'm happy that they are there for me. Dongwoon seems to feel better too, thanks to Doojoon. Doojoon is very nice to him."

Gikwang bent a little bit forward and put a hand next to his mouth as he wanted to tell Yoseob a secret. "Should I tell you something? I think Doojoon has a crush on Dongwoon. But you don't know that from me, okay?" Gikwang chuckled to himself.

He let out a big sigh and leaned back against the bench. "Oh, Gikwang! What are you doing? Talking to a grave everyday, like he would sit in front of you." He looked at the grave again. "But sometimes... I really have the feeling that you are there. Even now... I can see you. Sitting there on your gravestone and smiling softly at me, while listening excited to everything I tell you. Isn't that weird?"

Gikwang stood up, went to the grave and cowered in front of it. He runs his fingertips over the picture of Yoseob. "Yoseob? Can I tell you something? Actually I didn't want to talk about sad stuff again, because I know you want me to be happy again and believe me, I really don't want to throw away the live that you gave me, but it’s hard. It's really hard for me. Even though I'm feeling a bit better lately, there is something that bothers me. I have nightmares... nightmares of your death. They started a few days ago. And I start to feel horrible again..." Gikwang spoke and his heart started to ache. Tears were forming in his eyes again. "How am I supposed to live, when your death is following me everywhere? Even in my dreams. That's not fair! I don't want to remember you like that!" Gikwang started to cry.

Suddenly he felt a familiar warmth around his body, like someone would hug him from behind. He felt a short light warmth on his cheek too, like someone would kiss his cheek.

I'm sorry...

Gikwang looked up immediately, but there was nobody. He looked up at the sky. "Yoseob?" Slowly he  lay his fingertips on his cheek. He could still feel it. "Was he really here? But this can't be..." Gikwang thought and looked again at the grave. He shook his head. "Just my imagination I guess..." he whispered, but then he saw a white feather lying next to him on the ground. He picked it up and looked at it carefully. "Or not?" Gikwang looked at the sky again. He tightened the grip around the feather, closed his eyes and began to smile lightly. "Just let me in the believe..." With that, he slowly got up and made his way home.

~Flashback~

"Where should we go next?" Yoseob asked happy and excited. The couple was on a date and walked through the streets hand in hand. "How about going somewhere to eat? I'm sure you’re dying of hunger already." Gikwang chuckled.

"Hehe, you know me too well~!" Yoseob giggled. He hugged Gikwang from the side. "But..." he began while making circles with his finger on Gikwangs chest. "I'm also hungry for something else..." he said seductively with a smirk on his face and traveled with his fingers down to Gikwangs abs, that he could feel through his shirt. Yoseob looked up to him and gave him a peck on his lips.

Gikwang giggled. "For that, you have to wait a little bit longer, yeobo~" he said and gave him a loving kiss.

"Err... Gikwang? I think we bent off wrong somewhere..." Yoseob said a little afraid. They end up being in some sort of slumps. "Yeah... I think that too... Let's go back." Gikwang said and turned around with him.

"Oh~ look at who we have here! New visitors!" a voice said and suddenly they were surrounded by a group of men, that looked anything but nice. “How about having some fun with our new visitors?” they laughed evily and slowly approached them.

Gikwang shoved Yoseob protectively behind him and glared at them.

“Ahw, protecting your little brother?” he laughed dirty and tried to grab Yoseob. Gikwang immediately slapped his arm away. “Don’t you dare to touch my boyfriend!” he growled glaring at the man in front of him.

Suddenly he broke out in laughter. “Oooh, what do we have here? A ! A reason more to beat you up! Scum like you shouldn’t even exist!” he snubbed at Gikwang.

“You’re one to talk!” Gikwang fought back. “Gikwang, stop it..” Yoseob whispered afraid, while clawing into his shirt.

“You little!” the leader yelled and punched Gikwang in the face, but before the fist could reach him Gikwang blocked it. He kicked him out of the way, grabbed Yoseobs hand and ran through the gab that he left, followed by a furious gang. They ran as fast as they could, but then they came into a blind alley.

“!” Gikwang cursed. “Make your last prayer!” the leader growled and Gikwang turned around to face him.

“Stay behind me, Yoseob. When I say so, run!” he whispered to Yoseob as he placed himself protectivly infront of him. “But-!” Yoseob wanted to disagree but was cut off by Gikwang. “Please do as I say, would you?” Gikwang begged. “… Okay…” Yoseob gave up with a sad face.

“What are you two whispering! That’s disgusting!” Suddenly, all of them attacked Gikwang. A few of them Gikwang could fend off, but then he got beaten up because they were too many.

“How’s that?!” someone shouted and punched Gikwang in the stomach. “Ungh..” Gikwang coiled up in pain and coughed. “Oh, you haven’t such a big mouth any longer?” another one laughed and punched him in the face. “Argh!” Gikwang yelped in pain and spit some blood.

“GIKWANG!” Yoseob cried out and was about to run to him. “STAY BACK!” Gikwang yelled at him. Yoseob stopped immediately, startled by Gikwangs harshness.

Gikwang fought back at them as much as he could.

“Now, Yoseob! Run!” Gikwang suddenly shouted as he managed to make a way out for Yoseob. Yoseob hesitated. “RUN!” Gikwang yelled. Startled again, Yoseob began to cry, but did as he said and started to run. “I’m sorry!” he cried.

Yoseob turned in a corner, with shaky hands he took his phone and immediately called the police. They didn’t follow him, because Gikwang distracted them too much. As the police said they would come immediately, he couldn’t stand it anymore and ran back to Gikwang. He immediately kicked someone off Gikwang.

“Yoseob! What are you doing here?! I told you to run away!” Gikwang said out of breath. The most of the gang were knocked down by Gikwang, but Gikwang on the other side was so beaten up, that he was hardly able to stay on his feed. “I don’t let you alone!” Yoseob said. “Hurry!” Yoseob supported him and ran away with him, before the rest of the gang pulled themselves together.

They came not far, because suddenly the leader of the gang stood in front of them again. But this time he had a weapon. “That’s enough, scum!” he yelled and targeted at Gikwang.

“NO!” Yoseob yelled, threw himself in front of Gikwang to protect him and was hit by the shot. He fell on the floor and grabbed the hurting wound on his chest. “YOSEOB, NO!” Gikwang cried out and immediately fell on his knees beside Yoseob. With trembling hands he got Yoseob up from the floor, lay him on his lap and took him in his armes.

“And now you!” the man said and targeted at Gikwang again, but then the sound of sirenes rang through the streets. “Aish! It’s your lucky day!” he cursed and ran away.

Gikwang cried like there was no tomorrow. “No, no, no, no… Yoseob, don’t leave me! You hear? Don’t! Hold on! Everything will be fine!” Gikwang said desperate, clinging on Yoseob causing to soak his shirt with Yoseobs blood. Yoseob smiled weakly. “I’m sorry… but… I think it’s… too late.” Yoseob said with a weak voice. “No! Don’t say that!” Gikwang cried. “Gikwang… live… for me… Can you promise me that?” With his trembling bloody hand he reached out for Gikwangs face and lay it on his cheek. “And don’t lose… your beautiful smile…” he said weakly and smiled lightly. “Don’t say such things! Everything will be alright! You will not die! Don’t die! You can’t leave me alone!” Gikwang shouted, almost choking in tears. Yoseob pulled him closer and gave him one last kiss. “I love you, Gikwang… … … Too bad… that we… couldn’t get married…” with that, his hand fell lifeless from Gikwangs cheek to the ground and he slowly closed his eyes. One last tear ran down Yoseobs cheek and his body became heavier in Gikwangs arms as life ran out of his body.

“No… NOOOOOOOOO!!! YOSEOB!!” Gikwang screamed. “Don’t leave me!!” He hugged Yoseobs lifeless body thight, crying in his cold bloody chest. He sat there crying out his soul and didn’t let go until people from the ambulance forced him to.

With Yoseobs death, Gikwangs heart died with him.

~Flashback End~

Gikwang slowly opened his eyes, his pillow soaked from his tears. He cried in his sleep. He dreamed again. The nightmares didn't stop and Gikwang felt more and more worse.

With a shaky hand he clawed in the mattress, in the empty space next to him. “Yoseob…” he whispered. “I can’t see you anymore… I can’t see you smile at me… I only see… death… and blood…” he buried his face in his pillow and cried. His heart ached. It was an unbearable pain. He had the feeling that in his chest was no heart anymore, just tatters that ached like hell.

“I can’t take it anymore…” he cried as he slowly got up.

Gikwang grabbed a necklace with the feather he found at the graveyard as a pendant. With trembling hands he put it on and walked like in trance to the frontdoor of his apartment.

He opened the door and went through the hall of his floor, he didn’t even bother to close his door again. Gikwang went to the stairs, up to the roof of the building that had his apartment in it. His expression was blank, but with tears still falling from his cheeks.

With his bare feets on the cold ground of the roof, he made his way to the railing.

He looked at the city beneath him. Gikwang took a shaky breath and grabbed the feather on his chest.

He slowly climbed on top of the railing. He looked in the blue morning sky.

“I’m sorry, Yoseob.. I tried, I really tried to live for you. But I failed miserably. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t see your smile anymore. All my memories of you were replaced by the memory of your death. I don’t want to remember you like that! Please forgive me!” he started to cry again.

He slowly closed his eyes and could feel the warm wind on his skin. He took a deep breath and spreaded his armes at the sky. “Please, Yoseob… Take me with you!” he said. Gikwang saw another white feather that flew past him and he was about to jump.

“DON’T!” an unfamiliar voice screamed.

Suddenly someone grabbed Gikwangs shirt and pulled him away from the railing. Gikwang fell back on the roof and landed on top of someone.

Gikwang immediately crawled off the person who bared him from jumping from the railing. “Why did you do that?!” Gikwang yelled, his sight slightly blurry from his tears. He widened his eyes as he looked at the persons face. “Yoseob?!” he blurted out. The person tilted his head in confusion. Gikwang blinked and his sight became clearer. “Oh sorry… I mistake you for someone else…” Gikwang said and looked down. He slowly looked up again as the person was about to sit up again. He looked at him carefully.

It was a boy. His face resembled Yoseobs, but he looked a bit older. He had blond hair and blue eyes. He was also much taller than Yoseob. Actually his figure was similar to Dongwoons.

“No problem!” he said cheerfully and smiled at Gikwang. Even his smile reminded of Yoseobs. Gikwang couldn’t help but smile a little.

“Oh, you smile! Then I did the right thing!” he said still smiling. He leaned closer to Gikwang with a worried face. “Please don’t do this again! I’m sure there are a lot of people who would miss you and cry for you when you’re not here anymore” he said in a serious tone. He stand up and reached a hand out for Gikwang. Gikwang looked down with a sad face. He looked back at the hand and nodded slowly. “Yeah… I think you’re right…” Gikwang took his hand and stood up with his help.

“Come, lets go back in, you must be cold” he said and guided Gikwang back.

“Who are you actually? I never saw you before.” Gikwang asked as they went through the hall.

“Oh, sorry! I didn’t introduce myself!” he said, stopped an bowed to Gikwang. “I’m Jang Youngjae. I recently moved into the apartment beside yours. I just saw you left your apartment, but you looked so down and I followed you, thank goodness that I did!” he said. His expression turned worried again. Gikwang looked at the ground. “Anyway, I’m glad that nothing happened~. And who are you?” he smiled. Gikwang looked up again. “Uhm… Gikwang.. Lee Gikwang.” He introduced himself.

“Nice to meet you Gikwang~! Let’s be friends, okay?” Youngjae grinned happily. Gikwang blinked at him surprised, but couldn’t help but chuckle at his behavior. “Okay, nice to meet you too, Youngjae.” Gikwang smiled at him. “OMO, your smile is gorgeous, you know that? Don’t lose it, okay?” Youngjae grinned and winked at him. Gikwang blushed. He reminded him so much of Yoseob. Not just the face, even his character was similar to Yoseobs.

Maybe it wasn’t that bad, that Youngjae saved him.

------------------------------------

And  another update my beloved subbies and reader~! ♥

Sorry for dragging Gikwangie down again. T__T *bows* It will be better soon.

Youngjae isn't the Youngjae from B.A.P btw. XD I just randomly named him like that, plus I liked the name. XD

I hope this update was good enough. >< *tries hard*

And a BIG THANK YOU and HUG for my beloved Nae Sarang who corrected it for me *cuddles* ♥♥♥ *loves ya*