Dreams were one of my paradises, I dreamed as if I could do anything. Now all my dreams do is replay. Replay my regret, my mistakes. Reminds me of what I did wrong.

It was almost eleven at night, the club was starting to fill, the music finally getting better, louder. The dancing was getting tier, and the girls looser.  I was with Dara and Bom at our usual, unusually high table with stools, watching Minzy trying to get Daesung to dance.Then SeungHyun came through the door, with Seungri, Taeyang and some one I have not yet met. They sat down with us and soon we all got acquainted.

Soon Daesung and I had a shot contest, which I easily won at four, then Daesung dragged Minzy to dance. Taeyang and Dara left to listen to SeungHyun DJ and rap up close. Seungri dragged Bom off to go help him get girls. It was just me and him.

'So what's yo' name?' he asked, he had a cute smile and eyes.

'CL, and you?' I felt like I was slurring from the shots. He laughed.

'G Dragon. So how do you know SeungHyun?' I smiled.

I told him how I met him when he was in middle school, he was a sixth grader, I was in second grade, he defended me. That's the day I had a crush on him. We soon became friends. By the time high school hit I was a freshman he was a senior with a hot girlfriend. I couldn't compare. I started to roll into my love life, but G Dragon seemed interested still, like he care about every world that rolled off my tongue. I continued.

Soon his friend, a junior, Teddy asked me on a few dates, soon we were dating. I lost my ity to him in my freshman year of college, then he left two weeks later to Los Angeles, without a good bye. SeungHyun was my rock, keeping me in comfort. I explained how I started to forget my feelings for him, even though I felt like I couldn't. Soon we started to drink more, he started with heavier liquor, I was already dizzy so I stuck with the lighter stuff,soon he was telling me about how he was in an on and off engagement with this high maintence girl.

He told me how even though he did love her in the past, she changed when she came back from her home in Japan, changed to much. Yet, he still had to oblige to the promise, the engagement. He said he was a man of his word. Soon we were both pretty drunk, yet everyone was busy in there own world to notice my train of world going toward that brick wall. Soon we were outside, walking drunkly to his car.

The music bumped on, a heavy bass, fast beats. Soon we were in the back some how, in his Sedan. He was on top of me, we thought we could sleep this off, but soon our slips smashed, in a sloppy passion. Soon it was getting hot, and we were taking off jackets.

Then shirts.

Shoes.

Pants.

Underwear.

The thing was every time I kissed him on the lips sparks fly, but when I'd look him in the eye. I wanted it to be SeungHyun.

'Ah~ f-f-faster.' I felt like a , like those girls in the club the ones, I used to laugh at. The ones me and Minzy would say typical .

Every spot he kissed on my skin would get hot and every spot he touched felt right, like this is special. When all it was was trash. I'll admit this, it was amazing, better than Teddy, but I was still distant. We both came and kissed me on the lips, his brown hair tickling my forehead. He put a cover, or a jacket, something over us and he laided there hugging me. The music, calmed down, the time, 2:30 a.m.

I felt my eyelids heavy, then I went to sleep.

'Ah.' I sat up, but this time no Minzy soothing me, no Dara and her dog like ears hearing me coming in. Bom was in a heavy sleep. I realized now, I'm a alone mentally. But not alone, physically.