We held eye contact for a while before Baekhyun let out a disappointed sigh. “Are you sure?” he asked.
 

I nodded my head and quickly changed the subject. “Did you happen to see the guys? They usually wait for me so we can walk to school together,” I said looking to both houses with a frown.
 

“You’re changing the subject,” he said with a stern look on his face. “You’d only want to change the subject if you didn’t want to talk about it. And the only reason you wouldn’t want to talk about is if something happened last night, correct?”
 

It irked me that Baekhyun could read me like an open book when that was my job. A lot of things about Baekhyun irked me. Why didn’t he remember anything from last night? I mean, okay, I guess it’s understandable that he didn’t remember anything from when he was drunk, but he definitely was not that incoherent when he woke up later that night.
 

“I accidentally broke one of your glasses when I went to get water in the middle of the night,” I lied. “I cleaned it all up and I didn’t want to tell you because they seem expensive. Sorry…” I glanced up at him to see his reaction. He seemed to believe it.
 

“Really?” he asked with a skeptical look on his face. “That’s really what happened?” I nodded my head and he let out a sigh. “We have so many of those glasses. Don’t worry about it,” he said patting me on the side of my arm. I mentally sighed of relief that he believed me.
 

“Oh and your friends did pass by, but they didn’t really say anything when they walked past me.” Oh great, I thought. I would definitely be hearing something about this from them later.
 

We walked to school in silence. I wanted to try and start a conversation with him, but I honestly didn’t know what I could even talk to him about. The only thing on my mind was the fact that he was planning to get back with his ex girlfriend.
 

I wanted to stop being so curious about Baekhyun. I really did. Digging deeper and trying to get beneath all of his layers had consequences: Consequences that I was not necessarily ready for, but I was just so unsatisfied. I wanted to know everything about him. The desire itself was enough for me to risk getting myself hurt. I honestly didn’t know why I was so interested in him, but let’s face it; does anybody ever understand why they’re interested in someone?

Before walking into the school, Baekhyun turned to me and said, “Next time you try and visit, please ask me beforehand.”

“But if I ask you beforehand, you’ll say no.”

“Exactly,” he said with a devious smile as he walked away.

I scrunched up my face in annoyance, watched as he disappeared into school and made my way into the school on my own.

I walked into homeroom and saw Seungyeon looking like she was anticipating my arrival. As soon as I was in a close enough vicinity to her, she spoke up right away. “I saw Baekhyun at the hospital yesterday.” I tried to ignore her strangely enthusiastic tone, but I could tell the suspiciousness showed on my face by the way her face suddenly fell. “Okay, I know it’s really weird that I’m so excited to talk to you about Baekhyun, but none of my friends have had any juicy gossip lately, so you’re just going to have to deal with it!”

I almost flinched at her eagerness, but let her continue. “Okay, go on.”

“So I went there to take my sister in for a checkup after school-“

“After school? Baekhyun told me he missed school because he was there….”

“Really? Well, I guess he went back after. But here’s the weird part. My sister has cancer, which is the reason I have to drive all the way down to the city. Anyways, she has to go to a special wing in the hospital,” she said.

“He was in the cancer wing of a hospital?” I said filling in the blanks myself.

She answered with an eager nod of her head. “That’s not it. I saw him go into a radiation therapy room. You’re not allowed to go in there unless you’re a doctor or the one receiving the therapy. And I’m going to assume that Baekhyun’s not a doctor.”

An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach as my mind started connecting all the dots. There was a reason he had a scar on his chest. There was a reason he asked me about dying. There was a reason he told me not to fall in love with him.

He had heart cancer.

“It’s kind of unsettling that you were so enthusiastic to tell me that he has cancer…”

“I know that it’s sad news, but isn’t it cool that we know something he hasn’t told anyone?” she said in a hushed tone.

I tried not to give her a judgmental look. “I don’t think cool is the appropriate word, but I guess in a way that is quite interesting.”

“Do you think this is why he doesn’t date anybody? Because he’s actually dying?”

My eyes widened at her statement. “Please don’t say that. Oh my god, but what if he is actually dying? Oh my god that poor guy. He can’t be dying. This explains so much. No, he can’t be dying. He can’t. Oh my god. Why do I feel like I can’t breathe?”

“Whoa, relax,” she said, trying to relieve me from my tirade. “If he’s in radiation therapy it must mean he must be getting better.”

I let out a sigh as I closed my eyes and began rubbing my temples. “I sure hope so.”

“You’ve fallen hard, haven’t you?” I heard her say.

“Unfortunately.” ­­­
 

* * *
 

It was intensely difficult trying to pay attention in class. If I thought paying attention back then was hard, this must have been torture.

I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it. He had heart cancer? Out of all the things in the world that he could have had it just had to be cancer.

It was so hard watching Baekhyun walk into English class with a pleasant look on his face. How could he smile down at me—at anyone—when he was dying inside? Maybe I was overreacting, but heart cancer wasn’t something that could be so easily passed over.

“Are you okay?” I heard Luhan say, but I was too lost in my thoughts to even reply, but I gave him a look hinting that I didn’t want to talk about it.

I couldn’t even hide the dread of just knowing that Baekhyun had cancer. How in the world did he hide it so well for all this time?

Sure, this information was a bit helpful about the way Baekhyun acted. But it didn’t exactly explain what he was doing in our small town. Was the air over in the city not clean enough for him to breathe? But he still lived there so that was obviously ruled out.

This information was huge. But it seemed there was still so much I needed to learn about Byun Baekhyun.

When lunch time came around, I was still trapped in my thoughts. I could constantly hear the guys trying to talk to me, but I just couldn’t reply.

“She’s been like that all day. What do you think happened?”

“Do you think it has something to do with Baekhyun waiting outside her house this morning?”

Just the sound of his name made me quiver. How was I going to deal with working with him for a whole period?
 

* * *
 

“You know the weirdest thing happened to me when lunch ended,” Baekhyun said as I approached our lab station. I was really hoping that we could just get through class without talking to each other, but I guess that wasn’t going to happen. “Your friend Tao asked me if I did anything to you because apparently you haven’t been being yourself all day. Was breaking that glass really that tolling on your poor little heart?” he said teasingly, poking my chest.

Poor? Little? Heart? I couldn’t hold in any of my feelings anymore. I immediately wrapped my arms around Baekhyun’s waist and began quietly sobbing into his chest. I could feel the entire class’s stares on me, but I could care less. I just never wanted to let him go.

“H-hey, what’s the matter?” he said rubbing his hands on my back.

“Do you want to take her outside?” I heard Mr. Cho say.

Baekhyun pulled away and took me by the hand. I kept my head down and had my hair cover my face in attempt to try and avoid everyone’s stares as I was dragged outside.

When we were outside in the hall, Baekhyun said, “I’m going to take a guess and assume that this isn’t about breaking the glass?” I shook my head as tears silently fell down my face. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on? Is it something at home? Did something happen with your grandmother? Did you fight with one of your friends?” I shook my head once again.

He sighed before speaking again. “This is about Sohee isn’t it?” My head shot up as my eyes rounded in surprise. He actually remembered? “Yes, I remembered telling you about her last night. I just didn’t want to bring it up because it seemed you didn’t really enjoy the news.” He paused.  “I thought I told you not to fall in love with me.”

I looked directly into his eyes. Although my vision was blurred by tears, I could still see the hard, emotionless look in his eyes that he wore so often. I wanted to tell him so badly that I knew. Maybe then he would finally let his whole wall down and I’d feel a bit more at ease with the whole situation.

I understood he didn’t want to be in a relationship for the sole reason that he could die at any moment and the other would be left alone in despair. I completely understood. But anyone at anytime could die. Why couldn’t he just accept the fact that he didn’t have to go through his journey alone?

But then again, he did say that she was getting back together with Sohee… Unless-

“Is Sohee even alive?”