Hushed voices awoke me from my much needed slumber. As soon as I realized that I had actually been asleep, my back and neck became especially sore from trying to sleep in a measly hospital chair. As I shifted my position, the voices stopped and I finally opened my eyes.
 

The yellow paper beside me was no longer there and an orange bottle of pills was in its place. I grimaced at the bottle as I sat up in the chair.
 

“I hope you don’t mind, but I went and picked those up for you,” Baekhyun’s father said, referring to the orange bottle. Baekhyun’s father was sitting beside an awake, but weak looking Baekhyun. I stared at the latter in shock and barely even heard what Baekhyun’s father was saying. “You don’t have to take them if you don’t want to. They’re just recommended.” A faint smile appeared on my face. I knew there was a reason I was so fond of his father.
 

“Well, I’ll leave you two be,” he said, standing up after sending a closed smile to his son. Baekhyun weakly smiled back and the sight warmed my aching heart, I was glad they were on good terms again.
 

I stood up and placed myself next to Baekhyun. I didn’t know if the hospital bed was softer than usual or if it was just because I had been sleeping on a chair for several hours.
 

“I’m probably not going to make it out of here alive,” Baekhyun said. His voice was low and almost inaudible. But surprisingly, it wasn’t sad. “My dad told me my odds aren’t that great.”
 

I tried to be strong for Baekhyun because I knew having someone devastated over him was the last thing he wanted, but it was much easier said than done. I signed myself up for this and I was going to have to deal with everything whether I was ready or not. It was already too late to try and be strong as the tears that were stinging my eyes were more than ready to fall.
 

I felt his hand lightly graze mine and I grasped onto it, trying not to hold it too tightly even though I really wanted to; as if holding it tighter would somehow help keep him here longer.
 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so, so sorry. I-I knew I shouldn’t have let you-”
 

“No, Baekhyun. You don’t have to be sorry.” I smiled down at him through blurry tears. The last thing he should be feeling was sorry. He was a pain in my sometimes, but more than that, he was there for me; even when I didn’t want him to be.
 

“Oh, but I do,” he said, his voice a little louder than before. He took a slow deep breath before speaking again. “It’s my fault your parents are dead.”
 

My breath caught in my throat and my mind clouded with confusion. I must’ve heard him wrong. He said something else. “…what?”
 

“I fed Gyuri these thoughts that she should just get in a car accident with my mom in the car.” I could feel my temperature rising by the second. I did hear right. “It was stupid. I didn’t think she’d actually listen to me. I regret it every day of my life. But I hated my dad so much back then. I just wanted to prove to him that he shouldn’t do something so heinous.”
 

The tears in my eyes evaporated almost immediately. I wanted to be so angry at him. My life was sent to the furthest depths of hell and back all because of a stupid decision he made. But I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at him. He was practically lying on his death bed. And I was madly in love with him.
 

“You probably hate me now, but I couldn’t leave you without letting you know first.” He slithered his hand out of my grip and laced it with his own across his stomach. There was an empty feeling lingering in my hand as soon as he pulled away, but I had no urge to fill it.  
 

“So, that’s why you said it right?” I asked, keeping a cold stare on the tiled floor.
 

“What?”
 

“That’s why you told me not to love you?” I said, feeling a burning sensation in my chest. “Not because you loved someone else; or because you were dying; because I’m supposed to hate you?”
 

“I hate to admit it, but yes.  I just wanted to let that stupid cancer consume me and leave the world without a trace. But then you sat next to me in Chemistry and I decided to be stupid again and pursue you for fun like I always did with girls. Then you did the unthinkable and pried your nosy little nose into my life without warning. I tried to push you away, but you’re annoyingly persistent.” He let out a sigh and I thought he would continue to bash at my personality. “But then I became that twinkle in your eye and I couldn’t stop myself from falling for the person that I’d practically ruined. I fell in love with the way your eyes never stopped wandering and how eventually you learned to look at me without questioning eyes.” I smiled to myself, still staring at the floor. “I thought I could hide from your stares from across the room. I’m just like you: overly observant and highly analytical. You have to know where someone looks before you know where to hide.”
 

I finally made direct eye contact with him. “You’re just laying everything out on the table now that your days are numbered.”
 

He let out laugh; a beautiful laugh that I’ll never forget. For someone that frowned a lot, Baekhyun’s laugh was so much brighter than even the happiest people in the world. If there was one thing I wish I could keep forever in a jar, it would be his laugh; if not the actual boy himself.
 

“I hate you, Byun Baekhyun,” I said firmly. It made me upset that the smile was still on his face as I said this to him because I knew he knew what I was going to say next.
 

“But, I love you.”
 

His hand found mine again. “I love you, too.”
 

* * *

“Does it hurt?” I asked Baekhyun. He was fully connected to machines now. His skin was pale—paler than his normally white complexion, his breaths were short and far apart, and his heart beat was slow and unsteady.

I was losing him.

He slowly brought his hand up to pull his oxygen mask off of his face. “More than you can imagine,” he said through hooded eyelids.

Baekhyun was strong. Even if I knew he was in pain, he would tell me otherwise because he didn’t like the thought of looking weak; even in front of me. But now that he was reaching the final stretch, the pain must have been unbearable to the point where he didn’t even care if he looked weak. I couldn’t even fathom what kind of pain it took for Baekhyun to finally admit that he was hurting.

He signed the 'Do Not Resuscitate' forms that day.

Over the next few days, Baekhyun slowly lost feeling in his body. It started from his legs. I placed my hand on his thigh one day and he wouldn’t stop staring at it. I asked him what was wrong and all he could say was that he couldn’t feel me touching him.

I have never held a person’s hand so hard before.

* * *

“I-I can’t-”
 

“You can’t what Baekhyun?” I asked, noticing tears streaming out of his eyes which automatically caused the same to happen to mine.

“I can’t feel your hand,” he said in a low voice before breaking into sobs. I stared down to our hands and his hand was limp in mine. I squeezed it tight. “I can’t feel anything.”

I desperately cupped his damp cheeks in my hands. “Can you feel that, Baek?” I asked through shaky breaths.

His sobbing subsided and he gently nodded in my hands. A sigh left my lips after I placed a gentle peck on his lips. I wiped his tears away with the back of my palm and his eyes never pried away from my own.

“How can you still look at me like you don’t pity me?” he asked with questioning eyes. “I’m paralyzed from the neck down and you still look at me like I’m the same gorgeous city boy.”

I chuckled at his choice of words. “Because I love you.” I kept my hand on his face and his cheek with my thumb, trying to cherish the last bit of feeling he had left.

“I love you, too,” he said, nuzzling his cheek into my hand. “Will you still love me when I’m gone?” I nodded at him. “Will you promise to still look for love after I’m gone?” Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, but I still nodded to keep him happy. I didn’t know if I would be capable of doing such a thing, but I’d have to figure that one out on my own. “You’ll never find someone as good as me, but you can try.” I rolled my eyes as the tears spilled out.

Similarly to mine, his eyes rolled, but his went into the back of his head and the machines he was plugged into beeped rapidly. I let go of his face and stood up in horror. Doctors and nurses sprinted into the room only to realize that he couldn’t be saved. The DNR forms were signed and these seconds were his last.

Baekhyun’s father made it into the room and pushed through the doctors. He kneeled on the other side of the bed and grabbed Baekhyun’s hand and gestured for me to do the same. I took a deep breath and grabbed his limp hand in my own. The machines beeped for maybe a minute more. Baekhyun’s father was whispering ‘I’m sorry’s and ‘I love you’s and a ‘Say hi to your sister and mother for me’ while I just whimpered silently until the machines stopped beeping and only one steady tone was heard. A sob escaped Baekhyun’s father’s mouth and even a few nurses in the room.

Baekhyun was gone.

* * *
 

Baekhyun’s father and I were sitting outside the hospital. The cherry blossoms had been in full bloom and they were finally shedding their flowers. It was such a beautiful day for such a tragic event to happen.
 

“I can’t believe I’ve lost everyone. I’m not even fifty yet.”
 

“I’m only eighteen,” I dryly stated. He let out a laugh although the topic is sadly morbid.
 

“You’re a tough girl. I hope you know that. And I hope you would never contemplate taking your own life because you’re way too tough to do such a thing.”
 

“As easy as it sounds to just end my journey here, I think I deserve to have something good happen in my life.”
 

It was almost as if fate was watching our conversation.
 

An attractive woman’s heel broke as she was walking and she fell directly in front of where we were sitting.
 

Baekhyun’s father, being the doctor he was, ran over and helped her up. It was like I was watching a movie. Their eyes locked and everything and they were too star struck to even speak a word. I rolled my eyes and soon noticed that her son was with her.
 

“Ugh, Mom, get up,” he said pulling her up with the help of Baekhyun’s father.
 

 The woman blushed as she looked down at Dr. Byun’s hand on her arm. I sighed as he escorted her into the hospital as if she actually needed any medical attention.
 

“Is that your dad?” the son asked.
 

“You could say that,” I said slowly. In that moment, I realized that her son happened to be more attractive than I first thought. My eyes locked with his longer than they should have. I cleared my throat.
 

“W-we should follow them,” he said in a flustered manner.
 

“Uh, yeah…”
 

As we walked into the building, he yelled, “Wait!”  My eyes rounded as I turned to look at him.
 

“What?”
 

“Don’t fall-”
 

“Don’t what?” I said through clenched teeth.
 

He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t fall. The floor is wet,” he said pointing at the yellow caution sign propped up on the floor.
 

“Oh, right…” I said with a chuckle, remembering those stupid words Baekhyun had told me once before.

Somewhere in the universe, Baekhyun was smiling.

OMG THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE FEATURE T_T I hope you enjoyed the fic even if Baekhyun didn't survive, sigh. But sometimes fics can't always be perfect and happily ever after ya know? But I like to think Baekhyun had his own happy ending ^^ But um, I always get a lot of questions about this, but the guy at the end is whomever you want it to be lmao Open ends are sometimes the best!

If you enjoyed this fic, or enjoy Baek in particular, check out my other Baekhyun fics, Haunted and For the Thrill of the Fall :)