July 15th, 2011

Yong Hwa was waiting for Eun Jung at the bookstore cafe that he used to go with Shin Hye during their leisure time. He had to discuss about a part of the performance that he was not so sure. While waiting for Eun Jung, he took the chance to revise his music sheets again to check on the part that he would like to ask Eun Jung later. Just then, a music was played in the background, reminding him of the day both him and her come clean.

Let’s scribe into the hearts
only those memories that we wish to hold onto
What else can we do
Let’s let go and only suffer
to what we can withstand
There’s nothing we can do 

..................................

November 11th, 2009

Shin Hye was getting ready to school when her mother came into her room that morning. She donned a cream blouse with a russet-coloured high waisted long skirt.

"Are you sure you are feeling healthy enough to go to college today?" Mrs Park gave her daughter a concerned look.

"Eomma, don't worry about me. I've never been better since I had whole week of rest already." Shin Hye gave her mum a back hug. "I miss attending classes."

"Don't push yourself, Shin Hye-ah. If you want, we can just have you home-schooled for the rest of this academic year until you have recovered fully," Her mom put her hands on Shin Hye's arms that were hugging her from behind. 

"Eomma, I promise I'll take the medicine right away whenever I feel pain and I promise not to overwork my body." Shin Hye tried to convince her mom to let her go to school.

"Alright...alright...and make sure if you feel like you can't continue the classes, let your brother know so he can pick you up from college." Her mom gave a kiss to her hands. "Oh I will go with your dad to college tomorrow to discuss about your academic schedule as we have to fit in with your treatment schedule." 

"Thank you, Eomma." Shin Hye's voice shook. "I'm sorry that you have to take care of me even though I'm all grown up now."

Mrs Park could feel the shoulder of her blouse getting wet. Her heart hurt. Hurt at the fact that her daughter whom she wished nothing but to live a normal cheerful life was ill with a disease that could take her daughter's life. Hurt at the fact all she could do was to pray and take care of her.

She turned around to look at her daughter. She held her face in her hand. "Shin Hye-ah, no matter how old you are, I am always your mother whom you can turn to for help, for advice, for care, for a company. Me...I am forever your mother, your sister, your bestfriend...okay?"

Shin Hye's tears fell down her cheeks, wetting her mom's hands. She nodded. "Thank you, Eomma,"

"There you go," Mrs Park wiped the tears off her daughter's pale cheek. "Don't cry my baby. I'm always here for you." She could see her daughter's sore lips, one of the side effects that showed up after her daughter's first chemotherapy session which she had a week ago. She then gave her daughter a tight hug as if she didn't want to let her daughter out of her sight. "Eomma will always hug you so that you will feel strong everyday." 

"Ne." Shin Hye answered shortly. 

"Wait. Before you go to college, let me help you put on a thin make up." Mrs Park brought her daughter to sit on the chair facing the dressing mirror and started by applying bb cream before dusting her face with thin layer fo powder. "My daughter is really pretty."

Shin Hye smiled. "Just like you, right Eomma?"

"Ne." Mrs Park then kissed her daughter's cheeks before she left for college. In her heart, she was praying for her daughter's safety.

................................

As if it was a fate, the first person that Shin Hye met when she arrived at the college was Yong Hwa but both of them didn't say anything to each other. Shin Hye smiled though it was bleak but Yong Hwa didn't give any response. He didn't even stop to greet Shin Hye but instead he went straight to his class. Shin Hye assumed that he was mad at her and she felt she deserved that. Shin Hye watched as Yong Hwa disappeared from her sight before she went to her class.

She could feel all eyes were fixed on her as she entered the class and Jung Shin, who couldn't contain his surprise, let out a loud gasp "Oh?"

Se Mi drew out the chair for Shin Hye to sit when Shin Hye approached their seats. "Shin Hye, is it true that you're moving away?" Se Mi asked, almost like in a whisper.

"No. Of course not. I was just not feeling well for the last few days. But I'm all better now," Shin Hye said.

"Oh what a relief. I was worried that I'll be left alone if you are gone." Se Mi pulled a sad face, showing Shin Hye her feeling but then she was back to her witty mode. "Tell me if you need my notes or need me to teach you anything you don't understand later. I'll try my best." She grinned.

Shin Hye nodded, "Alright. Thank you, Se Mi-ah."

When the class ended that day, Shin Hye waited for Yong Hwa at the college entrance.

"Yong Hwa!" Shin Hye cried out his name when she saw him walking towards the entrance with a solemn look on his face. Upon seeing Shin Hye, he rushed towards her, grabbed her hands tightly and pulled her to walk with him. Shin Hye didn't resist. She just followed him.

Throughout the walk, Yong Hwa was rather quiet that day. None of them made the effort to start the conversation first. Shin Hye just bit her lower lips, unsure of what to say. It was too quiet that Shin Hye thought she could hear herself thinking.

"You are rather quiet today..." Shin Hye broke the silent with a fact that Yong Hwa himself was aware of. She took a deep look at the person walking next to her but he kept his stare straight ahead. Shin Hye pouted, pretending to sulk, she let go of his hand and briskly walking few steps further from him.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She asked.

"Why did you act like nothing happens?" Yong Hwa replied with a question.

"What are you talking about?" Her voice was taut.

"You were absent from classes. You drifted yourself away from me. And now you're back acting as if nothing had happened between us...." Yong Hwa paused. "...as if nothing had happened to you."

Shin Hye could feel her heart beat faster though she's not sure if it was because of the tense that she felt or the fact that she had to confront the truth that he wanted to talk about it. 

And she didn't know either why she blurted out the next words. "So you knew it already! What's the big deal?" She could feel that she could burst out in anger and in tears at any moment. 

"You are asking me what's the big deal?" Yong Hwa raised his voice in disbelief. His eyebrows furrowed. He couldn't see her face expression as she was facing backwards.

"You...if you don't love me...if you don't like me...you can just say so. Tell me in my face. But you lied to me. You made me look like a fool...waiting for you to tell me the reason you avoided me. Make me like a fool spending my days and nights thinking what did I do wrong. Are you happy seeing me miserable like this? And now you acted normal. How do you expect me to act?" Yong Hwa added all in one breath. He too, felt that he could burst out at any moment.

"How do you expect me to act?" He repeated the question, rather softly.

"I have already accepted my fate..." Shin Hye said in a quiet voice. "..and I thought I am prepared to let go of everything easily. But then I met you..." She breathed in deeply. "...and now I am not sure if I am really ready to let go." She was hoping he could understand the difficulty she had.

"You are selfish." What Yong Hwa said shocked her. That's not what she expected to hear from him.

"You only think of yourself. Then what about me? Don't you think I find it's hard to let you go, too? What about those people who cares for you? You didn't tell them either and you wanna them believe you're just moving away. What about Eun Jung-noona? Don't you know she cares for you so much? What about your friends? Your classmates? You think the one who left is suffocating but what about us the one being left behind?" Yong Hwa fired questions at her without giving her chance to reply.

"You said everyone left you beautiful memories but you are going to be the one making us miserable. Is that how you repay us? You once said to me that we should appreciate every single person in our life, you taught me to appreciate life more but you are turning away from it. Have you lost the fight?" Yong Hwa let her know his disappointment.

Shin Hye pressed her lips together. The tears she had been holding back spilled over as she heard those words from the one she loved dearly. "He's right...he's right...what am I doing?" Shin Hye thought and started to sob her heart out. That was when Yong Hwa walked to her, turned her around to face him and hugged her tight.

"Mianhae..Yong Hwa-ah...mianhae," She wet his shoulders with her tears. His heart broke seeing her crying like that.

Yong Hwa gently her hair and whispered softly in her ears, "I don't need your apology. I just need you to allow me to be next to you. To fight this battle. To endure all the pain together."

Shin Hye nodded in tears.  The two people stood like that for quite sometime until Shin Hye stopped crying. Yong Hwa then held her hand and they went for a short walk that they needed to clear their mind.

..................................

July 15th, 2011

It won’t be easy,
when the tears that the leaving heart had to shed
and the ones shed by the heart staying behind
were so uneven.

Nothing’s gonna be alright, but
There were the moments;
where every minute and second was precious,
where I missed even when I was there with you.
Only remember those. 

The lyrics really reminded Yong Hwa of that day. It's true. The tears that the leaving heart had to shed and the tears that the heart staying behind shed were so uneven. Life is like that. Somethings are evenly balanced while something aren't. And there's nothing we can do but to just go with the flow. 

If you yearn and await for those days that won’t come back,
What difference does it make
Even if you muss up the things, straining to fill up the vaccum,
What difference does it make

And whenever he felt like giving up, giving up on himself for trying to be strong, giving up for acting to be so calm and composed, he would tell himself "That's enough." He would remind himself how he won't benefit anything from being a helpless soul.

That’s enough
Is it pain or is it shame
Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter
We would always stand within that, and the time would just flow along
And there’s no one here to blame

Just then he heard the sound of the chime as Eun Jung pushed the cafe door to enter.

"Oh you're here," She said before taking a seat in front of Yong Hwa and opened the file that she brought. 

"It's this part that you wanna ask, right? It's like this..." and the two people immersed in the discussion with the music played in the background.

Sincerity is always so powerless
Crumbling away like the sand and spraying out like the waves
And you just can’t stop the rain
Whether you wanted it to or not, someday it falls
And we would stand in it again
And when you’re standing in the rain
There is very little we can do
Our heart would wet, along with the rain.

[Nell - Standing in the rain]

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A/N: Dear readers, here is the ninth chapter. Haha..too much drama and I am laughing myself. Can't imagine if the scene is really to be acted out by the Dooley couple. I bet there would be too many NGs...or not as they are both professionals. Hm....now I have no idea at all how to continue the next chapter...hm...sorry everyone...hm..ok wanna go have lunch. Thank you very much for reading this supposed-to-be-heart-rending story of mine. ^_^ Have a nice day!