December 31, 2009

It's New Year tomorrow. And tomorrow was also the day for Shin Hye's last chemo for the first cycle of treatment. She was supposed to just rest at home to prepare her for the next day but she insisted on going out that night to celebrate New Year together with Yong Hwa. She asked Eun Jung to come along as well but Eun Jung completely understood that it would be best to let the two young lad and lady to enjoy the moment of just the two of them. Therefore, Eun Jung had come up with an excuse which was she had to look after her neighbour kids for that night. 

"Eonni, I thought you told me that none of your neighbours have small kids." Shin Hye felt weird that the excuse that Eun Jung gave was completely not coherent with what Eun Jung told her before.

"Have I ever told you about my neighbour before? Can't be...I'm pretty sure Mrs Joo asked for my helping hand to take care of her kids. Maybe it was someone else who had ever talked to you about neighbours before?" Eun Jung couldn't deny at that time that she was completely good at making up stories.

"Hmm...probably you're right, Eonni." There was still a curious and disbelief tone in Shin Hye's voice.

"Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy your night out together." 

"Eung, I will. Eonni, talk to you next time."

"Eung..."

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They waited at the park for the fireworks show to start. Yong Hwa had pushed her on the wheelchair so that she wouldn't be so tired that night. Just then, Shin Hye saw a pair of young couple playing fireworks and chasing each other. She laughed looking at the playful couple but that lasted for few seconds before she started to weep. Her sudden behaviour shocked Yong Hwa.

"Why are you suddenly crying?" But Yong Hwa's question made it worst. The cascade of tears accelerated down her pale cheeks.

"What's wrong? Does your rib hurt?" Yong Hwa crouched down next to her so that he would be facing her face.

She just shook her head and kept crying. Yong Hwa was really clueless at how to handle that.

"Why do women like to cry without any reason?" The words blurted out from his mouth. To him, it might sound like a question but to her, it was rather a statement.

"Who said I cry without any reason?!" 

"Then, tell me what makes you cry?" Yong Hwa insisted.

"I feel sorry for you." Her words were like mumbles. They got mixed up with her sobbing.

"Feel sorry for what? I'm feeling just fine here."

"For you having a girlfriend like who can't even walk to watch the fireworks show on the night of the New Year."

"That's because you're ill. One year later, when you have recovered, you can walk with me to watch the fireworks show."

"How do you know if I would get better?"

"You have to. If not, you will disappoint your mother, your father, your brother, me, Eun Jung Noona....all of us."

"Geurae." Shin Hye nodded and it went silent between them for a while.

"Yong Hwa..."

"Eung?"

"I don't know when the side effect will start kicking in but, if I have a major hair loss and won't be able to look pretty anymore, so I am thinking of just cutting it off anyway. What do you think?" 

"If that will make you feel better, feel more confident of yourself, go ahead. I'm sure you'll look just fine that way." Yong Hwa clasped her hands tightly to tell her that she had his supports, to tell her that everything would be just fine for her.

"You know, when I had cancer last time and I decided to cut off my hair, I actually cried the moment my mum placed the shaver on my head. That moment, all I thought was how would I look like...how the society will perceive me...how can I go to school. It scared my mum that she thought she accidentally cut my head skin." She laughed at the remembrance but Yong Hwa knew her laugh had a bitter meaning.

"Maybe we both can go bald head together?" Yong Hwa came up with a suggestion. He meant it seriously but it cause Shin Hye to burst into laughter.

She thought it was a hilarious idea. "Bald couple?" And she laughed harder at her own jokes.

"I'm serious..." Yong Hwa's voice sounded faint in disappointment at her misinterpretation of his words.

Shin Hye stopped lauging. "Aniya. Don't do it. I love your hairstyle right now. it would be a shame to not able to see you with hair when I lose mine."

Just then the fireworks display started and they both enjoyed it so much. They also took pictures of the display and themselves to keep as a memory.

.............................

January 1, 2010

Yong Hwa woke up with a lurch upon hearing his phone ringing. The sun began to rise and hence bright lights started to penetrate the room through the windows, causing Yong Hwa to not be able to open his eyes widely.

"Yeoboseyo..."

"Yong Hwa! You might wanna come here. Shin Hye..."  Yong Hwa could hear a quavering voice over the phone and upon hearing Shin Hye's name, his eyes grew wide, awake.

"What's with her?"

"Just come. I don't know how to describe it."

And so Yong Hwa got out of the bed quickly and got ready to go out. He couldn't stop thinking of what could possibly happen to Shin Hye. As far as he knew, she was supposed to have her chemo treatment that day and it was agreed that Yong Hwa would not have to come to send her off to hospital or visited her at the hospital during the treatment. "Don't want you to see my miserable look" was what she told him when he suggested of accompanying her at the hospital before her first treatment. And it had been like that four the first four treatment but that day, Yong Hwa could not think of what possibly could happen to her on the day of her treatment.

When he arrived at Shin Hye's house, Mr Park opened the door for him. The first thing Yong Hwa noticed was that Mr Park's face was completely taut and drawn. As Mr Park rushed Yong Hwa up the stairs, he explained what actually happened.

"Shin Hye, she locked herself in her room. We realised it when we wanted to get her to the hospital but she doesn't even get out from the room. We have been knocking at the doors many times, asking her whe she doesn't want to open the door, but she just said she didn't want to go to hospital." They both reached upstairs and Yong Hwa could see Eun Jung was still knocking on the door whereas Mrs Park's face grew haggard with worry. It was normal to see Eun Jung has made Shin Hye's home like her second home and she could come freely at any time she wanted as Park's family has gotten familiar with her. Every morning of the treatment day, Eun Jung would be there early to help giving her motivational support and talked her mind off from focusing too much on the fact that she would have to undergo chemo treatment that day. Sort of like how a sister would comfort her own younger sister.

"Shin Hye-ah, why don't you want to go to the hospital? Are you not feeling well? Want us to ask the doctor to postpone the treatment?" Eun Jung asked while kept continuously knocking on her door. But there was no answer.

"Let me try." Yong Hwa said in a whispered voice to Eun Jung and she walked aside from the door.

"Shin Hye-ah, you've promised me last night that you would get better but if you don't go to the hospital, how can you get better? You are making everyone worried here and you're making me guilty for bringing you out last night and making you tired." 

"I'm not tired because of last night but still, I don't want to go to hospital." They could hear her raging from inside the room. "I hate hospital. It never makes me feel better whenever I go there. I'm sick of the smell! SIck of the sound! Sick of looking at all the patients like me! Sick of all the feelings I would have after the chemo! What more if they couldn't find my veins to inject the drugs! I hate everything!"

"Aniya, Shin Hye-ah. You can't do like this. You promised me you want to get better. Have you forgotten your promise? Do you want to be a person who breaks promises." Yong Hwa spoke. "I've got to tell you I really hate people who breaks promises."

But she's not giving up in the war of locking herself in the room. "You don't understand. Because you don't have to go through it. I'm tired...tired of not being able to move or speak the day after the chemo. And then there is taste changes...I wouldn't be able to enjoy anything I eat and end up throwing up everything I eat. All the joint aches and nosebleed....I'm tired of it....so tired of it."

"It's fine Shin Hye-ah. Everyone is tired in this world. Your father is tired workind day and night to fund your treatment. Your mom is tired from all the staying up late at night to make sure you have fallen asleep. Me, Eun Jung noona and Shin Won Hyung have to juggle between schools and other activities and worrying about you, too. You are not the only one to feel tired. Gwaenchana Shin Hye-ah...gwaenchana..." Done with crying out what he felt and thought, Yong Hwa glanced at the people around him and could see everyone was either tearing up or already burst into tears. 

The moment he turned back to the door, he could hear the sound of the door know being turned and he watched as the door was left ajar. He opened it wider and saw Shin Hye's bloodshot eyes probably because of the rage and tears all mixed up. Mrs Park dashed into the room to get her daughter and treating as if her daughter was still a kid, she hugged Shin Hye tightly and they both bled the salt of their soul while the others were left speechless as they observe the heartbreaking moment of mother and daughter.

...........................

Yong Hwa stayed for a while at the hospital after Shin Hye got her treatment that day. He planned to accompany her before she fell asleep. As usual after treatment, she couldn't really talk much but she managed to make Yong Hwa promise her something.

"Can you promise me a thing?" Shin Hye whispered as she struggled to open to speak.

"What is it?" Yong Hwa drew his ears closer to as he also struggled to hear her words.

"Can you be my North Star?"

"North Star?" He was clueless.

"North Star is someone who will not change despite the circumstances." She paused for a rest. "I heard it from Winter Sonata."

"I can be your North Star, but you have promised me that you will get better. So keep your promise if you want me to keep mine." Yong Hwa insisted, reminding Shin Hye to not think of any bad possibility to happen. He could see the gleam of disappointment in her eyes.

"Yah, don't speak anymore. Just rest and go to sleep." He her hair to let her fall asleep faster and she did.

..............................

August 1, 2011

Those who were left in Seoul were doing fine, juggling between matters in their life. Eun Jung for example, with her directing career in the day and her deejaying career at night. 

3....2...1

As soon as the producer showed a signal, Eun Jung went on air.

"Dear listeners, up next is a song called "Leaving Me" sang by a Monni. A bit of an introduction to the group, Monni is one of the most popular South Korean Indie bands consisted of 3 namja and a yeoja. This upcoming song is the 7th track from their second album "This Moment". A song that tells how a guy feels as his girlfriend left him and he figures out that his feeling is about to change from love to hatred. A sad song yet I think is prettily composed. Yeorobun, enjoy listening." 

I love you, those words reached my ears
but you’ve left my side,
There are tears around your reddened eyes
and you look heartbroken and sad.

As you left my side, I cried.
As you became precarious, I couldn’t leave you.
Whenever you feel that you’re alone,
I will tell you that I love you so much.

Don’t call me a fool; this must be what love is.

Meanwhile, Yong Hwa with his festival practicing in the day and studying at night. 

As you left my side, I cried.
As you became precarious, I couldn’t leave you.
Whenever you feel that you’re alone,
I will tell you that I love you very much.

As you were leaving from my side…

When you being to hate the person who left you.
When you get tired from the loneliness
and life becomes difficult.
When you want to rewind the clock and go back,
I always loves you so much.

As you left my side, I cried.
As you got lonely, I couldn’t leave you.

Whenever you feel that you’re alone
I will tell you that I love you so much.

And the same went for the girl who was currently living away from Seoul, South Korea who was active in volunteering in the day and enjoyed listening to radio, her favourite station in particular, at night.

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A/N: Presenting to you the 16th instalment to my story. Bear with me a little while as I would take some time to update since the story is now progressing to the and I will try to connect everything together and make a decent end for this story. Thank you for the readers who have been supporting me from the zeroth chapter up to now.