I wonder if you hurt like me I stayed curled in my bed, waiting for Jonghyun to come home. I miss you. Why do you have to go out with your friends again? I sighed and lightly punched a near by pillow. I wonder if you hurt like me? I wonder if you ever feel sad like me? I clutched my blanket tightly, hoping to relieve the pain I felt in my heart. He'll never see me anything other than a friend, a very close friend. I don't know how long I have to keep my feelings hidden from him. 6 years has past since the first day we met in high school. 6 years has passed since I fell in love with him. Even though we live in the same apartment, we sleep in two different rooms. We have different schedules and personalities. I wiped away the tears that pooled in my eyes. I will not cry for him again. But it hurts to see him with other guys and girls. I sat up, wrapping my tear soaked blanket around my bare shoulders. I'm going to watch some tv to take my mind off of him. I grabbed my tv remote and turned it to the drama station. Over the next 20 minutes, I get absorbed into the drama and glance at the clock. It was 1:13 am. Jonghyun, what are you doing right now? An image of him sleeping with his arms wrapped around a girl popped in my mind. I sighed and turned off the tv and shuffled back to my empty bed. Nights seem longer because it's lonely without him here. I my ipod and jammed the buds in my ears. I'm in love by Narsha began to play. I listened to her lyrics carefully. It only cause my heart to ache and tears to form in my eyes. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep.

"Key-ah~" Someone was hugging me around the waist, their hot breath lingered on my ear. "Key-ah, I'm hungry. Cook me something!" I was still sleepy and a bit cranky that someone had woken me up. "No." I bluntly replied and tried falling back asleep. "Feed me, feed your puppy. I'm hungry..." He wrapped his legs around mine, to keep me from kicking him away. Jonghyun? He must be drunk, or else he wouldn't be here in my bed with me. "Get off me." I said to him. Jonghyun chuckled and replied, "Only if you promise to feed me!" I grunted, trying to get him off me. After a few minutes of struggling to get him off me, I gave in. "Fine, I promise! Now get off me!" I shouted. There was no response from Jonghyun. "Jonghyun?" His arms hung loosely around my waist now. I flipped myself around so that I faced him. "Ha," I chuckled and saw that he had fallen asleep. "Pabo, you ask me to cook for you, but you fall asleep." I looked at him, my eyes hungrily tried to memorize his beautiful face, from his thick lashes down to his full lips. I ran my thumb over his bottom lip and was surprised when Jonghyun's mouth parted and roughly bit my thumb. "Ah-" I let out an involuntary moan. Jonghyun opened one of his eyes and smiled while my finger was still in his mouth. "I'm going to eat you if you don't feed me soon~" He said in a singsong voice. I quickly pulled my thumb from his mouth and wiped it on my blanket. "You're drunk. Go to sleep, I'll feed you tomorrow morning." I flicked him on the forehead. Jonghyun pulled me closer to him and smirked. "I'm not drunk, I'm perfectly sober." He held the back of my head. What is he doing? He doesn't know how fast my heart is beating right now. I closed my eyes, anticipating a kiss, just like the ones in dramas. "Okay..." He tiredly said and brought my head to his chest. Jonghyun nuzzled the top of my head and wrapped his arms tighter around me. "Goodnight Key." He mumbled and fell asleep. My heart rapidly thudded in my rib cage. I hope my heart isn't beating loud enough for Jonghyun to hear. I felt my face get hot as I replayed the moment I thought he was about to kiss me. "Aish, Key, keep on dreaming." I whispered to myself and looked at the time, 4:56am. I sighed and untangled myself from Jonghyun. I can't be near him. I need to stop being in love with someone who will never love me back. I covered Jonghyun with my blanket and got up to start making breakfast for him.

"Goodmorning~" I sang when I heard Jonghyun shuffle into the kitchen. "Aish, stop yelling." He mumbled. Jonghyun took a seat and rested his head on the table. "Drink that mug of warm water mixed with honey right now." I pointed to the brown mug with a spoon in my hand. "Yes." He groggily said and lifted his head up to look at the mug before grabbing it. When he did that, the hickeys that covered his neck could be seen. The purplish marks tugged at my heart, making my eyes feel the sting of oncoming tears. I guess Jonghyun felt my eyes on him, as he looked up at me smiling. "Cover those up if you plan on leaving the house today." I said, praying that my voice did not betray my true feelings. "Yes mom~" Jonghyun laughed. "Yah, last night was so fun!" He began to tell me the story of how he met this one guy named Minho and how he received the hickey's from him. "Key, you should have seen him after a couple of shots! He was funny as heck! Plus he was super hot!" Jonghyun chuckled as he recalled the events that took place last night. "Look! I even got his number!" He showed me his phone. "Aha, great job!" I faked a couple of chuckles and stood up. "I'll see you later. Make sure you clean the dishes." I left Jonghyun and locked my bedroom door.

I slid to the ground and buried my eyes in my knees. Don't worry about it Key. At least he's happy right? If you really love him, you would like him to be happy with whoever. I tried convincing myself as I stained my jeans with tears. I got up and headed to my bathroom. I have to get out of the house right now I dialed up my friend Onew's number. "Yah, let's go grab some coffee, I'll see you in 15 minutes." I hung up and splashed water on my face. I left the comfort of my room and headed to the front door. "Where are you going?" Jonghyun asked me, while I laced my shoes. "Out, see you later." I slammed the door shut and briskly walked to the near by cafe.

Once at the cafe, I sat at my regular booth and waited for Onew to show up. "Hyung!" I waved him over. "Hi Key!" He smiled at me and sat down. "So what's up?" He asked after the waitress took our orders. "Well, it's about Jonghyun again." I paused but Onew motioned me to continue. "He came home last night covered in hickeys." I said and looked down at the empty table. "Key, have you actually told him how you feel about him?" The waitress came over and set down our drinks. "Thank you." Onew said and looked right back at me. "Have you?" He persisted. I sighed. "No..." I mumbled. "Key, it's been so long since you've this way about him! You have to tell him soon!" I shook my head. "I was thinking about it, but Jonghyun is now interested in this new guy, Minho. So I don't want to get in between them." I sighed and took a sip of my drink. Onew's attention drifted. "Speak of the devil." He whispered. I turned around to see what had gotten Onew's attention. Jonghyun had entered the cafe, holding Minho's hand. To be honest, Minho looked like a model. He was tall and had short hair. His eyes were a milky brown and they were wide and huge. His lips boasted its fullness and softness. Jonghyun was smiling and was looking into Minho's eyes. I looked away and focused on the people outside. It was lightly raining, but dark clouds  could be seen heading this way. There were couples right outside of the window, smiling and laughing. I wonder if you think of me? I wonder if you hurt like me? The couples started to scatter when heavy rain began to fall. "Jonghyun!" Onew shouted and waved him over. "Onew what are you doing!" I hissed under my breath. Tears had already accumulated in the corners of my eyes. I quickly wiped them away. The clouds blocked out most f the sun's warm rays, leaving me shivering. "Hyung!" Jonghyun responded and walked over. "Oh hi Key!" He said happily to me. I didn't make eye contact with him and just nodded in response to his greeting. "I want you guys to meet someone special." Jonghyun started to say. Special? Jonghyun, you already found someone worth calling special? I rudely stood up and bowed to Onew. "I-I'm sorry, but I have to get going." My voice cracked and I ran out of the cafe. "Key!" Onew yelled after me. My heart can't handle this pain. I love you so much. I sprinted across the street, not caring if a car was going to hit me.

The heavy raindrops landed on my shirt, soaking me to the core. I shivered when a gust of wind hit me. I didn't know where I was going, but I just had to get away from Jonghyun. My tears mixed with the rain. My hair flopped down and partly covered my eyes. I walked on the cement sidewalk and sobbed. No matter how much I try to stop loving you, I can't. I love you too much. So much. What can I do but cry? I gave up on trying to wipe away my tears. "Key-ah!" Someone shouted my name. I refused to turn around, I am afraid of who it was. "Key, what is wrong!?" A pair of strong hands grabbed my shoulder and stopped me in my tracks, turning my body around. My eyes were closed. "Key, talk to me. Were best friends! We tell each other everything! Remember, we never keep secrets from each other!" Jonghyun shouted through the rain. I opened my eyes that was filled with tears. "J-Jonghyun, I wonder if you hurt like me?" I yelled at him. "What do you mean?" He wipes his face, trying to clear it of the rain. "You're like an arrow that pierced my heart, an arrow that I cannot take out because of love. It hurts so much, I don't think I can handle this pain anymore. All I can do is cry. Even if I can't have you, my heart has stopped. I can only stay near you because y-you are m-my everything." I stuttered but took a deep breath to tell him that I love him. "I-" I didn't get to finish as Jonghyun walked forward. I closed my eyes, envisioning a drama scene, of him kissing me in the rain. "I-I love you." I said out loud. "I love you too, come on, let's go home and dry ourselves." Jonghyun rubbed my head and messed with my hair. He thinks I love him as a brother... "No, Jonghyun!" I grabbed his hands and pulled him close to me. "I love you." I said to him, while looking him in the eye. "6 years and counting." I pressed my lips against his full ones for only a few seconds. Jonghyun was the one to first pull away. "K-Key?" He was surprised. Jonghyun slowly backed away from me. "Before you leave me, please answer this one question." I said sadly. "Do you ever hurt? Because I wonder if you hurt like me." Jonghyun hesitated but didn't answer. He turned around and sprinted away. I took out my ipod and plugged the headphones in my ears. Well at least my ipod didn't get that wet. I pressed play and Quasimodo came on. I then started to walk with no place in mind, letting my feet take me to where ever it wanted to go.