>Rated M: for cursings..sorry about this..but i gotta stay in character..mianhe..

For me life is nothing but a game, it’s either you play or you get played at. Everything fits like puzzle pieces, life itself is one of those pieces that I love to play with, some people say that life is a gift, an eternal gift that should be treasured, but why is it so unfair? I don’t want to lose something or someone that is already dear to me, I want life and destiny to stop.

I can change everything that I want to change, except for the past that I don’t want to go back to, this is my story and I am Kim Seojin.

~5 years ago

Heavy drops of rain began pouring in the streets of Gangwon, I was walking amongst the crowd of people but I stopped while I looked up in the dark sky, a small smirk was seen on my  face, hot tears then suddenly joined as the droplets of rain went running down my cheek,‘why does it have to be me? Of all people why should I be the one to see it?’. My father whom I trusted the most, was cheating on my mom, and I caught him together with his woman, which hurts more because that woman is my mom’s bestfriend… In the corner of my eye I can see a tall figure making way through the crowd towards me, I breathed in heavily and tried to counter the pain that I’m feeling, I pushed people that were on my way as I picked up my pace, running, this is not the thing I’m good at, I hate running away, but it’s the only choice that I have, I heard him call my name, but I ran faster up until my legs gave up. “Seojin..” he called again but this time he helped me up, “let go of me!” I shouted at him and yanked my arm from his grasp. “Seojin, I, I can explain..” He looked at me with regretful eyes, “explain? Explain what?! I saw everything!” I looked back at him with my red eyes. “Seojin, sweetheart..please at least listen to me..” He gripped my shoulder gently, “DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT AND JUST GO BACK TO THAT…THAT !” I shouted at him, it was the very first time that I said that word in front of my dad. ‘SLAP!’ a red mark was left on my face, I looked at the woman who was now standing beside my dad. “Haemi..please…” Dad said to the Haemi, “NO! SHE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THAT HER MOM IS, THE THIRD PARTY! AND NOT ME! SHE SHOULD KNOW THAT HER MOM IS THE AND NOT ME!, LISTEN GIRL, YOUR MOM WAS ONCE MY BESTFRIEND BUT SHE S YOUR FATHER FROM ME!” my dad looked at her and then at me, I can see that he was surprised. “!” I cursed again I was about to hit the Haemi but dad stopped my hand and shook his head. “YOU LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU LOVE MOM?! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DAD! I REALLY CAN’T! SCREW YOU! SCREW BOTH OF YOU!” I began shaking him off and pulled my hand. “Sweetheart…i…”, “STOP CALLING ME THAT! FROM NOW ON, YOU DON’T HAVE ME, YOU DON’T HAVE A FAMILY! JUST CREATE ANOTHER FAMILY WITH THAT Y OF YOURS!!” I yelled at him again and pointed at Haemi whose mouth was open, she never imagined that I can curse like that.

“Jin? Wha-?” Heechul opened the door of our house. I was soaking wet because of the rain he just guided me inside the house and took a towel. “Sweetheart? What happened to you?” Mom instantly asked as she saw me wrapped up in a towel. “I saw dad..with my own two eyes,..with Haemi…” I said while I kept my head down. “Sweetheart..I know..” Mom hesitantly answered while she pushedmy chin up to meet her eyes. “I know…” she repeated again, my rage came back, “If you knew then why did you stay with him?!” I yelled while I look at my mom which has a pained expression, “because I love him too much..”, “Love?! Mom! He’s been doing that behind your back and you knew yet you…Damn!” I cursed again. “Kim Seojin!” I heard my brother call my name. “You knew too huh?” I looked at him while my tears began to blur my vision; he gave me a small nod and hugged me. “You both knew but you did not tell me?!”, I rushed up to my room, I felt so betrayed and dumb for not noticing anything, silent tears began streaming down my cheeks, I love my mom, and I love my dad too, but they made me believe that our family is still perfect, that everything was just fine, I felt hurt, destroyed, and furious coz my mom just acted like a martyr, she just continued to hurt herself silently. I heard a small knock on my door, I knew right away that it was my brother, “Jinnie, let’s talk..” Heechul said on the other side of my door. “NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!” I shouted. I never thought that even my brother would keep that from me, we both shared the same dream the dream that dad drilled to my head. The dream that I tried to reach. I was just 7 years old when my dad signed me up for an audition together with Heechul for a kid’s commercial, even mom was supportive.

I decided on something, I decided to change..I tip toed towards my dresser and pulled out a pair of scissors and cut my hair, my dad was the one who wanted me to grow my hair long and now that he has done something that I know would leave a painful scar at my heart, I decided to stop reaching and doing the things that he wanted me to do. As strands of hair fell to the floor, I said to myself that I don’t have a father anymore, that he is dead. I’m a trainee as well as my brother but for 4 months I trapped myself inside of my room and when I went out mom was shocked with me, my hair was as short as a boys’ hair, my eyes were lined with black eyeliner and I wore all black, from head to toe, “Jin are you sporting a rocker theme today?” Heechul tried to loosen up the atmosphere, “Shut up” I said and went out. My mom instantly knew that I was being emotional and rebelling but she also know that she can’t change me. She thought that it would be best if she will let me heal my own wound. A year passed by Heechul tried to drag me to SM ent to train, but I kept on running away, it’s not that I hate music, actually I love it with all of my heart,I love performing, I love singing and I still want to reach my goal, but every time that I comeback to SMent the pain of being betrayed by my own father hunts me even in my sleep. “Jin..there’s someone here to see you.” Mom said as she opened the door for me and Heechul. I looked at the man who was sitting in our living room’s couch. “Sweetheart..” a soft and gentle voice came out from dad’s mouth as he approached me. “I don’t remember having a father like you, actually, My father is dead” I said as I climbed up the stairs to my room, I heard Heechul sigh and saw that he was following me, “You know..i really miss my little sister” Heecul said as he went in my room. “well she’s not coming back” I answered him as I pulled my mp3 player out from my drawer. “But I hope that wherever she is right now, she would hear me say this, I’m sorry if I lied, I’m sorry if I kept it from you, I know you’re hurt with what happened a year ago, you can curse all you want, you can even call me names, but just remember this, I’m always here for you, I’m your older brother, I’m your slave and you are my master, and I will be waiting for my sister to comeback.” Heechul said as he messed up my hair. That is what he always tells me, that he was my slave, well not literally, he just follows what I say his reason he doesn’t want his little sister to be disappointed in him and he was the one who spoils me the most. I actually missed the old me, the one who was always laughing and not getting into fist fights, the one who is always hanging out and singing with my brother, but I guess I still need time and I still need my heart to cope up with everything.

It was the last time that I have heard and seen my dad, but I still continued being a trainee, because that is what my brother told me to do so that I can get things out of my mind and so that I can loosen up, but because I get into fights with the other trainees due to the issue about my family LSM allowed me to be trained alone. I was took the picture of me and my childhood friend inside my wallet while I was resting, “I wonder what Sujin is doing right now?” I said while I tried to remember the times when I was still a kid. I suddenly felt a strong force that bumped into me and the picture flew away from my hand, “What the?!” I looked back and saw 5 boys playing inside the practice room. “What are you doing here?” I glared at them. “Jin?” Suho asked, I entered SM together with him but we were trained separately. “I’m not asking you my name..i was asking why you are here” I bluntly said. “uh..playing” they all said. “Playing? Don’t you know that this is a restricted area?” I asked them with a half annoyed tone. “really? This is restricted?” D.O looked around, “I see no sign of restriction here” he added, Suho lightly elbowed him to shut up. “Just go ok, I don’t want to have another verbal jint here” I said while I tried to look for the picture, it was the only remembrance that I have of Sujin and I really need to find it. “Uhmm..are you looking for this?” A boy suddenly asked from behind me as he showed me the picture, I glared at him, I don’t want anyone touching my stuff. I saw amusement in his eyes, “Smile then I’ll give you this back..” he smiled sheepishly and began waving the picture in front of me, “Sehun, I think that is not a good idea” Suho said as he stepped back together with the other boys, “Huh? Why?” Sehun looked at Suho then at me, he saw me blow my bangs off of my face, “You better give me that back kid, or you’re gonna die.” I sternly said. “SMILE…” he said as he made a smiling motion with his hand. “Urgh!” I grunted then started running after him. “Looks like Sehun found a playmate hahaha” Kai joked while his gaze followed me and Sehun. “ He won’t stop till she smiles at him right?” Chanyeol asked while the others just nodded. “come on..smile ok..then I’ll give this to you..” Sehun said while he continued to run away, “I never seen you smile!!”, “Give that back to my sister” Heechul suddenly came and tried to snatch the picture from Sehun but his hands were fast. “Heechul sunbae!” the boys greeted well except for Sehun who ran away. “Suho, who was that?” Heechul directed his gaze at Suho, “He is Sehun, he’s also a trainee..uh…we’ll try to get the photo back” Suho tugged Baekhyun’s shirt and motioned to go out. “Well that was the first time I saw that you were having fun.” Heechul said as he brushed my hair. “I was?” I asked him. “I was not having fun! I was annoyed!” I pouted. “Hahaha, welcome back sis!” Heechul then hugged me, “well slightly..welcome back” I guess he was right that time can surely heal.

“oh.. the smiling guy..” Heechul pointed at the direction of the boy who took the picture. “Jin..ok..you go get it” I heard my brother cheer from behind. “Yah!” I called, “oh..picture..” he smiled, “are you going to smile already?” he asked again. “when will you give up?” I asked. After that incident 3 months ago this guy kept on pestering me, every time that we meet he would always ask me to smile, I formed a small smile on my face, “There..Happy?” I asked, “nope..smile like you mean it..” he said again, I sighed but then just to get the picture from him I smiled, I can hear my brother gasp from behind me and he started dancing , “My Jinnie smiled!! My little Jinnie smiled!!!!” he began chanting like an idiot, and with that I really did smile and laugh. “that’s what I’m looking for..here” he said as he handed me back my picture, “ I have always seen you with that sad expression on your face, but you look more beautiful when you smile.” He said as he left, “by the way I’m Oh Sehun, remember that” he waved then disappeared. “what a funny kid, right jinnie?” Heechul said as he placed his hand on my shoulder. “Look at yourself in the mirror and you’ll really find a funny kid staring back at you” I answered him. “let’s go oppa..”, I just don’t know when it started but we became friends, me and that Sehun rather grew close, he would go in the practice room where I was practicing and he would accompany me, and every time I see him, I would always wear this smile on my face.

Months passed by, he started to become busy, I heard that he’ll debut as a member of EXO and of course I was happy for him, he still kept in touch and would visit me if he has time. After 5 months my brother heard about HORIZON, and then without my knowledge he submitted my form to that e and then things started to change, I was accepted as the first member of HORIZON. Well I think this is just the start of a new chapter in my life, I’ll say goodbye to the past and say hello to the future. Hopefully next time the pain won’t still be there.

Hello to the Future and Goodbye to the past,

♬~♔~Kim Seojin♬~♔~

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Manager's past is the only one left..omo...i'll start working on it when i get home..*Hugs* -Jin
ooh..by the way K-P0PG1rL can you give me even a brief history about Manager Unnie..hehehe..thanks...XD