I want to do things my way, i want to have something that i can actually be proud of.

Nobody sees me the way i want them to, all they see is the connection in my name, in my blood, and they don't see the true me, I've learned things the hard way and that makes me who i am today and I am Kwon Miyong.

Day by day I've been living my life under my brother's shadow, no one actually knew my name if it wasn't for him, but even though that happened i still love him, he has been my inspiration, he was and will always be my Inspiration my mom always tells us that we are opposites but we also have some things in common well obviously we have the same parents, same surname, and same Love for music. We both shared a common goal and it is to debut in the entertainment industry, but unfortunately he debuted before I did. So that is when everything started to change, people around me began to compare me with my brother; they began judging me like they already know everything about me.

I was born in a family where music is not something new, my mom and dad was a part of the school band, and my brother loves music even though he is very young, he have the talent that my parents praised for as long as I can remember, but even though he is always praised by them he still stayed the same, when we were young he would always give me singing lessons and he always share his techniques to me, because of him, I learned to love music and it practically became my life, for over the years me and my brother gained honor for our voices and we did not know the word failure, until one day I lost in a competition, a singing and dancing competition to be specific, I never thought that it would happen, a girl that is practically older than me got the best of me, her voice I must admit is so melodious, her voice can actually reach the highest note, her movements are also fluid and is so powerful, and that is the thing that I lack the most, hence I lost. It was the first time that it has happened, I went home with my head hung low, I did not even talk to my parents about it, and for some time I shunned music out of my life, whenever I hear the radio playing, I would turn it off and vent out my anger on it [a/n: poor radio..T_T], I even started to tell my parents and my brother that I hate music, that I don’t want it to be a part of my life but then they still persuade me to continue, I went berserk I started to throw things that my hand laid on and I started to yell at my brother, I started to belittle myself I ran up to my room and locked it I don’t want anyone to come in. “Miyong…open the door” I heard my brother say, he just got home from his training in YG. “NO! leave me alone!” I yelled back. “Miyong please..open up” I can hear the door knob twisting furiously, my brother lost his temper and kicked my door, for the very first time in my life I saw him angry, I saw him mad at me, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me furiously, “MIYONG! QUIT BEING SO STUBBORN! QUIT ACTING LIKE THIS!” Jiyong shouted. “ACT LIKE WHAT?! YOU NEVER TASTED FAILURE OPPA! YOU NEVER FELT LIKE YOU’RE USELESS! I..I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! IF YOU HAVEN’T INFLUENCED ME IN THAT THING! I WOULDN’T BE LIKE THIS!!!” I pulled his arm from my shoulders but he tightened his grip. “THING?! MIYONG THAT WAS JUST THE FIRST TIME, AND YOU’RE NOT USELESS, AND THE THING THAT YOU ARE REFFERING TO IS THE THING THAT KEEPS OUR FAMILY INTACT! AND NEVER SAY THAT I NEVER EXPERIENCED WHAT YOU HAD NOW. I KNOW IT’S HARD..” He started to soften up, “I know it’s hard to loose, but we are not blaming you, this is life, it’s a win and lose situation. And in this whole world nobody is perfect. Everybody is better in something and you should learn to accept that, and don’t blame music for this.”. “but Oppa..it hurts..i..i don’t want to lose. .I..”, “Miyong don’t say that people experience things like this every day, it’s not just you..think about it. Think about the things that made you happy.” He said then he kissed my crown, “Looks like I need to fix this..” he pointed at my door and tried to raise it up.

Every memory that I have in my mind, music has always been a part of it, music made me happy, it made me feel complete, but what have I done? I shunned it out, I learned to hate it, I despised it. Silently I cried and understood what my brother meant, I realized that he was right. I started to walk towards our staircase I slowly gripped the handle trying to keep my balance, my eyes hurt after all those tears. “Oppa” I called my brother’s attention, he looked back at me with those caring eyes, and so did my parents, “I’m sorry..I was such a fool..i..i even said those stupid things to you..and I did some crazy stuff too..” I bowed my head, I was really embarrassed for what I did, I was waiting for them to reply but all they did was hug me.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Jiyong asked while he drove dad’s car, I nodded, “really?” he asked again, “Yes”. After that he was silent, he dropped me off to the location of YG’s audition, it was 5am and I was probably the first one to arrive there. Getting in to YG was easy, I aced the audition and I was accepted right on the spot. 5 straight years of training helped me improve my vocals but not my dance skills, and people are expecting too much every time that they see me perform they always compare me to my brother, it’s just like they thought that I got accepted because of him, that I have strong connections because my brother is G-dragon, but it is not like that, i really did my best in everything that I do so that I could be acknowledge as me and not as G-dragon’s younger sister. Until I made the decision that changed my life,“Sajangnim..i want to transfer to another company..”I said as I handed the president my letter of transfer, “Why? You are one of our best trainees here” he asked as he hesitantly took the letter, “because I want to find myself” I said without a second thought in which the president understood, “I was going to debut you this year..” The president said while he took out my files, “But looks like it’s not going to happen” he then gave those to me, “I’m really sorry, it’s just that I want to be known not because I’m my brother’s younger sister, I want to be known as me..as Kwon Miyong..” I looked at the president. “I understand, I already contacted SMent and they are willing to accept you, I just hope they’ll treat you right” He said with a pained expression after that I left. I left YG, I already talked to my brother about this and he already understood.

“Wow! It’s bigger than I thought it would be..” I said as I turned around, I already entered SM ent and I really did not expect it to be this big. “Ow!” I fell hard on the ground when somebody knocked me down. “Comeback here you big chunk of a bun!” the guy growled at the boy who knocked me down. “Hey miss, uhmm are you alright?” he asked, his eyes and features were sharp even his voice it was so deep and masculine, I slightly nodded. “hi..i’m really sorry about that..you know” the slightly chubby guy that knocked me down came back apologetically said his sorries. “It’s fine..it’s not a big deal” I smiled. “Xiumin, you better watch where you are going next time.” The guy who helped me up said. “Yes Kris..urgh! I’m older but why do I have to follow you?” Xiumin pouted, “Because I’m taller than you” Kris said while he messed up Xiumin’s hair, “Ouch don’t rub it in, I know I’m short” with that Xiumin left. “So..miss where are you going?” Kris then looked at me with those tantalizing eyes, “I’m going to meet him..” I pointed at Lee Soo Man’s picture that was hung on the wall, “Oh..so you’re the new transferred trainee” he smiled. “Yup..but I’m lost” I confessed. “I can see that clearly, hahaha, I’ll bring you to the big man” he said as he accompanied me.

 

~2 months after~

“~The Greatest love of all, is easy to achieve..learning to love yourself would be the greatest love of all~” I heard a strong powerful voice sing inside one of SM’s training room when Kris and I passed by. “Who was that?” I asked him since I know that he’s been in SM longer than I do, “why don’t we check it out..”he said as we both walked back. At the 3^rd room we saw a girl standing, her eyes contained emotions that I never saw in my brother’s eyes, she then the music and danced while she sang the English lyrics clearly, her hair was actually flowing following her every movements, it’s like I’m seeing a perfected dance video cover. “I think I know her..” Kris said in a low voice. “Jin, you better rest…”   A guy suddenly approached the girl, “Oh..it’s you..you told me to practice till I drop now you’re telling me to rest, great!” she said while she looked at The guy. “Seojin.” The guy then sternly looked at her, “What is it Kim Heechul?” she answered back, I was taken aback when I heard that she was talking to Kim Heechul I looked at Kris who really looked amazed we both tried to widen the opening of the door when, ‘whack!’, “Ow!!!ow!ow!ow!” I heard Kris grunt when I looked up, I saw LSM looking at us, and the two people that was inside the practice room was now looking at me and Kris, “You have practice young man, and Miyong..” LSM said while he tried to reach my ear as well but I ran away when Kris started to get LSM’s attention. After I ran I ended up in a nearby park, nobody was there and I’m sure of it, I placed my earphones in my ear and started listening to music, I tried to dance the part that i said was hard.. “one..two..ow!” I actually fell and so did my earphones, when I was about to put it in again I noticed a girl crying while she sat on the swing, she was sad..so sad and I can actually feel it, I tried to cheer her up by letting her comment on the way that I danced and I danced with her, actually she dances really well, I was about to ask her name but Kris came and ruined the moment. I bade goodbye to her and ran towards Kris, “so you were looking for me” I said as I poked his side, “Don’t do that again” he hissed under his breath. “Ok..sorry” I said as I raised my hand.

~3 years and 10 months later~

Kris and I were practically close but as time passed by we started to drift apart especially, I actually have feelings for him but I did not tell him, I don’t want our friendship to be ruined. But as I was about to go to EXO’s practice room I overheard him say that he have somebody that he likes, and that he wants that girl to be his girlfriend but it’s still not the right time, I was hurt. I really did not expect him to like another girl, but I kept my smiling façade and went near him. We both went out of the practice room and headed to the nearby café, I tried to know who the girl was, I asked him and even annoy him for 1 week  until he gave in, “Come on, Kris..tell me..huh..who’s that girl?...is she pretty?, do I know her?” I nudged him who was sipping his latte. “No, she’s not pretty she’s beautiful and yes you know her, you know her really well” He said as he placed his latte down. “Huh? I know her?..uhmm..wait..is she..Han Seulmi?” I started to call out girl names without me noticing that he was getting really irritated. “Fool! I’m talking about you! Don’t you get it Miyong? It’s you! The girl that I like is you” he said as he looked straight into my eyes. “hahaha, very funny kris, don’t joke like that..” I said, “I’m not going to fall for that again” I really thought that it was a joke, coz whenever were together he’d tell me that he likes someone then tells me that it was just a joke, “I’m not! I’m serious, I like you Kwon Miyong, actually I love you” he blushed, “Oh..ok..well this is awkward, but nice try kris” I smiled. “What the?! You’re impossible..” and with that he left me sitting alone, it was the last time that we actually talked, everytime that we see each other we would just pass by each other and not talk or even say high.

LSM suddenly called me to his office, “Miyong, for how long have you been training, from YG to SM?” he asked. “Uhmm..9 years sajangnim” I answered, “So what would you feel If I will be debuting you in a group?” he asked again, I was taken aback by his question, “I will be happy..” I said. “So you should be really happy, coz I will be debuting you in HORIZON” LSM said while he congratulated me, I was just shocked hearing it but at the same time I felt happy. And now I can’t believe that I’m stuck with 6 other girls who tend to be immature at times, well let’s just exclude Yunhee unnie whom I can probably say that she’s the only normal one.

Dreaming Big,

♬~♔~Kwon Miyong♬~♔~

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Phew!..i guess this was the hardest..i really don't know what to write..and i guess this is the longest one..mianhe..T_T..i tried experimenting on words for your story Kim_Hanyu but my brain blocked out..*cries* well i just hope you like it..and again i'm sorry.. 4 more pasts to go...Well melovesallofyou!..*hugs*-Jin