Life is unfair when it comes to being real….

Reality sure is harsh, people tend to judge you even before they see the real you, I’m Cho Hanbi and I’m one of those people that life really played with..

I lived with my grandmother and grandfather in the province, where the rampant effect of technology haven’t reached, my mom actually brought me there when I was just a few months old, her reason, she does not want my mind to be filled with those technology and stuff that might distract me, well that was what my grandmother said, I was spoiled by both of my grandparents they never let me do work or anything at all, they just told me that kids my age should play and have fun, which I actually never did, the kids in our place sees me as if I’m a plague because they all thought that my mom left me, so all I did was play by myself and tried to do stuff that will actually make my mind trail off, but I really wished that I could at least play with the kids in our area. I was 5 years old when I started asking about where my mom and dad was and what are they doing and why did they left me under my grandparents care, but grandma only repeated those very words. 2 years after my constant questioning about my birth parents, My mom and dad actually arrived and they took me away from my grandparents, “We’re moving to Busan..” dad said while he glanced at me through his rearview mirror, “Hunny, I’m so sorry that we left you there with your grandparents, we just can’t find the right nanny for you and we can’t afford to risk your life coz we need to work, but this time it’s going to be different”, mom said. I just nodded, it was really awkward, I don’t know what I should tell them, what is should share with them.

It was the beginning for my anti-social type of attitude, well it’s not like I want to be like that, I just don’t know how can I approach anybody, or even strike a conversation. Every time I try to say something to somebody I tend to chicken out, so I just preferred to be alone, coz the way that I see it, being alone works much better than having people talk behind your back. My mom enrolled me in a certain school, I was in my 6^th grade that time so I was treated as the NEW kid, nobody dared to approach me or even ask my name. so there goes my sweet childhood. Our teacher planned for a trip  to the zoo, of course I was happy, but I just separated myself from them, they have groups of their own and all I have is myself, I wandered around the zoo when I tried to find my way back I ended up entering a place that is full of green pastures, the grass seemed so comfortable so I preferred to lie down and take a deep sleep, since I know that we’ll leave in the afternoon. I was still in my dreamland when I felt that I was being swayed, back and forth, over and over again, it felt relaxing but at the same time very weird, then I felt a soft type of plushy thing beside me, I instantly opened my eyes, I was shocked to see a little cat, or well that was what I thought at first was lying down beside me I was about to touch it but something growled at my back, for the first time in my life I really don’t know what to do, slit eyes were glaring at me, fangs glistened as the sun’s rays the big cat that was slowly approaching me, I trembled, and stumbled back, It was really hard to breathe the big cat was only inches away from me, I closed my eyes and waited for a bite but it never came, I slowly opened my eyes I saw the big cat, which was actually a cheetah was looking at me and purred, it’s just like it wants me to pet it, I slowly stood up and went beside it, together with fear and excitement I it’s fur, to my great shock it did not even move an inch, it stayed lying down and it closed its eyes, little by little I got accustomed to touching it, I really felt happy while I was doing that, when I looked around I realized that there are not just a two of them, a pack was even looking at me, inch by inch they went near me and my hand that was brushing the other one, I was having a great time when I heard a scream, “Hanbi! Get out of there!!!” I saw my teacher looking from afar and shouting, then a guard suddenly went in and tried to get me out but the cheetah’s surrounded me and growled at the intruder, “Sweetheart…”I saw my mom and dad with fear in their eyes, I patted the head of one of the cheetah and pointed at the direction of my parents, one by one they made way for me to leave which really shocked the guard and the people who were watching. “Mommy!” I said as I embraced my mom, “Sweetie..are you alright?”Mom asked while she my hair, “are you hurt somewhere?” Dad said as he checked my from head to toe, I shook my head “Nope, the big cats were really good to me, we played together and they my hands, see..” I said as I stretched my hands to them, my mom and dad looked at each other and decided that I should be taken to a psychiatrist to check if I was really ok. The cool doctor asked me weird questions which I answered directly, then he left me playing with these colorful boxes. When I went out my mom hugged me, “I’m glad that you’re fine sweetheart..” I really thought that time ‘what’s wrong with mom?’.

9^th grade, just like in the past nobody paid attention to me or even approach me, I was getting used to this kind of treatment and I was fine with it.. “Hanbi..” a soft but deep masculine voice called. “Who—Kyuhyun Hyung!!” I said as my face lit up. I just realized that the girls at my school started to look at me. “Leave that, let’s grab something outside..” Kyuhyun said as he pulled me up gently I nodded and started to bow my head down. “Hunny!!!!!!!! I missed you!!!” Kyungmi rushed beside me right when Kyuhyun and I got out of the canteen. Kyuhyun and Kyungmi are the only people that I consider as my closest friends ever since we were young. Kyunhyun hyung started to reveal to me things about music, and that Kyungmi is already a trainee and he’s already a part of a boygroup. With that my interest in music grew even bigger than I expected. On the day that I went back to school, these girls started to approach me and asked me random questions about Kyuhyun hyung, which I did not answer but they kept on bugging me up until I reached Junior high, “Stop that..” a senior student suddenly said, “Don’t you understand?! Move!” The other girl that was beside the taller one said. I thanked them, for the first time in my life somebody except my family member  protected me. “I’m Mihyun, she’s Hyunji and that one there is Hana” The taller one said as she held my hand and began to pull me to their table, “From now on were friends, so let’s eat together” Hyunji said while she pulled a chair for me. ‘FRIENDS’ that word sounded like music to my ears. Started hanging out with them but as months passed by, I began to feel that there is really something wrong with the friendship that we was supposedly shared, “She’s really gullible..hahaha” I heard Hana say while I passed by their room, I was about to give Hyunji the book that she always wanted. “that’s why we picked her..see, she gives everything.” Minhyun’s voice added. “That Hanbi, I bet she bought me that book, hahaha, she’s so dumb, doesn’t she know that we are just using her?” Hyunji laughed. “We even get to see Kyunhyun in person..”the three of them began laughing. ‘Using’ do they see me as a toy? And not a friend? I did not like what they said, I rushed in while I held back my tears, I feel so betrayed, “HERE!” I shouted while I threw the book near Hyunji’s feet. “Thanks for the so called friendship!” I said and glared at them, “everything ends here! I hate YOU!!” I walked away while I held back everything, I left them there sitting in their chairs with their mouths open. ‘I don’t want to have friends again if it means using other people’ I thought while I wiped my tears. “Hey..are you alright?” A girl with jet black hair approached me I shook my head, she’s not from my school, “here” she said as she handed me her hanky,I looked at her, “use that to wipe your tears..hehe” She said as she pointed at me eyes, “Sujin Unnie!!” a younger girl came and started pulling her away, “Oh, Krystal..wae?” Sujin asked her younger sister who pointed at their car then looked at me, “Uhmm..i need to go..ah..Unnie?...wait I think you’re a dongsaeng..uhmm..nevermind” she said as she hugged me, “Everything will be alright” then she left, I never felt such a warm embrace from somebody that I just met, if she’s also a Noona, I think she’s different from those three. But even though her words are comforting I still cried, the pain is still there. “One..two…ahhhhh!!!!!” I heard a girl scream, “Why can’t I remember the choreo?!!!!!” My sobs stopped when she looked at me, “Uhmm..you there..uhmm..sorry, can you watch me while I dance and please tell me if something is wrong..please..please..” she looked at me. I just nodded and watched her closely, she’s beautiful and she can dance, her voice it’s beautiful too, “So what do you think?” she said as she broke me off from my trance, “It’s good, but I think you should exert more energy when you jump..it’ll look great..” I said, “Jump? In which part?..uhmm..can you dance with me?” she held my hand, I was not expecting it but I actually danced with her, “You’re a dancer?” she asked I just shook my head, “Hmmm..I’m Kwon Miyong, hehehe..i’m a trainee in SM..but as you can see.. i lack a bit in this area” she said. “Ah..i’m…”, “Miyong!!!!” a boy with a golden yellow hair called her, “Ah..i need to go..bye..well I just hope that I’ll see you again..Thanks” she went and kissed my cheek, it was just a friendly gesture, “and by the way, wipe those tears, whoever made you cry should be the one crying instead of you” the she left while she patted the back of the boy, “so you were looking for me huh Kris?” that was the last word that I heard her say. ‘trainee?’ Kyuhyun was a trainee before he debuted, and Kyungmi right now is a trainee so..

~Months after~

“Mom..I want to be a like Kyuhyun Hyung..” I said over dinner, I saw my dad smile and nodded. “No!” my mom reacted otherwise, “but mom, this is what I want..” I said while I slowly bowed my head, “It’s still a NO, Hanbi, I don’t want to be like your cousins you understand?” Mom sternly said. “Mom, you can control my life if you want but please let me choose the path that I want to walk on..i want to pursue my dream, for years people haven’t even looked me straight in the eye, I haven’t even experienced the feeling of having real friends, mom please…” I cried. “And do you think you can have those if you’ll become an idol?! You won’t!” Mom said while she put her chopsticks down. “I won’t know if I won’t try Mom, please..just this once, just this…and if I fail, I’ll give up” I said while I looked at both of my parents my mom was about to say something but, “Dear, just let our daughter do what she want, this is the only thing that she asked for us, why don’t we just give it to her” Dad said while mom looked at him and sighed, “Just this once”. Between my tears is smiled, I won my parents approval. I looked for a company that is currently holding an audition and there I found YG, the next day I decided to audition and got in, I tried singing, dancing and even rapping and to my great surprise they accepted me, I trained harder but I can’t be in sync with other people if I dance with them, well except for that girl that I dance with, our movements were in sync. I was trained in YG for over a year and Taeyang also trained me in dancing so that at least I can be in sync while I sing and dance, but that made matters worse, the trainees in YG started to talk behind my back, hide my things, and even push me around, the other trainers were concerned for me, so they decided to transfer me to SM ent since it’s the only company that time that is accepting trainees from other companies, but my transfer took longer than I thought, I decided to keep my distance from other girls but it didn’t work, they began to physically hurt me, I was beaten up for the reason of me being close with Taeyang and that I was personally trained by him, I stayed at the hospital for two straight months, but that did not stop me for reaching my dream I still don’t want to give up. I was transferred in SM after 3 months of rest. I trained with SM for more less than 2 years but I never went to the 7^th floor, so for my 1 year and 8 months treat for myself I went up there silently I was startled when I heard someone singing, his voiced even reached the highest note, I peeked at the training room where I heard the voice but it stopped when I looked up I saw a guy looking at me, “Uh..sorry..i..i didn’t mean to…” I scrambled to find the right words but it just won’t come out, “It’s fine really, I’m Kim Jonghyun”, Kim..Jong…hyun…”you mean…” I looked up and I was right… “SHINee’s KIM JONGHYUN!” I gasped, “Omo..i’m really really sorry for ruining your training session” I bowed for more than 3 times he suddenly grabbed my shoulder, “You know what you’re really funny, you don’t need to bow to me..so you’re a trainee..well I wish I would see you again..i have to go..” he said as he looked at his watch. My eyes were wide open when he let my shoulders go, “and oh, your eyes are pretty…” He smiled showing his pearly white teeth. I felt my heart skip a beat, nobody told me that my eyes are pretty,..i rushed inside the practice room and went near the mirror I looked at my eyes closely and began to blink. “Hey..you there, you’re not supposed to be…oh..Cho Hanbi..” my vocal trainer said, “I was looking for you..Here” he said as he handed me an envelope, “That’s from the big man”.

“Cho Hanbi, I personally picked you to be a part of my newest girl group HORIZON you’ll be its Main rapper, I hope that you’d accept this, further more I would like you to train and rest for a while before I reveal your presence,sincerely yours, Lee Soo Man” I read it allowed inside my apartment. “HORIZON..it’s a yes!!” I screamed and jumped up and down my bed.


With High Hopes,

♬~♔~Cho Hanbi♬~♔~

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Hanbi's past is done..4 more to go..oops i mean five..XD..well i'm sorry again for the tweaks..and yes i updated today..i did not go to school..hell yeah!..hahaha..just joking, but i really did not go to school, well my professors said that they won;t be back till wednesday so here i am..hahaha..XD
I hope you like it..especially to Panda_Bo1..:)
-Jin
P.S. i love your comments!!!!..<3 *hugs* and kindly check to RISING STARS..Kim_Hanyu did a great job in the members banners..and the poster it's so cool!!!..