-A Letter Addressed to You-

-Flashbacks of the past-

The clouds were overcast, hiding the sunlight from that Monday afternoon. The sky tried to tell how awful this day could be. And, here I was again standing where he left me. I was always holding on to the fact that he would be coming and then, I thought of how foolish I am. He would never return to my side.

The love that we both shared made my heart skip a beat. I did not know what to do. I was never going to be the same again. It was just a few weeks, a total of fifteen days. Maybe, I really wanted him to hold on. But I was never able to convey it. Or, perhaps, he was the one to blame for this deep scar etched in my heart.

                It was the first time that I felt this heart ache. It wanted to devour me whole, driving me to insanity. When I tried to call out his name to start and chase him, there was a big lump in my throat. I tried to step forward but my feet felt jelly and heavy. And then, the cold wind blew. I saw him disappeared right into my eyes. Tears trickled down my face. I felt the whole world spin over. And, before I knew it, I was in a hospital room. A nurse came and she delivered me some medication.

                The nurse tried to ask me what happened. But, I did not know where to start. She was a middle-aged woman, with a well-groomed hair. Her face was very pleasant; she reminded me of my mother. There was also this I-want-to-tell-her-everything feeling in my heart. I tried to manage a weak smile. She just looked at me and then I uttered, “Can I ask you something?” She looked as stunned as I am when I said that. Maybe, I was getting ahead of myself. Then, she took her seat next to him. She was holding on my hand tightly. I felt a little bit at ease. “What happened?”

                Then, again, those memories came rushing back. He left me on a bus stop. It was right after he confessed to me with a brave heart. “I love you, Hyoyeon.” Those were his last words. I never forgot his smile that was so radiant back then. But, then he ran away. I was never able to ask where he was going. I tried to ask around his good old friends to a guy named Lee Donghae. “He….he has regained back his memories.” It still puzzled me. Was everything that we had to those fifteen days nothing for him? Did it not value even a small amount? Had I been wrong all along? Was this really loved? He explained to me everything that happened. Did that Lee Hyukjae told him to?

                Hyukjae was involved in a car crash. He was the only one left of his family. That accident happened in America. Donghae was the only one who knew and Hyukjae was in a bit of a depression. He did not even remember his bestfriend’s name. He looked all lost and everything, Donghae tried to hide many things to him excluding his name. It was for good. They left on a Tuesday to fly back to Korea.

                And, then there was when he met me. I dropped a pile of paper works on my way home. He just stood there while I was trying to recover piles and piles of papers. “Aren’t you going to help?” I asked with a temper. But, he did not move. And then I thought, he was not even looking at my direction.  He was looking at a distant horizon. And then, that explained everything. He was trying to remember the place and the people who were important with him. I did not know at that time. I would not be planning on hitting a conversation with him in the first place if I knew that he was trying to remember his fiancée. I nagged at him for a while and then, he noticed me. He turned to me and thought that he was not good-looking at all. Remembering this now, I bit back a smile. He tried to ask my name. My number. My likes and dislikes. I never knew that he was just filling the missing void in his heart. And then we went out for dates, well the friendly-like dates. I was comfortable with him and he was too. We were always laughing, doing some pranks and then, playing at the arcade. Those were the fun days on my mind.

                As I opened my eyes, I did not know I closed them. The nurse was just there. And then, I grabbed my bag and ran away. I went back to that place but it was already nightfall. No one was there but me. The bus stopped and I got on. It was such a distant past.

                Now, it was already three years. I was standing here again. I had heard that he was going to be a father now. I was happy for him. He married a pretty young woman. She was prettier than me. But, the thing that I had never said to him was the words, I love you. Maybe, that was why even if it was three years already. It was only the wind. The wind was always hearing my silent confessions and then, I would end the day with a fake smile.