Curtiana: The intense feeling of a stressful sensation on my left rib hurdled through my body as I finally regained consciousness. Maybe out of panic, Soo Hyuk didn’t know what else to do but to relay me to the people here in the school clinic.

A voice came into my range of hearing. It was as if I regained consciousness in the middle of a conversation. “-worry, uncle. I’m with her.” a pause then, “she needs a break. We both know what she’s been through.” His first words weren’t clear to me since they were quite voiced out nearly soundless for me. I kept my eyes closed the whole time but I was aware that he’s talking to another person through his phone.  “You know I wouldn’t. I’ll just call you when she’s awake. Please see her, uncle.” I heard him say after silence.

I can imagine myself rolling my eyes out my disapproval of his statement. He has probably lost his mind to tell my dad to see me. The thing is, to my most unfortunate (and somehow fortunate) existence, the school’s head doctor is Jay – who just happened to be my oldest cousin at 28.

“Quit playing. I know you’re awake.” I heard him say, “I stayed 4 hours past my shift and you still dare to pretend that you’re still unconscious.”

I opened my eyes an instant, smiling with the thought that he hasn’t changed a bit since that last time I saw him…which was, actually, 3 years ago, still frank, irrational, and all.

“Get up. Get your out of my clinic. Go home.” He said when our eyes met.

This man never fails to impress me of how straight forward his words are. Bad mouth, I say. Not much the insensitive type, he’s just plainly candid. Probably, the easiest way to describe this man is that he acts as precise as the way he looks. Chic.

My smile widened.

He’s the first family I’ve seen since I arrived here in Korea. And I must say, among everybody else, I would choose to see him first with many valid reasons. It’s not that my parents didn’t arrange any gathering when I arrived at the airport. There was actually a particularly planned meeting at the café near the airport set by them. They said they would be there to welcome me. But it was my own will to ditch that certain meeting.

“Sorry to show up like this.” I sat up and let my feet suspend along the sides of this high bed. I’m not sure if I feel embarrassed or just mainly feeling sorry for appearing in front of him in this situation after not seeing each other for quite a while.

He reached for a stool and positioned himself in front of me. His elbows rested on his lap with his hands clasped together above his knees. The silence between us is now a lot more obvious, making me aware of what he may say next. The supposed to be ‘a moment’ turned into seconds and to minutes of silence.

“Did you ask the guy who brought me here to go home? It’s quite late already, you know.” I tried to break the ice with awkward hand motions. I was sure he did tell him to go home, though. I just can’t come up with anything worth conversing as of the moment.

With it, he didn’t budge. Instead, his chestnut eyes remained firmly fixed into mine as if he is sending his thoughts through them.

“It’s been a hard time for you all these while.” He finally voiced it out.

“Come on, Jay.” I felt awkward even though I was expecting that shot. “Let’s not talk about it.”

“I’m really sorry for not being there for you, Curt.” He continued despite of my protest.

“Look Jay-”

“Auntie Jade used to call me just to tell stories about you.”

It was a bull’s-eye. The hidden sensation resting in the deepest depths of my emotions suddenly rose upon hearing her name being mentioned. It’s been some time since I last heard her name being mentioned vocally, not taking into account those times which her name just constantly plays in my mind.

“She used to tell me every time that you’ve grown up to be a fine lady.” For the first time, I see him curl his lips to form a smile. “But I think she’s lying.”

There was an unwanted silence before his smile broke into laughter. I guess he’s really straightforward after all. Telling me that I didn’t become the lady he is expecting me to be. I was honestly expecting a lot more from him but I guess this time, he is able to control himself from blabbering it out. I know he’s keeping a lot.

I'm one hundred percent sure that's not the thing he wanted to tell me. I know there are lots of questions in his mind right now, unanswered. 

A knock on the door interrupted his moment of teasing me and all. Actually, it was just the right time to break this episode since I can’t think of any appropriate actions if this goes on.

“I called your dad, a while ago” I know. “I asked him to drop by if he could. I just didn’t know he’ll be here in a jiffy.” He stood up and headed for the door. “I’ll go get it.”

I watched him stroll to the door. Seeing him this way made me realize that it has really been a while since we last see each other in person. His hair grew longer than before, shoulder length, considered long for a man. I heard of his plans letting his hair go long as it is, I wasn’t just that updated that it is actually this long already. It suited him though. Another thing, he grew taller. Or is it just because I am sitting that’s why he looked taller?

My thinking stopped when his eyes widened upon opening the door, as if he was not expecting the person outside to be the one standing there. He looked at me once then twice after gesturing the person to step in.

“Oh, hi.” I waved a palm greeting him since I recognize him as the exchange student I met in our class earlier this day. I remember him being called Top by most of the students around, just the exact the name Su Hee told me.

 “Maybe I should treat myself a cup of coffee.”  Jay said and pulled the door open. I noticed how stiff both of them are so I nodded without any hesitation. He probably felt stuffy.

“Hi.” I repeated, waving my hand again to greet Top, cutting the awkward silence. What brought him here?

“I was wondering why you didn’t attend the last class.” He spoke in an informal manner. “Plus you left your things there. So I thought I should bring them along.”

He twisted his body to show me that he is wearing my backpack on his back.

“I thought you wanted to eat dinner, so here I bought some burger and fries.” He placed a McDonald’s paper bag on the bed then he sat on the stool which was occupied by Jay moments ago.

“Are you okay to eat those stuffs? I’m not sure what to buy, that’s why.” He said.

Every single thing he does leaves me over thinking. Why is he doing this? Why is he talking to me like we’ve known each other ever since? Why does Jay have to leave us alone? Why is this guy here in the first place?

“Well thank you.” I said out of etiquette, “Sorry for the trouble.”

He nodded in response. He slid my bag away from his body and placed it beside the bed, fixed his hair and let his hand stay on his nape. His gaze was on the floor for the first few seconds and in a while he met mine. It was as if he was gathering the right words to say.

“You’ve grown up a lot, really.” He uttered, finally.

Confused, I asked, “I’m sorry?”

His lips turned into a slight smile, “So you really do not remember me.” I can sense a bit of disappointment from his voice.  “I thought you were just purposely ignoring me.”

I immediately retorted, “No way I would do that to you.”

I’m not sure if I’m going to like this conversation further. There is something I don’t like in this. His eyes, his nose, and his lips, they’re exactly the same as my…no way.

“Welcome home.” He said.

Home. Isn’t it too late…to say home?

My heart started pounding madly. I think I’m getting it. I think I know who he is. How can it slip in my mind when I heard his real name? Seung Hyun. Choi Seung Hyun. How can I not notice his features?

I remained silent, not exactly knowing what to say. I was not expecting this meeting, not this early. Never did I notice that he’s closer to me, than what I thought, all along. I haven’t seen him for the longest time I know, how am I supposed to act in front of him?

“Seung Hyun.” I heard Jay’s voice. He just entered the room with a cup of coffee between his fingers. “She needs to rest. You should take your leave too.” he said, probably noticing the indescribable expression printed on my face.

Just how to describe this crazy feeling inside me? All I know is that everything in me is in a rush. All I could do is to stare at the floor like it is the most interesting thing in the universe. Should I say something? Must I do something? I should be happy, shouldn’t I? I wanted to move, act normal, ordinary. It’s just that I can’t feel any connection with any part of my body right now even though they’re there, existing. This feeling is much worse, most likely, crazier, when I was in pain when I fell at the cliff. This time, it is hard to explain, harder to express.

“Just continue this some other time.” Jay continued in an icy tone, “and I’ll be the one to send your sister to her home.”

thank you for waiting! :) please leave your comments and suggestions below! thank you! Have a blessed day everyone! :)