I don’t think anyone could understand how much missing someone hurts, or how love can hurt when it is too much. When that someone would be becoming your everything, when you can’t breath, sleep and think about anything for more than a few seconds without straying towards that person. She promised herself she won’t stray from the path she had set for herself when she was little. She had a dream, a dream to become someone, a dream to get somewhere high where all the hurt and the pain could not hurt her.

 

And she managed for her childhood years and her teenage years.

 

It wasn’t the perfect life, it was much hardship to endure, it was pain and fear of failure, but it was the best when she did succeed and everything went her way.

 

Now she is 18, and her whole life is crumbling at her feet.

 

She failed, for the first time in her life she failed, but this wasn’t a paper test, or a pop quiz, this was life’s test, and she failed, and now she was being punished.

 

Constantly wanting to be number one, constantly working to be on top, constantly pushing herself to be perfect, not only didn’t make her perfect, but it brought on many more imperfections than she ever thought she would have.

 

She was unprepared for what she was to experience. And that is why it was hard for her to cope now with the consequences. Impossible almost. She could remember everything, her memory was one of the things she was proud of, but now she was not so sure if it was something that good.

 

When she met him he was just a figure to her, just someone that hardly spoke., hardly smiled and pushed himself just like her. Hard to get to the top. But to him things came much more easier, and so they were introduced.

 

~That sunny day of May would be the day that things took a right turn.

 

‘YAH! Watch where you are going!’ she screamed towards the group of hyper boys that were running down the hallways.

 

‘Chwesonghamnida!’ one of them cutely smiled and bowed deeply. ‘Hey! Hey!’ he yelled after the girl trying to catch her attention, ‘we are kind of new here, could you help us please?’ the girl turned around prepared to scoff and brush them off, but when she saw his cute face she rolled her eyes and gave in. What harm could it do?

 

“Kamsahamnida!’ one of the 7 boys smiled, she didn’t really remember their names, not because they had been rude and didn’t tell her, but just because she wasn’t interested in knowing it.

 

After they left she leaned on the wall taking in a deep breath and exhaling just as deep. That was too close for her liking. Suddenly a shuffling noise beside her brought her back to reality making her jump in fright. She was surprised to find one of the boys, one she hadn’t observed at all, maybe he didn’t talk at all during the time she took to show them their way. He was tall, lean and had a cute baby face that seemed too mature.

 

The both of them stared at eachother transfixed for a few moments, not one of them saying a word to the other. It was just silence, and it was starting to make her uncomfortable. The way his deep eyes looked at her, seemingly not looking through her, but at her was making goosebumps appear on her skin.

 

Not taking anymore of it she exhaled loudly through her nose and turned around swiftly and walked away, still feeling his eyes on her the whole time.

~

 

That was in May, later on she had found out more about him, but not from him directly, no she wouldn’t have been interested enough to ask about him, but from his friends that seemed to be loud enough to wake up a whole army. She found out many things about them, just because everywhere she went, they seemed to be there bumping into her and ‘kidnapping’ her.

 

With time she tried to tell herself that she didn’t care, trying to become more immersed into her work, being a trainee was hard enough. Sadly enough, her downfall where those seven boys, especially one. They somehow managed to crawl under her skin, and with time she found herself giving them a frugal smile once in a while when one of them would tell a story, or she would sneak in a short question from now and then.

 

Something she would have never done. For the whole year she had been a trainee she had never befriended anyone, she wouldn’t speak, up to the point where everyone thought she was mute at the beginning.

 

She could remember very clearly how she and the ‘quiet boy’ as she used to call him before she learned his name, Myungsoo, would send this signals everytime they caught each other’s eyes. She knew it was going to be bad news.

 

~Day 35 since meeting Infinite-he looked at me again. We exchanged a look, but it held so much more, as if we talked for hours, just in that one look, and I’ll never forget what his first words had been.

 

‘Nice to meet you’

 

~

 

At one point she gave up with them, she thought that if she made an exception just for them it would be fine, as long as she wouldn’t forget herself. But boy she had hoped wrong. Once her wall fell, she couldn’t put it back up, and so…

 

~Day 40 since meeting Infinite-the boys are working so hard for their debute, especially Myungsoo, he seems to have the weight of the World upon his shoulders. Wish I could do something about it.

Today I brought them some juice, when our hands interwined I felt some tingling in my fingers and warmth in my heart, I couldn’t dare to look at him. I couldn’t, I felt ashamed.

 

~Day 50 since meeting Infinite-the boys are gone now, some piece and quiet for today.

 

But somehow I feel like something is missing. No more hyper boys, I miss Sungyeol the most…and of course him.

 

Sungyeol, he became her pillar since her walls broke down. He had figured her out since the beginning, he knew all about her, and how much work she would put to get to the top. He knew how it was, to want to get to the top and to work yourself to exhaustion.

 

But that didn’t mean he liked it.

 

‘YAH! Stop working yourself so hard! Look how swollen your ankle looks!’ times like these he reminded her of her own mother that used to scold her for working too hard. Now it was no more.

 

~Day 67 since meeting Infinite- I am at home today, my ankle is swollen and I can’t walk properly, but I have to do something! It bores me to death to stay in the house!

[…]

At the studio it’s more refreshing. Maybe I’ll practice a little bit more.

[…]

 

‘What are you doing?’ I screamed surprised and fell the pain in my ankle becoming now more intense. I looked up trying to find the source of my disturbance.

And there he was. Myungsoo, or L how they called him now…he was watching me intently his dark eyes studying me carefully, then for a brief second I knew he was worried about me.

[…]

 

I’m at the hospital wating for my ankle to be put in a cast. I don’t really remember how I got here. All I can remember are the dark eyes and the kid-like face of Myungsoo and his contradictory muscles that felt hard under my touch when he picked me up and hurried towards the hospital I believe. During that time I felt warm on the inside as if I coud fly. At that moment nobody and nothing mattered. I couldn’t help but let some tears escape hoping that he wouldn’t see them.

 

But what I didn’t notice was that he had been watching me the whole time. Gently he stopped and put me down on a bench inside the waiting room. When had we gotten so fast to the hospital?

 

Gently like a feather but surely he wiped my tear and kissed my cheek.

 

‘…’

 

‘Sir- this way’ I felt disappointed. He surely wanted to say something.

 

It’s okay, it was nothing important.

 

But it was. She would find out about it days later.

 

She knew then and there that what she was feeling was something that she couldn’t control. It was that something that broke her walls. And she felt sorry for it. Then…and now…

 

~Day 74 since meeting Infinite- my ankle is better, now I can dance, but I have to take care, and now the boys have taken it upon themselves to check up on me so that I don’t hurt myself anymore. But I felt bad about it, they were going through hardships as it was, no need for me to add up to them.

 

Most of the times it would be Sungyeol or Myungsoo.

 

I think my best friend, if I may call him that, knows something. But he is silent.

 

~Day 75 since meeting Infinite- I yelled at him today.

 

I was practicing my footwork for one specific dance when I felt persistent eyes on my back. Looking through the mirror I noticed his familiar face and his intense stare. A shiver went down my spine, and in that moment I don’t know what possesed me to do it but I turned around and walzed straight up to him jabbing a finger in his chest.

 

‘You! What is your problem? You don’t talk you don’t say anything, yet you stare, and weirdly enough your eyes tell me more than your mouth could ever do! But it’s annoying! Because that makes you different from the other idiots! And that annoys me! SMILE! SPEAK! DO something! Don’t make me like you more and more!’

 

I still can remember that silence. It is the most loudest silence I have ever heard. I couldn’t look at him and my hands were covering my foul mouth. What had I done?

 

I did the only smart thing that my legs were telling me to do.

 

I ran away.

 

I love you too…

 

[While snowing, in between you and me

Is full of steps that wandered around you

I regret the winter night so much

When I let you go without even noticing]

 

For the first time the words ‘I like you’ escaped . They had been so foreign to her…

 

And now we are returning back to the present time. For the whole week she was glad she had intense training and the boys from Infinite the same so there were very slim chances to meet.

 

Spending 13 hours in the dance studio and other 4 warming up her vocals was taking a toll on her but she was glad she didn’t have much time to think about anything. Now that she was taking a short break from dancing since her ankle had been acting up again she thought of Myungsoo.

 

How his kid face was perfectly framed by his soft hair, how his deep eyes could stare into her soul, how his lips would curve into a little smile when his bandmates did something stupid, how he loved his friends.

 

What she didn’t know was how he loved her…

 

Taking a deep breath she got out of the room to go to the studio, she needed to sing her sorrows out. But the studio was being used…by Myungsoo.

 

He looked lost and disturbed, and he seemed to be more keen than her in singing his lungs out. For the finish he looked straight into her eyes as if he knew she was there. But he couldn’t! It was a one side glass. She could see him but he couldn’t see her. It was as if he felt her. As if he knew she was there. Suddenly his hand went up the glass where her own hand stood and even though it was a thick layer of glass between them she could feel the sparks that flew between them.

 

And she knew he felt them too, because he became more alert and searched the window as if trying to see through it.

 

And once again she ran, ripping the connection formed between them.

 

Only to form a stronger one. She knew she couldn’t back away now.

 

Tears streamed down her face.

 

[This is it- it's not that hard
If our hearts for each other are beating
If I call your name with my voice, it starts

You are my angel, my only cover girl
(My cover girl, I will have you)
I shout louder, you are mine (I can be loud)
My burning heart has focused on you
My eyes will only hold you (in my heart, there's only you)]

 

She knew she could never go back.

’~~~~~~~’ she turned around and smiled lovingly at her three year boyfriend.

 

‘Myungsoo’

 

[Now I'm here with you and I'm admiring the view
I hope you never (ever) never (ever) cut me loose
And I don’t know what to do because

I’m falling into something real and I can’t stop me
I’m knocking over everything when you just caught me
From start to finish I promise I'm in this
Just wanna let you know, yo I’m falling like a domino]

 

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This is a request from my lovely friend leecheongae. go check out her stories. she is a hardcore Inspirit and her love is obviously L. and i had promised her a one shot. so here it is. Hope it was good daughter!<3