We all sat in the clubroom. It was so quiet that all anyone could hear were heartbeats and breathing. Sungjong sat in front of the window, staring out into the courtyard. Sungyeol sat next to him on the arm of the chair. Hoya and Dongwoo were sitting across from each other at a table picking at their nails. L was sitting next to me on the table stretching a rubberband. Woohyun was pacing slowly around the room.

Out of everyone, Sungjong and I were taking it the hardest. We were the closest to her. It was a couple of hours after the funeral and here we were, all together, grieving in our own separate ways.

“I just can’t believe it,” Sungjong said. Everyone’s eyes immediately turned to him. He kept staring out of the window. “She’s gone. My Noona is gone,” he stood up abruptly from his seat nearly knocking Sungyeol from the armrest.

He looked at me. I saw so much hatred and sadness in his eyes. All of it was aimed at me. “I can’t accept you anymore,” he said. I opened my mouth to say something but no words would come out I just shut my mouth and bit my lip.

“Now Sungjong, that isn’t fair,” Woohyun said. “It was a freak accident. Neither of them saw that truck coming. I’m sure Eunji just acted on instinct to protect Sunggyu. We all know how much she loved him,” he said. Sungjong closed his eyes finally looking away from me. L stood up also.

“I can’t exactly say that we all haven’t at least thought it,” he looked to everyone in the room. “It’s all Sunggyu’s fault,” he said bitterly. L was never the type to show his feelings. Maybe he was closer to Eunji than we all thought? “But that wouldn’t exactly be fair would it Sungjong?....Sunggyu?” he looked at both of us, then rolled his eyes and left the room. Sungjong followed him out.

I looked up at the ceiling. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes again. They were right. They had every reason to be mad at me. If I had just looked back sooner and saw her. If I had noticed the worried look on her face sooner. If I had just walked all the way across the street… If…If…If…

“Eunji wouldn’t want you to be upset about this,” Hoya said. We were the last ones in the room. “I believe she did it because she loved you. And she knew that you would’ve done the same for her,” I nodded.

“I’d trade my life even now to have her back,” I said to Hoya. My voice cracked a little and he gave me a big hug. It didn’t help me feel any better. After he patted my back a few times and then he left and I was the only person left in the room.

I ran my hand across my face catching the tears that were down my cheeks. I put my head in my hands. I looked to the door, expecting her to just kick it open and say ‘haha! Fooled ya!’ or something. I stood up off the table and quickly ran outside for some fresh air, but the air was tart and bitter. Like freshly cut grass mixed with burnt coal. The sky was blue but the clouds were grey and it looked like it was going to rain. I let out a loud breath then walked home.

When I opened the door, my mom was still in her black funeral dress. She was drinking some tea and smoking a cigarette. She looked at me and motioned for me to come sit with her. I didn’t want to but walked over anyway. Just her sitting at the table was a rare occasion. I’d better take advantage of it.

“Eunji is….was a nice girl, you know?” she said warily. “I’m not going to talk to you about this or that. Sad things or bad things,” she pushed her teacup towards me and I took a sip. “But that even though I wasn’t around like I should’ve, she took care of you. She made you happy. So for that, I have much respect for her,” she blew out a puff of cigarette smoke and then put out the . She stood up and walked away but paused next to my chair. “I just hope that you can still keep a little of that happiness now that she’s gone,” she patted my shoulder once and kept walking.

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a/n:

Hi everyone! I know that the story just got really sad... but I still hope you like it!! I am trying new styles of writing so please let me know what you guys think!! and feel free to share with other members of AFF!! Thanks for the support up until now.