A few days had passed since our arrival to our new home and I already wanted to go back to China, return to our old home and live their peacefully . My father had exclaimed that it was equipped with everything we were going to need, that it was beautifully decorated, that we would adore and assimilate to our new surroundings immediately. But in no way did it fit our expectations. Yes, it was fully equipped but it was in no way beautiful, or a place I would have been able to call a home. I assume his lies were the only way to convince my mother that we were going to be okay there, so that she didn't throw a tantrum just as I had the night that they had told me.

 

 

Father had left merely one day after we had arrived, claiming that he had important business to attend to, but I had my doubts. The way he had spoken to us made it seem like he was trying to hide something that he couldn't tell us and the fact that he hadn’t returned since drew me to the conclusion that he abandoned us for a new family. A family that he had moved into our old home. It could probably explain why he was so adamant that we left immediately. I couldn't help but grow envious of the person who would be sleeping in my bedroom; with its crisp, flowery dark sheets and the large en-suite bathroom, not to forget my large closet filled with a large variety of beautiful specially made clothes.

 

 

The doors and windows seemed to bring in a horribly cold drafts, leaving me frozen and with the cold weather out in the mountains of North Korea, it didn't seem to make anything better. We were in such a remote place that it was evident that the heating was inadequate, having to rely on the large canisters of gas that was kept in a storage room by the kitchen, and while we could be living in a comfortable heat in China, we were sitting in the freezing cold with the wood burning and the smoke rising out through the chimneys. We only had the most basic of furniture, unlike the vast home that we had in China, decorated and furnished extravagantly. We had dropped down from first class to lower class.

 

 

There was nothing surrounding us but the trees, trees and vast spaces of greenery expanding as far as the eyes could see. There were no other home but ours for miles. No houses, no people, not even any animals. It was only us and I was sure that I would fall into a state of insanity sooner than I would even be aware. My mother wasn't someone that I could converse with comfortably and the only times we would ever speak to each other would be with me listening to her words of criticism for something that had happened on my part. She was never happy with me. Neither she or my father were ever really happy with me and I always seemed to wonder what it was that I had done to make them feel the way that I did. Did I do something to them? Or was it just my presence in General? 

 

 

Father informed us it would be unsafe to exit despite being in the countryside, despite being in the middle of nowhere, far from the frontlines of the war. I could do nothing but watch the world from the windows, watch a world that had stilled in silence,  with no knowledge of the country's current situation and what was occuring out there, as I remained within the barriers of our home. Mother suggested I distract myself with a book or perhaps paint but it was difficult when everything that I had liked had been abandoned in China.  I wanted to do nothing but feel the summer breezes brush through my hair as I danced by trees swaying from side to side as if they were trying to join me. I wanted to speak to my friends and hear the gossip they had picked up through dance class, and go on walks with Jo Kwon through the town as he told me stories of the places where he had lived.

 

.....

 

“Victoria dear, will you please come here?” the faint voice of mother asked from the kitchen as I lay across the divan, boredom and misery evident across my face.

 

 

 

I heaved a deep sigh, contemplating whether I should have gone to her or not. I knew she would have been angry if I hadn't listened to her, apparently she had trained me to do better, and realising the onslaught that was to be faced if I didn't do what I was told, I placed my hands by my sides as I lifted myself from the comfort of the divan. Sweeping the strands of hair from my eyes, I shuffled my feet across the floorboards, a gentle squeaking audible as I stepped forward.

 

 

There was s sweet aroma lingering through the air and entering my nostrils as I stepped through into the kitchen, causing a grumbling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't expect my mother to be cooking. As far as I was aware, she hadn’t done so in a number of years. The maids had always cooked for us and all that my mother ever did was direct them and tell them what she wanted them to do. She didn't have to raise a single finger, not until father had relocated us and I could tell that his decision had made an effect on her emotions of having to be there in North Korea, with not a single maid in sight - he wouldn't allow any of them to travel with us.

 

 

“You were taking your time. I was beginning to think you didn’t hear me,” Her back faced me as I placed my hand upon the roughness of the door. Dishes and cooking utensils were scattered across the room, my mother bending over the stove as she inhaled the scent of the soup while continually stirring through the warm liquid. There was a hint of urgency in her actions as I leaned against the worktops, while she reached for different materials and stirred different pots cluttered over the worktops, examining her strange behaviour. 

 

 

“What do you want?” The words escaped from my lips bitterly.

 

 

Since our arrival, a foul mood was all that had become of my emotions. But what else should my parents have expected. They took my favourite things from me and expected for me to assimilate to our new surroundings, keeping my prisoner in our own home as a war zone lay not too far from us. I was angry and distressed. I never liked change and I never would - they never did understand me, and they always blamed me for not being able to understand them.

 

 

She lifted her head and briefly cast her eyes upon me. A sudden worry came over mother's face, her lips parted, “Your father sent a letter. He needs to meet me in the city. I will have to leave you here,” she finally answered. She passed a few dishes into my grip as I idly stood by, placing them by my side, my eyes switching back and forth. There was something peculiar about her words that I didn't completely understand, and somehow, I couldn’t believe what she was saying.

 

 

“You’re leaving me alone?” I asked in disbelief. If that was the case, I would be alone. I would be able to do whatever I wanted without anyone speaking against it. I would be free.

 

 

Her body froze, confusion evident upon her face as if she couldn't believe it herself. “Yes," she spoke after a moment's silence, "I’ve prepared food so you won’t starve while I’m gone... I’m leaving tonight and I don’t how long it will be until I can come back." There was a sense of hesitance within her words; she didn't want to leave me by myself. She had played the part of the protective mother for 19 years and nothing could have changed that. It was like a foreign act for her to suddenly have to leave me behind.

 

 

A smile curled at the corner of my lips. I’d never been left on my own before. My parents had kept me captive in the prison that they had built around me since I was born. I would finally have the freedom that I had yearned for for so long. I tried to suppress my excitement in mother's company but on the inside I was jumping for joy.

 

 

 

******

 

 

 “I have to go now,” She said almost reluctantly, pressing her right hand against the door as she turned towards me with a sad smile lingering upon her thinning lips. 

Mother glanced down at the floor, drumming her fingers against the oak door as the sounds of a car grew audible within the distance and growing louder the closer it came.

“Victoria, be good while I’m away. Don‘t cause any trouble,” She spoke softly, the words almost soundless.  “Stay safe, dear.”

She wrapped her arms around me, tightly encompassing me  within her embrace, her hesitance still evident in her unwillingness to let me free. She didn’t ever really seem like much of a mother when she would wander around our house back in China, but in that small cottage in the isolated countrysides of Sunagakure, there she was acting like the mother that she had never been to me anymore. I wondered if she had always that had capability within her but she never showcased it because she didn’t want to seem to soft in front of the staff that worked in the mansion.

“I will, Mother. Don’t worry.”

She took a few steps forward, glancing back at me with reassurance for me in her eyes that she would return soon.

I stood by the door's side, watching as she crept through the shadows of the darkness as a car awaited her in the lawn and somehow, I could sense that part of me would miss her while she was absent. She had always been with me after all. It would be the first time that the both of us had spent apart from each other. And as I watched as the car’s tyres cracked down on the stones and gravel and slowly sped away, I felt the barriers open up. I was finally set free. Even if I would miss her, I finally had my freedom.

 

 

 

******
A few hours later, I fell upon the bed in a state of exhaustion and boredom. The things that I had once wished to do had been done, my clothes stained in specks of coloured paints as my eyes rested on the mural across the wall. I had always dreamed of having this opportunity, I had always wished to taste the sweetness that was freedom, but there was no longer anything to do. I had done everything that I had wanted to do in her absence and my situation had returned to the way it was before her departure.

I could feel the isolation and vulnerability growing within me. I was in a foreign land, far from anyone else. If anything was to happen to me, no one would know. No one would know until my mother and father returned to the cottage to find me lying in a pool of my own blood, the hot liquid streaming down my arms and staining my clothes. I shuddered at the thought and tried to distract myself.

Nothing could happen to me. Nothing was ever going to happen to me. Nobody knew who I was out here. No one would ever know if I was stuck in that cottage for so long. It was only me for at least a five mile radius and I assumed nobody, that the enemy, knew that the Song family had left China and was residing in North Korea for the time being.

But then, there was a war occurring out there. People were dying merely miles from my window. People were being murdered and people were committing such large crimes in vain.

 

 I rested my head upon the discomfort of the pillow, trying to drift off to sleep, trying to distract myself from the thoughts poisoning my brain.

…….

I envisioned a man in the distance, standing against a picturesque backdrop of cherry trees. It was springtime while the flowers around us were beginning to bloom so beautifully. I could sense that it was only just the two of us standing by the river bank as the water gushed through while the cherry blossom petals rested themselves comfortably within it. The river turned dark, the water sparkling beneath the sun‘s rays.

There was nothing to be heard, everything so soundless and peaceful that I worried the sounds of my breaths would interrupt the serenity of the place. I took a few steps forward, curious about the place I had found myself in, the place that I had created. My feet crunched upon a few of the leaves, and I froze in my steps, worried that I had destroyed the peaceful atmosphere, as the man turned himself towards me, tightening his grip on the bouquet in his hands.

We stood metres apart but I could see clearly that he was handsome, perhaps the most beautiful man that I had ever laid my eyes upon. I took a few more steps towards him as he did the same.

He tilted his head as his raven locks fell into his dark eyes and he lifted his hand to brush them away, the smile upon his lips never fading, his eyes glistening like rare gems beneath the sunlight. He paced himself towards me while my feet glued themselves to the ground, unable to carry on any further, passing the roses into my hands as his sweet scent lingered in the air. I could only wish that he was real. 

 

 He tilted his head forward, his face only inches apart from mine. I could feel the warmth of his breath against my skin, the faint sounds of his breathing growing audible the closer we became. Our lips were just about to meet, his hand cupping my chin. If only we weren't disturbed.

 

 The image I had of him grew faint, the world I had created slowly crashing down, until he was no longer visible. He was nothing but a fragment of my imagination once more. A loud crash echoed from downstairs, a shiver running along my spine as fright washed over me. I heard many unrecognisable voices shouting at each other but I was unable to make out a single word that they had spoken. It couldn’t have been my parents. Mother had only departed hours earlier. 

 

I could sense them moving, their footsteps thudding against the ground, creaking upon the floorboards. My body was frozen in fear, feeling beads of sweat gather on my forehead. Who were those people and why were they in my house? It could have been someone coming to check up on me. No, that was too absurd. My parents trusted me enough. A crash of silverware grew audible from the kitchen as if they had been carelessly dropped to the ground. I couldn't but feel that they were searching for something, looking for me. 

 
I crept through the darkness, unable to make out a single object but the smoothness of the wooden staircase. My fingers ran along the material, clutching it within my grip as my body leaned forward, peering down to see what was occurring below. My mouth dropped in shock at what I saw. There were groups of men scattered around the room. Furniture was flipped over, thrown to the floor like toys. They were definitely looking for something, but what it was remained a mystery.

 
A voice at the back of my head warned me to hide. I couldn’t possibly let them find me. What would they do to me if they did? This was exactly why I didn’t want to come to North Korea. I knew something bad would happen to me, I knew it. They should have believed me. They shouldn't have left me behind, alone without anyone else around me.


I crawled away from the scene cautiously, wary that any sounds I made would attract them to me immediately. I frantically searched for a hiding place, hoping that they would leave before they could find me. Finding my way into my parent’s room, trying to conceal myself within the darkness, to make myself invisible. The prayers that my mother had taught me as a child found themselves entering my mind as I muttered them under my breath.

 

 But it was inevitable that they were going to find me. No matter how much I would try to keep myself concealed, they would find me. I was never going to be safe from them.

 

I collided with a hard, solid object, sending whatever was on top crashing to the ground. I stayed frozen in position, knowing that I had given them my location.

Beads of sweat hung on my forehead as the sound of their footsteps grew audible around me. My breaths grew heavier.  My heart rate grew faster, the blood pumping through my veins rapidly while I could do nothing but wait for them to find me there. The tears gathered at the rims of my eyes, the warm liquid slowly streaming down my pale cheeks as each second dragged on endlessly.

There was no chance I could ever escape.

The door creaked open, the faint glow of a lamp visible as a few men entered the room. Their feet thudded against the ground, the sounds so harsh that I placed my hands over my ears and forced my eyes shut. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted them to get it over and done with, whatever they were going to do to me

They moved closer slowly, catching me off guard as they grabbed me from both sides. Their grip was strong as they hoisted me off the ground, digging their nails into my skin while the acute pain ran through my limbs. A scream of distress escaped from my lips though I knew there was no one able to hear me. There was no one able to save me.

 

 “Be quiet. There‘s nothing to be afraid of,” One of them whispered into my ear, his lies so obvious. The scent of alcohol lingered on his clothes, the nausea growing in the pit of my stomach at the stench. His hand clutched over my mouth, covering it with a piece of cloth. Within seconds, I had grown exhausted. My eyelids found it difficult to keep themselves open, staying closed for extended periods of time. My vision grew dark; I was unaware of what they would do to me, whether I would be able to escape or not.