Chapter 6

Your Name

*So yeah... I'm still alive! haha Sorry for making you wait so long, I was busy and tired and sometimes uninspired. I'll try updating faster. I hope you enjoy!!! 

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Jinki was on his bed listening to Big Bang. He was very happy. It had been two weeks now since he had started going out with Seung Hyun and things couldn’t be better between them. They spent time together every time they both had some free time and they never got tired of each other. The only worry Jinki had was about . He knew Seung Hyun was more than ready, but he was not. Just thinking about it made him so nervous his hands would shake. He was afraid Seung Hyun might leave him because of that.

 

He got out of bed and went to the dining room to eat supper with his fellow members. They were already all seated around the table and when he arrived, they all turned their heads to look at him. He sat between Taemin and Jonghyun and they started eating the delicious lasagna Key had prepared.

Jinki was very focused on his food and didn’t lift his head to talk to the other members. A few minutes later, as he was finishing his plate, he finally looked around and saw that Minho was looking at him weird. He seemed mad. Jinki gave him a little smile and the rapper immediately turned his head to look at Jonghyun. Jinki was shocked. What was the problem? He tried to think of reasons Minho could have that type of behavior towards him, but he couldn’t think of anything. They all finished eating and Jinki was already heading back to his room when Key called out his name.

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked the leader.

 

“Um… back to my room….”

 

“No, you have to wash the dishes! It’s your turn!” Key reminded him.

 

“Oh… and who’s helping me this time?”

 

“Minho”, Taemin immediately said with a smile.

 

The maknae ran out of the room and Jonghyun and Key did the same before the two others started protesting. Jinki smiled again at Minho, but the younger one just went straight to the sink and started washing. Jinki stood there, not knowing what to do. Minho suddenly turned around to look at him.

 

“You should dry the dishes”, he said coldly.

 

“Ok…”

 

Jinki took the dish cloth and wiped the plates that were already washed. He glanced at his friend once and while, but the younger one still wouldn’t look at him. He shouldn’t be surprised anymore. He had noticed before that Minho was giving him the cold shoulder. They hadn’t had a real conversation for a few weeks, but Jinki just thought it was because the rapper was having a hard time and wanted to keep to himself. Now he could see that it was personal.

 

Twenty minutes later, they had finished their task and Minho was clearly rushing out of the kitchen. He had soon left Jinki’s sight and the older one couldn’t help but feel hurt. He had to know what was going on with Minho. He missed his friend. He went to their room and saw the younger one on his bed looking at his cellphone. He must be playing a game”, Jinki thought while he was closing the door behind him. He was relieved that Key wasn’t there. He needed to talk to Minho alone.

 

“Hey”, he shyly said.

 

The rapper didn’t even respond. Jinki let out a sigh of frustration, but he wasn’t going to give up. He sat on Minho’s bed and took the cellphone out of his hands. The younger one immediately tried to retrieve it, but Jinki wouldn’t let go of it.

 

“We need to talk”, he said.

 

“About what?” Minho said aggressively. “I’ve got nothing to say to you.”

 

“What’s with the attitude? I don’t recall doing anything that could’ve upset you so much”, the leader said frustrated.

 

“You didn’t do anything. I just don’t feel like talking to you right now.”

 

“Is that so? Well, I won’t accept that. You’ve spent weeks now barely talking to me or looking at me weird. I need to know why. I won’t leave you alone until you tell me.”

 

“Ok. You want to know what my problem is?” He asked, angry. “You’re a ing !!!” He shouted. “It’s disgusting!!!”

 

“What...

 

Jinki felt like someone had just punched him in the face. His whole body felt numb and he knew it wouldn’t be long before he started shaking.

 

“What…” he repeated again, completely in shock.

 

“You know what I’m talking about. I saw you a few weeks ago kissing Seung Hyun. I couldn’t believe my eyes at first, but I stayed a little longer to make sure”, he explained while looking at the leader with disdain. “How could you do this to us?”

 

“I haven’t done anything to you”, he replied still a little disoriented. “It’s my life and I can do what I want!”

 

“Don’t be so sure about that. I would love to know what some of the representatives of SM would have to say about this. I don’t even think they would keep you in the group”, Minho remarked.

 

“Why are you being so mean?” Jinki asked. He could feel his eyes getting teary.

 

“I’m not being mean. No one thinks being gay is normal. It shouldn’t even exist.”

 

Jinki stood up. He didn’t think he would be able to hear another word from Minho. His heart was shattered. The tears were running down his face as he was looking at the younger one. He was trying to think of something to say, but nothing came to his mind. He just turned around and left the room.

 

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Seung Hyun woke up to the sound of his alarm. It was really early in the morning and he really didn’t want to get up. Unfortunately, he had no choice, because they had a dance rehearsal for their upcoming world tour. He got out of bed and took his cellphone to see if Jinki had called him or texted him. Seung Hyun was a little sad to see that he hadn’t. It had been two days since they had last seen each other, but it felt like it had been weeks. He didn’t think it was possible to miss someone so much.

 

He took a quick shower and headed downstairs to eat breakfast with the others. When he arrived, only Seung Ri was already seated, ready to eat. Seung Hyun gave him a bright smile and sat in front of him.

 

“Good morning, hyung”, Seung Ri said. “You look very happy”, he noted.

 

“I am. It’s a beautiful day”, the rapper replied still cheerful.

 

“Yes, but you’ve been like this for some time now… Want to share the good news?” The maknae asked with a sly smile.

 

“There is no good news. I’m just happy”, he said quite convincingly.

 

“Oh so, you’re not seeing anyone these days”, the younger one insisted.

 

“I don’t know”, he said nonchalantly.

 

“You don’t know? What does that mean?”

 

“It means what it means.”

 

“I know you’re seeing someone, hyung. You’ve been going out a lot lately and you never tell us where. Either you’re ashamed of the girl you’re going out with or you don’t want us to steal her from you”, Seung Ri said jokingly.

 

“Ok, maybe I’m seeing someone”, the rapper admitted. “But I’m not ashamed of him and I’m not afraid you’re going to steal him from me”, he calmly explained.

 

“You’re seeing a… guy?” The younger one slowly asked, astonished.

 

“Yes, but I can’t tell you who he is, because I think he’s having a hard time accepting that we’re a couple.”

 

“I think I know who it is”, Seung Ri declared with a knowing smile.

 

“What?” Seung Hyun exclaimed. “You do?”

 

“Yes!”  

 

“Ok, tell me.”  

 

“It’s Jinki, isn’t it?”  the maknae asked, amused.

 

Seung Hyun was shocked. He really thought he was good at keeping things from his friends.

 

“How did you know?”  he asked, surprised.

 

“I’ve had my doubts since he came to our house with that box of chocolates. It was clearly a romantic gesture”, he added laughing.

 

“Did you tell the others?”  

 

“No, but I hope you told Ji”, Seung Ri said.

 

“Why would I tell him?”  the older one replied, confused.

 

“You didn’t tell him????

 

Seung Hyun could see the shock in his friend’s face.

 

“Well, he knows that I’m in love with a guy, but he doesn’t know who it is.”  

 

“Oh, I see.”  Seung Ri sighed.

 

“Why? What’s the matter? ”

 

“Nothing. I just thought our leader should know.”

 

“He doesn’t have to know every single thing that goes on in our lives”, the rapper said, annoyed.

 

“I know… Where are the others?”  The younger one asked, suddenly changing subjects.

 

“I don’t know, maybe they are still sleeping.”  

 

“You’re right. I’m going to wake them up.”

 

Seung Ri got up and climbed the stairs. Seung Hyun was now sitting there alone, lost in his thoughts. He knew the maknae was hiding something from him, but he had no idea what it could be.

 

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Later that day, Jinki was sitting alone on the couch watching tv. His pillows and sheets were around him, because he’d spent the night there. He could’ve never slept in the same room as Minho after what he had told him. His harsh words had been replaying all day in the leader’s mind. Jinki hadn’t left the couch since the morning. Right now, he was all alone in the house, because the others had gone to see a movie. They had tried to convince him to come, but the cold glare Minho gave him deterred him completely from wanting to spend the afternoon with them. Instead, he was spending his time feeling more and more depressed as the hours went by.

 

The doorbell suddenly rang. Jinki looked at the door, puzzled. The others couldn’t be back already and even if they were for some strange reason, they had the key. He tried to think of who it could be. Meanwhile, the doorbell rang several times. Jinki finally got up and opened the door. He felt his heart beat faster instantly, but it was not in a good way. He felt nervous.

 

“Hey, baby”, Seung Hyun said with a smile.

 

Jinki just stood there, completely frozen.

 

“Um… aren’t you going to let me in?”  the older one asked.

 

Jinki stepped out of the way and let his boyfriend in. He closed the door behind him and they both sat on the couch. Seung Hyun felt uneasy. He could see something was wrong with his lover.

 

“How was your day?”  he asked, trying to make small talk.

 

“It was okay. How was yours?”  

 

“Good. I just came out from a dance rehearsal. I really hate those usually, but today it was not so bad”, he explained with a smile.

 

The younger one just looked around, not wanting to make eye contact with the rapper. Seung Hyun sighed.

 

“Jinki, what’s wrong?”  

 

“Um… I don’t know how to tell you this…” the singer started, uneasy.

 

“What happened? You were okay yesterday.”

 

“Yeah… I know.”  

 

Jinki got off of the couch and stood up. He was pacing back and forth in front of Seung Hyun, his heart racing like crazy. He was about to say something that would kill him, but he felt like he had no choice. It was better for everyone.

 

“Um… I just wanted you to know that I really like you and I’m grateful for all the good times we shared together…”

 

“Woah”, the rapper suddenly said. “Why are you talking like this?”  He asked a little worried.

 

The leader of SHINee could feel his hands shake and his body becoming numb.

 

“I think we need to stop seeing each other.”

 

“WHAT?” Seung Hyun cried out. He looked at his boyfriend, waiting for an explanation.

 

“We can’t be a couple. I’m breaking up with you”, Jinki said in a serious tone. He was really trying to look convincing, but he felt like his whole world was falling apart.

 

“Tell me you’re joking.” The older one was totally confused.

 

Jinki sighed.

 

“No, I’m not. I’m really sorry, Seung Hyun”, he said sincerely. “I wish things could be different.”

 

The rapper still had a shocked expression on his face. He stood up to be closer to Jinki. He put a hand on the younger one’s cheek and started caressing it. The singer immediately closed his eyes.

 

“Jinki, I don’t know what is going on, but you don’t have to break up with me. Just let me help you”, he whispered close to his face.

 

Seung Hyun was still his cheek, which made it very difficult for him to concentrate. Jinki finally found some strength to respond.

 

“I’m not changing my mind. We’re over”, he declared.

 

The rapper took his hand off the singer’s cheek and stepped back.

 

“Is this really what you want?” he asked, completely defeated.

 

“Yes, it is.”

 

Seung Hyun looked at him, the sadness visible in his eyes.

 

“Okay”, he simply said, before opening the front door and slamming it behind him. 

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