I sit here drinking this cup, identical to the three before it.

I ponder the last two days of insults and false niceties.

Why are people so heartless to me? Is it really just to me, or are they like this to everyone in general?

Wasn't I a good enough friend? Employee? Girlfriend? Neighbor? Sister? Lover? Human being?

I swore to myself that I wouldn't be ruthless and heartless like so many people around me. Yet somehow, I'm still always targeted. Am I some sort of shrine for people to bestow upon their tiny packets of hatred and angst?

Hong Hua....

I wish you were still here. You understood me. You made the best coffee I ever tasted. No matter how many cups I drink each day, and no matter how many bistros, cafes and restaurants In which I sample the roasted beans, none can ever compare to the ones you prepared for me. With your love, your care, your loving smile. I miss being your lover, friend, girlfriend, confidante, caregiver, sister, mother, nurse and ...just...your's. Nothing can ever be the same again, can it? People really won't ever accept me for who I am, without you by my side.

Coffee doesn't judge me. It may not taste as good as I remember from when you and I were teenagers, but at least it can't betray me with hurtful words, lies, broken promises. Its only betrayal lies in its utter inability to live up to the coffee prepared by a beautiful safflower girl.

[A/N: 红花 (Hong Hua) aka Safflower, was Chiao's girlfriend in Nerds, Dorks and Jerks]