“You need to leave. Now. I can’t have people seeing you here in my apartment!” I said.

            “Why? Are you afraid of what people would say?” he asked, defiantly. He snorted. “Since when did you start to care about what people say or think? I thought you always did what you liked and not give a damn what others say? Since when did this change?”

            “It hasn’t changed and it never will! You can’t be seen here because Yunho and Changmin are coming over! Why do I have to explain everything to you? Why can’t you just accept my wishes and just do it without questioning?!” I replied. I was angry. Angry that he wouldn’t listen. Angry with the fact that I had to reveal my secret. Yes, I was meeting Yunho and Changmin behind Jaejoong’s back. I know its wrong, considering how much Jae, Chun and Su have been dying to see the both of them again.

            Jae looked shocked. I honestly wasn’t surprised by his reaction. I knew it would be this way. “W-wh-why didn’t you tell me? How long has this been going on? How long Shinae? How long?!” He sounded hurt, disappointed, angry. He had every right to. I hid the truth from him. I was seeing the two people he’s been dying to meet behind his back. If it happened to me, I would feel the same way too.

            “I’m sorry Jae. I couldn’t tell you. If I allowed you to meet them, yet alone let you know about it, they may just destroy my career. You know how important modeling is for me. I’m heading towards the peak of my career and I can’t have this be the cause of its fall.” I explained, hoping he would understand.

            “What makes you think that I don’t know how important that is to you? All I’ve done all this while was to support you Shinae, how could you do this to me?” the disappointment in his voice broke my heart.  I felt guilty for what I did but I really didn’t have a choice. I was protecting them – or so I thought.

            I walked over to him. He looked at me, his eyes clouded with disappointment and questions. I pulled him to me and held him close to my body. For a good five minutes, we stayed like that in silence. His tears slowly dampen my shoulder. I could hear my heart breaking. I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t know what to say. I was fighting so hard to hold back the tears that were starting to well up in my eyes.

“Do you not trust me Shinae? Is that why you never told me about this?” Jae asked. His voice was trembling, coarse. “Am I really not that trustworthy?” he continued. That did it. My tears started flowing.

            “No, Jae, that’s not it. I trust you with my life. You know that. It’s just that… I wasn’t allowed to… by Yunho and Changmin themselves. I wanted to tell the three of you Jae, trust me, I did. But I couldn’t. Yunho and Changmin didn’t want you to know. They didn’t want anyone to know about this. We’re working together right now. Even the company doesn’t know. I need…”

            My words were cut off by the knock at the front door. Jae looked at the door and back at me. “You have to hide. Now. Jae, I can’t have you seen by Yunho or Changmin.” I whispered. “First tell me, did they ever express the want to meet the three of us?” he asked, with a slight tone of hope. I stared at him. “All the time, sweetheart. Now go, I’ll get you once they’ve left. Okay?” I said. Jae nodded. He went into my bedroom and closed the door.

            I calmed myself down and stabilized my breathing. I opened the door and found the two of them standing there in their casual clothes. “What took you so long? I almost made Yunho hyung break down the door!” Changmin said in a joking tone. Yunho just smirked and shook his head. What was he to do with this maknae of his? They both stepped in and sat down on the sofa as usual. They’ve been here a few times so I guess they felt comfortable already. “But seriously, what took you so long?” Changmin asked again, now with a serious tone. “I… was in the toilet” I lied.

            “So how are we going to do this?” Yunho asked. “I have no idea, to be honest. Changmin, chicken salad for you?” I replied him while making dinner for the both of them. Changmin nodded with a smile. “Why can’t we just not talk about this and just relax? We’ve been having schedules the entire day Hyung. My brain is not working” Changmin said matter-of-factly. Yunho sighed. “That’s true. I’m exhausted too. Let’s just… sit here and talk about random things.”

            I laughed. “Why didn’t you both just stay at home? You could have gotten an early night’s sleep, y’know,” I asked. “Yeah, but there won’t be chicken salad,” Changmin replied, with a nod of agreement from Yunho. I laughed again. The two of them never failed to make me laugh. Ever since I became a fan seven years ago.

“Shinae, why can’t you just live with us? We can have yummy dinners every day!” Yunho asked, interrupting my thought. I laughed. “Cause nobody knows about this and you know I’m dating Jae. How can I cheat on him!” I said, shaking my head. “Speaking of Jae… How has he been?” Yunho asked. He was always worried about his Jae. Always enquiring about his welfare. No, he cared about all four of them. Jae, Chun, Changmin and Su. “I wish I could see him again,” he continued.

I wish he knew that Jae was in my room. I wish I could tell him that. Just then, the doorknob to my room turned. Jae stepped out. “Yunho? Changmin?” he whispered, tears streaming down his face. Yunho and Changmin both dropped their bowl of salad. I was speechless. A million thoughts were running through my head. I had no idea what Yunho and Changmin was going to do or say. What if they hate me for the rest of my life? Would they still trust me after this? What will they do to Jae? What will happen to my career?

All those thoughts disappeared when the both of them hugged Jae. They started crying, like friends who haven’t seen each other for decades. When they finally came out from their embrace, Yunho looked at me. Jae and Changmin were still trying to console themselves. They really missed each other. Yunho slowly walked towards me and my thoughts ran wild. He’s going to kill me now, I thought. Yunho came and embraced me in a tight hug. “Thank you, Shinae. Thank you so much,” he whispered in between sobs. Tears started streaming down my face. I never expected this reaction. I returned his hug, consoling him while trying to console myself.