Siwon's P.O.V. 

 

Space and time 

 

"Come and get me, Siwon!" Donghae screamed as he ran through the grass. He looked back at me and flashed me his innocent smile. We were standing in a small hill surrounded by the greenest grass and little flowers. The sky looked perfect and sun was shining so brightly. Everything looked picture perfect. He ran again and said, "Let's go, slow poke! Can't keep up?" I smiled then I ran to him and I caught him in my arms in no time. "I love you, Choi Siwon", he said softly. His words felt like magic. It suddenly made me feel lighter. "I love you more, Lee Donghae", I said then I caressed his face. Every part of him is beautiful. I leaned forward to kiss him, but suddenly the sky grumbled. I looked up and then a lightning struck the darkening sky. The horrifying sound of thunder followed. I looked around and saw that everything became so dark and gloomy. The beautiful scene abruptly changed into something undesirable. I looked at Donghae again and saw that he was crying. "What's wrong, my love?" I asked him. "Get away from me", he said. "Baby... I'm really sorry for everything. Please, forgive me." I reached for him but he pushed me away. "I hate you!" he screamed aloud in chorus with the thunder. He looked at me with fury. "I want you out of my life!!!" Then I heard a ring. 

 

The sound of my alarm clock broke me off to my terrible nightmare. I woke up feeling heavy. I sat up and took off my shirt that's drenched in sweat. I started to cry. Those words from Donghae were really painful to hear. I never want to hear them again... not ever. I hugged my knees and sobbed some more. 

 

When they were no more tears coming out, I gathered my strength and got up. I took off my clothes and got in the shower. I let the hot water run through my body then I put my hands on the wall. Don't lose yourself, Siwon. Don't lose hope... 

 

I got ready and drove off to the gym. I have to stay focused. It helps me think straight every time I work out. It keeps my drive going. And I haven't worked out for so long, I also wanted to maintain my fitness. I did my usual routine. I ran on the treadmill, lifted some weights, did body crunches, and practiced kick-boxing. After that, I took a relaxing stay in the sauna. Donghae stayed on my mind the whole time. I miss so much... How I wish I could relive our happy moments again. 

 

I didn't know where to go after that. I've canceled all my schedules and meetings for today. I don't want to go home yet. I've done enough moping around. I need to unwind... I decided to call Leeteuk-hyung and see if he's available. "Yeboseyo?" he answered. "Hey, hyung. Are you free tonight?" I asked. "Siwon? Hey. Uh... Yes. I think I'll be free tonight. Why?" he said. "Oh, cool. You wanna grab some drinks?" Please, hyung. "Yeah, sure. Where to?" This is what I love about Leeteuk-hyung. He is always present when we need him. "You remember that wine bar we went to last christmas?" The place where I first attempted to flirt with Donghae, but I apparently failed. "Yes. Should I meet you there?" he said. "Yes, hyung. See you around 9?" I said. "Okay, Siwon. See ya." Then he hung up. 

 

I got to the place minutes before 9pm. I don't want to make Leeteuk-hyung wait. And just in time, he arrived. He came in wearing his radiant smile. "Hey, Siwon. What's up with you?" he asked as he took a seat. "Nothing, hyung. I just thought we could de-stress here. Have a drink" I handed him a bottle of soju. "Oh. So... how are you doing?" he asked then took a sip. "I'm good, hyung. I'm keeping up. Still standing." I replied. "That's good... And how's your mission going?" He's probably talking about my apologizing to Eunhyuk and Donghae. "Well... I visited Eunhyuk yesterday. It didn't go all too well. I ended up walking out." I said while looking down on my bottle. "How about Hae?" he asked. I took a big gulp on my soju then said, "It was worse than my visit to Eunhyuk. He didn't want to talk or see me at all. He just returned the car that I gave him. Then he... he practically threw me out. But don't worry, hyung. I will try harder tomorrow." Leeteuk-hyung sighed. "Siwon. Maybe... maybe tomorrow's not a good time." I looked up at him. "What do you mean, hyung?" I asked. He looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "Maybe you should give Hae space and time first. It's not easy to forgive, Siwon. Maybe you should give Hae some time to think about it and enough space for himself. Do you get what I mean? Wounds take time to heal. Wait 'til Donghae make up his mind... and same goes with Eunhyuk." he said softly but firm to show his concern. I looked away. Maybe hyung's right... Maybe Donghae needs time to cool off... Give him time to decide and space to breathe. "Siwon?" I looked back at him. "I think you're right, hyung. Maybe it'll better if I leave everybody alone first." I took another gulp. "Yes, Siwon... And who knows? When time comes, everything might go back to normal." He gave me an easy smile. It's time for you to do the right thing, Siwon. You know what to do... I smiled back at him. Raised my bottle and clinged with hyung's. And we drank the night away. 

 

The next day, I called up my manager to confirm my decision. I've decided to follow Leeteuk-hyung's advice and let the moment heal the damages. I packed my things and loaded them in my car. I'm leaving all the dark things I did behind. I will try to get a fresh start. A newer and much better Siwon. I called Leeteuk-hyung, and told him my plan. He gave me his blessing and wished me luck. I wish I could see him before I go, but he just left to do attend some appoitments. Before I head to the airport, I thought I needed to do some things first. Visit a monkey and say goodbye to a fish.

 

I decided to go to Eunhyuk first. I didn't want him to think that I'm running away from my sins when he finds out. So I wanted him to know where I'm going. He was watching TV when I came in his room. "What are you here for, Siwon?" he said when he saw at me. It's clear that he wasn't glad to see me again. But I'm glad to see that his scars and bruises are fading now. I gave him a small smile. "I just came here to let you know that I'm leaving today", I said while standing in front of his bed. "W-where are you going?" he asked. "I understand that what I did isn't easy to forgive. And I know that I just burden you more everytime you see me. So... I figured that the best thing to do is to leave. People might find it easier to forgive me without seeing my face" I saw him smile a little. "I agreed to do a mini-series in Taiwan. I once rejected the offer but good thing the oppurtunity didn't run away. I accepted it last night and they want me to fly there as soon as possible. I will be away for a couple of months. And... I hope when I return, things will go back to the way it used to be." I said smiling at him. He looked at me for a while and said, "I appreciate your decision. You finally thought of something brilliant." he said. Bitterness filled his voice. I ignored his negativity and said, "And one more thing, can I ask you some favors?" I said. "Huh... look at this guy. You beat me up and you ask me favors?! What is it that you want?" he said, looking annoyed. "I'm asking you to take care of this." I threw him the key of Lambhorgini. He caught it and looked at it like it was on fire. Confused and slightly glad at them same time. "Siwon... you're giving me a million dollar sports car?!" he said in shock but his face birghtened up. "It's not mine to give, Eunhyuk." I said. He furrowed his brows and said, "Whose is it then?" He looks lost in confusion. "Mmm... just some kid I know." I said. "Huh? What kid? Whose kid?! Don't tell me you have a son!" he blurted out. I couldn't help but laugh. "No, Eunhyuk-sshi. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find out soon enough. And when you do, kindly tell him that I love him and I will miss him." Then I gave him a small wink. "Uh... alright, I guess." he said, still clueless on what or who am i talking about. "Let him decide if he still wants to keep his toy. If he doesn't, it's all yours, Hyukkie." I said. "Well, I wish I never meet this kid, then!" he exclaimed. I laughed again. I checked on my watch and it's time to go. "I have to go now. I wish you well, Hyukkie. And again, I send my deepest apologies." He just nodded. So I smiled at him again then left. 

 

Next, I dropped off a gift to an old lover. I drove to Donghae's place right after I came to hospital. I didn't go up to his aparment and bother him anymore. I just left my present to his receptionist. I didn't want the scene yesterday to happen again. I'm afraid of what he might say or do. I just wanted to leave a piece of me with Donghae. Just a little reminder of the love that we had. So, I handed my present to guy in the receptionist desk and asked him to give to Mr. Lee Donghae. Then, I headed to Incheon International Airport.

 

I arrived just in time before the plane boards. Feeling good and full of conviction. I trust myself for doing the right thing. I just hope this amend my mistakes. I hope Donghae finds peace in his heart in my absence and could make up his mind to forgive me. I love him so much. More than anything in this world. And I'm looking forward to see changes towards us when I come back. But for now, I'd like to bid farewell to you, my love. 'Til we meet again....