Review for Notperfect "Mr.Teddy Bear"

Title: Mr. Teddy Bear
Author: Notperfect
Title, Description/ Foreword: 7.5/10 
In my opinion, I think that the title was well done and eye-catching. It makes the readers curious about who Mr. Teddy Bear is.
The description was pretty good except for a few mistakes. For example:
good friends from now on until...forever!"
good friends from now until...forever!"
She is innocent and doesn't know what the word, "Hate," is, although she has experienced pain in its most cruel form.
She is innocent and doesn't know what the word "hate" is even though she has experienced pain in its cruelest form.
, but she will always to her best to protect others,
, but she will always try her best to protect others,
A badass gangster that accidently ran over and killed someone in his past life.
A badass gangster who has accidently ran over and killed someone in his past life.
IU's BESTIE FOREVERS!!
Soo Young is IU's best friend.
Jieun's crush for a long time.
Yoseob has been Jieun's crush for a long time.
Son of the school's principal.
He is the son of the school’s principal.
Remember to indent. You didn’t indent any paragraphs in the description. Instead of writing their ages after their introductions, put it after you say their name. Like this:
IU: An eighteen-year-old girl who is cute, bubbly, and warm-hearted girl. She is innocent and doesn't know what the word, "Hate," is, although she has experienced pain in its most cruel form. IU loves joking around, but she will always to her best to protect others, because of her past experiences. She is HEAD-OVER-HEELS in love with Yang Yoseob, and talks to her teddy bear everyday about her daily life. 
I found the foreword interesting.
It was in the description when it was supposed to be in the foreword. And tell the reader who you meant when you said the two.
Change it to this instead, too:
Hihi^^ Notperfect here! This will be my verrry first fanfic, so please support me with commenting, subscribing and "friend"-ing me! I also might have questions to ask on my wall, so please answer them(:
Hi! ^^ Notperfect here! This will be my very first fanfic, so please support me by commenting, subscribing and "friend"-ing me! I may also have questions to ask on my wall, so please answer them. (:
FOR MY SILENT READERS: I used to be like you too, until I found out about how every comment, subscription, and friendship makes an author LEAP WITH JOY!!! So PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASEEEE comment, subscribe, and befriend me!
For my silent readers: I used to be like you too, until I found out about how every comment, subscription, and friendship makes an author leap with joy! So please, please, please comment, subscribe, and befriend me!

Plot: 25.5/30
Originality: 9/10
So far, the story is original, except for when Taeyang turns into a teddy bear. I have seen lots of stories that have people change into animals/things.
Enticement: 7/10
I have to admit, the first two chapters didn’t really excite me, but the description for me, was more interesting. As I continued to read, I found the story to be more interesting. 
Functionality: 9.5/10- (Chances to formulate and make ideas)
*Clap, clap* Very good! You decided to add in more ideas at the right timing.
Grammar/Spelling: 8/15
I found some mistakes so just remind yourself to double-check your work before updating a chapter. Don’t rush to complete a chapter just because your readers are telling you to update soon.
If someone is thinking about something in their head, there is no need to add in quotation marks.
Also, decide whether you want to use the name IU or Lee Ji Eun since you keep altering them. 
Please don’t capitalize things that don’t need to be capitalized and don’t add unnecessary letters/punctuations.
The exclamation mark is there to show readers that you are screaming so there’s no need to capitalize words, add on extra e’s and exclamation marks.
Remember to indent when starting a new paragraph and know when to start a new paragraph. Often, you start a new paragraph because someone has stopped talking, you’ve stopped talking about a character or when it is a new idea.
Check to see if you spell Korean words right. 
There are a few more mistakes here and there like you putting dashes in places where they shouldn’t be so think more carefully about where things should go and also in chapter three, I found around three spelling errors.
And lastly, make sure that past-tense and present-tense are not in the same sentence/paragraph.
Characters: 33/40
Development: 7/10
The characters haven’t actually developed much. They’ve remained the same ever since the first chapter.
Uniqueness: 7.5/10
The characters weren’t that unique. Only Taeyang was the most unique one out of all the characters.
Realistic: 9.5/10
Everyone in the story was pretty believable except for Taeyang obviously, so I won’t deduct marks for that.
Functionality: 9/10
You have once again created new ideas at the right timing. Taeyang appearing as a student and as a real person was exciting in a reader’s perspective.

Structure: 23.5/30
Organization: 6.5/10
The organization was pretty good except for when you sometimes write sentences that is kind of hard to understand. Starting new paragraphs when needed would’ve helped greatly for bumping up your score.
Topic Standings: 8/10
It was good. But maybe in the future, focus a little more on Taeyang/Mr. Teddy Bear.
Flow: 9/10
The flow of the story was pretty good but at times I feel as though it’s too slow.
Overall Enjoyment: 15/20
Since you don’t add pictures to your fan fiction, remember to give as much detail as you can when describing things. I enjoyed reading your fan fic, but the incorrect use of punctuations, no new paragraphs when needed, different colours for the writing and other things sort of irritated me.
Total: 112.5/145
Ending Comments:
Here’s a graphic designer for you, they’ve made posters for my fan fics: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/122454/sweet-witches-graphic-cafe-open-hiring-graphics-poster-request-shop
It is your choice if you want to take my advice or not! And I hope that you don’t take this personally.

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