Calling AbsolutelyAwesome "Sweet Injury"

Title: Sweet Injury

Author: AbsolutelyAwesome

Title, Description/ Foreword: 7/10

To be honest with you, the title didn’t really catch my attention. It just seemed ordinary and didn’t pop out for me. But it is relevant and it’s the theme to the story.

I liked your description. It was short and straight to the point unlike some other stories that I have reviewed. I also liked how you didn’t include a character chart so that the readers can find out later in the story.

Your foreword made me curious and made me want to continue reading. And I liked how you put the most interesting lines in the middle and in a different colour. There are a few grammar mistakes in your foreword and description, but I’ll save that for later.

Plot: 23.5/30

Originality: 9/10

                The plot is original, but you got the idea from Kai’s waist injury from before, right? That’s okay; authors get their inspiration from real life anyways. But, when you talked about how Kai saw his dead father and how he had to be strong for his mom and sister, it reminded me of a story I have reviewed and it was Kai who had to take care of his mom and sister, too.

Enticement: 10/10

                Each chapter made me want to continue reading, so you get full marks! Each chapter had an interesting event.

Functionality: 4.5/10- (Chances to formulate and make ideas)

                So far I haven’t seen any twists and turns except for Kai liking D.O., but that’s not really a surprise because in the tags, you paired them up. And another small twist that you have added was when Kai thought that D.O. was excited for I guess Baekhyun to come? And pairing Baekhyun and Chanyeol isn’t really a surprise, too. Now you’ve added another exciting event; Kai kissing D.O.!

Grammar/Spelling: 7/15

 Okay, I just started reading the first chapter and I already saw some mistakes.

Example: Typical Kai.

Correction: Typical Kai

Do not add any punctuation for the title.

Example: Kyungsoo's POV

Correction: Kyungsoo's POV:

Example:"Of course hyung, I feel great seeing all the fans!.. but somehow sad that EXO-M had to go away." He said as he looked away.

Correction: "Of course hyung. I feel great seeing all the fans, but somehow sad that EXO-M has to go away," he said as he looked away.

Remember to indent when starting a new paragraph. And you are missing a few words in some sentences. I noticed that you don’t know how to write dialogues properly. Don’t capitalize words like he said and she said after someone talks and do not put a period after the dialogue unless you are starting a new sentence. And remember to always put some sort of punctuation after someone talks. Just go to Google and look up the rules for writing dialogues, okay? Also, you are putting both a past tense and a present tense in one sentence. Please do not do that.

Example:"No, I mean are you physically okay?" as I arched my brow.

Correction: "No, I mean are you physically okay?" I asked as I arched my brow.

You also don’t know when to start a new paragraph. You start a new paragraph when time has passed by or you are talking about a different person.

And please add punctuation after the dialogue.

Example: “I know that hyung would be mad if I go to sleep without helping.” He sat up then looked down.

Correction: “I knew that hyung would be mad if I went to sleep without helping,” he sat up then looked down.

Example: I started shouting “Kai?!, Where are you?”

Correction: I started shouting, “Kai, where are you?”

Example: He said tugging my arms to sit. “Come on, try this! You’ll love it”

Correction: he said, tugging my arms to sit. “Come on, try this! You’ll love it.”

Example: Everything was going so well but then.. in the middle of their performance, Kai suddenly stop dancing then kneeled down.

Correction: Everything was going so well but then in the middle of their performance, Kai suddenly stop dancing and knelt down.

Example: The PD yelled CUT as the other members went to Kai.

Correction: The PD yelled cut as the other members rushed towards Kai.

Example: there were 2 chairs across the room and over to the right side

Correction: there were two chairs across the room and over to the right side

            Don’t write the numeral. Instead, write it out in words. Please stop using two to three periods because most of the time, you don’t need them.

Example: He eyed me for a few seconds and sat at my bed.

Correction: He eyed me for a few seconds and sat on my bed.

I noticed that you don’t know whether to use the word at and on.

Example: He then looked at Sehun “Sehunnie, I’m sure that Kai is hungry. Mind if you buy him food?” He said digging his pockets for his wallet. “I’m going to stay here to look after him.”

Correction: He then looked at Sehun. “Sehunnie, I’m sure that Kai is hungry. Mind if you buy him food?” he asked, digging in his pockets for his wallet. “I’m going to stay here to look after him.”

Example: “Ah, Sure Hyung!” The maknae said as he accepted the money from hyung.

Correction: “Ah, sure hyung!” The maknae said as he accepted the money.

Example: “Yah, don’t ever say anything like that again and always remember to call Baekhyun and Chanyeol your ‘Hyungs.’”

Correction: “Yah, don’t ever say anything like that again and always remember to call Baekhyun and Chanyeol your hyungs.”

Just remember to always double-check your work before updating, okay?

Example:  Then he remembered why he was so stubborn for not wanting to go to the hospital; Well, he was more likely scared.

Correction: Then he remembered why he was so stubborn for not wanting to go to the hospital; he was scared.

Example: Kai soon soften up to him because of his kind and considerate personality.

Correction:Kai soon softened up to him because of his kind and considerate personality.

Please do not capitalize the word hyung.

Example:As Sehun spoke up still checking on his phone.

Correction: Sehun spoke up still checking on his phone.

I don’t get why you always put the word as after someone talks. It’s unnecessary.

Example: “Sehun-ah, what time are they exactly coming here?” Kyungsoo exited the bathroom while wiping his face with a towel.

Correction: “Sehun-ah, exactly what time are they coming here?” Kyungsoo exited the bathroom while wiping his face with a towel.

Example:Kai couldn’t help but stare at the angelic figure that was probably in front of him.

Correction: Kai couldn’t help but stare at the angelic figure that was in front of him.

Example:Don’t you know how much I want to make you smile like that?

I’ve been trying for years.. but all you see is him.

Just for once.. Please look at me and only me.

Correction:Don’t you know how much I have wanted to make you smile like that?

I’ve been trying for years, but all you see is him.

Just for once,  please look at me and only me.

Another sentence confused me. This one:

Thewhole room was filled with such a cheerful and pleasant aura spreading in the air.

It was filled with a cheerful and pleasant aura, but it was spreading?

Example: “Kai. Are you feeling okay now?” Baekhyun asked as he took a sit next to Kai on the bed.

Correction:“Kai, are you feeling okay now?” Baekhyun asked as he took a sit next to Kai on the bed.

Example: He fakely smiled. “Yeah. I’m fine.” He mentally sighed. Even without you here. “Couldn’t be better!”

Correction: He faked a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He mentally sighed. Even without you here. “Couldn’t be better!”

Example: Chanyeol playfully, whimpered tugging Baekhyun’s arm.

Correction: Chanyeol playfully whimpered, tugging Baekhyun’s arm.

Example: “It irritates me on how pathetic you look when your with him! We all know the fact that his already with Chanyeol hyung!

Correction: “It irritates me how pathetic you look when you’re with him! We all know that he’s already with Chanyeol hyung!

Example: “Hyung,…”

.

.

.

.

.

.

“… I love you.”

Correction:“Hyung...I love you.”

Example:“I’m serious, hyung.” Kai announced bringing silence in the room.

.

.

.

.

“…. Y-youare?” Kyungsoo confused at the sudden confession.

Correction:“I’m serious, hyung,” Kai announced, bringing silence in the room.

 “Y-youare?” Kyungsoo asked, confused at the sudden confession.

Example:Kai told me on how you—“

Correction: Kai told me about how you—“

Sometimes you start a new paragraph when you don’t need to or you don’t start a new paragraph when you need to. And same goes for your sentences; sometimes you end them too early. You also capitalize some words when they don’t need to be capitalized.

Okay, since I have already given you a lot of things to fix, I’ll stop correcting your grammar.

Characters: 25/40

Development: 5/10

                The characters haven’t really developed in the story. Nothing has changed. D.O. and Kai are still pretty much the same.

Uniqueness: 5/10

                The characters aren’t that unique since that’s what Kai and D.O. are like in real life. And I have read a story where someone is being stubborn and someone else is trying to help them, but they don’t want any help.

Realistic: 10/10

                I don’t know much about Kai since I Baekhyun is my bias and he’s the only know I know a lot about, but Kai does seem like the stubborn kind. And D.O. does seem like the caring kind since he is the umma in EXO. The other characters were pretty realistic, too.

Functionality: 5/10

                Sorry, but you haven’t made much twists and turns with people’s characters. Try to do that more, okay?

Structure: 25.5/30

Organization: 8/10

                Your story was organized except for when you were experimenting with which writing style to use. Decide before writing a story, okay? Also, I don’t get why this:

 Don’t you know how much I want to make you smile like that?

I’ve been trying for years.. but all you see is him.

Just for once.. Please look at me and only me.

Is different from the rest. I know that this is important, but you don’t need to exclude it from the other things. And why does this:

“Good morning everyone!”Chanyeol yelled as he barged to the room. He was followed by a shorter, paler, and much more anticipated Baekhyun that was holding up plastic bags.

 Have a fancy ‘G’?

Topic Standings: 9.5/10

                This story is supposed to be about Kai’s injury and in the beginning I felt as though the main focus was Kai’s waist and I wanted you to talk about something else and now you are forming  a love square which is good.

 Flow: 8/10

                The flow was did change. Sometimes, I felt as though the story was going too slow and sometimes, it seemed too fast. But there were some times where the flow was perfect.

Overall Enjoyment: 14/20

                Wow! I have never actually thought about shipping Kai and D.O. together, but I loved this story! Some flaws in this story, which I have already told you above, did stop me from enjoying this story completely.

Total: 102/145

Ending Comments

I enjoyed reading your story. And yes, I do know that there’s an author and a co-author, but I just used the word you to make things easier.

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