🏁

BELGIUM

Minjeong stares at the ceiling of the hotel room, her head resting on Jimin’s shoulders while the older girl is immersed in the documentary she was watching. She could hear the faint sound coming out from the television along with Jimin making a few comments but it seemed like she had lost the ability to process anything because her mind was filled with countless questions and worries.

“Does it bug you that you are a second driver?” The question slips off her tongue and Jimin turns her neck to look at her, her head resting on her shoulder slips but she doesn't make any effort to fix her position instead she moves her head away from Jimin and rests it on a nearby pillow.

“Why the sudden question?” Jimin sits up, grabbing the remote to pause the documentary they were watching before she turns to face her.

“I don't hate the fact that I am a second driver,” ignoring Jimin's counter question she mutters to herself not caring if Jimin hears her, “Yes it stings a little knowing that the team will love a win from Seungwan unnie more than me but it doesn't feel as bad because there is this trust that I wouldn't be left alone, even if I am not the team's priority they still give their all to make sure I am not that behind,” her mind reverts back to listening to Seungwan's radio messages where she was ordered to let the older girl through, “A part of me feels more happy when I let her through and she ends up winning, maybe it's the team, maybe it's her but it's not something that'll end up forcing me to change myself.”

“If you put it that way,” Jimin pauses, “It sounds like you are doing this for her rather than yourself,” there is a hint of disappointment in her voice and she can see what the older girl is trying to convey.

“Why does this have to be a situation where I must choose sides?” She wonders, “I am doing this for myself by devoting myself to her.”

She considers Seungwan more than just a teammate, a guide, a mentor, a friend and more than anything someone who trusts her enough to be an open book, it has to mean something. She never felt like she was being used, even on track when she had to let her teammate through not for a moment did she think that she was being used because Seungwan always showed that she cared about that sacrifice, that little ‘thank you’ through the radio wouldn't mean much to someone but it does to her when Seungwan comes to her after every race to tell her that she did a good job.

“I wouldn't understand,” Jimin mutters, “It’s obvious that the bond that you guys share is much more sacred. It’s hard to see teammates like you two these days in Formula One,” unknown to her a smile appears on her face, that's right they are not there to be a part of a team, they are there to make a family.

“You didn't answer my question,” she points out and sits up, leaning her back against the headboard of Jimin's hotel room bed.

Jimin mimics her movements and ends up sitting like her before she crosses her arms and looks at the ceiling, looking like she's deep into her thoughts, “Being a second driver means that you have to be ready to sacrifice your race for the sake of someone who is far more superior to you in the eyes of the team. I mean I knew what I was getting into when I signed that contract.”

Suddenly, her teammate's words about the treatment she received flashes into her mind, her heart rate quickens and before she knows a huge wave of worry hits her and the next thing she knows, she's drowning. It physically aches her chest knowing that there is a possibility that Jimin must be going through the same thing her teammate did, “What I didn't expect was a four time world champion treating me like that?”

“Like what?” She raises her voice and it startles Jimin, who puts her hand in her lap to grab a hold of her wrist, squeezing it to calm her down.

“Joohyun unnie doesn't think of me as someone who should be responsible for her,” there is a brief pause before she speaks again, “She acts like a teammate and does what's better for the team instead of doing what's better for her,” it’s confusing because isn't that the purpose of all teams to make sure they get the best results possible.

“In her eyes I am a rookie, so she treats me like one, there is no pressure on me from her side, no expectations in a sense that she doesn't expect me to win the title for her,” her tension starts to ease because there is no way Jimin would hate her teammate for being the priority the same way she'll never hate Seungwan for being the priority, “Since, I joined the team, she only gave me one tip and that was to race for myself and not sacrifice my race for the sake of team.”

Silence envelopes them, and soon Jimin grabs the remote to start the documentary again. She still doesn't get to focus on the content as she keeps thinking about something, “Promise me that if one day even for a second you don't feel comfortable in that team…you'll leave.”

She expects a much more vocal reaction than just a sigh from Jimin who looks at her before she diverts her attention back to the screen again, “I don't feel comfortable there now, should I leave? I was told not to make sacrifices for others but there is no such saying that stops me from putting my dream above my happiness.” 

She blinks, a huge epiphany strikes her in that moment, words of Seungwan circle around her mind and then a conclusion comes, it's not something unexpected but still it's a big shock.

“What happened? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Racing was her happiness. Her love was her dream. She chose her dream over her happiness. She chose love over championship. She chose her over her own self.”

It doesn't click at first but when it does Jimin ends up having the same expressions as her, as the realization dawns upon both of them at the same time.

“One of them chose their dream.”

“One of them chose their desire.”

🏁

Summer break is over and she finds herself back in the RB17 after a month. She's conflicted whether she should feel thankful about that break or not, because the break was necessary to get herself a car that wasn't a reserve one, filled in with the latest upgrades but at the same time she does feel that she has lost some of her rhythm, it doesn't help that it's Spa-Francorchamps, her favorite circuit.

Spa-Francorchamps is a circuit that requires the teams to nail their setups in terms of both aerodynamics and downforce, a circuit that is a test for both engineers and the drivers. That's why drivers love it, it's a track where their abilities get tested and Formula One drivers love challenges.

Seungwan takes the hand of a mechanic as she pushes herself up from her seat to get out of the car. She takes off her gloves, followed by her Hans device and then her helmet, before she finally allows herself to take a deep breath. She felt incredibly out of touch during the first practice session, just an overall bad experience. She didn't lash out on anyone or herself, the summer break did give her raging mind some peace and that she can learn to appreciate that.

The first practice session was nothing but a trial to test out different setups on both her and Minjeong's cars, turns out she had the better downforce while Minjeong had the better aerodynamics.

She knew everyone needed some time to settle back into the way they were before the summer break and everyone has the same goal as her, to go back to their winning ways as soon as possible. It's better to achieve that as a team instead of being divided.

She takes a seat on a nearby chair and grabs herself a bottle of water from the counter next to her. Opening it is a struggle cause she's wearing her gloves so she shakes her chuckling at herself for being forgetful as she takes off her glove and opens the cap.

A glove slips from her hand and she looks down to see it on the floor, a wave of nostalgia wash over her, forcing her to remember memories she's been trying to get rid of for the past few months.

Nerves, those damn nerves, she hates this. Seungwan looks at the second fire resistant glove, a part of her racing suit, in her right hand that's refusing to slip into her hand. It's not that hard to figure out why it's getting stuck, she's sweating like crazy, her palms are wet no matter how many times she wipes the sweat off them.

Her first practice session in Formula One as a driver for Mercedes and the nerves are getting the better of her. She huffs in annoyance and takes off the glove from her other hand, to wipe off the sweat, instead she ends up dropping it.

“Seungwan,” she jumps and turns around to see Joohyun, her teammate, standing behind her with her glove in her hand, “I can call you that, right?” A confused nod follows and she focuses on calming down the erratic beating of her heart, caused by her drop dead gorgeous teammate.

Cold hands, her teammate has cold hands, she thinks to herself when she extends her hand to get her glove back and her hand makes contact with Joohyun's hand. Instead, her teammate holds onto her hand and squeezes it, “You look like you are about to pass out, rookie,” a melodious giggle follows and slowly but surely the erratic beating of her heart starts to calm down, just by hearing that voice.

“Nervous?” The older one asks and she nods, keeping her eyes on the hand that's holding onto her. “It's fine to be nervous, after all this must be a dream come true,” that voice is oddly comforting and she would've calmed down after hearing that but her teammate slips in her glove, fastening it's strap that makes her a different kind of nervous.

“Just go outside and do what you usually do, no need to be afraid,” Joohyun finally lets go of her hand and she lets out a sigh of relief as she clenches both of her hands to get a better feel of gloves.

“Thanks,” she finally manages to speak and does a small bow to show her gratitude since her teammate is much older than her, she doesn't think it's good manners if she refers to her casually.

“For what?” There is that giggle again, “The help with the glove,” a small nudge on her shoulder follows that, “Or the pep talk,” and then a squeeze.

“Both,” she replies honestly.

“Glad to help, go out there and have fun,” her teammate tells her before she walks to the other side of the garage leaving her to process whatever that was.

“Tch,” she clicks her tongue and gulps down half of the water inside the bottle in a single go.

The entire summer break was a torture, her biggest mistake was thinking she can escape from this endless spiral of feelings, all she could think about was Joohyun. Frustration and more frustrations follow her, she thought she was fully over it after that night in Hungary but oh was she wrong.

The crash…it was supposed to make her hate Joohyun, despise her and fuel her anger to such an extent that the thought of the older girl makes her blood boil but she just can't…it's like she's incapable of hating Joohyun.

Despite reliving that crash through the screen, watching Joohyun blame that crash on her as she sat inside that crumbled car wondering if she was going to make it out alive, standing in that hotel room as Joohyun accused her that she would do the same thing, she still can't help but still want an explanation from Joohyun.

She wants to grab her and ask her if she felt anything seeing her in that state, did her stomach drop, did she dread the fact that she might not come out of that car, did she care about her? 

Did their time mean anything to her at all?

She has always been the part of the problem too, Seungwan doesn't trust herself, knowing her heart, crumbling under Joohyun was something that couldn't be avoided. She should hate her for the rest of her life and move on, and here she sits hopelessly wanting something that was way out of her grasp.

She's been lying to herself all along, that night in Hungary was enough to bring her back to her senses, she could never hate Bae Joohyun, never in a million years. Even if her brain knows that's the right thing to do, it's easier to follow her heart, and her heart is always going to belong to the girl who was her first love.

She hates it, hates herself for still being stuck, knowing the fact that Joohyun will never chose her, she still hopes that none of it was fake, nothing but an act put up by the teams and Joohyun to fool her, maybe she's a lost traveler in desert willing to revel in the paradise of her dreams created by an oasis instead of coming to terms with the reality.

She's been so caught up that she didn't even think of anything else during the summer break, her entire focus was on hating Joohyun and forgetting her, but how could she when Joohyun was always going to be at arm's length.

The championship fight is only going to heat up moving forward and it's going to ensure that her and Joohyun will clash too. They'll collide on track more often, she just hopes all of it stays on track, the last thing she wants is them colliding off track, it's not good for her fragile heart.

🏁

The patience pays off and the second practice session looks much better compared to the first one after they got the right side pods and rear wings on the cars.

“The balance at Eau Rouge was perfect,” she points at the screen, “There was barely any proposing and the entrance into Raidillion was great,” her engineer encourages her to keep examining her lap times for some more pointers.

“Look at the pace during Kemmel straight,” Minjeong mutters and crosses her arms.

“I noticed that too, if an overtake through Eau Rouge is too daring, we can just chase the slip stream through Kemmel and then DRS would be enough to overtake through Kemmel straight,” she adds to Minjeong's remarks.

“I do think there is some massive upshift in the first half of sector two,” running her hand through her sweaty hair she urges their race engineers to look at their times, “I felt the rear end of the car sliding.”

“Turn seven felt really uncomfortable,” Minjeong complains and the data backs up her claim as the data shows loss of tenths during the certain turn.

“The debrief will be held before the third practice session, we are waiting for the simulation results from the factory. So you two are free to go,” she throws her head back and closes her eyes, as a sigh of relief escapes from .

She didn't see her rookie teammate for three weeks during the summer break, it made her feel a little empty because the younger one was always there to light up her life on and off the track. “Going on a date, ehh,” she puts her arms around Minjeong's neck and pulls her in for a headlock as both of them start their walk to their driver's home.

“It's not a date,” Minjeong hisses but makes no effort to free herself from her hold.

She chuckles, poking her fingers against her pouty cheeks, “Whatever you say lovergirl.”

“There is nothing going on between us.”

“Just because you two aren't in each other's faces doesn't mean there are no feelings involved.”

The attempt at glare is enough to make her laugh out loud and she can't help but ruffle Minjeong's hair, the whines only encourage her more to tease the younger girl.

She raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms as Jimin stands by Minjeong's motorhome already changed into much casual clothes. Minjeong looks at her while she directs a 'Told you so' gaze at the latter to which the rookie just shakes her head and pushes her away, freeing herself from the headlock.

She stands outside her motorhome after changing into casual clothes while her rookie teammate is still busy changing, “You have been stealing my teammate a lot, rookie,” hands in her pockets are enough to intimidate the Mercedes rookie, there is no need to even glare, the poor girl already looks nervous.

“Trying to get information?” She leans forward, right into Jimin's face with her signature eyebrow jerk and it's enough to make the younger one a mess.

“No—no, I…we are friends—I wouldn't.”

“Stop bothering her, unnie.”

She steps away with a chuckle as Minjeong comes out of her driver's motorhome with an unamused expression, already too used to her teasing.

“Come on,” she pouts and raises her hands in the air to show she was just kidding, “Let me have some fun.”

She waves goodbye to both of the rookies as she stands there in silence, a sigh escapes from and the smile on her face fades away. She runs her fingers through her sweaty hair as she starts her walk to the parking lot, it's going to be just her driving back to the hotel since her teammate is going to be with her friend.

She greets some of the staff members of the team who happen to stay in the same hotel as her when she comes across them in the elevator, good thing that she's the driver so she has access to the best rooms available in the hotel so she doesn't have to spend much time with them inside the elevator as they get out much sooner than she expects.

She regrets wishing that she would be left alone because the moment the door to the elevator opens again, she wants nothing but to run away but it's too late, Joohyun is already inside and the door is closing, even if she makes a run for it, it's impossible to stop it from closing.

So she turns to the side and crosses her arms, facing away from the older girl. She doesn't want to interact with her, not when her heart is this unstable. Being a vulnerable mess in front of the person who knows how to use someone's vulnerabilities for their own advantage is like digging one's own grave, she doesn't fancy that.

She taps her feet, impatiently. It's suffocating to be in there in such a close space with Joohyun, she can hear the sound of both of them breathing, it feels warm and she hates that. 

“Don’t,” she grits her teeth, whispering as she feels Joohyun's cold hands brushing against her warm ones. Joohyun doesn't listen, she is stubborn as she turns her hand over to place their fingers together, “Stop it.” 

“I don't want to let go,” Joohyun mutters, eyeing their intertwined fingers. The older girl's hand is a little smaller, her palms have some calluses and softness, Seungwan knows that, she has held those hands countless of times.

“You’re having fun toying with me aren't you?” She feels Joohyun’s fingers squeeze hers, while her thumb draws circles on the skin of the back of her palm. She badly wants to reciprocate that, squeeze her hands and hold onto it tightly, but her brain saves her yet again.

“When are you going to stop running away from me?” Joohyun asks her as she stands on the other side of the elevator door after she jerks Joohyun's hand away.

“When you stop being a selfish coward!” She turns around and looks away, memories, so many memories flash in her mind in that moment, none of them bring comfort to her.

She stands outside the Mercedes factory, holding an umbrella over her head, it's such a coincidence that it's raining the day her heart is wailing. She still feels her fingers twitching, the way they were shaking when she was signing her contract termination.

She hears the sound of footsteps approaching, the sound of feet splashing against the puddles of rain make it much easier for her to figure that out. She turns around to see Joohyun standing some steps away from her, an umbrella protecting her from rain as well.

“You’re really leaving,” she sounds breathless, there is a slight quiver to her tone but she's going to igno