🏁

BRITAIN

She stands next to the aero engineers, monitoring the simulation times on the simulator ahead of the British Grand Prix, checking if the update package has made any difference to the car or not. Silverstone has been a track where she has struggled throughout her Formula One career, mainly because she lacks luck in this circuit and most of the times she didn't get the upgrade package to her car compared to Joohyun, who had the luxury to test out the newest updates before anyone else.

“There is a small set back in the dirty air,” the engineer points out showing a small difference between the lap times without upgrades and with the upgrades, “But with a clean track I think we might be able to actually outclass Mercedes with the pace,” a sigh of relief washes over her and she fist bumps her race engineer who notes something down on her clipboard.

She is glad that working on the simulator until midnight is actually turning out to be helpful because she doesn't get to be that much on the simulator apart from the car development, the simulation work is done by the third driver of the team but the aerodynamic engineers insisted on her doing the simulations for the particular upgrade package because apparently the input was needed for next year's car development too.

“How's the forecast for tomorrow?” She asks, once she and Sana hop in the team car to head back to the hotel. “You think rain will come in handy again,” a dry chuckle escapes from as she says that, an awful attempt at humouring Sana.

“You love to race in the rain, don't you?” Shaking her head, her race engineer glances at her only to roll her eyes at her, “Unfortunately, it's a sunny afternoon for tomorrow's race. You know how the weather here is.”

There is a natural pout resting on her face as she scrolls through her phone and looks through the clips of her taking the pole from Mercedes grasps under the rain, “I guess rain did it's work for me today,” she lets out a fake disappointed sigh, “I have to do the rest of work tomorrow.”

She'd love to race in rain again, it's the only condition where she outclasses every driver on that grid, no one is better than her when it comes to finding grip on a wet track with those intermediate tires. That's how she ended up picking a pole up in Silverstone, her first one here and she's more than proud about it, maybe a little smug too while she's at it.

“Did something happen between you and her?”

“Why?”

“Drop the act Seungwan. I can clearly see the clouds of tension surrounding you two.”

Turning away from Sana, she rests her head on the window, unsure of what to say apart from the fact that she's torn and that despite so much happening, a part of her is not willing to let go.

Only she knows how she managed to stare into Joohyun's eyes that day in Austria and not crumble, only she knows how hard it was for her to lie while staring straight into Joohyun's soul. She felt suffocated, too many emotions were jumbled inside her, all of them overpowering each other, not letting anything come out in clear, making her feel like a volcano just begging to erupt, anything to ease that pressure.

There was something else she was feeling but she couldn't put a name to it, but she knew she wasn't the only, Joohyun's eyes felt something too, but just like her she could decipher what it was. And, they were back to square one.

“I think I have been lying to myself.”

“About what?”

“About moving on.”

She turns back around to see Sana looking at her with those sympathetic eyes, opens and she contemplates saying something but in the end it's silence that prevails. She clearly knows what her race engineer wants to say, they have had this conversation before and she remembers storming out of it because at that time Sana's suggestion seemed stupid.

She knows she is setting herself for heartbreak once again, slowly but surely, but it's always been about her being kept in the dark and she's tired of it, even if the truth is bitter, the light of brightness in blinding she'll take it if that means she'll finally be able to make peace, then let it be.

“You should talk to her.”

“I should.”

“But are you going to?”

“I—I don't know.”

She lets Sana go ahead back to her hotel room to get some sleep and head off to find the least crowded bar in the entire hotel. She doesn't want to go to the rooftop, there is a huge possibility that Joohyun might be there and she isn't in the right state of mind to talk to her, so resorting to alcohol is the second best option.

There is no plan on getting drunk, she doesn't fancy having a hangover on a raceday, just a distraction that'll take Joohyun off her mind for the night. “One Cranberry Negroni please,” there isn't much thought about the order apart from the fact that she knows her system pretty well and knows gin will knock her out the fastest so she settles on a cocktail that contains it. 

Once her drink is served she turns her barstool towards the huge glass window that shows the dark blue night sky as she starts to sip on her drink. Normally alcohol stings, it tastes bitter and that's why she avoids the stronger ones but this one tastes familiar, like she has gotten drunk on it in recent times, she just can't pinpoint when.

'Joohyun. Joohyun. Joohyun.'

Her mind races back to those stare-offs, those snarky words, those rough hands but at the same time she thinks of pure eye-contacts, soft exchange of words and careful caresses. She shouldn't have let that kiss happen, her fall to temptation has led her to this moment, that she's once again back to square one.

“One more ple—”

“—That'll be all.”

Looking up, she is met with Joohyun's stern gaze as she pushes back the glass to the bar counter, urging the bartender to take it away. She tries to reach for the glass but Joohyun pushes it away from her grasp and the bartender eventually walks away with the glass, probably to get away from them.

Joohyun scans her from head to toe, and she knows it's because she wants to make sure if she's drunk or not. She's not drunk, probably a little tipsy and sleepy, Joohyun has it figured out. The older girl buries her hands inside the pockets of her hoodie and stands still.

'Don't look at me like that,' her body burns and she slowly loses the trust in herself to not do something stupid, so she does what she's best at, leaving.

The walk to her hotel room is small but the surprise awaits her when she get there only to see Joohyun there too, two rooms to her right to be exact. She thought that the encounter in Austria would be enough to get some distance between them, but it seemed like Joohyun wasn't going to co-operate at all.

It's faint but she hears it, “Goodnight Seungwan,” she does end up passing out like a log as soon as her face meets the mattress.

🏁

“We are here in Silverstone, one of the most popular circuits in the history of motorsports. The British Grand Prix is hands down the most awaited race of the year, just hear the roar of the crowd as these cars come out of the pits to prepare for the formation lap,” Doyoung reads off from his prompter, letting the other commentator aside him to continue.

“For those who missed the qualifying yesterday, it was one of the most exciting sessions of this season with rain coming into play after Q1. Mercedes had the faster car but it was the rain master Son Seungwan who took away the pole position after putting together one of the best qualifying laps we have ever seen at Silverstone with mediums on a wet surface. Bae Joohyun, her championship rival had to settle with the front-row start only, it doesn't take away anything from the four-time world champion because she's the driver with the most victories here while Son Seungwan's best finish here is a P3. It'll be interesting to see their battle here, considering the data that has shown us that the gap between them in terms of race pace is much smaller compared to previous races,” Jaehyun finishes up his prompt before the commentators for the race Martin Brundle and David Croft take over the panel.

Seungwan looks to her side, meeting Joohyun who happens to turn her head at the same time as her. Both of them put down their visor at the same time before the race mechanics removed the tire blankets, clearing out the track for the formation lap.

'Focus on the race. Just the race. Just on yourself. Not on her. You have to be strong.'

“It's lights out and away we go! Pole sitter Son Seungwan gets a better start, Bae Joohyun is right next to her, we go through turn one and it's Son ahead of Bae! Going through the second turn it's the Red Bull in the lead but Mercedes is coming back, Bae is not ready to give this up yet. Into the Village corner we go and it's Son with Bae alongside her behind them we have the other Red Bull covering Kang Seulgi who is under pressure from the Mercedes behind her. Son Seungwan has to defend like crazy because Bae Joohyun got the better drive out of the corner, she'll be faster down the Wellington straight!” 

“No chance for Son Seungwan to defend because Bae Joohyun is right next to her, they almost touch as they go into Brooklyn corner as Son stays ahead!The crowd roars their approval for this as the two championship leaders are giving their everything for this in the very first lap of this race from the very first corner! It's not over yet because Bae Joohyun gets a slipstream all the way down to the pit straight into the Corpse corner, these are critical corners for this entire race. Bae is going to try again and this time from the inside and they touch! Son Seungwan is out of the race, it's a big crash! Bae Joohyun and Son Seungwan come together and collide, it's Bae who continues the race while Son is out! It's a red flag.”

It happens too fast and then in an instant time becomes slow, everything changes. She had the apex so she turns to her right to make the corner but then she hears a weird sound of something breaking, her tires screeching and then she sees her right front tire floating in the air. Time slows down, each second stretching into an eternity, the track is getting further away from her vision and then something snaps, her entire body moves to the left and then it's just a burst of dust all over her.

The impact reverberates through her entire body, the force is unimaginable, a violent jolt that rattlers her entire body. There is dust all around her blocking her vision, her cockpit fills with smoke and the acrid smell of burning rubber.

Her heart was pounding in her chest, the realisation of what had just transpired begins to sink in. She was sure that she was alive, but something wasn't right or was she really not alive anymore. She feels a queer heaviness surrounding her entire soul, there was a throbbing pain in her head, a dull ache that resonated with every heartbeat.

'Am I even alive?' Something keeps ringing, she isn't sure what it is but the ringing sound stays there. Her entire body aches, when she tries to remove her feet from the pedals and hands from the steering wheel.

“Seungwan! Answer me?”

“Fu…ck! Every…thing—hurts.”

That's the only reply she manages to send out before the dust clears out and the situation starts to settle in. She looks to her side to see her car against the tire barriers, there are no cars on the track but there is an ambulance on the side and a tow truck that's moving towards her.

She manages to get out of the car on her own but immediately regrets it because the moment her feet meet the group, it feels like the whole ground is crumbling apart. She's glad that the medics hold onto her realising that she's not that fine, there is a hand around her waist and her elbow is draped around someone's neck. She brings up her free hand and removes her helmet, dropping it on the gravel trap before she takes off her head resistant mask and shoves it into a marshal's hand.

Seungwan can barely feel anything, her hands, her legs, even her senses all seem to disappear. She doesn't even feel like she is the one controlling her body and she's glad it's not her because she is not in a state to think of anything. Voices are muffled, vision is blurry, breathing is unstable but she manages to keep herself from panicking as the medics help her get inside the ambulance.

She sits on a stretcher, there are two men sitting opposite to her, some things are getting attached to her fingers and then she can see one of the older ones between those guys speaking to her. She's confused because she can't seem to hear him, his eyes wrinkle with each passing moment as if he's getting concerned for her so she decides to nod and offer him a smile, in case it'll lessen his worry.

The door to the ambulance opens and it reveals an out of breath Sana and Minjeong behind her looking at her with worry, “Are you fine?” It's Minjeong who asks that as she climbs inside the vehicle and reaches out for hands.

She blinks, not knowing what to say, she can hear them now but her brain refuses to function, taking away her ability to speak. 'I…Joohyun…crashed' are her last thoughts before her head starts to throb so much and before she knows she starts to feel light headed, slowly her body feels light and the world disappears into darkness.

🏁

Blinking her eyes open, she immediately feels annoyed because of the bright lights blinding her, her vision is already blurry and she feels light headed, the bright lights only add to her misery and the sterile smell makes her head spin and makes her want to vomit.

She hears two voices, both of them are familiar, like she has heard them countless of times, but her brain refuses to function, so she fails to recognise both of them. She says something, she isn't sure though what she says, she just feels light headed and wants to sleep, though she hopes that someone will hold onto her because everytime she closes her eyes, it seems like she's falling.

It annoys her and the voices keep ringing in her ears so she tries to get up and that turns out to be a mistake because her entire world starts to spin, a gentle jerk pushes her back against the mattress and she's glad for that.

The room finally becomes quiet and gradually the bright lights disappear, for the first time she closes her eyes contentedly, glad that she can finally resort to the darkness without any lights disturbing her.

She's about to fall asleep when something cold comes in contact with her hand, she holds onto it because it feels oddly comforting. Her heart feels at ease so despite feeling numb all over her body she tries to hold onto that as she finally crumbles to sleep.

Fluttering her eyes open, she was once again met with that sterile smell and bright lights. For some reason she felt her heartbeat quicken, maybe because she had been asleep for too long but nothing was hurting, not even the loud beeping of the machine beside her.

“Unnie! Wh—at is happening? Why is this beeping?” Looking to her side she is met with a sight of Minjeong, who unsurprisingly doesn't look like herself, maybe a much more distraught version of her.

She opens to speak but it hurts, is parched and it feels like she hasn't been drinking water since forever. Closing she swallows some of her saliva hoping it'll ease the soreness in but it doesn't do anything and before she knows tears start streaming down Minjeong's eyes.

If she's being honest, she'll admit that maybe her body overreacted to that crash but she doesn't blame her system for this. Throughout her entire career she has been a clean driver, staying away from crashes and that was the first time she suffered a crash that big. It's not the physical part of the crash that made her this vulnerable, it was the mental one.

She barely remembers anything after she got out of the car, after that the entire day was nothing but a blur for her. Opening her eyes and inhaling that alcoholic smell was a dead giveaway that she was in a hospital, she was being taken for an x-ray, something about bruises on her left one, but even that was nothing but a blur. The only thing she can recall was being a grunting mess, wailing in pain, begging to stop her head from hurting, it felt like her head will burst any moment and she'll die if the pain continued to be like that.

After that it was calm and peaceful as if she was in a different world, she does remember waking up at random times but it's always those bright lights blinding her and blurry faces making her focus too much, resulting in nothing but pain and that just served as a purpose for her to keep her eyes shut, let whatever the doctors have her work and submit to the world of darkness.

Doctors termed that as normal and it was nothing to be worried about. She finally got to drink some water and that alone was enough to make her morning much better, maybe not that better because her teammate was still sniffling on the chair beside her.

“She has been a mess since she saw you faint,” Taeyeon squeezes Minjeong's shoulders, unable to stop herself from chuckling, making the rookie whine.

“You gave all of us a huge scare,” Sana exclaims, a relieved smile resting on her face, just glad that she's fine.

“Stop crying Minjeong-ah, unnie is fine now,” saying that makes her feel cringe, even embarrassing because both Sana and Taeyeon look at her with those shock filled eyes, this is not her, she is not soft spoken but she just can't shout at the shaken up rookie to stop her from crying.

“We'll get something for you to eat,” Taeyeon shares a knowing look with her, telling her to have a nice chat with the rookie to calm herself before she leaves the room along with Sana, leaving her alone in the room along with Minjeong.

She helplessly gazes at the crying girl not knowing how to calm her down, she thought she'll calm down after Taeyeon and Sana comforted her but no. She knows the situation must've taken a toll on her too because Sana told her that the rookie actually didn't head back to the hotel and stayed at the hospital the entire night.“Such a crybaby, tsk,” she mutters under her breath watching her teammate trying to stop herself from crying and failing miserably.

“Come here,” She feels much better but her ribs still feel a little sore when she bends her body but she does it anyway to grab Minjeong's arm pulling her to the bed from the chair she was sitting on. The rookie resists a little before she clenches the sides of her hospital gown and buries her head in her shoulders, still crying.

It hurts a little but pushes that thought to the back of her mind, focusing on caressing the back of Minjeong's head to calm her down. The hold around her waist tightens and she can't help but wonder, 'It feels nice' being hugged like this feels nice, maybe that's why she allows her head to rest on Minjeong's shoulders and close her eyes to find some peace.

“I…thought you were…,” whimpers Minjeong in between her sobs that seem to subside compared to a few minutes ago.

“Shhh…I am fine, aren't I?” She takes a deep breath and carefully pulls back enough to see the younger girl's face.

There are no words exchanged as she takes time to wipe away all her tears with a tissue and gives her some moments to fix herself. After calming down the rookie moves herself away from the bed but she stops her and keeps her still on the bed. She gives the rookie the time she nee