“He’s out there again,” Kibum said to no one in particular. 

He stood in front of his windowsill, his hands tucked under his chin as he leaned forward to rest his judgmental gaze upon the young boy across the road. 

His eight year old brain couldn’t fathom a good reason as to why he always saw this boy, who he assumed was his age, sitting across the walkway that separated their two apartment buildings. 

He must have lived there, he could only assume. That meant they lived in the same neighborhood, but just different buildings. 

He was out there every morning bright and early as Kibum was on his way to school.

He glared at the boy through the window. 

But the boy couldn’t see.

Instead the boy had his eyes fixated on the book in his lap.

“Let’s go, Kibum. It’s time for school,” his mother called.

She shoved his notebooks and snacks in his bag before rushing him out of the house. Not a hug or kiss goodbye offered. But he was used to it now. The older he got the less affectionate his parents became.

He was out of his home so fast he couldn’t process it. He ended up stumbling towards the stairs to make his exit. Thankfully he was on the first floor in his ten story apartment building, so he never had to climb those god awful steps or wait for an elevator.

When he stepped outside he had a better view of the boy sitting across from his apartment complex. He watched as he looked up from his book that he had in his lap. 

The boy stopped reading his book and instead rested his chin in his hands as they were propped up by his elbows in his lap. 

Kibum frowned.

Why was he staring at him?

They didn’t break eye contact for a few minutes until Kibum decided that he should make his way to his bus stop. He eventually stuck his nose up to the sky as he walked pass the boy, feeling his stare. It was rude to stare and he didn’t like when that boy did it.

He tried not to think about it as he stood at his bus stop. He was jostled out of his thoughts when his friend shook his shoulder to catch his attention. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey, Taemin.”

His close friend was a bit younger than him, one grade under him actually. His mother tried to encourage him to make friends in his grade but he liked Taemin just fine. He was nice and he lived in the same neighborhood too. His mother was just a picky woman.

“What’s wrong?” Taemin asked.

The frown he wore earlier never wiped off his face. 

“That weird kid was staring at me again.”

Taemin’s mouth turned into an ‘O’ shape as he nodded his head. “Maybe you should say hi to him.” 

Kibum scoffed.  “No, thanks.”

 

        ——

 

Even when Kibum got off the bus the kid was there sitting in the same spot.

The first few weeks it didn’t bother him, but now he felt a slight sense of anger when he saw him. Unfortunately he couldn’t rant to Taemin as his young friend walked in the opposite direction towards his home so he never even got to see this kid. 

One evening as he made his way towards home he started kicking rocks out of frustration. The boy’s presence just stressed him out! 

As he was trying to avoid his gaze he kicked one rock particularly hard. A bit too hard. So hard that it actually went flying off in the wrong direction and landed in-front of the boys feet. 

Kibum panicked a bit as he thought he should maybe apologize, he didn’t want him to think that he was trying to hurt him.

He opened his mouth to speak but stopped when he saw the boy lean forward and pick up the rock to inspect it. Would he yell at him? Would he throw it back at him?  He wasn’t sure, but he was definitely surprised when the boy suddenly decided to wave at him.

He kept the rock in a tight fist in one and as he waved with the other. 

 

Kibum ran inside.

 

                                                                          ——

 

Weeks and weeks have passed by and Kibum was fed up! He was going to get to the bottom of this! 

He made sure that when he got off that bus Friday evening he would confront that boy and tell him to leave him alone! He needed peace back into his life! 

 

Don’t be mean to him. Taemin reminded him before parting ways.

His goal wasn’t to be mean, it was just to get him to mind his business!

 

The moment he spotted the boy in sight he marched up to him. The boy looked a bit taken aback and accidentally dropped the book he was reading before jumping up.

Kibum stuck his nose high to the sky and crossed his arms before speaking.

 

“Just so you know, I think you’re weird.” He said confidently.

“That’s a mean thing to say.” The boy shot back without missing a beat.

The boy frowned and took a defensive stance.

Kibum wasn’t sure why he was surprised at the boy’s reaction. He did just insult him, he shouldn’t be too surprised.

His confidence suddenly wavered.

 

“Sorry.” He said instinctively, not even processing that he had shattered his tough image.

“You’re sorry? Then why did you say it?”

Again, Kibum was stunned. He shrugged as a response. 

“Why are you out here every morning and every evening?” He decided to ask after awkwardly breaking eye contact.

The boy gave him a look over before slowly sitting back down and focusing his eyes back on his book.

“Because I can.” He responded while ruffling the book’s pages.

Maybe his initial comment to him had him feeling defensive now.

“It’s weird you know!” Kibum said.

“How?”

“You’re always here when I come out. And when I come home.”

“And? Not my fault you always notice me. Why do you always stare at me?”

“No! You’re staring at me! Why do you stare at me?”

It was an awkward moment of silence but he could tell the boy was thinking hard about his next words.

“I like to pretend I’m going to school with you.”

“Why?”

The boy shrugged.

“You don’t go to school?” Kibum asked.

“I’m homeschooled.”

Oh.

Now things were making sense.

“Why?” Kibum asked again.

The boy repeated the same gesture and shrugged.

“I’m Kibum. What’s your name?”

“Jonghyun.”

Kibum awkwardly stood over him as he watched him pretend to be interested in his book.

But little did he know the next few words would change the trajectory of their relationship.

“Do you want to go to the playground?” 

“Sure.” Jonghyun immediately responded.

 

•••                                    

 

“You’re late today.” Kibum huffed.

“I was playing video games.” Jonghyun replied.

 

It became tradition for Jonghyun to meet Kibum at his bus stop everyday when he got home from school for the past five years.

 

Kibum shrugged and pouted. He had only been waiting for about three minutes longer than usual, with Taemin by his side to keep him company. 

“Tae? Do you want to come to my place and watch TV?” Kibum asked. 

Taemin shook his head.

“No it’s okay. I’m gonna go do my homework.” He said before bidding his goodbye and awkwardly bowing to Jonghyun before leaving and Jonghyun returning one back.

Although they were both his friends for a long time and spent a lot of time around each other, Jonghyun and Taemin never really grew close. 

Jonghyun was a bit…socially awkward. 

Taemin couldn’t handle it well. But Kibum didn’t mind him at all.

He was homeschooled and pretty introverted. Kibum was really his only friend. His only true friend anyway. 

They played out with neighborhood kids sometimes, but Kibum didn’t like the way they treated his older friend. They called him weird and for not going to a regular school. Kibum would often shoo them away when they started being mean.

“Let’s go.” Kibum said, tugging his friend by his arm in a hurried manner. He knew his friend had limited time. 

“My dad said I have to be home by seven.” Jonghyun said.

Kibum rolled his eyes. He thought Jonghyun’s father was a bit overbearing, but he kept his personal opinion to himself. 

“What did you do at school today?” Jonghyun asked as they walked towards his friend's home. Kibum smiled. He never failed to ask him this question everyday. 

“Work, work, and more work. I barely passed my geometry test. Lunch was disgusting. There was a fight after lunch. And my science teacher yelled at me for not completing my homework.” He said nonchalantly. But he couldn’t help but laugh at how eager Jonghyun looked and the smile plastered on his face.

“That sounds like fun. Can you tell me more?” 

Kibum just laughed again.

 

Kibum burst through his home, sloppily kicking off his shoes while Jonghyun cautiously placed his neatly in the shoe hall before stepping in. 

“MOM! I’M HOME!” Kibum yelled obnoxiously. 

Although they lived in the same neighborhood, Kibum’s home was a lot more spacious. His parents were well off, which meant they were always busy and working. He wasn’t that close with his parents at all really. He was going through his angsty thirteen year old tween phase these days. All he wanted to do was avoid his parents.

His mother stomped around the corner angrily, ready to scold Kibum but stopped once her eyes landed upon his friend.

“Oh, hi Jonghyun honey. How are you?” 

“I’m good, Mrs. Kim. How are you?” Jonghyun said giving the deepest bow he could possibly give. 

Kibum cringed. He told Jonghyun to stop being so formal with his mother years ago, but his mother loved it.

Once Kibum was able to pry his friend away from his mothers claws they ran to his room while he ignored his mothers warnings about being loud.

 

“What are we watching today?” Jonghyun said excitedly. As he plopped down on Kibum carpet.

Kibum, without paying much attention, just handed him his remote and allowed Jonghyun to take control as he half heartedly put his things away.

Jonghyun didn’t watch much TV at home. It was a hobby he mostly did with Kibum. It’s not that he wasn’t allowed to watch TV, he just found it more comforting to watch it with his friend.

He usually just played video games with his online friends in his free time.

They often enjoyed each other’s company without feeling like they had to speak, just sitting next to each other was enough sometimes. 

Sometimes they played video games, played card games, sometimes they vented to each other about their problems. Just depended on the day. 

Jonghyun knew today Kibum wasn’t in the talking mood, he only suggested watching TV when he didn’t feel like talking. So he respected his decision.

But he couldn’t help but let his curiosity get the best of him when he would glance off to the side and occasionally hear Kibum sigh as he stared at some magazine. His eyes weren’t focused on the TV, but instead some male idols' faces.

“Who’s that?” Jonghyun asked, leaning over Kibum’s shoulder.

Kibum snapped the magazine closed, wrinkling some pages in the process. 

“No one.” He said in a low voice.

“But I saw you looking at some guys face. You're drooling.”

Kibum’s cheeks glowed red.

“Shut up!” He yelled.

Jonghyun was a little confused by his reaction.

“Why do you look so nervous?” He asked.

“I-I’m not! Just s-shut up!” Kibum said.

“Let me see!”

“No!”

“Come on! I won’t judge you!”

Kibum sat still for a moment before side-eyeing him.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” 

The two always took a promise seriously.

Kibum slowly and cautiously opened his magazine back up.

“It’s just some guy.” Jonghyun said bored.

“It’s not just some guy! He’s the best singer ever,” Kibum said feeling defensive. “And…I think he’s cute.”

Jonghyun gave him a confused look. One eyebrow raised and his lips pursed.

“But he’s a boy.” 

“I know.”

Who knew silence could be so loud. The two sat quietly for a few moments as realization started to slowly dawn on Jonghyun.

“Oh.” He said.

“Yea…” 

Jonghyun sat back with a look that clearly meant he was thinking. Kibum knew this look well.

“Boys can be cute too? Is it okay to say that?” Jonghyun asked.

Kibum nodded hesitantly, unsure of where Jonghyun was headed with this question.

“Okay. Then I think you’re cute too, Kibum.”

 

       —

 

Some months passed and nothing came from their confessions. Jonghyun just accepted him for who he was and Kibum could only disregard Jonghyun’s comment. He didn’t want to think too deeply about it.

He wouldn’t let that deter their friendship. He just wouldn’t allow it. 

At the moment Kibum was stomping about outside hoping to catch his friend reading on the steps like he usually did at random times of the day whenever Kibum wasn’t available.

He was inconsolable at the moment. He was crying angry tears after a rather petty argument with his parents. Was he in the wrong? Maybe. Yes. But either way he didn’t feel heard and there was only one person that he felt like understood him.

He decided to make a risky move. He knew Jonghyun was demanded to be home by his father hours ago but he decided to march up to his apartment anyway. It wasn’t even that late anyway! He made his way to his door, not even thinking about the possible repercussions. He roughly wiped away his tears and lifted up his fist to knock on the door, hesitating for a moment before he decided to just go for it. He knocked repeatedly for a few moments impatiently waiting for an answer. 

He stood frozen when Jonghyun’s father swung his door open, with a not so pleased look on his face. His father wasn’t a big man or domineering man, what made him seem scary was his serious demeanor and intimidating aura. 

“Yes, Kibum?”

“H-hello, Mr. Kim. Is Jonghyun home?” He said in a small voice.

“He is. But I told him to tell you he needed to come home hours ago.” He said in a monotone voice while giving him a slightly irritated look.

“Oh, yes. I know b-but I was hoping maybe we could study together or-“

“Sorry, Kibum. Maybe tomorrow.” His father said as politely as he would allow himself.

“Have a good night.” His father said before closing the door.

He wasn’t ever outright mean to Kibum. Just very serious and stoic. He wasn’t allowed over much, on rare occasions only. So he wasn’t too surprised by his response but he had hoped maybe, by some miracle, his father would be lenient. 

He left dejected and lazily kicked around some rocks and dirt as he walked back across to his home. 

But he stopped in his tracks abruptly when he heard his name being called.

“Pssst, Kibum!”

Said boy spun around. 

He saw Jonghyun jogging towards him.

“W-what are you doing? I thought you couldn’t come out?” Kibum asked, looking behind him worried his father would pop out of nowhere.

Jonghyun shrugged.

“How did you get out?” Kibum asked.

“I snuck out. You look sad.” 

Kibum nodded. Maybe his eyes may have still been bloodshot from crying earlier.

“Let’s go to the park and talk.” Jonghyun suggested.

Kibum smiled. Jonghyun always knew how to cheer him up.

Kibum lazily swung back and forth on a swing while Jonghyun spent his time playing with the sand and letting it slip through his fingers.

“So, why were you crying?” Jonghyun asked, not sounding particularly worried. He wasn’t good at expressing emotions, but Kibum knew he meant well.

Kibum hung his head low. 

“You can tell me.” Jonghyun said crouched down in front of Kibum while he drew patterns in the sand.

“I don’t know, it’s kind of stupid…” he said.

The more he thought about it the more foolish he thought it would sound to say out loud. 

“Judgment free zone.” Jonghyun reminded him.

“My mom…grounded me.”

Jonghyun pouted and crossed his arms.

“What did you do now, Kim?” 

Kibum rolled his eyes at the playful name Jonghyun would call him when he did something wrong.

“I haven't been doing so great in school…I haven't been doing my best honestly.” Kibum admitted. 

“I failed a class.”

Kibum watched as Jonghyun stood up to sit on the swing next to him to be more at eye level. 

“Why?” Jonghyun asked softly.

“My mom thinks…I’m perfect. She wants me to be perfect, always. I want to prove her wrong. I don’t know…” He said trying not to let his tears well up again. 

Jonghyun wanted to think before he answered, so he sat quietly and let Kibum vent. He hadn’t gone through something like this so he wasn’t sure what the best words would be to say.

“I think you’re doing great.” Jonghyun said.

Kibum looked at him confused.

“What?” 

“You wake up everyday and you still try. You haven't given up yet. You’re doing fine. And you’ll do better.” 

Kibum looked at him a bit puzzled by his comment. He was failing! How was he doing great?!

But he was still trying. And Jonghyun knew that.

“Thank you.” Kibum breathed. That was all he needed to hear really. He had been bombarded with such negative comments at school and at home it felt good to hear the opposite.

“I wish you could come to school with me.” He said suddenly. He knew the topic was a bit sensitive for Jonghyun so he regretted bringing it up. But maybe having a friend like Jonghyun at school would help him make it feel like his time was worthwhile, while being there.

“Yea,” He responded sadly.

“Dad, still won’t allow it.” He shrugged, turning his attention back to the sand, now drawing patterns with his toes.

“He thinks I’ll run off like Mom.” He whispered. 

“Have you…heard from her?” Kibum asked carefully.

He shook his head.

“Going on six years now. I gave up a long time ago.” He said without any particular emotion in his voice. But Kibum knew he was hurt. His mother left him when he was nearly seven years old. His father liked to keep him home most of the time, afraid he would leave too.

Kibum took his hand and interlocked their fingers.

“Well, don’t give up.” He said, echoing back his words of encouragement.

 

•••

 

“Jonghyun, I want you to meet my boyfriend.” 

 

Jonghyun’s face screwed. 

He paused his game on his game station, something he hardly did when he was playing a serious game. 

Kibum was over at his home. Usually the two spent their time in Kibum’s home, Jonghyun’s father had loosen his reigns on him the past year or so. But only a little. 

Kibum was allowed over more during the last few years that went by. Even getting to know Jonghyun’s father better.

Jonghyun took off his headphones, thinking that maybe he heard his friend incorrectly.

“Hold on, O. Give me five minutes.” Jonghyun said into his mic to his friend. He had taken to making close friendships with internet friends, since his best friend seemed to be busy these days.

He turned around to see Kibum sitting on his bed looking nervous.

“What?” 

“I want you to meet my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend? What boyfriend? You never told me you even liked anyone.” 

Jonghyun felt a little betrayed. Actually more than a little. 

The two told each other any and everything. But ever since Kibum started highschool, Kibum did seem a bit more distant. He changed in the slightest ways.

He was a lot more snappy than he used to be and secretive. Not as willing to tell Jonghyun about his days at school anymore. He and his mothers relationship had gotten worse, so he was more grumpy these days too. And the days where Jonghyun would feel amazed by Kibum’s school stories were gone, these feelings started to slowly turn into feelings of jealousy.

“Well it kinda just happened.” 

Why did Kibum seem so nervous about telling him? It’s not like he wasn’t allowed to date, he was fifteen now. He could do what he wanted! So then why did he feel so nervous to tell him? Jonghyun was his best friend after all. 

“Okay…I kind of feel like you're lying.” Jonghyun said.

Kibum rolled his eyes. Jonghyun was just too honest sometimes. He decided to brush off his comment.

“Hang out with us this Saturday.” Kibum offered.

Jonghyun frowned for a bit before putting his headphones back on and turning his attention back to the screen and pressing ‘play’.

“I’ll let you know later.”

Kibum wasn’t sure why those words hurt him so much. Jonghyun never turned down time to hang out together. Well, usually it was just the two of them (every now and then Taemin would join, but rarely.)

And Jonghyun had admitted that he felt nervous about meeting new people too. Surely that was the only reason he declined right? He was just nervous, that’s all.

 

—

 

They eventually met. They hung out. And Jonghyun decided he didn’t really like his boyfriend very much. He seemed too pushy and too controlling. And he wasn’t afraid to voice it to him either. 

“You're an Jonghyun.” Kibum said, grabbing belongings. 

The two decided to meet up at the mall and have some much needed alone time. It seemed like Kibum only ever hung out with his boyfriend these days anyway. 

“You asked for my opinion.” Jonghyun reminded him.

“Yea! But you don’t have to be so mean about it!” 

“You know I always tell you the truth. I don’t sugar coat anything for you, Kibum.”

Over the years Jonghyun had become extremely blunt and forth telling when it came to his opinions or thoughts. He just didn’t have a filter. He wasn't great at navigating or understanding people’s feelings. He was homeschooled most of life. He didn’t have much interaction with other kids other than when he went outside to play when they were younger. Now he stayed cooped up in his room playing games all day.

Kibum tried to be understanding, but it irked him. He was a lot more sensitive these days. But he knew Jonghyun didn’t mean any harm.

Kibum had his jacket and belongings in his hands ready to stomp off when he decided to take a second to cool off.

“Well, I like him. I don’t care what you think.” Kibum said.

“I know you don’t care about what I think. You don’t hang out with me long enough to listen to anything I have to say.” Jonghyun spat.

Kibum was a bit shocked by his response.

“T-that’s not true!”

“We live across from each other and we’ve only seen each other twice this month! You’re always with him or you ditch me for your new friends.” 

Kibum slowly sat back down at the table that they were sitting at in a nearby park next to the mall.

“Oh.” Was all Kibum could say.

He hardly ever saw Jonghyun get angry or sad. So when he was, he knew he was really upset. 

Jonghyun avoided eye contact and sat with his arms crossed. 

“Jjong, I’m sorry,” he started. 

He laid a hand on his arm hoping that he would turn around and listen to him.

“School just got really busy…and I made new friends and met someone I like. I didn't forget about you. I swear.” 

Jonghyun just nodded, still not looking at him.

“I wish I could see you more often. I wish…we went to the same school.” He said, trying to comfort him.

“Do you really?” Jonghyun said, eyeing him after he spoke those words.

“Of course I do! Then we could hang out all the time.”

Jonghyun turned around to face him fully.

“Well I’ve been meaning to tell you something, but you’ve been so busy.”

“Yea?”

“I’m enrolling into school next year. Your school.”

Kibum’s eyes went wide.

“W-what?! H-how?! Why?!” The smile on Kibum’s face made Jonghyun feel a little bit better. 

“My dad said I would have a better shot at university if I went to a good school. And your school is the closest to home anyway…” 

He was a bit taken aback when Kibum jumped up into his lap to choke him in a tight hug.

“Jjong! This is great! We can see each other all the time now!” Kibum said, muffled into his shoulder.

Jonghyun had been eager to share this news with him for a while, but their time together kept getting postponed. And in all honesty he was still upset.

But for the time being Jonghyun would set aside the hurt he still felt and instead relish in the warm hug his friend engulfed him in.

 

•••

 

The next school year finally arrived. It had only been  less then five months when Jonghyun told Kibum the news. 

Kibum made more of an effort to hang out with Jonghyun, but when he did brush him off he made the excuse of saying they would be seeing each other all day and everyday at school anyway.

He no longer had to watch his friend go to school and walk him to the bus stop. Now he could go to school with him and walk with him to the bus stop.

“You have your pencil case, notebooks, calculator, biology books,….” Kibum said as he rummaged through Jonghyun’s backpack at the bus stop. 

Jonghyun stood there as he allowed Kibum to shuffle around in and check his personal things. 

“You act like his mom…” Taemin said, watching the whole ordeal.

Before Jonghyun could even process what he said Kibum said something.

“I’m just making sure he has everything.” Kibum said a bit snippy with a cold tone. 

Taemin held up his hands in defense and decided not to make another comment about what he was seeing.

“Okay.” Kibum said as he zipped up his friend's backpack. 

“You’ve got everything. Are you ready for your first day?” Kibum asked excitedly as he folded Jonghyun’s uniform collar down.

“Yea, I’m just nervous.” He said.

“Don’t be. You have me. And Taemin.” Kibum gave his younger friend a stern look. The two didn’t have to be friends but he wanted Taemin to help Jonghyun feel welcomed at the very least.

“Yea, I’ll help you Hyung. Don’t worry.” Taemin said.

 

Jonghyun nervously walked through the crowd of kids shoving each other and yelling curse words as Kibum guided him to his locker. He was a bit distracted by everything going on around him as Kibum tried to show him how to use his locker.

“…and then you should hear a clicking noise and it will pop open. Are you listening to me?” Kibum asked.

Jonghyun nodded. He felt relief that he had Kibum with him, but that sense of comfort was torn away from him the minute Kibum’s boyfriend showed up. 

“Hey, Bum.” Kibum’s boyfriend said.

“Bin! I’m just helping Jonghyun with his locker and then we can go okay?” 

Jonghyun frowned. He thought maybe they would spend more time together before class started.

“Can’t he do it himself?” His boyfriend whispered. But Jonghyun heard him loud and clear.

Kibum gave his boyfriend a pointed look before he turned back to Jonghyun and helped him put his things in his locker. 

“You remember how to walk to your first period right?” Kibum said worried.

Jonghyun had much rather have him walk him there but he could clearly see the impatient look on his boyfriend's face.

Jonghyun nodded.

“Sure.”

 

—

 

First couple of weeks were a bit rough for Jonghyun. But he did have Kibum there to help him, he even had a class with him! But his attention was still on his boyfriend most of the time. He ate lunch with them, and a few of Kibum’s other friends too.

Kibum’s friend that he had heard him mention before, Minho, was pretty nice. Minho would often comment on how strange he thought Jonghyun was sometimes but he seemed to enjoy his company nevertheless. If Kibum wasn’t available Minho would talk to him. He hardly saw Taemin, and wondered if he was actually avoiding him.

He was getting slowly used to his schedule, loud atmosphere, and interacting with more people. But he just wasn’t used to Kibum anymore.

His best friend was a little different in school. Everyone wanted to be around him and he knew Kibum knew it. He even seemed a bit cocky at times. Kibum would always spill his insecurities and doubts to him in private but in school he seemed so confident. And Jonghyun hated seeing him dangle across his boyfriend. He wasn’t sure why, but he really hated it. They held hands and giggled. He just didn’t want to see it.

He thought highschool with his best friend would be different.

He usually spent his lunch sitting with him and his boyfriend and whoever else tagged along that day but today he needed some space from them. He had been too shy to make friends the first few months and people thought he was a loner and called him weird because of it. But he didn’t care.

He sat alone in the lunchroom eating peacefully. He decided to work on a few assignments he had. He had his headphones in so when some random stranger suddenly sat down in front of him it startled him a bit. 

The boy eyed him slowly and it made Jonghyun feel uncomfortable. He took one of his earbuds out and set his pencil down before speaking.

“Yes?” He pressed.

The boy was eyeing him still with his chin resting on his hands. But what came out of the boy's mouth next, made his eyes go wide.

“Selene6.23.” The boy said.

Jonghyun yanked his other headphone piece out and looked at him with bewilderment.

“Circle_89?”

“Jonghyun?”

“Onew?”

Jonghyun couldn’t believe it. He was sitting across from his online gaming friend! 

“Jonghyun, what are you doing here? I thought you were homeschooled!” Onew said, amazement clear on his face.

“I just started here a few months ago. That’s why I haven’t been online much these days. How did you know it was me?”

“Your gaming ID is on your tag on your backpack!” Onew said, flicking it.

Jonghyun forgot that his father bought him a backpack tag with his gaming ID embroidered on it as a gift.

He started gaming with Onew about a year ago. They talked about their personal lives here and there but mostly about gaming, so he had no idea he even lived this close to him.

“This is awesome! You should come over and play games at my place after school! Oh, call me Jinki by the way. Onew is just my alias.” 

 

Maybe highschool wouldn’t be too bad.

 

•••

 

Highschool got easier for him over the first year. It was his Junior year and it was coming to an end in a few months.

He and Jinki grew closer as he felt he and Kibum were growing farther apart. They still hung out and it was a lot easier to see each other now, but he just felt like Kibum's mind was elsewhere. 

He made a few friends here and there. Minho was starting to become someone he could call a friend. Jonghyun and Taemin eventually developed a friendship as they had gotten to know each other more through another mutual friend, Jinki.

Things were going okay. 

He just wished he had his best friend back.

But maybe it would happen sooner for him than he thought.

 

Jonghyun and Taemin tried to stall the bus driver to wait for Kibum before it left the school's parking lot. He was five minutes late and tried to furiously text Kibum to hurry up and catch the bus before it took off.

The bus driver was telling him off when he finally saw his friend insight. But he was a bit caught off guard when a red faced and teary eyed Kibum ran to the bus. He stormed past Jonghyun and ignored the “what’s wrongs” from his classmates as he lodged himself into a seat in the back. 

Jonghyun sat down next to him shooing away their classmates that were too nosey for his liking. Even Taemin decided to just let Jonghyun handle him.

The moment the bus got to their neighborhood Kibum jumped off the bus practically running and leaving Taemin and Jonghyun in the dust. Jonghyun caught up to him, yanking him by his arm.

“Kibum wait! What’s wrong?!”

“We broke up! Bin broke up with me!” Kibum yelled.

He rubbed at his eyes to try to get rid of his tears, only causing his eyes to redden even more at the rough treatment.

Taemin watched from a distance and decided Jonghyun was better equipped to handle Kibum in this state than he was. 

 “Come over to my place. My dad’s at work.” Jonghyun said, slinging an arm around his best friend’s shoulder. He would have to postpone he and Jinki’s game night, he had more important things to take care of.

 

——

 

And just like that, their friendship was back to normal. Kibum’s boyfriend had been terrible to him and he knew his friend would carry some of those issues with him if he didn’t resolve it with himself. He was a sensitive person. Kibum had apologized for neglecting him, especially during his first year of attending school. But they made up for lost time. 

Jonghyun’s father felt that Kibum was a trust worthy friend after all these years and allowed Jonghyun to spend the night at his place at times. They studied together, hung out together, and laughed together again. He felt like he had his friend back finally. Minho started coming around even more as he tagged along with Kibum, the boys unknowingly making a small friendship group along with Jinki and Taemin. 

He felt like this was how highschool was supposed to be. Having fun with your friends.

 

                                   ——

 

They were seniors now. Kibum could see the happiness and confidence oozing from Jonghyun once he started to feel more comfortable in school. But he wasn’t the only one that noticed this about him. 

Many of the highschool girls did too. 

Jonghyun was a bit weird, sure. Kibum spent many times defending his honor and explaining to people why he was the way he was. 

But Jonghyun was also becoming handsome. And in highschool looks were more important than personality anyway.

He also had a mysterious and nonchalant personality that seemed to attract a hoard of teenage girls his way.

 

Halfway into another new school year Kibum had started getting requests from many girls about his best friend. It didn’t bother him as much, until he realized that Jonghyun was entertaining the idea of dating these days.

They were seventeen now. Thoughts like these were becoming more common.

“Is he single?” 

“Yep.” Kibum said. Trying to hide his annoyance. 

“Can you give him my number?” The girl asked.

“Sure.” Kibum said, holding out his hand waiting for the girl to place the scratch piece of paper with her number scribbled on it that he knew he would throw away. 

She thanked him and then left for her seat. He wanted to spit his gum into it and toss it in the trash can like he had done many a times. But a certain someone caught him before he could.

“I’m going to tell Hyung.” Minho said over his shoulder.

“What are you talking about?” Kibum growled.

“Your jealousy is clouding your judgment! Don’t you think Jonghyun Hyung deserves some love too? Can’t you share your best friend?” Minho said laughing. 

Kibum shared many of his classes with Minho throughout the day this year, so Minho witnessed many of his interactions.

“She’s a mess. Jonghyun wouldn’t like her.” Kibum said.

“Well, he wouldn’t know unless you gave him a chance to decide for himself!” Minho sang.

Maybe Kibum was being a bit selfish.

He stuffed the paper into his pocket.

 

“Here.” Kibum said, throwing a wad of paper at Jonghyun’s head. 

“Ya! Hey, hold on Jinki. Kibum is here.” Jonghyun said into his mic as he paused his game.

“Your dad let me in.” Kibum said before he could ask any questions. 

He lunged himself onto his friend's bed while throwing his backpack on the ground. Instantly whipping out his phone to text someone looking unbothered.

“Jinki, let’s save the game. I need to entertain a guest.” Jonghyun said before shutting down his game. 

“What’s this?” He said, unballing the piece of paper.

“A secret admirer.” Kibum said, uninterested.

“Boy or girl?” 

Kibum put his phone down to throw a look at his friend.

“Why limit my options?” Jonghyun shrugged.

Kibum knew of his friend's growing curiosity over the last year or two. So he wasn’t too surprised at the question. But he sounded like a cocky bastard.

“You wouldn’t even know what to do with a boy.”

Jonghyun stood up as he inspected the number and sat down next to Kibum on his bed.

“You don’t know that.” Jonghyun said, his voice low as he grinned at him. 

Kibum felt his face heat up suddenly before he decided to turn to his side to avoid eye contact.

“Whatever, it’s a girl. Her name is Jessica.” 

“Jessica.” Jonghyun repeated.

Kibum wasn’t sure why his heart dropped when he heard him repeat the name. He sounded almost too eager. Kibum had hoped nothing would come of him giving her his number to him. He wanted to gauge Minho's eyes out.

 

From then Jonghyun didn’t date the girl, but they definitely had a fling going on. And Kibum tried his absolute best not to show his jealousy. To his friends it was obvious. He wasn’t sure if Jonghyun noticed, but if he did, he hadn’t said anything. Jonghyun had never been in a serious relationship before. Kibum called this more of a “situationship” and he didn’t like it for his friend. He felt like he was being taken advantage of. He watched as the two argued a lot and had disagreements. It affected Jonghyun’s mood sometimes. He wasn’t great at handling a lot of emotions, sure he could handle Kibum sometimes when he had his moments, but that was as much as his brain could handle.

Kibum had to say something.

 

Once their friend group dispersed for the night, and Minho and Taemin went home and Jinki to the arcade, Kibum had his best friend all to himself.

It was the weekend and Jonghyun was allowed out later on Saturdays.

Kibum’s mom had whined about sending his other friends home early. So once his friends left, they decided to go to Jonghyun’s home instead. The one time his mothers nagging worked out in his favor. 

“Let’s watch a movie.” Jonghyun said, leaning back in his bed comfortably.

He agreed and let his friend pick the movie as he was a bit distracted by his thoughts. He wasn’t sure how he wanted to bring this up to him or how he would even react.

But sometime into the movie an opportunity came. 

“You're awfully quiet. What’s wrong?” Jonghyun asked. Oh how he could read him like a book.

“Jjong, how are you and Jessica?” 

He was met with a bit of silence.

“Fine.” He said cooly.

“Really?”

Jonghyun sighed.

“It’s not really any of your business, Kim.” Jonghyun said playfully. But he knew he was serious.

“Can I just…can I just state my opinion? No judgement.” Kibum pleaded.

Jonghyun squeezed his eyes shut as he threw his arm over his face.

“Fine.”

“I really regret hooking you two up, you know? You seem miserable.”

“I’m not.”

“But you look like it!”

Jonghyun huffed.

“And I said I’m not…”

“She’s just…she’s just really mean to you Jjong. And you just let her say horrible things to you.”

“No, I don’t.”

“You do. You're too nice to her. You let her take advantage of you. If you don’t say something I will.”

“But did I bother you when you let your boyfriend control your every move, Kibum?” Jonghyun said as he sprang up from his position on the bed.

“It’s only okay if you get into a relationship and ignore our friendship? When it’s my turn to try to do something without you, I’m not allowed? You’ve never liked her or had anything good to say about her or anyone I talk to.”

Well that hurt.

Kibum didn’t even want to entertain him with a response. He packed up his stuff and marched out of his room, hoping he would call him back and apologize just so he would have a reason to stay.

 

Jonghyun’s fling eventually ended. But Kibum was right. Jessica was mean. And he let her take advantage of him. And Jonghyun decided he wouldn’t let that happen again.

The two eventually made up, without bringing up that incident again. But they made a nonverbal agreement not to into each other's relationships again. 

The last year of highschool Jonghyun let his curiosity get the best of him and explored his options with whomever he wanted. He couldn’t keep a relationship going long enough for it to be anything serious though. He just wasn’t great at keeping relationships and having deep connections with people. And Kibum went on to dates as usual, still meeting ty teenage boys. But both decided not to give an opinion on each other's relationships ever again. 

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