1943

Leo

   I was back in the Engel's house,despite being told by the nurses that there was no point in going back there when my life was going to end anyway. I lay on the bed, staring out at the ceiling.

I breathed in the scent I had not smelt in a long time.

The familiar scent of spices that wafted in the air.

It reminded me of Matteo.

I could still trace out the imaginary outline of him next to me.

I could still remember the weight of his delicate footsteps as he would make his way out of the bedroom .

 my eyes trailed to the side of the room where his desk still stood. I imagined him sitting there, reading, looking out of the window expecting to see me return from the day's errands .

Things could have been different.

very different.

Maybe if my parents didn't abandon me for the sake of their own lives I would have been happy.

I could have continued living in Munich.

Maybe if Matteo's parents hadn't been killed that night Matteo wouldn't have been so shattered.

so filled with loneliness and yearning for his deceased family.

Things could have been different.

Maybe if Renada's life hadn't been ruined by the ship's accident she could have found her own happiness as well.

 If only I hadn't had this  terminal illness, then I'd be on my way, right now,going to Paris to see them again.

If only I didn't have this terminal illness, I wo