Yunjin’s incessant drumming of her fingers against the table is slowly starting to get on Sakura’s nerves. They rarely eat their lunches at the stadium’s canteen, but since the weather today is cold and dreary, no one felt like going out somewhere else to eat. A decision Sakura now starts to regret.

She glances at Yunjin from above her plate with curry rice and she can tell the blonde is just itching to bring up the topic of Minju. Her intense stare has been following Chaewon the entire training, and Sakura has no idea how come the midfielder hasn’t noticed it yet. 

Even now, the goalkeeper’s eyes keep veering to Chaewon’s face as she constantly shifts in her chair like she has ants in her shorts. Several times she approaches her salad with a fork only to drop it, leaving the food untouched on her plate. Finally, with a drawn out sigh, it seems like she has come to a decision.

“Chae, why you’ve never told me you dated a girl?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Chaewon chokes on the water she’s drinking. 

“Excuse me?” She wipes with the back of her hand, frowning.

“You've heard me. Why you’ve never mentioned Minji? I told you about my exes,” Yunjin continues in her resentful tone.

“You mean Minju?” Chaewon asks, eyes veering to Sakura for a briefest second.

Sakura shrinks in her seat, wishing she could disappear. 

She still wonders what on earth possessed her to tell Yunjin about Minju. It was completely out of character for her to breach her golden none of my business rule. No matter how desperate Yunjin seemed, she should have kept shut about it, and advised her to talk to Chaewon herself. 

“Yeah, whatever. Why have you told Sakura about her but not me?”

“Told Sakura? But Sakura knows Minju,” Chaewon states, further digging Sakura’s grave.

“What? You know Minji?!” Yunjin’s voice is so loud that their table instantly becomes the center of everyone’s attention. 

Sakura imagines some of their teammates would love to grab a bucket of popcorn right now.

“Minju,” Chaewon mutters, crossing her arms as she stares at Sakura expectantly.

With the way her friends are looking at her, Sakura feels like she has just been cast as the main antagonist in some k-drama. Yunjin hurt and betrayed as though she has just found out Sakura killed her wife, and Chaewon all proud and smug as the one who revealed her to be the murderer.

Sakura sighs and drops her spoon into her plate, leaning back in her chair.

“The three of us met at a soccer camp when we were still in high school. That was when I first met Chaewon. But I thought you knew that already.” She knows it’s a douchebag move to shift the blame back to Chaewon, but that’s honestly what she has assumed.

How could she possibly know that after almost two years of knowing each other, Yunjin still had no idea who Minju was? She‘s Chaewon’s best friend. They’re living together, for goodness’ sake! And she’s pretty damn sure they both have feelings for each other. It doesn’t make the slightest sense!

“Okay now, that’s beside the point,” Chaewon quickly dismisses Sakura’s words. “What I want to know is why you two have been talking about me behind my back?”

Sakura looks at Yunjin. Yunjin looks at Sakura. None of them willing to speak up. But they both know Chaewon won’t let this go. So finally, the blonde does speak, after hanging her head in shame.

“I asked her if you were gay,” she mutters. 

“Why were you asking Sakura if I was gay?” Chaewon’s confused gaze flits back and forth between them.

Yunjin looks up at Sakura who shakes her head, but the blonde either doesn’t understand her subtle warning or simply decides to disregard it. 

“Because she wanted to know if you were into Zuha,” she says, before adding in a much quieter voice, “not that you would tell me, apparently.”

“Zuha?!”

Sakura winces at Chaewon’s loud voice that rivals Yunjin’s in its volume and intensity. 

“What about me?” Kazuha sidles up to Sakura, placing her tray with food next to hers.

“Oh, we were just wondering where did you go, right guys?” Sakura looks to Yunjin and Chaewon to back her up on her lie, but the two are too busy glaring at each other.

“Weren’t you ,” the midfielder jabs her finger into Yunjin’s chest, “the one gushing over how pretty she is the moment you saw her?”

Yunjin looks away, jaw tense and lips a thin line.

Chaewon scoffs at her lack of reply. “Whatever. I lost my appetite.” She pushes away from the table, her chair scraping jarringly against the tiled floor as she stands up and leaves.

“Me too,” Yunjin says, mirroring the midfielder’s actions. 

“What’s gotten into them?” Kazuha asks as she observes their retreating figures.

“No idea.” Sakura shrugs and stuffs with curry, but that doesn’t prevent Kazuha from asking further questions.

“Well, who were they talking about?”

Another shrug. 

There’s no way she’s telling Kazuha that the pretty girl over whom Chaewon threw a jealous fit was in fact her. The situation is already messy as it is without Kazuha being involved, which brings Sakura back to how it all began.

“You and Chaewon,” she says as she pokes at her curry, “you were discussing something before the training?”

“Discussing?” Kazuha’s lips purse in thought. “Ah, right, she was asking about my workout routine.”

“Oh.” Sakura wouldn’t say Chaewon was only asking, more like asking while simultaneously doing a hands-on review of the outcomes.

“Is everything okay? You seem a little upset.” 

Sakura sighs again, stare still stuck on her curry that now looks like a battleground after all the poking and pushing from one side of the plate to the other.

“I might have mentioned to Yunjin something from Chaewon’s past that I probably shouldn’t have,” she admits, looking up at Kazuha.

“Hey, whatever it was, I’m sure you had your reasons to say it,” the girl states without hesitation, smiling at her. “You don’t seem like a person who would say stuff just for the sake of saying them.”

I just wished I knew those reasons, Sakura thinks to herself, ignoring the inkling feeling that the exact reason is looking right into her eyes.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure that by tomorrow’s game everything will get back to normal.”

Considering Kazuha has no idea what exactly went down just a moment ago, Sakura cannot really blame her for her optimism. After all, Yunjin and Chaewon are always bickering. However, she knows that this time it’s serious. And it won’t resolve itself so quickly.

 

🌸🍃

 

The next day her suspicions confirm when she’s changing before the match. Having a locker right between Yunjin’s and Chaewon’s has never been less convenient than now. The two are shooting each other dirty looks when they know the other isn’t looking, and constantly huff.

“Kkura.”

“Hm?”

“Can you ask Chaewon to pass me my gloves? I’m pretty sure she has them in her bag.”

Before Sakura is able to say anything, the aforementioned gloves land on Yunjin’s face with a loud smack.

“Sakura, tell Yunjin to stop leaving stuff in my car.” Chaewon slams shut the door of her locker and leaves the room.

“I’m sorry.” Sakura picks up the gloves from the floor and hands them to Yunjin. “I feel like it’s all my fault.”

“I just don’t understand.” Yunjin shakes her head, clutching the gloves in her hands. “She had plenty of occasions to tell me. I even asked her once if she ever dated anyone, but she just…changed the topic.”

That explains the desperation Sakura saw in Yunjin’s eyes yesterday. Even when asked, Chaewon, for whatever reason, wouldn’t talk about Minju. But now that she thinks about it, she can’t really judge her for it. She herself doesn’t exactly have the best track record of talking to her friends about her relationships either.

“Why do you think she kept that from me?” Yunjin asks quietly, and it’s the first time Sakura hears her sounding so small and vulnerable. 

“I don’t know,” Sakura says, feeling sorry for the blonde. “To be honest, I’m not even sure how they broke up. I only know they dated and that’s about it.”

“Thanks anyway, Kkura.” Yunjin looks up at her with a sad smile. “And don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault we’re like that.” She pats Sakura on the shoulder with her gloves as she passes her by, heading towards the exit.

“They’re still not talking to each other?” Kazuha appears beside her, her forehead creasing worriedly.

“Nope. But hey.” Sakura touches her arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Let’s not worry about this right now. We can figure out later how to help them. But now, we have a match to win.”

Kazuha’s lips curve upwards. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go.” She takes Sakura’s hand from her arm and into her own, then leads them outside to the tunnel.

Staring at their loosely connected palms, Sakura cannot help but wonder whether there was ever someone special in Kazuha’s life.

And if there was someone like that, she doesn’t understand why would they ever want to let go of this hand?

 

🌸🍃

 

The match against Saitama’s Urawa Red Daimonds doesn’t belong to the easiest ones. 

In the cold Autumn drizzle, Sakura is doing her best alongside Kazuha, and they manage to score two and one goals respectively. But their defense struggles to keep the Saitama strikers away from their goal, and with Yunjin clearly not being in the right headspace, the score soon changes from 3:1 to 3:2 and then, by the eighty minute mark, to 3:3. The prospect of loss becomes very real as their opponents’ morale is at its highest.

But after a perfectly executed counter attack, Kazuha manages to score another goal. Just this time, it’s not Sakura who assists her, but Chaewon. And so it’s the midfielder who runs into Kazuha’s open arms as they hug in celebration. 

It’s the ninetieth minute. They’re not letting go of this victory. Sakura should be relieved and ecstatic about it. Maybe a little worried over the fact that she and Kazuha scored the same amount of goals, again. But today, she hasn’t even glanced once towards her dad’s seat on the stands. So she cannot really explain the disappointment she feels when Kazuha and Chaewon smile at each other.

The referee blows his whistle. The match comes to an end. And it’s the first time in Sakura’s life that the victory holds an odd bitter aftertaste to it. 

 

🌸🍃

 

At the locker room, during their coach’s speech, Chaewon sits next to Kazuha, their grinning faces flushed as they look at each other. 

Sitting across from them, Sakura swallows as she tries to stifle the odd sensation surging within her at the sight. It reminds her of how she felt when she saw Kazuha’s golden medal, but at the same time, it’s entirely different, because it doesn’t make the slightest sense to her why she would feel this way . 

Coach Takahashi leaves, and she realizes she hasn’t registered anything from what he has said. Although, she’s not too bothered about it. Any criticism he had was most likely directed at their defense anyway. What does concern her though, is that Yunjin and Chaewon are still not talking to each other. However, the aura around them is different now; there’s less hostility and more sadness and resignation. 

Sakura hears Yunjin sniffling beside her. Even though she has her cap on, the one she always wears during rainy matches, Sakura can still see her red-rimmed eyes from beneath it. Chaewon seems to have noticed it too, because she looks at her like she wants to say something. Sakura knows she won’t admit it, but she’s certain the midfielder is blaming herself for Yunjin’s poor performance. Yet Chaewon doesn’t get a chance to say anything because after tossing the cap into her locker, the blonde all but runs to the showers. 

In the end, not a single word passes between them, but at least, they still leave the stadium together. So Sakura hopes they’ll eventually talk things through and make up.

But what if they don’t? She wonders on the way back home.

She looks at Kazuha, who walks beside her with the hood of her jacket drawn over her head, shielding her from the persistent drizzle, and her thoughts make a sudden turn.

Does Kazuha like Chaewon?

She supposes it’s not impossible, but why should she even care?

It’s none of my business…

“It was hell of a game today,” Kazuha states suddenly as they’re nearing their apartment block. Stretching hands above her head, she spins around and starts walking backwards while looking at Sakura. “I almost thought we would lose. Chaewon really has come in clutch with that last pass, hasn’t she?”

Sakura makes a subtle eye roll but doesn’t disagree.

“We should celebrate–”

“Watch out!” Sakura tugs on Kazuha’s arm to prevent her from colliding with a lamppost behind her, but the sudden action causes the girl to stumble and almost crash into Sakura instead. As a result, they end up standing so close to each other that their sneakers touch and breaths mingle in the cold, night air.

“Sorry,” Kazuha says softly, her hood slipping from her head and eyes blinking against the spray of tiny raindrops.

She has that shy smile on her lips, and it gives Sakura a sense of déjà vu along with an awful case of blushing cheeks. And she knows that she shouldn’t be staring the way she does now, so intensely, but she just cannot help it. Kazuha’s gaze may be soft, but at the same time, it’s strong like a magnet, pulling her in. 

Why does this keep happening?

A stray lock of hair clings to Kazuha’s cheek, and before Sakura knows what she's doing, she brushes it aside. And as Kazuha’s eyes widen ever-so-slightly and cheeks flush, she realizes what she has done.

“Watch where you’re going, you dork,” she blurts out, grabbing Kazuha’s hood and pulling it over her head then resumes her walk.

Giggling, the girl catches up to her, and their steps fall into sync again.

“Hey, is that Chaewon’s car?” Kazuha asks as she points to the black Suzuki Swift parked in front of their apartment block.

And sure enough, as the car’s door opens, Chaewon steps out. “Hey, can we talk?” she asks while looking at Sakura.

Having Kazuha’s earlier proposition in mind, Sakura turns to her, offering a wordless apology through her eyes.

“It’s fine,” Kazuha assures with a smile.

They drive to a local McDonald since Chaewon expresses a sudden craving for French fries and a vanilla shake. Sakura opts to just have tea. After getting their orders, they take a seat in a secluded corner right by the window. 

Sipping her tea, Sakura waits for Chaewon to speak then smiles when she sees how the midfielder takes a fry and dips it in her shake. She remembers her utter disgust when she saw Yunjin doing the same thing for the first time two weeks after she joined the team. It was during their first off work outing.

A lot of things have changed since then.

“Why did you tell Yunjin about Minju?” Chaewon asks. 

It doesn’t come off as accusatory, but perhaps, a little disappointing. She lifts her gaze from above her shake, and Sakura notices the faint, dark bags under her eyes. 

“I’m sorry I thought she knew about her already,” Sakura says, skipping the part about Yunjin almost begging her to elaborate on Chaewon’s uality.

“Well, she didn’t,” Chaewon states flatly, gaze stuck on her reflection in the window.

Sakura takes a sip of her tea, not knowing what else to say.

“You know I’m not like her, right?” With her eyes still stuck on the window, it almost feels like Chaewon’s question is directed at herself rather than Sakura. 

And maybe it is. Either way, Sakura remains silent.

“She’s so… out and proud ,” she says it like it annoys her, “and I’m…well…I’m not.” 

Sakura nods slowly. She may not know much about Chaewon’s family situation, but based on that one conversation she’d overheard, she can tell they’re not supportive of her, so it doesn’t surprise her why she would be this way. Shame she hadn't thought about it before she decided to mention Minju to Yunjin. 

She finds it a little bit ironic how she herself has also never felt any need for making some sort of statements about her uality, but for the opposite reason, because in her case, neither of her parents ever cared about it. Her dad would only have an opinion if the person she dated somehow impacted her game play, or if the person was–

An image of smiling Kazuha appears in her mind, with her flushed cheeks and soft eyes.

Good thing that’s not happening , she thinks as she downs her tea.

“I guess I was afraid she would judge me, you know?” Chaewon moves her gaze from the window to the table and pops a fry into . 

“Judge you? Come on, Yunjin has her quirks, but she’d never judge you for not wanting to be out. She would buy you all the necessary pride paraphernalia to decorate your room, though,” Sakura remarks amusedly. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Chaewon chuckles.

Sakura knows there’s more that her friend isn’t telling her, but she doesn’t prod. She’s sure Chaewon will tell her when she’s ready.

“Look, I know I’ve already said it but I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have told her. It was not my place to say it, and now she’s upset with you.”

Chaewon takes another fry and waves it dismissively. “She would find out sooner or later. And I guess she’s right to be upset. I know I would be,” she admits as she rests her chin in her palm.

“Will you talk to her?”

“If she lets me.”

“You could always get her a Happy Meal as a peace offering,” Sakura suggests, stealing a fry.

“Good idea,” Chaewon chuckles. “So, what about you?”

“Me?” Sakura looks up, brow furrowing. “What about me?”

“Why did you want to know if I like Zuha?”

.

“Oh, I guess I was just curious.” She shrugs and steals another fry. “Recently you two seem to get along well.”

“Hmm…” Chaewon ponders, tapping her fingers against her cheek. “Well I do admit she’s pretty hot.”

“U-hm,” Sakura makes a noise between a hum and a grunt while desperately trying to keep the thoughts of Kazuha in her bed at bay.

“But not really my type,” Chaewon decides, much to Sakura’s surprise.

“What do you mean?” she asks, because isn’t Kazuha just the kind of girl who’s basically everyone’s type?

“She’s too…how do I say it?” Chaewon’s eyes narrow in thought. “Too polite? Too quiet? Hm, no, it’s not quite that…”

“Not loud and cheeky enough?” Sakura prompts amusedly and as expected, the subtle hint implying Yunjin, flies over Chaewon’s head.

“Yeah, maybe that,” she says, stare thoughtful. 

“But how’s that a bad thing?” Sakura asks, sounding more offended than she’d like to admit. “I thought you actually liked, you know, quiet types.”

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Chaewon muses under her breath. “Anyway, I didn’t know Kazuha was gay.”

Sakura blinks, putting away the French fry she was about to eat. “To be honest, I don’t really know if she is.”

Chaewon straightens, eyebrows arching upwards. “You don’t?”

“No?”

“You’ve never asked?”

“No, why would I?”

“Because you like asking questions?”

Sakura rolls her eyes. “The topic never came up. And I don’t like to pry into people’s private lives.”

“Unless it’s mine.”

“I said I was sorry.”

“Relax, I’m teasing. But aren’t you curious, though?” Chaewon leans over the table, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Nooo.”

Sure, maybe she was a tiny bit curious about that physiotherapy student who practiced her massaging skills on Kazuha, wondering whether they were more than just friends. But that’s not the same, right? 

“Really?” Chaewon’s voice is full of doubt.

“Yes, really. Now can we drop the topic already?”

“But if you were to take a wild guess.”

“Chaewon…”

“Does she ping your gaydar, like at all?”

“I’m not answering this,” Sakura says firmly.

Her gaydar is awful anyway. Enough to say that Yunjin didn’t strike her as gay when she first saw her, despite her having rainbow stickers on her goalkeeper gloves.

Chaewon falls silent, and when Sakura thinks her friend has finally given up on the topic, she says, “I think she’s bi.” 

“Why?” Sakura tries to think about anything that Kazuha has said or done that could have clued Chaewon into such suspicions but comes up with nothing. There was that incident with the Juventus player, but she doesn’t know about it.

“Oh, so now you are curious, hm?” Chaewon says, a triumphant smirk on her face.

But Sakura easily deflects it with yet another eye-roll. “I thought you had a problem with me talking about your uality with Yunjin, and yet here you are, doing exactly the same thing.”

“Fair enough, I guess.” Chaewon makes a grimace of defeat. “She adores you, you know?” she adds after a pause.

Sakura looks up at her in question.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never noticed the way she looks at you.” Chaewon seems amused, but Sakura doesn’t get what’s so funny.

“Well, she admitted to being my fan, so I guess it’s not that strange?” Sakura wouldn’t use the word ‘ adore ’ though, as that’s a bit too much. But she’s certain that whatever Chaewon had seen must have been simply that - a fan staring at their idol. 

“If you say so,” Chaewon mumbles. “But do you find her hot?”

“Chaewooon, seriously?” Sakura whines, shoulders slumping as she looks to the ceiling. 

“What? This no longer concerns her uality. I’m just curious what you think since I know you do like women.”

Sakura pinches the bridge of her nose. 

Why does she even have to ask? Anyone can tell Kazuha is…very attractive. She doesn’t even have to be gay to notice that. But that’s the issue, she isn’t supposed to be noticing that. Kazuha is her teammate and roommate. And to top it off…

“She’s five years younger than me,” she says, giving her friend a pointed look.

“And? What does it have to do with anything? I’m not asking you whether you’d marry her tomorrow,” Chaewon chuckles, twirling a fry in her shake. “Besides, weren’t Kaname five years older than you?”

Sakura winces inwardly at the mention of the woman’s name. 

That only makes this even worse…

“It just feels…” Sakura bites on her lower lip, searching for the correct word to describe how she feels every time her gaze lingers on Kazuha for a little longer than it should. Flustered? Enraptured? Confused? “…wrong.”

“Feels? So there are some feelings involved?” Chaewon grins at her knowingly.

“That’s not what I said,” Sakura retorts, a little too quick for her own liking. “What I meant was that if I did find her hot, it’d be wrong.”

And it is. And so is this conversation.

“Would it really?” Chaewon’s face scrunches up doubtfully.

“Okay, why are you asking me this?” Sakura hates the direction this conversation has taken. 

She has already had her fair share of awkward encounters with Kazuha. She doesn’t need this conversation to think about it whenever she sees the girl leave her room in her shorts and a crop top.

“Because most of the time, all I can talk about with you is soccer,” Chaewon complains. “I don’t remember when was the last time we had a meaningful conversation about something else.”

“And this is the topic you choose to talk about?”

Chaewon gives a lazy shrug. “We used to talk about girls during that soccer camp, remember? I liked that. It was easy talking to you.”

“It was more like you talking to me about Minju,” Sakura corrects her. “And we were teenagers back then.”

“Does this mean we can no longer talk about girls when we’re in our twenties? Come on, Sakura. There’s more to life than just soccer,” Chaewon says, sounding annoyed.

“I know,” Sakura states calmly. “But that’s what's most important to me right now. Besides, if you want to talk about girls so badly, why don’t you talk about them with Yunjin? I bet she would be more than eager to discuss this.”

“Yeah, too eager,” Chaewon mutters to herself. “By the way, you know you aren’t any better than me, right? If we hadn’t stumbled upon you kissing Kaname behind the stadium, I bet we would have never known you two were dating.”

It was she who kissed me. Sakura told her she didn’t like public displays of affection, but Kaname rarely listened to anything she had to say.

“We weren’t dating,” Sakura says, staring at the raindrops trailing down the window. The rain has gotten heavier. “And I don’t like to talk about her.”

“Yeah, well, neither do I about Minju, but here we are.”

Sakura glances at her friend who slumps in her seat with her arms crossed over her chest, looking awfully morose.

“She’s still playing soccer?” she asks.

Chaewon looks up at her, a small smile tugging at her lips again as she shakes her head. “Of course that’s what interests you the most. But if you have to know, she quit. Told me she stopped enjoying it.”

“Shame. She was a pretty good defender.”

“Yeah, she was,” Chaewon mutters wistfully. 

“Should we head back home? It’s getting late,” Sakura suggests, sensing that Chaewon has enough of this journey down the memory lane.

“Yeah, let me just grab that Happy Meal.”

Sakura grins. She can already imagine a tear-eyed Yunjin, munching on her Cheeseburger.

 

🌸🍃

 

When Sakura returns home, she expects Kazuha to be in her room already sleeping but to her surprise, she finds  her in the living room, dozing off on the couch with Hana-chan tucked under her arm. Judging by the laptop on the table, she must have fallen asleep while watching something. 

She crouches beside the couch to get a better look at the two.

A puppy and a kitten , she chuckles at the silly thought, and that’s when she reminds herself of Chaewon’s words.

Don’t tell me you’ve never noticed the way she looks at you.

She’s certain that all Chaewon saw was just simple fan’s admiration, but still, it makes her wonder. 

What would Chaewon say if she caught her gazing at Kazuha's sleeping face, right now? If she saw how she’s gently with her thumb the creases between Kazuha’s eyebrows, caused most likely by some bad dream. How she’s watching with trembling breath as they disappear while a faint smile ghosts over Kazuha’s pretty lips.

Truth be told, she’s scared what the answer to that question might be.