Sakura wakes up when Kazuha sits her down on her bed. They arrived at home. And now, Kazuha will go to her room, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Thoughts of failure and disappointment. Of wasted opportunities and uncertain chances.

She was holding on well when they were together, when all that mattered was Japan’s victory, but now, in the darkness of her room, all she can think of is how she didn’t play any part in it and isn’t sure whether she ever will.

“Sakura?” Kazuha’s soft voice breaks through Sakura’s brooding, and she realizes she’s gripping the sleeve of her jacket.

She tells herself that she needs to let go; the girl must be tired and wants to go to sleep, but it’s like her hand has gained a mind of its own and her grip only further tightens. Tears begin to sting her eyes as she feels Kazuha’s gentle fingers pry open her palm. 

Her hand falls limply beside her along with the first teardrops.

She expects the sound of closing doors to follow but instead, there’s a distinct rustle of shed fabric and soon after, the bed behind her dips.

“Saachan? ” 

Sakura takes off her shoes, then her jacket along with her hoodie and once her jeans join the pile of clothes on the floor, she slips under the covers. 

Behind her, Kazuha slowly shifts closer as if hesitating. Sakura can almost feel the heat of the girl’s body against her own but says nothing, does nothing, and only a sob escapes her lips when Kazuha embraces her, pressing their bodies closer together.

What does Kazuha think of her now? Does she find her pathetic? Weak? Because that’s how she feels, right now. Pitiful. Inadequate. Fragile.

There’s no answer to her questions, however, and Sakura finds solace in the encompassing silence. Soon enough she falls asleep, lulled by the sound of Kazuha’s steady breathing.

 

🌸🍃

 

Blinking blearily against the room’s brightness, Sakura slowly opens her eyes. parched and head throbbing with unbearable pain as though she had done one too many headers. Adding to that, she feels both queasy and hungry. And as she tries to sit up, she finds it that she’s unable to due to some pressure preventing her from doing so. 

Confused, she looks down and sees an arm securely wrapped around her waist. It’s not her arm which means—

!

Eyes fully awake now, she glances over her shoulder and finds Kazuha sleeping soundly while snuggling into her shoulder.

! ! !

She swallows and closes her eyes as she tries to calm down her rapidly beating heart but to no avail. With each passing second, her body starts to feel like it's being set on fire with the epicenter of it burning below her belly button. 

I swear I’m never drinking again.

She tries to lift Kazuha’s arm, but the girl responds by pulling her even closer to herself while mumbling something under her breath. The meaning eludes Sakura as all she registers in that moment is how Kazuha’s lips graze her bare shoulder with each word.

A low groan emits from the back of Sakura’s throat. Thankfully, it’s not loud enough to wake Kazuha up. She’d prefer to face a firing squad right now rather than having to look into the girl’s eyes.

Once again she attempts to free herself from the iron grip and this time succeeds. She leaves the bed and haphazardly puts on her yesterday’s clothes. But before she makes her escape, she glances one more time at Kazuha, watching as she rolls onto her back. One arm above her head while the other rests on her exposed stomach as her shirt has ridden up and sheets pooled just beneath her slender waist, allowing for the signature Calvin Klein logo to show.

. What am I even doing? She looks away, biting the inside of her cheek and  leaves the room, quietly closing the door behind her. 

When she enters the kitchen, she flinches, startled by the sight of Hana-chan sitting idly on the kitchen island.

“Geez, you scared me,” she says as if the cat can understand her. 

It must have rubbed off on her after listening to Kazuha and her multiple one-sided conversations with the cat. 

“Hungry?” she asks, but Hana-chan just stares at her in that judgy cat way like she knows exactly what has just transpired behind the closed doors of her room.

“Don’t look at me like that.” She marches past the cat and grabs her food from the cupboard then a glass of water for herself. “I didn’t ask her to… sleep with me. And for the record, we were just sleeping, and she had her clothes on. So no fuzzy thoughts, understood?”

She puts the bowl with food in front of Hana-chan, but the cat ignores it.

“Fuzzy?” She brings palm to her forehead and groans, “why am I talking like Yunjin all of a sudden? Am I still drunk?”

Hana-chan sums up her struggles with a loud meow and starts eating her food.

“Great. That was a really helpful conversation,” she says sarcastically, petting the cat and shaking her head. “I’m going insane.” 

After she drinks her water and fixes herself something to eat, she considers waking up Kazuha because it’s already 11 am and she would love to take a shower and charge her dead phone. 

But just as she’s about to knock on the door to her room, Kazuha opens them.

“Hi,” the girl says meekly while brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Hey,” Sakura replies, avoiding her gaze.

“Sorry I slept so long.”

Sakura shrugs. “It’s fine. You must have been tired and sore from...” she trails off, still embarrassed that the girl had to carry her on her back.

“It wasn’t so bad,” Kazuha says, her cheeks adopting a slight pink color. “Anyway, how are you feeling?”

“I have a bit of a hangover. But nothing a hot shower and some running won’t cure.”

“Yeah, that’s a good plan. I should do the same.” Kazuha points to her room and Sakura steps aside to let her pass, but then the girl moves to the side as well, and they end up blocking each other’s way. 

They smile awkwardly and try again, but the result is the same. 

Sakura sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Okay, you to your right and--” she pauses when Kazuha puts her hands on her sides and turns them around so that they finally switch places.

“See you at the jog.” Kazuha’s eyes turn into soft crescents.

Sakura is still processing what just happened, and it’s only when the girl starts walking away that she remembers what else she wanted to say.

“There’s omurice in the fridge for you,” she calls out to the girl. 

She was supposed to mention that it’s her thank you gift for carrying her, because there’s no way in hell she’s paying her back with a massage, but in the end, she doesn’t say it.

“Thanks,” Kazuha throws over her shoulder.

And Sakura cannot comprehend how the girl can look so good before the shower and in her yesterday’s clothes. 

Ugh… and then I’m surprised that Hana-chan is judging me.

 

🌸🍃

 

The combo of a shower, a jogging session, and another shower, does wonders and Sakura feels significantly better, her energy restored and headache gone. But as she’s sitting on her bed, drying her hair with a towel, her phone on the nightstand vibrates; the word Dad flashes briefly. And just like that, the queasiness is back.

She reaches for the phone and checks the message. But it’s the same curt order to meet him, the only difference being that the time is earlier - 5 pm instead of the usual 6 pm.

We wouldn’t want to have one normal day off , she thinks with reproach as she tosses the phone aside. At the same time, there’s a knock on the door. 

“Just a minute!” 

Realizing she’s just in her bathrobe, she jumps off the bed and puts on some t-shirt and shorts. She tries to fix her hair but since it’s still wet, there’s not much she can do about it.

When she opens, Kazuha’s smile greets her for the second time today.

“Hey, so I thought that since we have a day off, we could maybe hang out at the arcade?”

Right, the promise she made a week ago. She has completely forgotten about it.

“I’m so sorry, Zuha. I have this urgent issue that I have to take care of, today,” Sakura says, and it really pains her that she has to reject the girl’s invitation, again. 

She would love to go. It’s been years since she last went to the arcade, but on the other hand, she needs to know what her dad has to say about that last match. 

“Oh, I see. No problem.” Kazuha shakes her head dismissively, still smiling, but dejection is clear in her voice. She looks down for a moment before she meets Sakura’s eyes again. “Uhm, see you later then.” And she returns to her room.

Sakura closes the door and leans her forehead against it. “,” she mutters under her breath.

Here goes the first broken promise , she thinks, and wonders how many more will follow. 

  

🌸🍃

 

When Sakura arrives at the sports center, she’s surprised to see her dad standing in front of the building as if waiting for her. Normally, they always meet inside on the court so she starts thinking that maybe that’s the part when her dad announces his departure, disappointed by her recent performances.

But as she stands before him, his face emotionless and unreadable as usual, he says nothing and simply enters the building. She doesn’t bother asking him what that was just now; she knows she won’t get a satisfying answer anyway.

The training routine her dad has prepared for her today is surprisingly standard and easy. For once, he doesn’t expect her to perform the same grueling drill until she almost passes out. 

It’s strange because she thought that since it’s their first training in almost a week, he would prepare for her something much more demanding than this. As much as she’s grateful for his ‘mercy’, she doesn’t know what to think of it.

“I saw that you’ve reminded yourself how to score goals,” her dad says after he signals her the end of practice.

With her ball tucked under her arm, she approaches him and says, “I’ve never forgotten.”

Her dad clicks his tongue. “Debatable. Anyhow, I trust that you know that scoring the same amount of goals as her is still not enough. But at least, there is some progress.”

Sakura doesn’t say anything, just holds his gaze, searching his eyes for the man she once knew but finds nothing in them, just cold darkness. And as if sensing her intentions, he starts walking away towards the court’s exit. But just as he walks past her, he stops.

“I just don’t understand why you kept creating scoring opportunities for her,” he asks.

“Scoring assists is important too,” she retorts, surprised that she has actually uttered the words that would normally only stay in her head.

“I’d suggest you rather focus on scoring goals. Unless there’s something I don’t know and you started vying for the number ten on the jersey.”

“I didn’t.”

“Good. So think about it the next time you decide to deliver a perfect cross to your new friend.”

Sakura’s whole body stiffens. She’s glad they’re standing back to back so that her dad can’t notice the shift in her demeanor.

New friend? Is this a test? Should I deny it?

“She’s my teammate, not my friend,” she says, deciding that lying is better than staying silent. 

Her dad scoffs. “I thought we’ve already established that you should treat her as your rival.”

Realizing her blunder, Sakura’s eyes widen, but she manages to stifle the rising panic inside her.

“It’s hard to do that when my coach expects something opposite of me.” She makes a feeble attempt at damage control.

“Then figure it out how to make her look useless in comparison to you, instead of enabling her constantly,”  her dad says, his tone sharp as a knife. “You’re smart, Sakura. I know you’ll find a way to do it.”

With trembling fists, Sakura listens to the uneven echo of his retreating footsteps.

“Make her look useless,” she scoffs under her breath as she’s walking back to the locker room. “What is he even talking about?” 

She begins to suspect her dad has some kind of personal vendetta against Kazuha. Although that wouldn’t make much sense, at this point, she doesn’t know how else she should understand his constant insistence on sabotaging the younger girl.

Making Sakura practice more in order to be better than her is one thing, but requiring her to implement some kind of underhanded tactics against Kazuha? That’s just messed up. And something she would never consider doing.

Lost in her thoughts, she enters the locker room and jumps startled, the ball slipping from under her arm as she braces her hand against the wall. She’s always alone in the locker room at this hour, so noticing someone sitting on a bench has almost given her a heart attack. Not to mention that someone being the last person she has expected to see here. 

“Uhm, hey?” Kazuha stands up and stops the rolling ball with her foot.

“Zuha? , you scared me. What are you doing here? And how did you even get in here?” 

“The elderly man at the reception let me in.”

That old creep. 

Sakura is certain Kazuha would be able to convince the man to write her into his will with just one smile. Not that he’s rich, but still. Then again, the girl would be able to convince a lot of people to do her bidding with that smile of hers, men and women, old and young. Yet she doesn’t seem to be aware of that, which Sakura supposes is a part of her charm. 

That being said, she still hasn’t answered her first question, and she sure as hell isn’t going to charm her way out of this.

“Have you followed me here?” Sakura squints at her.

She remembers Kazuha adamantly denying being a stalker, but now she’s not so sure about this statement anymore.

Kazuha’s eyebrows inch up and she shakes her head. 

“No, I swear it’s not like that. I was going to visit the Ghibli Museum, but I got off at the wrong station, and when I was passing by the sports center, I noticed you coming here with some shady looking guy, and I don’t know. I got worried. So I thought I would wait and see if you’re okay. But then you weren’t leaving, and I worried even more, so I came in. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s none of my business. I’ll better leave,” Kazuha ends her rambling speech and lowers her head, ready to bolt out of the locker room, but Sakura grabs her wrist, stopping her.

“Zuha, wait,” she says and looks into the girl’s eyes. These soft, foolish, worried eyes. And she realizes she was wrong, because Kazuha doesn’t even need to smile for people to fall for her. “That shady looking guy is my dad.”

She lets go of the girl’s hand and shuffles to her locker.

“That was Miyawaki Kentaro?”

She almost laughs at the sheer incredulity she hears in Kazuha’s voice.

“Yup,” she says as she takes out her duffel bag.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“It’s okay. I know he doesn’t exactly resemble his old self.” 

Only his broad shoulders left of his once athletic frame. His hair that used to be sleek and black, now gray and thin. And then there’s the permanent frown on his pale, wrinkled face. No wonder Kazuha got worried when she saw them together. He looks either like a hardened, retired cop or not-so-retired but equally hardened Yakuza member - nothing in between. 

“By the way, did he see you before you came in?”

“Uhm, no? I don’t think so. Why you ask?”

Because I need to know what to tell him in case he did see you.

It’s so damn stupid. Why should it matter if she’s friends with the girl or not? It doesn’t mean she’ll play worse because of it. And why should her dad decide who she’s friends with in the first place? She’s not a child anymore for ’s sake.

“I thought you’d hang out with Chaewon and Yunjin today.” She changes the topic instead of answering Kazuha’s question.

“Ah, no, I actually haven’t made any plans with them for today,” Kazuha admits, and although Sakura can’t see her, she can perfectly imagine her sheepish gaze.

She checks her watch and it shows 7:30 pm.

“Wanna grab some ramen? I know a nice place not far from here.” She glances over her shoulder at the girl, and the smile she receives in response could light up the whole Tokyo.

 

🌸🍃

 

The ramen place is hidden in one of the narrow alleyways, far from the main street. Sakura had stumbled upon it one day by accident when in her rush to the sports center, she took the wrong turn. The appetizing smell that wafted from the inside made such an impression on her that she decided to return there after the training was over and immediately fell for its cozy decor and delicious food. 

Since then, she has visited the place a few times whenever she wasn’t too tired, which rarely happens nowadays, but would have never imagined that one day she would be sitting here with Kazuha by her side. 

“So you wanted to visit the Ghibli Museum, hm?” Sakura asks after they take their seats by the counter and order their food.

The museum happens to be located just 30 minutes away from the sports center, and of course, that’s just a mere coincidence, but it makes her wonder - if the two of them led completely different lives, would their paths still cross at some point? She has never been big on fate and destiny theories, but Kazuha… Kazuha makes her wonder…

“Well, I figured I’d educate myself,” Kazuha answers, a teasing smile on her lips. “You know, so that I wouldn’t bring you shame as your roommate.”

Sakura rolls her eyes, but if she were to be honest, her inner, tiny otaku is very much satisfied with the statement.

“But I got lost in thoughts and missed my station,” the girl admits just as their ramen arrives.

“What were you thinking about so much? What kind of impressive goals will you score during the next match?” Sakura teases in return and takes a spoonful of her broth.

“Noo.” It’s Kazuha’s turn to roll her eyes, and Sakura cannot help but to grin at her. “I was actually thinking about you.”

Hearing the confession, Sakura starts choking on her ramen.

“Sakura? Are you okay?” Kazuha pats her on the back and after some more sputtering and tears, she finally calms down.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m fine.” She takes a napkin that the girl hands her and wipes her tears. “This ramen is really good,” she says, focusing back on her meal and hoping Kazuha will take the hint and pick up the topic, instead of continuing the previous one. 

But sensing how Kazuha’s worried eyes still bore into her side profile, she knows there’s no chance for that. 

“I was thinking that maybe you were avoiding me again?” the girl asks after a moment of tense silence, her voice small, almost as if she’s terrified of the answer. 

Sakura sighs, swirling her spoon and staring into the small whirlpool it creates while a bigger whirlpool of emotions stirs inside her. 

She doesn’t even understand why it’s so hard for her to talk about it. Is it because something that used to be the source of pride and happiness, now brings only pain and shame? 

But she doesn’t have to go into so much detail. She doesn’t have to mention how grueling the training is, or what awful things her dad is telling her every time they meet. Or how despite all of that, she still cannot give up on him. Not just yet.

“My dad and I,” she begins, her voice barely above whisper, “we sometimes have these extra training sessions. He says that if I want to be better than everyone else and have a chance to win the World Cup, attending just the regular practice schedule is not enough. I have to go the extra mile. Really push myself to the limits, you know?”

She glances at Kazuha, but even though now she knows the truth, the girl doesn’t look any less worried.

“So whenever you come back late and tired…” Kazuha trails off as the realization paints her features.

“Yeah, that’s the reason,” Sakura says and smiles, because at least now the girl can be certain she wasn’t trying to avoid her on purpose. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you earlier.” She hangs her head in shame. 

All of this could have been avoided if only she was honest with the girl from the start. But on the other hand, that start wasn’t the easiest either.

“Hey.” Kazuha reaches for her hand that rests idly by her bowl and gives it a light squeeze. “It’s okay. You didn’t have to. It’s your private life, after all.” She shrugs, corners of her lips lifting in a reassuring smile.

Staring into Kazuha’s eyes, Sakura is rendered silent. And then she feels the girl’s thumb move up and down her hand in gentle , and her breath hitches while her heart wants to leap out of her chest.

“Maybe, but I still made you worry needlessly.” She retreats her palm and turns her attention back to her barely touched ramen. “And you’re being too nice, as usual.”

“Would you prefer it if I was angry with you?” Kazuha asks, her tone playful.

Sakura’s gaze snaps back to her. “I’d prefer if you…”

Stopped making me feel things…

“…stopped talking so much and ate your ramen. You haven’t even touched it yet.”

Kazuha laughs, loud and happy, before she turns to her bowl and starts eating. And as Sakura watches her hum in delight, sees her silly scrunched up face and her double thumbs up, she begins to wonder all over again…

 

🌸🍃 

 

“Ahh, that was delicious,” Kazuha gushes as they step outside the restaurant and into the Autumn’s night chill. “We should come here with Chaewon and Yunjin.”

Ambling beside her with hands shoved into the pockets of her bomber jacket, Sakura hums her agreement. 

They’re heading towards the train station, silence filled with idle talk about soccer and random questions like which foreign country they would want to visit the most (for Sakura it’s France, of course, where the World Cup finals will take place, and Kazuha agrees it’s a good choice).

When they’re nearing the station, Sakura notices neon lights casting shadows onto the pavement and realizes there’s an open arcade across the street.

She stops with Kazuha following suit a few steps later.

“Sakura?” 

She looks at Kazuha then back at the neon sign. “Come on,” she beckons at her and starts crossing the street.

“Wait! Are you sure? Aren’t you tired?” Kazuha asks, catching up to her.

“I’m fine,” Sakura reassures with a smile, but even if she barely stood on her legs, she would still want to do it. “I promised you.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to–”

“But I want to,” Sakura cuts her off, reaching for Kazuha’s hand and gently tugging her towards the entrance.

The girl gives in, apprehensions melting replaced by a wide grin, and just moments later, her dolphin screams fill out the whole venue when they’re shooting hordes of zombies. With little to no surprise, Sakura finds out that Kazuha is absolutely awful at video games but that doesn’t impact her enthusiasm in the slightest.

So the next two hours pass by in a blur as they run from one game to another. Sakura laughing to tears while watching how Kazuha struggles to control her characters, or how she constantly crashes her car in a racing game. 

However, she’s doing quite good in Beat Saber as she calmly slashes rectangles to the rhythm, but then not so calmly slashes people in Among Us, right in the open with everyone present in the spaceship’s control room, completely missing the point of the game and the role of a stealthy saboteur which has Sakura in stitches again.

By the time they leave the place, Sakura feels completely exhausted but in a good way. hurts from all the laughing, and she reminds herself of the days when she was fourteen and everything was much simpler and easier. 

“Thanks for joining me.” She looks at Kazuha and her still smiling face. “It’s been a while since I had so much fun.”

“Me too.”

Sakura quirks an eyebrow, amused. “What, it wasn’t so fun with Yunjin and Chaewon?”

Kazuha makes a pained expression. “It was, it’s just…”  

“Let me guess, they were constantly bickering and teasing each other while also getting lost in each other’s eyes every fifteen minutes?”

“Yeeah…” Kazuha admits. “Were they always like that?”

Sakura looks up in thought. “Not really.”

She remembers Chaewon’s starstruck expression when Yunjin first entered the locker room. It was obvious the goalkeeper had caught her attention right from the start and not just because of their shared nationality. 

And although Yunjin was quite shy and reserved at first due to the language barrier, she was never like that with Chaewon. When interacting with the midfielder, her happy and boisterous personality shone through right from the start.

Sakura noticed then that Chaewon’s initial infatuation had dwindled a little as she just wasn’t used to such levels of loud energy. But since Yunjin insisted on always being around her, she soon adjusted to it and started playing along with the goalkeeper’s antics. 

And that was when the infatuation had returned, just stronger and seemingly mutual this time.

“Do you think we should maybe, I don’t know, make them somehow realize they like each other?” Kazuha suggests, and Sakura knows she means well but shakes her head nonetheless.

“Nah, it can get messy if we get involved. I think they should figure it out on their own.”

“If you say so,” Kazuha mutters, seemingly not fully convinced, but the topic is left at that.

 

🌸🍃

 

The next day before the training begins, Sakura cannot help but remind herself of that conversation when she observes Kazuha and Chaewon from the sidelines.

The midfielder throws her head back in laughter at whatever Kazuha has just said, before reaching her hand to feel Kazuha’s stomach as if checking out her abs. The younger girl doesn’t oppose and only laughs when Chaewon gawks at her in amazement. 

Sakura narrows her eyes, suspecting that this is some kind of ploy by Kazuha to make Yunjin jealous.

However, what surprises her, and somewhat irks her as well, is how much Chaewon seems to enjoy it? Just a few weeks ago she could barely stand the girl, and now she’s giggling like a high school girl with a crush while still feeling Kazuha’s abs.   

Could it be that Chaewon got tired of waiting for Yunjin to make a move and found a new object of affection?

“You okay, Kkura?”

As if summoned by her thoughts, Yunjin enters Sakura’s vision, eyebrows raised in question as she points to the water bottle in Sakura’s hand. Looking down, she realizes she has been squeezing the bottle hard enough for the plastic to bend and water to spill.

“,” she mutters and shakes water off her hand.

Yunjin snorts a chuckle. “What got you so worked up, huh?”

Sakura bites down on her lip, contemplating whether she should share her suspicions with Yunjin. Maybe Kazuha had a point, after all. Maybe they should give the two a little shove on the back.

“Do you think Chaewon likes Kazuha?” she blurts out.

It’s not exactly how she wanted to word it, but she can’t take it back now.

“What kind of question is this?” Yunjin looks at her amused. “Of course she does. We all like Kazuha.”

Sakura rolls her eyes at her. “I mean like like.” 

And that’s when Yunjin’s eyes become comically wide and she yells, “Chaewon likes Kazuha?!”

Several heads turn in their direction, and Sakura immediately glances behind the goalkeeper in panic, but luckily, Chaewon and Kazuha haven’t seemed to hear Yunjin as they continue their chat unperturbed.

What the hell are they talking about for so long?

Sakura looks back to Yunjin ready to scold her for the volume of her voice, but she’s stopped by Yunjin’s next words.

“Chaewon is gay?” the girl asks in a much softer tone, eyes b with confusion and something else, something Sakura cannot easily define but can sense it’s painful.

“Well…” 

Caught off guard by Yunjin’s emotional reaction, Sakura isn’t sure what she should say now, especially since she feels like she has already said too much. And really, there’s no easy answer to Yunjin’s question either. Chaewon has never openly labeled herself, and they never really discussed it, but apparently, Sakura knew one thing about her that Yunjin, for whatever reason, didn’t.

She hesitates, not sure if it’s her place to tell Yunjin about it. On the other hand, she doesn’t understand why Chaewon would even hide that information from her best friend, who on top of that, is a lesbian herself. They’ve known each other and lived together for almost two years now. Sakura cannot believe Chaewon’s past dating preferences had never come up in their conversations.

“Sakura…” Yunjin says with clear desperation in her voice as she stares into Sakura’s eyes, wordlessly begging her to answer her question. 

“She never told you about Minju?”