Deafening silence. Becky was familiar with that term. But she now understood how torturing that was. Freen did not say anything at all after Becky planted a quick peck at the corner of Freen’s lips. Becky could only hear the soft breath coming out from herself and Freen. No words, no other sound. She felt the regret hit her. Why did I do that?

“Becky...” Freen finally broke the silence.

Becky didn’t have any guts to even replied to Freen. She bit her lips nervously while her fingers fidgeting her nails. Long gone the confidence and the guts she had before. 

“Nong…” Freen called Becky again.

Becky could feel a jab in her heart. Nong. Freen just called her Nong. It was worse than being friendzoned. She was sisterzoned now. And she just kissed a girl who was sisterzoning her.

“Yes, Phi Freen?” She was still unable to look at Freen’s face. She kept looking at her own hands on her lap.

“I am not Khun Sam.”

Becky felt another jab in her heart. Of course she knew who she just kissed. She was sober, she was fully conscious of the action she just did. It was not just friendzoned or sisterzoned. It was monsam-zoned.

“I know…” She could hear her own voice waver.

“And you kissed me on the li-…”

“Cheek!!” Becky cut what Freen was about to say. “I kissed you on the cheek, just like what sisters do.” She immediately blabbered out. She just could not take the risk if Freen felt uncomfortable because of the kiss. She’d rather faked it as a sisterly kiss.

“Ah…” Freen nodded and let out a dry chuckle. “Yes, it was on the cheek.”

“I…” Becky gather her guts to finally looked at Freen’s face which apparently didn’t look at her. Freen was looking down, staring at her own feet. 

“I might slightly missed it and accidentally hit the corner of your lips. But I meant it to be on the cheek.” Becky continued.

Freen cleared and finally looked up to see Becky’s face, a smile was on her face but her eyes didn’t shine through. “I see, I see. I was surprised. I thought you were Mon for a second there.” She chuckled and stood up from her seat. “I think the other folks are having dinner already. Shall we join them?” She offered her hand to Becky which soon held by the girl in front of her.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Becky pulled herself up while holding Freen’s hand. “You’re not angry at me, right?” She asked once she stood up, looking straight to Freen’s eyes which still seemed a bit gloomy.

“Why should I?” Freen gave a small smile and tilted her head. “Why should I get mad at my own sister?”

Becky didn’t know a simple question like that could stab her heart in the most painful way.

Yeah, I am totally sisterzoned.

She tried to return the smile and walked in front of Freen, practically dragging the other girl with her.

Why do I put myself in this kind of situation?

***

“Why are you so gloomy, Freen?” Nam waved her hand in front of Freen’s face in order to get the younger girl attention.

“I am not gloomy, Phi Nam. I just have something in my mind.” Freen tried to put a smile on her face and took another bite of her meals, masking the mixed feelings she felt inside. She kept putting her smile in front of the crews and other casts, avoiding any questions like Nam threw before. Her mind was a mess. It felt like she was being played by Becky. She thought Becky was dropping the hints here and there so she could be aware of her feelings. She thought her feelings was not one-sided. She thought Becky also wanted the same thing as her. But, that was not the case.

”I kissed you on the cheek, just like what sisters do.” 

Her heart clenched in pain as her mind replayed Becky’s statement after the kiss. It was just a sisterly kiss after all, why did she get her hopes high?

“Phi Freen…”

“Hmm?” Freen immediately turned to the girl who sat next to her. “What is it Nong?” She intentionally called the other girl Nong. They were sisters, weren’t they?

“Can I have a sleepover in your place tonight?”

Freen didn’t answer right away, she only looked at Becky with unreadable expression. Her mind and her heart was at a fight right now. Her heart went all the way to say yes over and over again, but her mind made her on guard, reminding her the thing that just happened not too long ago.

“Phi Freen?”

“Yes?” Her soul went back to her body. “What is it?” And she repeated the question she just threw couple seconds ago.

“Can I have a sleepover in your place?” Becky repeated her question again.

“Ah… that’s…” And again, the fight between her mind and heart kept going on.

“Nevermind, I can ask Phi Nam to drive me home.”

Hearing the defeated tone from Becky made Freen immediately push her mind away and followed her heart without thinking. “It’s okay, you can sleep in my bed.” And she really regretted her choice of words.

“Oii Freen, Becky asked for sleep over and you offer her to sleep in your bed already. So fast, Freen!” Nam’s teasing voice was loud making the entire crews and casts heard her and joined her to tease the two girls.

Usually, Freen would have fluttering feelings inside her tummy every time the other folks like this. But right now it hit differently. She felt the pain. It was nice to have these people shipped her and Becky but it would never be come true. Becky only saw her as a sister.

“Oii, you guys have dirty mind!” Freen gestured a punch to everyone and everyone laughed at her. She could also hear the girl next to her laughing. So she turned her head to Becky and frowned. “Not you too, Becky.”

“You’re funny, Phi Freen. I can’t help it.” The younger girl continue to laugh as she leaned forward and rested her head on Freen’s shoulder.

Despite knowing that Becky’s feelings to her was just a sister’s love, the gesture melted Freen’s heart and she couldn’t hold the smile to rise on her face. She unconsciously rested her head on Becky’s and Becky’s cheek with her hand. “Do you like it when I am being teased like this?”

“She likes every piece of you, Freen!” Nam answered Freen question followed by the cheers from other casts and crews. Making both Becky and Freen blushed at the never ending tease.

Freen tapped Becky’s cheek once more before straightening her seat and took her utensils. “Enough, enough, now let’s continue eating.”

We are only sisters. Keep yourself together, Freen.

***