“Because she ships Freen and Becky, not Khun Sam and Mon.”

Becky froze as she heard the reply from across the line. She was not sure whether she heard it right or not. Freen just said that she was glad Nam was the captain of freenbeck ship instead of monsam. She could hear her heart beating way louder than it usually was. She cleared trying to sound as normal as possible.

“Do you ship us? As in Freen and Becky as well?” She emphasized at their real name, trying to make the older understand that the us referred to their real lives.

Becky could hear a hum from Freen. She waited for couple of second but Freen didn’t say anything.

“What’s with the hum?”

“I said uh-hum.”

Becky chuckled at the unclear answer. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Imagine me saying uh-hum while nodding my head so you can understand what my uh-hum means.”

Becky paused for a while, trying to do as Freen instructed her and soon laughed once she finally got what the latter trying to say.

“I see… so you indeed secretly ship us all this time.”

“No!” A gasped could be heard in as Freen shouted no. “I mean, I do not secretly ship us. I mean, I ship us. But not secretly.”

Becky could not hold her laugh as Freen tried her best to explain yet, the effort could only show that the latter was trying her best not to create misunderstanding.

“Phi Freen…” Becky called out the older’s name.

“Yes, Becbec?”

She smiled at how the tone immediately change to a more attentive one.

“I am glad you ship us.”

No answer from across the line. Becky was about to pull her phone away from her ear to ensure that she didn’t lose connection when she could hear Freen cleared .

“Are you okay with that?”

A smile rose on Becky’s face.

“Is that even a question?”

Freen let out a dry laugh, a sign that she was actually nervous. “I am just making sure.”

Becky’s smile got wider, hearing the statement from Freen. It felt good to know that Freen was being considerate of her feelings. “I am totally okay with that. I ship us too.”

Now, a more comfortable laugh was heard from Freen’s side. “Would that make us narcissistic?”

Becky chuckled at the question Freen threw. She didn’t think about that at all, what she thought was only she loved the time she spent with Freen, she loved how the fans seemed to love their interaction, she loved the idea of them getting paired. She smiled at the last thought. How she wished they were really a couple. “I don’t think it’s narcissistic. I think it’s more of being honest about how we feel.”

“How do you feel, Becky?”

“About us?”

“Uh-hum…”

Becky chuckled at the answer given by Freen. “Are you saying uh-hum while nodding your head again?”

“Yeah…” Freen answered with a soft laugh. “I wanna know how do you feel about us. About Becky and Freen.”

Becky hummed as she weighed the answer she should give to Freen. She thought about being open and confessed her feelings to Freen honestly. She wanted to say how she wanted how much she liked the older girl, how much she wanted them to be girlfriends, how all these fluttery feelings she felt every time she was with Freen had become her addiction. But she was unsure whether now was the right time to say it all. She had no idea when was the right time should be, but she definitely did not want to confess on the phone.

“Hello, Becky?” Freen’s voice took Becky’s mind back to earth.

“Yes?”

“I thought I lost the connection.” Freen chuckled.

“No, Phi Freen. The connection is fine. I am thinking about how to explain what I feel towards us.” Becky bit her lips in uncertainty, trying to arrange sentences in her mind, ensuring that it should not be any form of confession. “But, if I answer your question, you must let me know as well on how do you feel about us.”

“OK na ka.” Freen answered. A slight waver could be heard from her voice.

“So, how do I feel about us…” Becky’s sentence hung in the air as she closed her eyes, trying to calm her rapid heart beat on her chest. “I feel very comfortable when I am with you, to the point that I enjoy it every time the fans ship us together.” She let out a chuckle, remembering how often she would search for freenbeck hashtag in all her social media accounts. “I feel like you are someone I can rely on, someone I am comfortable with, someone that I see not just colleague or friend. So, I think, what we have is beautiful, something I cherish upon.” Becky now could feel the pulse of her heart all across her body, it felt like she just confessed to Freen, but it was not a confession. She could not imagine how her body and heart would react if she ever confessed her feelings to Freen.

“Am I still like a sister to you?” 

Becky furrowed her eyebrows when she heard Freen’s question. She was disappointed, knowing Freen still brought up the sister thing. She thought she already made herself clear that she did not want Freen to call her sister anymore. She sighed, and realized her own mistake. She said that she did not want Freen to call her sister. She did not tell Freen that she doesn’t see them as sisters.

“Do I look like a kid to you?” Becky snapped in annoyance.

Freen laughed from across the line. “Oii, why are you angry? I was just asking.”

“Because the more you say that we are sisters, the more I feel like you see me as a kid.” She huffed as she pouted her lips. But deep down, she secretly blamed herself who put them in this situation. If only I never mention that the kiss was just a sisterly kiss. 

“You act like a kid sometimes.” It was audible that Freen was trying to muffle her laugh. “But!” She immediately added. “It doesn’t mean I see you as a kid.”

“So, am I like a little sister to you?” Becky carefully asked, as she was trying to prepare herself — and her heart, if Freen answered yes to the question she raised.

“Uhm… On camera, yes. I think that’s the easiest way to explain to people about how close we are.”

Becky could swear to God that she could hear something cracked inside her chest hearing that statement. At the end of the day, this might be the farthest they could go.

“But, off camera… I do not see you as a sister.”

“What do you mean, Phi Freen?” Becky could not comprehend things Freen said. “So, am I a sister to you or not?”

Becky could hear a sigh escaped from Freen’s lips.

“No, Becky…” A pause followed after. “You said that what we have is beautiful, and it is something that you cherish upon, right? I feel the same about us.”

Becky’s smile reappeared on her face and she believed what Freen said just fixed the crack inside her chest.

“You are the person I enjoy spending time with…” Freen paused again and let out a soft sigh. “I love what we have now. I wish we can be this close even after the series ends. And there’s this wishful thinking in my mind every time I think about us. I want us to be closer, and closer.” She chuckled at her own sentence. “I don’t know how much closer we can get, but I really want to be the closest person to you. The person you can always rely on. I want to be the Phi Freen that Becky loves.”

Becky held her breath. The last sentence Freen said had caught her off guard. She wished she did not hear it wrong. She wanted to hear the sentence again, but she didn’t want Freen to think that she didn’t pay attention to the latter.

“Oh my God, it sounds like a love confession, doesn’t it?” Freen chuckled at her previous statement. “But I mean it, Becky. I want to be the Phi Freen that Becky loves.”

Becky tried her best not to squeal upon hearing the same sentence again. She did not hear it wrong. Freen really said it. The smile reached Becky’s eyes, the butterflies flied all over her stomach to her heart, and spread all over her body, delivering the fluttering sensation from her hair to her toe. She was at the top of the world, it was more than enough for her to hear Freen said that sentence. She was well aware that Freen did not ask her to be her girlfriend. She knew that it was not a love confession. But it was enough for her. It was more than enough.

“I also want to be the Becky that Phi Freen loves.” She replied with a smiling tone, letting the girl across the line to know that she was happy.

“But you won’t even reply to my Line chat.”

That made Becky laugh. “But I always pick up your call, right?”

“Well, that’s true.”

“And Phi Freen…”

“Yes, Becky?”

“Please always know, that you’re special. You’re always special for me.”

“Thank you na ka, Becbec…” The reply sounded really soft. Becky could hear a smilie on the tone. “Shall we sleep now, Becbec?”

“Yes, we have schedule tomorrow.”

“Good night, Becbec…”

“Good night, Phi Freen.”

***