I tried to stop myself, I really did. After all, he had said he hated me and that he wanted me to leave and he’d spent three hours ing some at a party and ignoring his so called best friend. Okay, so maybe I had ignored him first.

But when I turned my head and met Taemin’s eyes there was no stopping my body from standing up and starting toward him. Taemin had collapsed, alright. He was sitting on the floor, his legs curled to the left and his arms hanging limply on either side of him. And his eyes, those big, beautiful eyes, were so sad.

“Jiyeon-ah,” he murmured again, his plumped lips pink and swollen from his teeth that kept worrying at the flesh.

“Taemin-ah,” I whispered back, coming to kneel beside him.

“Why do you hate me?”

Well, if I didn’t feel like a before I definitely did now. The thought of Lee Taemin being under the impression that I hated him hurt more than I thought possible. I could never hate Taemin. Didn’t he know?

“I don’t hate you,” I whispered.


“You just disappeared. Why?” his voice shook and with every syllable he spoke I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“It’s complicated.”

“It hurts without you. Can’t you see?” he whimpered. I couldn’t have stopped my arms from wrapping around him if I’d tried.

“Yes, I know. I hurt you. I’m so sorry…”

“You never saw. You never see,” Taemin slid his arms around me and I reveled in the feeling of his hands on my .

“I do see. I hurt you, I know. I really am so-“ I began but he only cut me off.

“No you don’t see. You have no idea. I always let you do what you want. I never push you. But you left and you were gone and I can’t…” Taemin trailed off, his words slurring just as terribly as before. But they had a conviction in them that was absent in his previous speech. I simply stayed curled in his arms, trying not to inhale his alcohol breath. “It wasn’t fair.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. Because, really, what else was there to say?

Taemin shifted then and pulled me fully against him, sliding my thin body easily across his lap. Resting his cheek against my collarbone, his arms tightened around me as if he was worried that if he let go I’d disappear in an instant. I tightened my arms around him as well and buried my nose in his hair. Sweat, smoke and the chemical scent of hairspray assaulted my senses, but under that I found another smell, one that was inherently him. And Taemin, my flawless Taemin, was falling apart in my arms.

“You’re my best friend. You’re everything to me,” he whimpered into my skin. “You’re the only person who stayed by me because you wanted to. Not because you’re family, or, or, a band mate. Because… just because you wanted to. And you left just like that and… and… What did I do wrong, Jiyeon-ah?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Taemin-ah. You’ve never done anything wrong.”

And I was a . Holy God, I was a . What had I done to him? And how drunk was he to show me this level of vulnerability? I’d never seen my best friend like this, not in all three years of our friendship; not even during our most intimate conversations.

Ignoring my brain screaming at me not to, I threaded my fingers into Taemin’s hair and started massaging his scalp gently. His hair was so soft as it slid through my fingers and he seemed to almost purr, letting a gentle groan roll from his throat and pushing lightly into my touch. it, I told myself. Taemin was so drunk he would never remember in the morning. What would some cuddling hurt? Nothing. And it didn’t matter because he would never think my actions meant what they did.

He was just Taemin.

----------------------------

Okay, so I'm sorry it took me a while to post this. I was waiting for a oneshot I've been working on but I just got really fed up with it and didn't like it. Maybe I'll keep working on that and post it later... It is a Choi Minho AU 1960's oneshot. If you're interested let me know and I'll try to rework it!

It was supposed to be a celebration of my SHINee Sherlock Tour tickets >_< !!!  Oh well. If you guys like the idea I'll keep trying!

What do you think of this? Let me know pleeasssee!