I don’t think I’d ever been more scared than I was standing in that hallway.

On the other side of the door waited… well, something. It could be nothing, or it could be everything. But I knew one thing. This time around, I wasn’t going to lose control. This time I would say what I needed and I would leave. I would leave and never, ever look back.

Because he deserved better. They all deserved better.

So I found myself standing outside of Shinee’s dorm; staring at the door before me like it had grown three eyes. Inside I could hear the sounds of pots and pans banging in the kitchen – probably Key preparing dinner – and what sounded like a video game on the TV – probably Minho and Jonghyun.

What would happen once I knocked? Who would be the one to open the door? Did they know? Did they all know what I’d done to their magnae? Did they all hate me?

My hand had been raised in preparation for upwards of 3 minutes, mind reeling, when I felt a presence beside me.

“Jiyeon-ah,” came a quiet voice. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Onew-oppa,” I whispered. He was leaning against the wall beside me with a plastic bag in his hand, a small smile gracing his face. My eyes darted around quickly, searching.

“Don’t worry, he’s not with me. He’s probably in his room,” Onew answered as he typed in the code to the door. It unlocked with a mechanic click. “He’s always in his room these days.”

When he pushed the door open I only stood still. Wringing my hands in front of me and biting my lip, I wondered what fate awaited me through the door.

“Are you coming?” Onew asked quietly, maybe so as not to alert the others of my existence.

“Maybe I shouldn’t…”

“I think it’s about time, don’t you?” he nodded toward the inside of the apartment.

Well, I guess oppa knows best.

I gingerly kicked off my flats and followed Onew silently into the apartment. Sure enough, I saw Minho and Jonghyun playing what looked like some sort of shooting game and I could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen.

“Oh, hey, hyung,” Jonghyun glanced from the game, up to us, and then back to the screen. Then he froze, eyes snapping toward me. I swear there was almost an audible crack as his jaw hit the floor. We stared at each other in silence – deer in the headlights – until Minho broke the quiet.

“Hah!” he shouted suddenly. “I killed you! Holy , hyung, how did you not see that coming? I was right there and you just stood there and – Hyung?” Minho cut himself off when he realized he was getting no response from the other. Then he followed Jonghyun’s line of vision to me and he froze also.

I thought that the situation couldn’t get any more uncomfortable until I heard Key’s voice growing closer.

“Hyung, finally you’re back! I’ve been waiting for years just for you to bring the beef and now the vegetables are going to be over cooked and-“

Well, that couldn’t be good.

“You,” I heard him growl and I turned around slowly. Key stood there in an apron, pointing a spatula at me accusingly, his face screwed up in a glare. If it hadn’t been for the murder in his eyes, the image would be sort of amusing.

“Hi, Key-oppa,” I murmured softly.

“What is she doing here?” he asked Onew beside me.

“She was outside when I got back.”

“I knew it,” Minho whispered, standing from the couch. “I knew you’d come back. Jiyeon-ah, this is great!”

Suddenly I was wrapped in Minho’s arms and just as quickly he was being yanked back from me.

“I’m sorry, how is this great?” Key demanded. “So she can come here and break Taemin’s heart all over again?”

“Don’t you see-?”

“She’s just going to him and leave! Again!”

“Key, that’s not necessary,” Jonghyun approached us from the couch.

“Oh, shut up, Jonghyun!”

“Enough!”

Onew’s voice rang out through the apartment, effectively stopping all other noise. Key, Minho and Jonghyun all froze and turned to stare at their elder. Seeing Leader Onew come out was rare, especially for me, and somewhat frightening. He looked pissed, extremely pissed, and the others looked a bit shocked.

“You all know,” I whispered, looking around at them.

“Of course we know,” Key gritted out. “He was damn near catatonic for two days and then I saw the mess you made of his sheets when I went to do laundry. I swear-“

“Yah Kibum!” Onew yelled. “Cool it.”

I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying until he pulled me into his chest with his free arm and I felt his shirt start to dampen from my tears.

“Kibum-ah, go back into the kitchen and finish cooking dinner. It will give you time to cool off,” Onew held out the bag of meat. I heard Key take it with a huff and Onew wrapped his other arm around me. “Minho-yah, Jonghyun-ah; sit down or go to your rooms. I don’t care. Jiyeon didn’t come here to listen to you all fight or get degraded. She came here to talk to Taemin. So let her.”

The room fell into relative silence as I heard Key stomp back into the kitchen and throw the food onto the counter with a thud. Onew pulled back from me a little, cupping my face in his hands.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. I nodded but couldn’t stop the tears from slipping out. “Key’s just upset right now. He’ll get over it. You know how much he cares for Taemin, and he was really messed up for a bit.”

“Key-oppa is right,” I whispered. “I ruined everything.”

“No you didn’t, Jiyeon-ah,” Minho said softly from beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Just go talk to him,” Jonghyun added with a soft smile.

Stepping back, I wiped my cheeks with my hands and took a deep breath. I felt a squeeze in my heart knowing how wonderful they were to me and how much I didn’t deserve it.

“Okay,” I nodded. They all gave me encouraging smiles and I started slowly down the hallway.

As I stared at Taemin’s bedroom door, I thought that maybe the entrance to the apartment wasn’t so scary after all.

--------------------------------

LOL okay hi. So, I made Key a bit of a here, but I thought it was appropriate in a Key-eomma sort of way.

Also, I seriously had to stop myself from putting some Onkey in there I ship them so hard. I ship everyone with everyone though so idek.

I had a wonderful time in Nagasaki and actually almost didn't post this update except for the fact that I have serious insomnia right now. I only have 33 more days here in Japan and then 12 in Seoul and then home. ;-;  I can't believe it.

On the bright side - I SEE SHINEE ON THURSDAY SOMEBODY HOLD ME!!

I want to give a shoutout to jaedrug, aquamarine and haruko22chan for giving me some lovely and amusing feedback on the last chapter. ^_^

I hope you all enjoy this - I may not be able to update for a week. Please give any feedback you'd like!!

Thanks so much for reading!