#1

"Jihyo-ah, I brought you dinner." 

Dongwook's cheek heated up upon seeing Jihyo walking out of her bathroom, wrapped up in her towel. 

"Oh, you're here. Wait up, I'll dress up."

He nodded at her but immediately pulled her when he noticed something on her arm. "Hold on, ahjumma!" 

"Wae?" She asked and looked back on him. 

Dongwook went nearer her and inspect her left arm. "Is this a dirt?" 

"Ah..." Jihyo slightly groaned as she felt a pang of pain when Dongwook rubbed her arm. 

"Does it hurt? Then is it a bruise? What happened?" 

Jihyo panicked. Dongwook's tone is calm yet his question suddenly sparked something on Jihyo. Dongwook observed how Jihyo's eyes looked everywhere except him. He noticed how her lips were dry and still on the verge of healing, and here she is, biting it roughly again. 

He tried to offer her a smile and planning to not ask her more. "Nevermind that. It might be just one of your mong moments." He placed his hand on both her shoulder and playfully pushed her back insid her room. "Get dress, Jihyo-ah. You can't catch a cold." 

Just then Jihyo somehow get back to herself but the heavy feeling lingers within her and she knew she needs something to numb it. When she get back to Dongwook, he's done setting up the food on her table in the living room. 

She sat beside him. "Let's drink tonight, please?" She excitedly asked him. 

Dongwook didn't let her sudden change of emotion escaped from him. They've been friends for years. He's aware of Jihyo's love for alcohol but these past months, it worsens. Trying to take advantage of drunk Jihyo to spill her worries to him, he agreed once again. Well, it's the reason why he's constantly visiting her as well. He's sure that Jihyo is dealing with something he didn't know. 

"I knew you would ask that. Check your refrigerator." 

He laughed when Jihyo squealed with delight after Dongwook restocked her alcohol. 

"Jongkook oppa didn't mean it." 

He looked at her and slowly sat up from half lying on the sofa after what Jihyo said. Here we go, he thought. Jihyo is now drunk and whatever is worrying her might be too much for her. She didn't even notice how Dongwook fooled her that he's drinking. 

"What do you mean?" He softly asked her. 

She lifted her shirt's left sleeve and rubbed the obvious bruise on her arm. "This...Jongkook oppa didn't mean it to hurt me." 

With that, he finally sat down beside her on the floor and turned her to look at him. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have let the members tease us so easily. He got irritated because I'm playing too much with the loveline. He's just worried for rumors. That damn ramyeon." 

Jihyo continued with a big smile painted on her face. Yet Dongwook saw how her tears is threatening to fall. He knew it's not just about it. He's watching the show so he's well aware of Jongkook's aggressive defiance to their loveline.

That night, he just listened.

 #2

She was late. She drank too much the other night so here she is, running towards the studio. She apologized, of course but she ignored the disappointed faces of some of the crew. She didn't dare to make eye contact with the members. She's not feeling well physically and seeing the members' disappointing look is the least she wanted to deal with now.

They are all professional. They filmed like there was no tension. With her role, Jihyo once again flirted with Jongkook. She wanted to feed him and after careful consideration, Jongkook finally took it by his hand. They were laughing, like how it normally is yet the uncomfortable wirling of her stomach remains. Like her image, her hunch is always right. She knew that it won't end perfectly.  

"Let's send Jihyo and Jongkook to an errand date." Jaesuk suggested and planned to let Jihyo and Jongkook buy their snacks. 

Jongkook immediately tell excuses in an attempt to stop if from happening. Jihyo then took her bag and the members teased how she's readying herself for the task. 

"You're girlfriend is ready to go." Sukjin commented 

"Oppa..." Jihyo called him in her sweet tone.

Jongkoook started taking his bag but still countered what Sukjin said.

"Stop it..." Jongkook automatically declined. "That's so unnatural...calling her my girlfriend."

She expected it but then again, she wanted to do well for her fans. So she stood up and to go with her until he finally agreed. "Let's go! Come on, let's go!"

She was startled with how he yelled and she felt her heart tightening and her breath shortening. The laughter of the members, somehow helps to calm her down. She didn't miss how he tightly squeezed her forearm and pulled her to stand up while still yelling. 

Jaesuk playfully come towards Jihyo and held her. "Why are you being like this?" He playfully questioned Jongkook. 

She's proud of herself for bottling it up but she felt like running towards the bathroom that time to cry as her heart feels like swelling heavier and heavier as time passes by. Atleast, he was gentle when they were buying snacks, she thought. 

That was just brought by the moment. He didn't mean it. She's convincing herself again to not be upset and understand the situation.It's my fault. I've gone too far again. 

When the shooting ended, the members decided to have their dinner together. They went to Haha and Jongkook's restaurant. They were waiting for their food when Jaesuk spoke up.

"Jihyo-ah, you were late again earlier." 

She put down her phone and rubbed the new bruised forming on her forearm, trying to calm her nerves. "I'm sorry oppa." 

"You should think of the crew members and us. The filming was delayed again because we waited for you. That drinking habit of yours is really becoming a real problem now."

Jihyo looked at Jongkook after his comment and he didn't even look at her while saying those. "Ne, oppa. I'll tone it down."

But she didn't. When she got home, she drink the remaining beer she has. Every night, her craving for alcohol just heightens. The more she felt pain, the more she drinks, to numb everything she's feeling.

#3

The next filming, she wasn't late. She's thanking her headache for not letting her sleep the whole night. They were filming at Jongkook's house and throughout the filming, she still did her best but when it ended, she ran towards the bathroom.

She didn't know when her inside thoughts got worsened. But inside the bathroom, she recalled everything that happened. She's aware how her fans are fighting for her screen time and when the loveline made them happy, she allowed it to happen. She was so happy with the attention but who is she fooling, she was so happy with Jongkook's attention that she didn't have the time to think about her actions. 

Then finally, it dawned on her little by little. Self hatred spreading to every nook and corner of her mind. 

"Jihyo-ah, while you're not here, Somin is making her move towards Jongkook." 

She got afraid. Will they fire me again? When Gary left before, the management thought that her existence to the show is not needed anymore. And now it's repeating. She's weak enough already to be the Ace and fight like how she used to with the members. She's 40, like how Jongkook . 

She bit her lips repeatedly. When one sees it, she's basically chewing it already. She can't even taste the blood starting to come out of the cracks of her lips that wasn't even fully healed yet. All her senses are getting numb. That day, without saying her goodbyes, she went home. No one had to know. No one noticed anyway.

She spent her night drinking again, more liters were consumed compared the other night.

#4 

Another week of filming, she gathered her remaining strength to dragged her body. The former excitement she felt during early years of doing the show is now gone. She felt like it's not her safe haven anymore. That anything have to do about the show, is hurting her. 

Her paled appearance didn't go unnotice by Sechan.

"Noona, are you alright?" 

She might have been desperate that Sechan's question immediately warmed her chest. It took her strength to prevent herself from being honest that she's not fine. It took all her remaining pride to not cry on him and complain all her pains. 

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be fine?"

"It's just...you were quiet today. Well, you are most of the time but today, it seems like you're more dazed than ever."

She laughed at his comment. "Don't worry. I was just tired from filming my dramas. Thank you, Sechan-ah."

She can't help but thank him. That little moment somehow ignite her will to go on.  

The next days, she spent her night watching reruns of Running Man, hoping that she will recover the genuine excitement and joy of being part of the show. But she was an idiot. She was aware how her relationship with Jongkook was stained due to their forced loveline. She noticed how Jongkook could comfortably put his arms around Somin while  playing one of their games in the show but stay away from her. When they're accidentally beside each other, there's still an awkward space between them. 

She swear, she could feel her heart breaking that night. When she and Jongkook get fired from the show, their relationship became stronger. 

The times that she was bruised because of Jongkook's aggressiveness towards her despite the fact that aren't playing physical games came back to her. Since when did he hate me that much.

He promised