The library was empty when Joohyun stepped inside, hand clenched around the strap of her bag a bit tighter than necessary. She nodded towards the librarian, who barely deigned to acknowledge her presence, then settled down at her usual table, Potions manual opened to the relevant chapter and a fresh new roll of parchment ready to be used.

There was no need to search for obscure tomes, at least this time. The assignment was fairly straight-forward, and everything Joohyun needed would probably be in the manual. She could have done it quite easily from the comfort of her common room, without ever stepping foot into the much colder library, with its much stiffer chairs.

But that was the point, she supposed. She was making a statement, one which she hoped Seungwan would understand, because she didn’t feel inclined to spell it out any more clearly. Or maybe she hoped the girl wouldn’t understand it at all, and she’d be able to get out of this whole thing with a clear conscience.

She brushed away the pointless thoughts and focused her attention on her notes, carefully reading over the assignment and writing down every requirement to make sure she didn’t overlook anything. Through it all, her head kept stubbornly turning to the door, although she knew that she’d hear the old thing creaking open if anyone stepped through it.

When it did open, noisy despite the intruder’s best attempt at silence, Joohyun kept her gaze firmly on her textbook, entirely unreactive as she skimmed its contents and left small multi-coloured markers with a flick of her wand, identifying each of the topics to be addressed in the essay. She didn’t even lift her head when the sound of footsteps grew louder and finally stopped by her side, which was probably a bit too much, but she was suddenly nervous for some reason she couldn’t place. It really made no sense; rejection was the best outcome she could hope for.

Seungwan cleared , giving Joohyun an excuse to finally look away from her book and acknowledge her. “Can I sit here?” the Hufflepuff asked in a whisper. Joohyun nodded and rearranged her belongings to clear some space for the girl.

She returned her gaze to her work, but her attention remained on Seungwan as she pulled out her own textbook and opened it to the same page Joohyun was scanning, though much less efficiently ever since Seungwan had arrived.

Seulgi was better at these things. As oblivious and gullible as she could sometimes be, she was better at this kind of wordless communication. At letting people know how she felt without saying a word. Joohyun grew frustrated too easily, stumbling across the line between aggressive and reserved, saying too little or too much, getting angry at herself and only seeming angry at others.

But Seulgi wasn’t here. She was far away at cousin Jihye’s wedding. And she’d asked Joohyun to help Seungwan, so she knew. She must have tried.

Seungwan carried on with her work without ever looking up or saying a thing. She was probably too confused or scared to do anything more than show up, so it was up to Joohyun.

It was a little unfair, in a way. Joohyun had already reached out, her presence at the library was her olive branch. Why did she have to do anything else? Why couldn’t Seungwan just connect the dots and not make this any harder for her?

As she watched the girl flip through page after page, she saw how she trapped her lower lip between her teeth and chewed at it absently. The fragile, chapped skin was mercilessly bruised, barely healed cracks stretching open, and it wasn’t long before a drop of bright red blood bloomed on its surface, hastily away by a tongue far too used to the action.

Maybe she should try just a little more. Just a push. Then she could leave it up to Seungwan.

“Are you going to mention the healing properties of fluxweed?” she asked as casually as she could manage. Despite her low tone, the question still surprised Seungwan to the point that she almost dropped her quill. “From the phrasing of the assignment, it seems like we should stick to its usage in alteration potions, but Professor Youngbae did mention the healing properties in class a few weeks ago.”

Seungwan’s academic instincts appeared to override any hesitation and she was quick to answer. “Right, I was thinking about that. I thought maybe we could mention it in passing, just to show we were listening. Something like, ‘In addition to its healing properties, fluxweed can also be used, etc, etc.,’ and then focus on alteration potions for the rest of the essay,” she said cheerfully, along with a lot of gesturing that eventually left a smudge of black ink on her cheek.

Joohyun nodded at her words, easily agreeing with the suggestion. When Seungwan finished talking, the girl grew a bit self-conscious, shrinking back in her seat and studying Joohyun uncertainly before letting her eyes drop to her own work once again.

There. Now Joohyun only had to wait. Hopefully, Seungwan would play along and she wouldn’t have to have another debate with her conscience on whether it was finally acceptable to give up on the girl.

Around ten minutes of silence followed, the time passing quickly as Joohyun focused on her work. As she’d predicted, the textbook contained all the necessary information, so she forged ahead rapidly. It was always easier to structure an essay when she didn’t have to go hunting for sources and cross-checking everything.

From the corner of her eye, she could see Seungwan fidget in her seat, pausing every once in a while to send a furtive glance her way. Once or twice, she’d gone as far as opening , but no sound came out and she soon turned back to her notes.

“What are you, uh... What are you going to do about the Occamy?” the Hufflepuff finally managed to verbalize. Joohyun set down her quill and turned to face her with her best neutral expression, which at least didn’t discourage Seungwan from carrying on. “In class, we only talked about their feathers, but the book mentions all these other parts that are also used as ingredients. Occamy scales, Occamy talons. Occamy eyes,” she added with a slight frown of displeasure. Handling eyes was never the highlight of a Potions class.

“Oh, I haven’t gotten to that part yet. Let me check,” Joohyun added quickly, to cut off the apology that she already saw forming on Seungwan’s lips. She jumped forward a few pages, looking for the section on Occamy, and quickly scanned it. “Hmm. I’m not sure either. The essay has a word limit, right? So, we’ll write the basics first and then come back to the Occamy if we have the space for it.”

“Right. Sounds good.” Seungwan’s words were accompanied by a small, business-like nod, and she held Joohyun’s gaze for a fraction of a second before dropping her eyes to her parchment.

But there was a smile on her lips. It was small and a bit shy, but it was there. So she’d understood what Joohyun was offering, and she seemed happy enough to accept it.

There was no going back now.

(…)

Joohyun knew from the moment she woke up that she would love Christmas day. Regardless of the presents and letters she received, of the people she talked to, of how loud the fourth-years in the Slytherin dorm decided to be. Regardless even of the Christmas feast itself, she knew she would enjoy the day for a very simple reason: she had taken the day off from studying.

For the entire past week, she had worked from early morning to late night, trying her best to accompany Seungwan’s rhythm while still forcing the girl to spare a few hours for sleep and meals. It had been exhausting, though she couldn’t deny that she had caught up on much more coursework than she could have hoped to on her own. If this kept up, she’d start the second term in great shape. She might even have free time again.

But more importantly, on Christmas day she would do no work. Seungwan hadn’t even considered taking the day off, of course, so Joohyun found herself in blessed solitude for the first time in a week and took full advantage of it.

She read Seulgi’s latest letter and answered it in great detail, then unwrapped her present from the Kangs, which was a lovely Muggle perfume that she immediately sprayed on herself, inhaling happily. Aside from a few gifts from admirers, Sunmi and Hyuna had each sent her a few sweets, which she dug into as she strolled through the castle, leisurely taking in each quiet and mostly empty floor, all the way up to the Northern tower.

She sat on her favourite balcony, surrounded on either side by roof tiles that glinted under the weak morning sun whenever it peeked out from behind the thick cover of clouds spread across the sky. She’d always been afraid of heights, but she’d eventually learned that the trick was to look up, only up at the blinding azure and the soothing shades of grey that hung over it like curtains. If she never looked down, then she’d never have to acknowledge all the distance between her and the ground, she’d never have to stand that prickling, dizzying fear.

The morning was gone in a flash and the afternoon quickly followed, the hours that had dragged when she’d been studying suddenly feeling free to slip from her grasp one after the other, more rapidly than she could have imagined. And then night fell and her wandering feet pulled her in the opposite direction, down flight after flight of stairs until she stood in the Great Hall, surrounded by glittering snowflakes and impossibly tall Christmas trees.

Seungwan was already there, saving a seat for Joohyun, and she smiled widely when she entered, interrupting her conversation with the Charms Professor to wave her over. The good mood surrounding her seemed to have made her forget her reservations and uncertainty, at least for the evening. It was still quite possible that the morning would bring the same shy Seungwan, a bit more confident since that day at the library but still far from boisterous.

Joohyun couldn’t say that she much looked forward to any development in that area. Regardless of how she got along with the girl, she simply didn’t appreciate anything too loud. Quidditch games were a sacrifice that she only made out of love for all the people in her life who had decided to participate in the sport, but on any other occasion, she preferred the quiet. And Seungwan certainly wasn’t quiet.

“How was your day?” Seungwan asked with a polite smile as soon as Joohyun was settled. Her plate was already half-empty and a very large pointed hat, which she’d clearly obtained from one of the many crackers on the table, hung low over her eyes, so that she constantly had to push it back.

“It was lovely.”

She stretched to reach for a platter further down the table and caught a glimpse of Professor Heechul, who studied an absolutely hideous tie in tones of burgundy with a festive pattern of white snowmen and green pine trees, apparently weighing his recently acquired treasure against the slightly less flashy tie he was already wearing.

“If Heechul actually wears that tie, I think I’ll be morally obligated to cast a Vanishing Spell on it,” Joohyun mumbled distractedly, before remembering that she wasn’t sitting with Hyuna and Sunmi, but rather with the Hufflepuff Head Girl. Still, she barely had the time to turn to Seungwan and gauge her reaction before she heard her break into giggles.

“Remember when he wore that bright neon-yellow one?” Seungwan contributed at once, cringing at the memory.

“It looked like a stretched-out highlighter pen.”

They both laughed at that, the action feeling strangely easy. A bit taken aback, Joohyun fell abruptly silent and focused on filling her plate and picking at the food. Seungwan seemed to accept the end of the conversation easily, turning back to the teacher by her side to carry on chatting.

It was unexpected. Joohyun wasn’t sure she liked it. It was just that… It had felt just like the banter she usually exchanged with her friends. Like she and Seungwan could actually get along. Become friends.

She’d never really considered it, even during these past few days. She’d accepted Seungwan’s presence in her life, admitted the possibility of spending her afternoons in quiet study sessions with the girl. It was mutually beneficial, really. Despite all her worries and insecurities, Seungwan was still an excellent student with a natural talent for academics, and that made her a great study partner.

But… Friends? Could they really? Was it really that simple? Joohyun felt like she was missing something, some detail that showcased exactly why the possibility of a friendship with Son Seungwan was nothing short of ludicrous. She knew it, deep down. She was just having a bit of trouble expressing it, all of a sudden.

Seungwan turned to her with a cracker in her hand, wordlessly encouraging her to pull at the other end. She reached out distractedly and tugged, releasing its contents, along with a cloud of sparkling glitter that hung unmoving in the air, obscuring their prize. Shoving it aside blindly, Joohyun found a twinkling headband that she put on without hesitation, well aware of the unspoken rule that all silly hats found inside a Christmas cracker must be accepted, regardless of the level of silliness. To be honest, a headband was about as low-key as she could hope for.

An amused smile sprung to Seungwan’s lips as soon as the headband was in place, and Joohyun questioned it with a frown. “It gave you bunny ears,” the Hufflepuff explained, smile widening as Joohyun reached up to her head and found, just as she’d said, that she now had long rabbit ears popping out of the sides of her head. A bit sillier than she’d thought, then.

“Try this one,” the voice of Headmistress Kwon suddenly sounded, her arm reaching around the two teachers that separated them to offer a seemingly normal cracker. Joohyun took it with a small nod of appreciation, already predicting what it would contain. Seungwan, on the other hand, studied it with curiosity, reaching out to open it almost fearfully.

It sprung open with a subdued puff of smoke that Joohyun waved away without much effort. On the table between them sat a single sheet of paper, much less flashy than the usual cracker rewards. Seungwan seemed mostly confused by the discovery, so Joohyun took the lead in pulling it close to read the words she’d expected: a special announcement, marking an exclusive outing to Hogsmeade for seventh-year students, on the weekend between Christmas and the New Year.

It was the fourth year in a row that Joohyun had found a similar announcement on their Christmas feast, always for students in her year, and always inside a cracker supplied by the Headmistress herself. She looked up from the paper, trying to catch her eye, but the woman had already turned to the other side and begun a conversation with Professor Mihye.

“Wow, that’s- Is that real?” Seungwan breathed out excitedly. Joohyun nodded in confirmation and the girl let out another exclamation of surprise. “I didn’t even know you could get something like that from a cracker! Well, are you going? You’ll have all of Hogsmeade to yourself!”

“If I’m not mistaken, Ms. Son,” Headmistress Kwon cut in once more, suddenly free of her social engagement, “you are also a seventh-year student. And I do believe I’ve seen your Hogsmeade permission slip, though you haven’t made much use of it this year.”

“Oh, me? I- I don’t know if I should,” Seungwan quickly replied, nerves increasing at the thought of taking a day off, and also possibly at the sudden interaction with the Headmistress herself. “I still have so much work- It’s probably cold- The shops might be closed-” One after the other, excuses slipped from her tongue, fired off so rapidly that each was nearly cut off by the next.

“I know for a fact that the shops will be open. And as seventh-years, you are now allowed to cast magic outside school grounds. That includes warming spells,” Headmistress Kwon reminded her gently. She tilted her head, directing her attention to Joohyun. “What do you think, Ms. Bae? Shouldn’t your friend take this opportunity to relax? You won’t have many more free days as the NEWTs come closer.”

And there was that word again. Friend. It was innocent enough when thrown around by a teacher. It didn’t have its real weight, its real meaning. Friend was just a synonym for classmate, for study partner.

But the Headmistress was looking at her, straight at her, and Joohyun knew that that wasn’t what she’d meant. She’d always done these small things for her, more than just Hogsmeade outings. She’d known Joohyun since she was a child and she’d always tried to make her lonely holidays a little better, a little easier. Joohyun knew she cared for her, so when she looked at her like that, when she used that word like that, she knew what she meant.

Headmistress Kwon had definitely heard the rumours, and she clearly had her own opinion on the subject. Joohyun wasn’t sure whether that made the thought of befriending Seungwan a little more bearable or even more unimaginable.

“The Headmistress is right,” she said instead of mulling it over any longer, because she didn’t want to decide, and maybe she didn’t have to, not yet. Maybe she could just let things run their course and leave the choices for later. “You should take at least one day off. There’s a reason we have breaks.”

Seungwan seemed taken aback by the sudden candour, but she nodded after a moment’s hesitation. Joohyun wondered how much the girl’s fear of her had weighed into the decision.

The desserts appeared on the table as soon as Joohyun, the last to arrive, had emptied her plate, and all conversation was abandoned momentarily as the celebrants busied themselves with digging into the sweet dishes before them. Joohyun picked at a slice of pumpkin pie that had ended up on her plate, trying her best to ignore the small white mice that sometimes popped out of the crackers that were still being joyfully split open all along the table.

One by one, the teachers and students began to stand up, some still holding on to their desserts, and to mingle more comfortably among each other. Joohyun exchanged a few pleasantries with former teachers, who had taught her all the way up to her OWLs, then found herself in a very interesting conversation with Professor Mihye about some strange planetary trajectories the woman had been studying. Seungwan disappeared from her side at some point, presumably to go talk to her own favourite teachers.

Despite the mice dangerously springing out of the crackers, and that large dove on one occasion, Joohyun opened many more of them on that evening, at least one for each other person in the room. In the end, she had 14 silver Sickles, a pack of Chocolate Frog cards, three more silly hats, and a nose-biting teacup that she intended to use on Hyuna as soon as she got the chance.

She walked back to her common room with her arms full of trinkets, followed closely by Seungwan and her own mountain of junk. The Hufflepuff was beaming brightly, her happiness so intense that it was hard to resist, and Joohyun wondered how she could so easily set aside the concerns that gnawed at her and simply smile for the night. And then Joohyun wondered how much of it was for show.

She was gripped by the strangest desire to ask Seungwan how she felt. How she really felt. But she wasn’t sure which answer she wanted, or whether she wanted an answer at all, so she held her tongue and only watched that smile.

Her precariously-balanced loot nearly slipped from her grip while she stood by the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room, waiting for Seungwan to go inside. Instead of tapping out the password, the girl rummaged through her things until she found what she seemed to be looking for and offered Joohyun a liquorice wand.

“I got two,” she said with a half-shrug, arm still stretched out towards the Slytherin. Joohyun only nodded towards her full arms and Seungwan gingerly reached over to drop the candy on top of the pile.

“Thanks,” Joohyun said a bit awkwardly. Seungwan shrugged again.

“See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. See you.”

It was weird. Joohyun and Seungwan talking together, making polite conversation. It was tense and uncomfortable and neither of them seemed very at ease. And it finally relaxed Joohyun, because this was something she could handle. Polite distance and a professional relationship were much more familiar, much less unsettling.

She walked back to her own room, finding herself wide awake as she took off her robe and shoes. Instead of sleeping, she sat on her bed and nibbled on her liquorice wand.