Cheek still tingling, as if the memory of Seungwan’s lips would never leave it, Joohyun stepped shakily into the Slytherin common room. The high-ceilinged room was dark and empty, except for a single figure draped across a sofa.

“Hey, Soojung,” Joohyun called out as she identified her classmate.

“Joohyun, you’re up late,” Soojung said, stretching her limbs into a more typical position. She quirked her head to study Joohyun, a wicked smile on her lips. “Out having fun?”

For some reason, the accusation jump-started Joohyun’s heart, as if she’d really been doing anything but sleeping uncomfortably. Then reality set in, along with the exhaustion that Seungwan’s kiss had chased away for a time, and she just sighed as she dropped into the nearest chair.

“I was helping Seungwan with some homework.”

“Oh, sure, homework.”

Joohyun rolled her eyes, although it was probably not visible in the dimness.

“What about you, then? You’re still up. I’m sure you’ve had your own share of fun.”

Soojung sent her a look that was probably sullen, but which, as Joohyun had expected, didn’t quite carry across the dark room. “Amber’s at the Headmistress’s office, I’m waiting to hear back from her.”

“Oh. Fun,” she repeated drily. Soojung didn’t dignify that with a response. “What did your girlfriend do this time?”

“She is not my girlfriend.”

“I know, I just like how annoyed you get when I say it.”

A pause. Possibly an eyeroll, lost to the darkness.

“She and the Gryffindors were trying to get at the floating candles in the Hall. Made a game out of it, got very competitive, you know how they are.” Joohyun nodded along. “Well, she decided to summon her broom, but she’d left it in the shed and when it flew over it brought the whole rack of brooms along. Smacked a bunch of them in the face.”

Joohyun snorted. Soojung let out a huff that seemed almost amused, then stopped herself, as if wavering at the border of annoyance at the stupidity and hilarity at, well, also the stupidity. Finally, she gave in and joined Joohyun’s silent laughter that quickly grew a little less silent as the late hour and the odd situation worked strangely on their mood and made it almost impossible to stop.

“That’s, uh, very unfortunate,” Joohyun eventually offered, a little out of breath, entirely unconvincing. “And when you say ‘a bunch of them-‘”

“Chanyeol took it straight to the nose. Had to stop by the nurse’s office on his way up,” Soojung cut in, understanding quickly. Joohyun discreetly pumped her fist, unapologetically petty. “He’s fine now. Not a scratch. And Hyuna is fine too, in case you were wondering.”

“Right, yes, of course, Hyuna.”

“She and Hyojong were off in their own world, I don’t know if they even noticed.”

“Oh, those two,” she sighed, letting the comment drift out unfinished. Just, those two. Soojung returned the sigh, clearly on the same page.

“Yeah, those two. Disgusting, right?” she asked lightly. Despite the difficulty of the task, she managed to stretch herself even further on the sofa, an undignified leg thrown over its back, an arm dangling listlessly off the side.

“You know, if you’d like to be more publicly affectionate, I’m sure you can bring that up with Amber.”

Soojung’s head swivelled around to face her, and it was totally unreadable in the darkness but it was also crystal-clear. Joohyun snorted at the sight, only slightly disappointed that she hadn’t received a more verbal reaction.

“Soojung, people are trying to sleep!” an annoyed voice sounded from the depths of the dormitories, its owner emerging a few moments later, gaze fixed on the girl sprawled out on the sofa. Joohyun recognized Jennie instantly, but didn’t have the time to greet her before she carried on. “Seriously, you can talk to your girlfriend tomorrow- Oh, sorry, Joohyun, I thought you were Amber.”

“Seriously? Did you two plan this?”

Joohyun tried very hard to suppress the giggle that threatened to burst out of her, but in the end she couldn’t help it. Jennie’s gaze travelled between her and Soojung, very confused at the latter’s instant outburst.

Joohyun shook her head solemnly, biting down on her lip. She hoped Jennie could glimpse at least some of her amusement, and didn’t think she’d walked into something too serious. She settled back in her seat as Soojung sprang to her feet and stalked off down the hallway.

“What did I say?”

“Oh, she’s just sensitive tonight. Who knows why?”

“Probably because her girlfriend is at the Headmistress’s Office,” Jennie suggested, and they exchanged knowing smirks. She took a seat on the chair closest to Joohyun, close enough that they could actually read each other’s faces. “So, how about you? Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, I did. It was… not at all what I thought it would be. But it was nice.”

“For a while there, it looked like you’d run off with Sooyoung.”

“Oh, long story. Very long story.” Jennie's face lit up with curiosity. Oh, Joohyun really didn’t want to go into the details of that particular interaction. “She’s a… persistent businesswoman.”

Jennie grinned at that, appeased for the time being. “You know, I thought about asking you,” she said, so casually that Joohyun barely registered the words. “But then I saw you with Seungwan, after you two made up. I figured I didn’t have much of a chance.”

The confession settled like a rock at the pit of Joohyun’s stomach, guilt blossoming at how easily she’d dismissed Jennie’s supposed crush on her, until she’d already forgotten it entirely. She felt her face fall, smile faltering and fading, as she grasped for something to say and came up empty.

“It’s alright,” Jennie quickly added, “I went with this girl from my year, Jisoo. She’s really nice, we had a fun time. I think… We’ll probably hang out again sometime, or I hope we will, anyway.”

“I’m sure you will,” Joohyun offered encouragingly, trying her best to recover her smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t, um, I mean…” She couldn’t quite find the words she wanted, or figure out what exactly to apologize for, so she gave up with a shrug at Jennie’s growing amusement. “Am I that obvious?”

“About Seungwan?”

She nodded, feeling impossibly silly. She wondered if everyone knew. Hyuna and Sunmi did, and probably Seulgi as well. And Sooyoung. With her luck, the entire school had probably figured it out before her, and there were already some underground betting rings for when she’d make her big public confession. Or maybe they thought the two of them were together in secret, and the bets were for when they’d come out about it.

“It’s easier if you’re looking for it,” Jennie offered, cutting through Joohyun’s gloomy spiral with an off-hand comment that just reminded her once more of the way she’d dismissed the girl’s feelings.

“Right. That’s… Right.”

She really was having no luck with the talking tonight. Jennie smiled, more teasing than anything.

“I think Seungwan is looking for it too, for what it’s worth.”

The thought that Jennie could read into Seungwan’s poker face as well as she had into Joohyun’s was comforting, but it was also strangely unsettling. It was one thing for Joohyun to be aware of her own feelings, and for the people around her to know and perhaps even about them. But if Sooyoung and Jennie were right, and Seungwan felt the same, and they knew that too, somehow that made Joohyun feel so much more exposed.

It made it all feel real, and solid, and painful. That Seungwan was right there, and wanted her back, and they just didn’t have any room in their lives for it.

“I doubt she can see anything other than potion recipes and spellcasting instructions and whatever she’s got to know for her next essay,” Joohyun joked, her voice coming out a little more strangled than she’d like. She felt tired, and a little hollow, and she suddenly wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. “She probably sees star charts when she closes her eyes, at this point.”

Maybe she sees Lyra, her treacherous heart offered, sending her back to their conversation in Astronomy class, to her pointing out the constellations, to the way Seungwan had followed her words with glittering eyes.

The way Jennie looked at Joohyun was painfully clear even in the dark, and Joohyun didn’t miss how her eyes softened in something almost like pity. She grasped her gently on the shoulder, the contact comforting.

“I’ve seen Seungwan study, she’s very good at multitasking.” A half-smile, conspiratorial, that Joohyun managed to honestly return. “You never know.”

“Yeah,” she replied easily, getting up to her feet. Even as she spoke, she hadn’t the faintest idea whether she believed it or not, but she said it anyway, and that felt like a start. “You never know.”

(…)

The sun shone in a nearly cloudless sky, setting every colour alight and glinting off of the distant figures of witches and wizards on their brooms. Squinting, Joohyun could see the red of their uniforms against the brightness; the Gryffindor team, taking their turn to practice on the Quidditch pitch.

Most of the Hufflepuff team had made a quick retreat to the castle as soon as Sunmi had released them, massaging aching muscles and longing for a nice hot shower. Even the captain herself had only offered Joohyun a parting wave before hurrying to her late breakfast. But Seulgi had noticed Joohyun’s thoughtfulness, the way she had sat there through their entire practice and long after they’d left to get changed.

When she slid into the seat next to her, Joohyun almost jumped out of her skin. Then, with embarrassing slowness, she connected the dots and realized that Hufflepuff practice had finished.

“Oh. Can you be here?” she asked, still returning to the present. She nodded towards the Gryffindor team, practicing tactics that other players should probably not be spying on.

“Probably not,” Seulgi agreed with a smile. It grew as Joohyun awkwardly gathered up her things and got up to leave. “So what got you so distracted? Were you planning out an essay in your head again? I told you you could bring your parchment to practice.”

“Too windy up here,” she replied automatically, heading for the stairs down. “Don’t you remember that time I lost half my Potions homework?”

“Hey, we got most of the pages back! It was good practice, actually. You should lose your homework more often.”

Joohyun appreciated that Seulgi wasn’t pushing for more information, happy to play along with the banter as she gathered her thoughts. She threw out some comment on dropping Seulgi’s homework off the stands if they needed the practice so badly, then fell silent as she nipped at her bottom lip. She stopped as the image of Seungwan’s chapped lips popped in her mind, making her suddenly self-conscious of the habit.

“So…” she began in her best effort at casual. They were walking through the grounds aimlessly, the path towards the castle abandoned. “You took Sooyoung to the Ball.”

“Technically, she took me,” Seulgi retorted, handling the abrupt shift in the conversation quite well.

It seemed to have become Joohyun’s go-to topic, Seulgi and Sooyoung and all that they weren’t. As different as it was from herself and Seungwan, she still felt a sad sort of kinship for it. And it felt easier to talk about it, than about what she was really mulling over in her head.

“Right. Well. Did you have a nice time?”

“Yes? I mean, you were there. For most of it, anyway, before you snuck off to the Hufflepuff dorms.”

“Seungwan had an essay,” Joohyun explained, a little embarrassed. It didn’t stop sounding like some transparent excuse, no matter how many times she repeated it.

“I know, I know, she told me. But, just, I don’t know. Sooyoung was nice, very sweet. A good dancer.”

“Do you think it’ll go, um, anywhere?”

Seulgi threw her a look, then, and Joohyun pretended very hard that she didn’t notice it as they continued walking. It was a look that said that Seulgi had just realized they were having two different conversations at once, and was hoping to get out of it by instilling some honesty into Joohyun through sheer force of will. It didn’t work, and eventually she gave up.

“Anywhere romantic?” she asked. Joohyun nodded, waited as Seulgi hummed in thought. “Probably not, I suppose.” Joohyun waited some more, not wanting to push but somehow needing to hear the words she’d already more or less expected. “Like I said, Sooyoung is really nice, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now. I have to focus on Quidditch and I barely have time for practice as it is.”

Joohyun took in the words silently, nodding like they hadn’t dug into her chest and weighed down every part of her with the inevitability she’d been trying so hard to ignore, or acknowledge, or face. She kept walking, keeping pace with Seulgi’s slowing strides. She looked straight ahead, at nothing at all, as she waited for the nauseating block of ice in her stomach to melt.

Some people were just too busy for relationships. They had other priorities. They had bigger things to worry about. And if those people were nice, really nice, far too nice, and they were pushed, they might say yes and not mean it, or they might say no and feel guilty, and either way all a confession would achieve would be heartache and embarrassment.

The block of ice wasn’t melting at all. If anything, it seemed to be getting bigger, driving the frost through her limbs.

“But it would be different,” Seulgi began suddenly, catching Joohyun’s attention. She was also staring off into nowhere, squinting at the setting sun. “It would be different, um, if I liked her already. I mean, I won’t go looking for something, but if I already had a something, a someone I liked, then I guess it would already be distracting, just to like them. Even if we weren’t dating, if we were just friends, it’d be on my mind either way, and if were together then… It wouldn’t be worse than the alternative, and I think, probably better? Because we’d be together, and I’d be happy about it, and happiness can be a pretty good motivator. Better than, um, fear, or anxiety, or pressure."

“But what if that person you were dating pressured you too? If they wanted to go on dates, or spend time together, and you were too busy for it, but you didn’t want them to get angry or upset?”

Seulgi’s steps slowed down to nothing, until they were just standing in the middle of the lawn, looking at each other. A light breeze fluttered through her hair, throwing a few strands into her face. There was a slight furrow in her brow, a slight press to her lips, the face she always made when confronted with a difficult puzzle.

“You already spend time together,” she said simply, dropping the pretence. The relief of not having to speak in hypotheticals showed immediately on her face.

“It’s not the same,” Joohyun threw back, because what was the point of pretending like she’d been talking about anything else? She’d already known Seulgi knew, more or less. Seulgi might have known for longer than herself.

“Isn’t it? You’re already together most of the time, a lot of it just the two of you. You’d know better than anyone not to push for more. I mean, what do you even want to do with her that you don’t already? Besides kissing, I guess. But I don’t want to hear about that,” Seulgi quickly added, screwing up her face in disgust.

“You’re seventeen,” Joohyun deadpanned.

“You’re my cousin!” Seulgi immediately retorted, remembering to lower her voice at the last minute so that the dangerous word came out a hiss. Then she carried on, before Joohyun could cut in with another snarky comment. “You’re scared. That’s normal, everybody gets scared. But you’re using school as an excuse not to go for it. Worse, you’re using Seungwan as an excuse. I don’t think she’d want that.”

“She doesn’t want to have to deal-“

“She wanted to deal with you when you were glaring daggers at her every time you crossed paths. Do you really think she wouldn’t want to deal with you now? When you make her happy? When that’s all you want to do?”

It felt strange. Seulgi seemed so sure of what she was saying, of the advice she was giving, completely opposite to what Joohyun had decided on. But she’d broached the subject, she’d asked the questions, she’d kept the conversation going. Wasn’t this what she really wanted? For someone she trusted, someone who understood the situation, to tell her to go for it?

But what if she just wanted enough people to encourage her, to speak out against the voice of her conscience, so she could point to them all and excuse herself if anything went wrong? If she hurt Seungwan, if Seungwan hurt her.

But if that happened, she knew all the shifting of blame in the world wouldn’t make it hurt any less.

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

“What if it does?”

She fixed Seulgi with an unimpressed glare. “Does that line ever work? For anyone?”

“It’s a good question,” Seulgi defended herself. “Even if you think there’s a slight, possible chance of things going wrong, isn’t it more likely that it’ll go well? And then, don’t you owe it to yourself to try?”

“No. That’s silly logic and I refuse to accept it.”

Seulgi sighed. Joohyun was being childish. She would have claimed it was a big change to their usual dynamic, but she really couldn’t.

“You already like each other. You’re already a distraction, as much as you’ll ever be. And you could already get hurt. And, you know, if you acknowledge that, all that really has to change is the things you want to change anyway, right? To be dating, officially. To be all happy and blushing about it. To kiss, I guess, but I still don’t want to hear about it.”

Joohyun let herself be convinced. She let the words swirl into a vague drone as she felt, like reliving a memory, the press of Seungwan’s lips to her cheek. Her assurances that she’d enjoyed herself that night. And then the little things, how she wanted to be alone with her, how she gave in to Joohyun’s whims, how she smiled an easier smile at Joohyun’s jokes. It felt like a million little messages that Seungwan had been sending all this time, and she realized the truth in Seulgi’s words. Liking each other, it was easy, so much easier than she’d made it in her head. It was just the little things. And that wasn’t scary, or pressuring, or demanding. They already did most of it, anyway. It would be different, yes, completely different, but in an inward sort of way.

She wasn’t sure what she was thinking anymore. Her thoughts became as jumbled as Seulgi’s speech, a mess that faded away from words, from meaning, and just became a smile on her face. An awed smile, as the realization struck her.

“Do you think she wants me to?” she asked, and maybe the question didn’t even make sense, but Seulgi just smiled, understanding, and nodded with conviction.

“Yeah. I think she does.”

(…)

The Hufflepuff dorm was empty save for Seungwan, who sat on the side of her bed and leafed through a thick block of notes, scanning each page with the quick ease of someone who had done it a dozen times before. She looked up at Joohyun's arrival, mouth spreading in an instant smile.

Joohyun had known that Seungwan was alone; Seulgi had told her as much. It was the very reason she'd made her way inside, along with Seulgi's additional tip that Sunmi and Sunyoung would both be away for at least another half an hour. She'd known, but her stomach still twisted into a knot of nerves as she slowly stepped inside, approaching Seungwan cautiously.

She knew she'd been acting oddly since the Ball, finding it hard not to react to Seungwan in strange ways, to keep her feelings in check when every move by the Hufflepuff, every kind gesture, left her hopelessly flustered. Seungwan was bound to notice it sooner or later. She might misunderstand, which could be catastrophic. Or she might understand perfectly, which would be even worse, or so it felt, somehow. Joohyun had to say it, confess her feelings, before Seungwan could find out in some other way.

Had she been silent for too long? She had no idea how much time had passed since she'd entered the room and lingered silently by the door, keeping a distance between Seungwan and herself that was well beyond unusual and probably edging towards odd.

She might have been silent for too long. She swallowed drily and called out a "Hi" that she hoped sounded much more casual than she felt. Seungwan tilted her head slightly in confusion as she returned the greeting, which meant that Joohyun was likely doing a poor job at not being obvious.

She smoothed down her robe, then made her way over to Seungwan, taking advantage of the cover of the other beds in the room to take a few long calming breaths. She could do this. She'd faced much worse. This was fine.

"Hi," she said, once they were face to face and not standing in opposite ends of the dorm. "I already said hi," she realized a beat too late.

"There are worse things to say twice," Seungwan offered, clearly trying her best to avoid fuelling the growing awkwardness. Joohyun nodded and resisted the temptation to start listing examples just to buy herself some more time.

“Very busy?” She threw a glance at the notes in Seungwan’s hand.

“Oh, you know, always,” she replied with an airy laugh. “But not particularly so right now. I’m just refreshing my memory on creature classification before I do that Defence Against the Dark Arts essay.”

“Right, I’ve gotten started on that. Just the bare outline, I’m a little stuck on how to include pixies.” This wasn’t what she wanted to say at all. Why was she bringing up pixies? Nobody liked the annoying like things. “Well, we can talk about that later.”

“Do you want to talk about something else?”

Seungwan put down her notes. Joohyun watched the action happen slowly, aware that she was reaching the point of no return.

“Yes, actually.” She tried to add something else, but for a moment she couldn’t, so she let the moment pass and waited for Seungwan to say something in return while she willed her heart to stop racing.

“Anything in particular?”

She swallowed drily. This was it.

“I just, I’ve been thinking. A lot. Just thinking a lot. And I do that, apparently. Think a lot, I mean. Maybe too much. Although I’ve also been told that I don’t think enough about things? Or sometimes that I’m intentionally dense. But that’s different from not being a thoughtful person, I think it’s that I try to avoid dwelling on things that could lead to uncomfortable realizations. More of an avoidance technique. Or so I’m told, anyway.”

This was going terribly. Joohyun paused for a few breaths and hoped that Seungwan would say something, anything, maybe even hum, but she only listened intently.

“Um, well, so I’ve been thinking. And this involves you – of course it does, or I wouldn’t be saying it to you. Well, I would, you know, you’re my friend. I talk to you about things other than just you or me. But in this particular case, it’s about you. And me. Both of us. Because we, um, we spend a lot of time together. Have been, for a while now, spending a lot of time together. Which is good, I like that, and I think you’ve said before that you like it as well. Which is also good.”

Seungwan kept her silence. Joohyun allowed herself a much smaller pause this time, eager to just get it over with, worried that she’d never reach her point.

“And I know that things haven’t always been good. In fact, for a long time, for years, I’d say they were, um, bad. Or in the vicinity of bad, anyway. And the good bit is more recent, but also, I feel like it’s more meaningful, because the badness came from not knowing you, and not understanding, and the goodness came from the opposite. From knowing you really well, and you knowing me too, and now you know things about me that nearly nobody knows, so the way things feel now, that must be more real.”

This time Seungwan smiled, the corners of twitching upwards as she kept it firmly shut, amusement mingled with restrained curiosity. Joohyun decided to take the smile as a good sign.

“I hope it feels that way for you too, I really do, because even if everything else – I mean, even if… Well, either way, that’s really important to me. But actually, I, I wanted, um… I wanted to ask – but I know, I mean, even right now, with your notes, and all that… All the essays, and History of Magic, right? That’s all really… You said it yourself, always very busy. Those were your words. Well, the ‘always,’ anyway. I said the ‘very busy.’ But the point still stands.”

Seungwan stepped closer and Joohyun's mind did something strange. She wasn't sure what, exactly, but it felt like it might be what happened to Hyuna's wand whenever she got distracted halfway through a spell and accidentally set something on fire.

“The point – I haven’t really made a point yet, I think. I mean, I’ve said a lot, so I might have made one, but not the one I wanted to make. I just think that you’re very busy, and that’s okay that you’re very busy, because we can be busy together, we can just study and go out to the greenhouse after dark, and I’ll show you the stars in a very educational and useful way, not just talk about constellations, so you don’t have to – you don’t have to worry that I’ll take up all your time or demand anything, I would never – I mean, that’s not why – “

She paused for a breath, for some way to finish her sentence, for some semblance of calm or reasonable thought while Seungwan looked at her like that, still smiling, eyes flitting across her face and landing everywhere, and landing on her lips.

Seungwan leaned forward, like it was the easiest thing in the world, and rested a hand on Joohyun’s neck, thumb lying against the line of her jaw, fingers pressing ever so slight to draw her in, to close the gap between them, and then Seungwan’s lips were on hers. If Joohyun’s mind had been stuttering before, now it was fully blank, filled with nothing but the touch of Seungwan’s lips, her familiar warmth so close, her fingers so soft against Joohyun’s skin.

Joohyun felt herself chasing the pressure as Seungwan pulled back, out of balance for one confusing moment before reality set in. She felt like Yerim might have slipped her some Essence of Ether and soon she’d be floating off towards the ceiling too. She felt happy, almost suspiciously so.

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” Seungwan asked, her low whisper enough to carry across the short space that separated them. Joohyun nodded, not trusting herself with speech, and was surprised by Seungwan’s sigh of relief. “Okay, good, that would have been really embarrassing otherwise.”

She couldn’t help the burst of laughter that escaped her, the way she was still biting back cackles as she reached for Seungwan’s hands and pulled her closer again, close enough to map out every detail in her eyes.

“You are such a nerd.”

“You like it,” Seungwan mumbled smugly, breath ghosting her lips.

“Yeah, I really do.”