The weekend had come at last. Joohyun felt a bit lightheaded over breakfast, slowly chewing food that she could barely swallow, distracted by lack of sleep and a heart that wouldn’t quite settle. She tapped her fingers on the table, nervously counting down the minutes, hoping her eagerness would go unnoticed among the crowd of students excitedly awaiting the time for their trip to Hogsmeade.

She wished Seulgi could be by her side, if only to offer her comforting presence, but her friend was off at the Hufflepuff table, all the way across the Hall. Jennie was there, and Yerim, but it wasn’t the same. Only Seulgi understood, could sense it all in a single look.

Joohyun forced back her nerves, along with another bite of her breakfast, then finally gave up on it. She wasn’t hungry at all, and she could always have something at the pub. She got up and left the Hall, devoting the rest of her morning to aimlessly strolling around the school.

The day was dark, rain falling intermittently, and the grounds were already wet and muddy. Joohyun studied them as she stepped by each window, the gloomy weather seeming anything but encouraging. She considered going up to her usual balcony on the Northern Tower, the one where she always managed to clear her mind, but she was too full of nervous energy to sit still, even up there on her own.

Eventually, the time to leave approached. She made her way down the flights of stairs, to meet her friends at the Entrance Hall, and they joined the mass of students gathering by the castle door. One by one, they must all identify themselves to the caretaker, who had known them for years but always pretended not to recognize them, and wait for him to find them in the list of authorized students, which he always searched regardless of how many times they’d been let through before.

Joohyun determinedly ignored everything happening around her: Hyuna and Hyojong whispering in each other’s ear, Sunmi tracking down every single member of her Quidditch team and trying to rope them into a general meeting at the village, Yerim tugging at her sleeve. She only allowed herself to wave back at Jennie, when the girl’s face poked out among the crowd, but otherwise focused all her attention on the door that slowly came closer.

Hyuna and Hyojong made it through, the two Gryffindors barely separating long enough to give the caretaker their names. Sunmi made it through, turning back to the crowd to shout out instructions to her team even as she stood in front of him.

Seulgi was just behind Joohyun, close enough to Seungwan that Joohyun hadn’t tried to approach them. The source of her nerves was so close now that there was no point, anyway. Soon she’d be on her way to meet them, just the walk over to the village separating her from the couple at the pub. She still wasn’t sure how she felt about it, but for now she had resorted to simply not thinking of it at all. It would be over soon, one way or another.

“You’re not authorized.”

Her body had already begun to move when the words finally registered. She froze, slumped backwards to face the caretaker.

“What do you mean, not authorized?”

“You’re not on the list.”

“Of course I’m on the list, I have been for years.” The caretaker gazed at her blankly, then shifted to study the restless students waiting behind her. She ignored his silent hint. “Check again.”

“Joohyun,” Seulgi intervened, coming closer. Her hand landed softly on Joohyun’s arm, but the touch was like a jolt nonetheless. Joohyun suddenly felt stifled, drowning. The caretaker made a show of going through the full list, but his face didn’t change.

The world grew unsteady, the pressure in her chest shifting from nerves to dread, ominous dread.

“How can my name not be in there?” she asked before the caretaker could say a word.

“Detention,” a voice said from behind her, and she knew it was Seungwan but in that moment she didn’t even register it. Didn’t even care.

“Yes, that’ll do it,” the man agreed easily, eyes leaving the list at once.

“Detention,” she repeated in a breathless whisper.

“It’s not just polishing silverware,” he carried on in a recriminating tone. “There’s loss of privileges, as well. Quidditch, clubs...“

“Hogsmeade,” she finished for him, nausea rising up . She’d been so busy with her tutoring, so distracted by everything that had happened, that she hadn’t even realized. Hadn’t pieced it together, even as she counted down the days to her outing.

Seulgi’s hand on her arm tightened, like she was trying to get her attention, but she could barely think. This couldn’t be happening, not today. It just couldn’t.

“I’ll fix this. I’ll go to the Headmistress.”

She shrugged off Seulgi’s hand, which began to weigh her down awfully, and hurried backwards among the crowd of student, ignoring the voices calling out to her. She didn’t stop until she was all the way up the Headmistress’s Tower, gasping in painful lungfuls of air by the door to her office.

Headmistress Kwon let her in at once, and sat down at her desk as she patiently waited for Joohyun to take the chair across from her.

“There’s been a mistake,” she said instead, standing helplessly before the older woman.

She looked up at Joohyun, calm expression unchanged by her words. “How so?”

“They won’t let me go to Hogsmeade.”

Kwon sighed, and her eyes softened with a sentiment that was far more pity than indulgence. Joohyun curled her hands into fists by her side, helplessness growing, but kept her silence.

For what felt like a very long time, they remained that way, the Headmistress sitting and looking up at Joohyun. Then she smiled, a sad little smile.

“It isn’t a mistake.”

The words had been expected but Joohyun still bristled, fists tightening almost painfully.

“It has to be!”

“I understand why-“

“I have to meet my parents!”

“I know.”

Joohyun finally deflated, pierced by the inevitability that began to creep on her. She didn’t sit on the stiff chair ahead of Kwon but instead fell backwards onto the empty sofa. After a moment, the Headmistress got up and settled by her side.

“I understand your situation, Joohyun. And believe me, I wish I could help you. But if…” She paused, her eyes softening, and Joohyun thought for a moment that she might relent, against all odds. But only for a moment. “If a punishment were suspended every time it became inconvenient for a student, then it wouldn’t be much of a punishment, would it?”

“Inconvenient,” Joohyun scoffed, tight with a ball of emotions that she refused to address. “I’ve spent hours tutoring Jennie. I made it my top priority, I devoted myself completely to my punishment.” She turned to Kwon, who studied her from the other corner of the sofa. “There’s one week left. Just one week. Can’t you cut it short? Or- Or I’ll do two weeks afterwards. Three. Six more, if I have to.”

“Your detention will be finished next week, Joohyun, there’s nothing to be done about that. You can go to Hogsmeade next time.”

“They won’t be there next time.”

She turned away, although she knew it was a childish thing to do. But she hated the way the Headmistress looked at her, with genuine compassion. Like she was truly sorry for her.

“Joohyun...”

Kwon waited for her to face her before continuing and Joohyun stubbornly refused to. She gazed blindly at the rows of books in the shelves surrounding them, at the moving portraits high up on the walls, at the strange magical artefacts, some of which she didn’t even recognize, wedged in between more familiar sights like the crumpled, shabby old Sorting Hat.

Then she turned, because Kwon still waited patiently, because she had to give in eventually.

“I’m sorry about this, I truly am. As Kwon Boa, as myself outside of any responsibility, I wish I could let you go. But as Headmistress Kwon, I know that I can’t bend the rules this way. I could never justify this exception as anything other than favouritism.”

‘So do it, favour me,’ Joohyun wanted to scream, but she knew it would accomplish nothing. Kwon was right, and it was the worst part. Because it was always like this. It was never anyone’s fault. But it was never fair either.

Kwon’s hand left the sofa, moved forward, halted in its way. The Headmistress hesitated in her gesture of comfort, then her hand returned to its place. Joohyun looked away, lips still pressed in anger. She knew she cared, she always had, but it was so hard to let it mean anything when it was so unfair.

Joohyun should have known. It always ended up like this. Whether or not she saw them, whether or not it was easy or strained, whether or not she cried. It always ended up in heartbreak.

The first time they met in Hogsmeade, Joohyun was in her third year. Her signed permission slip felt like a dream come true. She saw it all whenever she closed her eyes, the pubs where she’d drink butterbeer, the candy stores filled with every possible treat, the shops for everything from potion ingredients to tricks to play on other students. Even the thought of the Shrieking Shack filled her with excitement as much as fear.

But when the day came for their very first visit, all of that had been wiped from her mind. Because she’d gotten a letter. Because her parents would be there, at a local pub called the Lionheart. And they wanted to see her.

She’d never thought of that. She’d been so used to spending the year with only the occasional message between them, that the idea of seeing them, right there in front of her, just sitting down to the butterbeer that she’d spent weeks trying to taste in her mind, felt like a puzzle piece that didn’t fit anywhere in her life.

Seulgi dropped her off at the pub, then walked on with her Hufflepuff friends. Joohyun spent ages just standing there, breath curling into white threads against the cold air, hands growing numb inside their gloves, sudden fear gripping her, freezing her from within. Then she walked inside.

She missed curfew that day. The last student returned from Hogsmeade, the large castle doors swung shut, and she still wasn’t back.

Teachers were sent to find her, villagers were alerted. In the end, it was Sunny who found her. She was sitting on a fallen log by the edge of the Black Lake, throwing pebble after pebble to skip against its surface. She wasn’t very good at it, but it didn’t really matter either. Watching the ripples fade as the pebbles sunk carried its own kind of peace.

She didn’t say anything as the woman who’d served her earlier gently wrapped her in a thick blanket and pulled her to her feet. She only let herself be led back to Hogwarts, to the Headmistress’s Office, where she’d receive her punishment.

She sat alone in front of Kwon Boa for the first time, still wrapped in the blanket. They studied each other in silence, the older woman seeming to find all her answers without asking, simply from looking at the shivering student she’d summoned.

And then Joohyun started crying. Not loud, wracking sobs, not wails or whines. Just silent tears that slid down her cheeks, that she hid behind small hands. Just the rhythmic rise and fall of her shoulders at each shaky inhale.

The Headmistress got up, rounded her desk. She stood by Joohyun’s chair, still wordless, and reached out a hand. Her palm settled atop Joohyun’s head, her fingers brushed her hair gently, then stilled. The crying intensified, then slowly tapered off. Joohyun wiped her tears away harshly, swiping at her cheeks and eyes.

Then the Headmistress sent her to bed.

“I’ll let your parents know you can’t make it.”

Joohyun nodded, all feeling gone. Now she just felt numb, empty. Kwon had gotten to her feet, so she followed suit, ready to stop fighting and just go to her room.

“Do you remember what I told you, the last time you were here?”

The only thing that Joohyun could remember was that she’d signed her fate. Caused all this. But she said nothing, simply fixed tired eyes on the Headmistress, who sighed at the sight.

“It isn’t the end of the world, Joohyun. I know it feels that way, but it won’t for long.”

Yes, she kept saying that. But what was the point in knowing that what you felt wasn’t true, when it didn’t make you feel it any less?

(…)

Joohyun made her way back down slowly, body spent and unresponsive after the surge of emotions that had whirled through it. There was no point now for anything like anger or desperation, no way out of her fate, and her heart seemed to understand it all too well, casting it all out and leaving her only with a dull weight, with exhaustion that had finally caught up with her.

She walked along dark passageways, the light from her wand illuminating cold stone walls dripping with humidity. She usually avoided this shortcut, but she couldn't stomach the thought of anyone still in the Entrance Hall seeing her slinking back to the Slytherin dorms in defeat.

Her weary feet treaded another flight of stairs and she found herself in front of the tapestry that concealed the exit. She brushed aside the heavy obstacle and stepped into the corridors of the dungeon, only a few turns away from her common room.

As she walked, she began to think of the day ahead of her. All her friends were at Hogsmeade, even the few who usually stayed behind for work or Quidditch practice. Everyone had been in such a good mood, right in the middle of the term, in between waves of evaluations, that they’d all decided to call off their responsibilities and relax for once. Some probably requiring less encouragement than others.

Maybe it was good that she was all alone. She couldn’t imagine having to pretend everything was fine in front of her friends, when none of them even knew what she’d been going to Hogsmeade for, or how much it meant. Alone, she would be as quiet and dull as she wanted, only take in as much as she could stomach.

She’d begin with something warm, she decided. She could light the fire in the common room; the younger students would hardly dare to say a word against it, even if the weather wasn’t quite cold enough to justify it anymore.

Her work awaited her, piled higher and higher since she’d begun her time-consuming detention, but she didn’t feel up to it quite yet. She might have a nap, just a short one. Just so her limbs wouldn’t feel quite so leaden, her head quite so foggy.

It wouldn’t be so bad.

Lost in her thoughts, it was only when Joohyun noticed that the Slytherin door had vanished that she realized someone else was there.

“Oh, good, you’re still here! I was worried you were already inside and, well, you can see how much the door likes me.”

Seulgi stood before her, looking a bit lost and utterly relieved. Before Joohyun even thought of it, she’d rushed forward to wrap her arms tightly around her, burying her head into her shoulder.

“She won’t let you go, will she?” Seulgi asked quietly. Joohyun shook her head, sniffling as her eyes grew warm and the tears gathered, ready to spill.

Hands settled on her back and rubbed it soothingly. She felt like a child, catching her breath in unsteady hiccups and clinging tighter, but Seulgi never said a word, only offering her the comfort of her presence.

“I’m sorry you had to stay behind because of me,” Joohyun mumbled between sobs.

She wanted to tell her to go, to enjoy her free day with the others, but her lips refused to form the words, refused to take the chance that Seulgi would really go. She could feel her hands clutching at the back of her robe tightly enough to crumple the fabric, entirely of their own accord.

“It’s fine. I’d rather stay with you.”

“Liar,” she joked, drawing a chuckle from Seulgi, and slowly allowed her white-knuckled grip to loosen. “Did you have any trouble leaving? Did anyone ask anything?”

“Well, Hyuna and Sunmi already know they should just leave it to me,” Seulgi said playfully, and Joohyun could imagine the cocky smirk she must be sporting. “Seungwan wanted to check on you too, but I told her to go on ahead.”

“Good. Thank you.”

Seulgi’s hand came to rest on her head, brushing her hair gently, and Joohyun knew what she was going to say. “You know, she cares about you, even after whatever happened. Maybe you should tell her, I don’t think-“

She probably could. Seungwan was selfless like that, Joohyun knew she would keep any secret she was charged with. But she didn’t- She couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” she cut off, before the thought could settle in her mind. She felt too drained to deal with anything else, too tired to go over it all again.

“Okay,” Seulgi accepted without argument. She took a step back, letting Joohyun raise her head to face her. Her hands moved to brush Joohyun’s hair into place, patting back tear-slicked strands that stuck to her face. “So what do you want to do?”

“Can we just go back to your room?” Joohyun asked, feeling even more like her 10-year-old self. But if Seulgi felt the same way, she didn’t mention it, didn’t tease. She just reached for her hand and began to walk, Joohyun following eagerly.

Somehow, Seulgi’s bed always felt softer than Joohyun’s, smoother, more comforting. It was just easier to lie there, surrounded by Seulgi’s arms and by her calming scent, and let go of her concerns, her fears, the occasional nightmares that pulled her out of sleep or the deafening roar of thunderstorms that kept her from it entirely.

Like so many times before, Joohyun felt herself drift off, her tense body relaxing, the tears on her face drying with none to take their place. Her breathing evened out, her eyes fluttered closed, and soon she was asleep.

She must have sleep for an hour. She came to a little lighter, her mind a little clearer. Nothing had been solved, she was still stuck at Hogwarts, the world was just as she’d left it. But it felt a little easier.

She rolled over to find that Seulgi had fallen asleep as well, and she watched the girl frown as if resisting consciousness, then stretch her limbs to their full length, like an awakening cat.

“How are you feeling?” she asked as soon as her eyes were open and on Joohyun.

“Better.”

“That’s good. So what’s the plan for today?”

She was already up and about, and Joohyun watched her from her reclined position, no desire to follow her.

“Study, I guess. I have a few essays to finish and I still have to review-“

“Nope. No studying. Not today.”

“Why not?” she grumbled half-heartedly. This was an argument she wouldn’t particularly mind losing.

“Because. Doctor’s orders.”

“What doctor?”

“Dr. Kang Seulgi, at your service.” She twisted forward in a bow, looking more like an actress in some play than any physician. “And I prescribe you a day of fun!”

“It will be fun for me to be done with these essays.”

“How about… wizard chess?”

Joohyun rolled over onto her back, watching as the world turned upside down, and Seulgi with it. She stretched out her arms lazily. “Wizard chess is boring.”

“Fair enough, fair enough.” Seulgi stood thoughtfully, gazing around the room as though the ideal entertainment would show itself. “Any ideas?”

“Do you want to organize your Chocolate Frog card collection?”

“How is that fun?”

Joohyun twisted back around, pouting at the rejection. “I like it.”

“Fine, organizing it is,” Seulgi gave in quickly, already headed towards her cupboard. Joohyun knew she secretly loved going through every single one, separating them into topics, collecting the spares for trading, and cross-checking the ones she was still missing.

They sat cross-legged on the carpet, each with a pile on her side. The first few cards were sorted in silence, both girls more than used to the process. Joohyun gazed at the back of each card, reading the captions, most of which she already knew by heart anyway.

“Feels like summer, doesn’t it?” Seulgi asked with a grin.

It really did. It felt like those endless days that they filled with every activity they could think of. Hide-and-seek, games of make-believe, bicycle races. When those were exhausted, they became more inventive. Pretending to fish in puddles, writing plays that they never finished, competing to be Yerim’s favourite lady-in-waiting.

And Seulgi’s card collection, always growing, always needing to be sorted. In a sunny living room, sitting on the spot in between the windows that remained cool for longer, the cards spread all around them and between them, as they picked up one after the other, recited the caption, debated its rarity.

“I feel like the brat is going to storm in here and ruin all our hard work,” Joohyun answered with her own smile.

“The brat! Don’t let her hear that.”

“She deserved it, she’d always run off with a handful of cards.”

“And refused to return them until we did something ridiculous, like crown her queen of the witches.”

Joohyun weighed the cards in her hands, then slowly put them down. The memories had managed to dislodge the sadness, replacing it, if only for the moment, with powerful nostalgia.

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

Seulgi set down her cards as well, ready to follow in her reminiscing. “Of course I do. You were hiding behind your parents and you looked so scared.”

“I was shy,” she muttered in her defence, throwing a card at Seulgi’s head when she laughed. “And the first thing you did was ask if I wanted to go ride a broom!”

“What? That’s how I relax.”

“Well, I’m afraid of heights. So it felt very threatening.”

“I know that now.”

Joohyun grew thoughtful, staring off into the distance.

“Isn’t it strange to think about? That once you didn’t even know I existed, and now… I don’t think there’s a person alive who understands me better than you do.”

“To be fair, you don’t allow for much competition.”

Joohyun’s hands were empty but she quickly reached for the nearest card, just so it could also be launched in Seulgi’s direction. Of course, the star Quidditch player dodged it easily.

“Seulgi?” Joohyun began again, her previous playfulness gone. “Thank you.”

“You know you don’t have to-“

“No, I- I don’t mean it like that. I just… Thank you. For understanding me, for caring about me. For always knowing what to say and being there for me.”

“Of course,” Seulgi replied at once, also serious. “Always.”

They sat across from each other, Joohyun with her legs still neatly crossed, Seulgi with hers stretched out every which way. A sea of cards spread chaotically between them, order hopelessly lost, and it felt even more like those summer afternoons.

Their attempts at organization were always cut short, by fatigue or dinnertime or Yerim’s intrusion. Joohyun couldn’t remember a single time when they’d gone through every single card. Not when it was the two of them, anyway.

It felt soothing to look at the mess they’d made. It felt familiar, comforting.

“I’ve noticed something,” Joohyun commented, pulling the edges of the pile inwards in the first sign of defeat. Seulgi hummed to let her carry on, not yet giving in. “Everybody keeps pushing me and Seungwan together. Everything short of locking us in a room until we’ve made peace. But not you.”

“Not me.”

“So? Have you got some secret plan? Should I be worried?”

“Nope, no plan.”

Joohyun waited, but Seulgi offered no more explanation, still busily piling up cards.

“Why not?”

“Because,” Seulgi began enigmatically, “nobody understands you better than I do.”

Joohyun’s hands, which had been mindlessly running through the cards, stilled in their motions. Seulgi was being annoyingly vague, and Joohyun just knew she was getting a kick out of her impatience.

“And what does that mean?”

“It means there’s a time to push and a time to let go.”

“And you’re letting go?”

Seulgi shrugged, setting down the rest of her cards. It seemed she’d given up as well, at least for today. “You know what to do. Nobody can force you to do it before you’re ready. And the more we push, the less ready you feel.”

Maybe that was the difference between Seulgi and everyone else. They were all working off guesses of what had happened, assumptions on how Joohyun felt, on what needed to be done. Seulgi knew. So Joohyun knew that she must be right.

“Well, can you share your great insight with the others, get them to ‘let go’ too?” she offered with a hint of sarcasm, sure that her chances weren’t good. Clearly agreeing with her, Seulgi broke into laughter at once.

“Please, have you met them? Getting your friends to do anything but what they want, that’s just a losing game.”

Seulgi’s laughter rang through the room, light and easy. It never failed to make Joohyun feel like maybe things could be light and easy for her as well.

Even if it only lasted for that moment, it was something to hold on to.