The clear blue of the sky overhead was an irresistible appeal after weeks of bad weather. A few wisps of white ornamented the nearly unbroken expanse, the hint of imperfection making the striking picture more alive, more natural. Joohyun snuck glances at it as she the carefully folded pages in her pocket, attention only partly on the conversation she tried to keep up.

“And the other day I actually answered a question in Potions!” Jennie carried on, half self-deprecating and half genuinely excited at her own progress. Joohyun peeled her eyes away from that hypnotizing blue and offered a reassuring smile.

“Well, you’ve been working very hard to catch up. And you have some talent for the topic.”

Jennie ducked her head in embarrassment, deflecting the praise, but Joohyun persevered, clapping her on the back.

“Are you going to tell me you weren’t the Potions star back in New Zealand?”

“I wasn’t the top of my class...”

“Top three?”

Jennie’s silence, as well as the reluctant smile on her face as she avoided eye contact, were answer enough for Joohyun.

“You’re not doing poorly at all, Jennie. You’re a good student, you just have to catch up and then you’ll be back to top three,” Joohyun added in a playful tone.

“I’d be fine with top half,” the younger girl admitted with a resigned sigh. Joohyun could sense her frustration at the struggle to adapt. Her hand returned to her back, remaining a bit longer to rub it soothingly.

“You’ll be much better than that soon. Hard work will always show. Besides,” she quickly added to cut off any dismissive response, “you’re way ahead in other classes. You can’t tell me it doesn’t feel good to be the Herbology star.”

Jennie rolled her eyes but didn’t contest it. Joohyun smiled at the sight. Of course, what Slytherin wouldn’t like to shine?

“You know, you don’t have to keep me company if you’re busy. I know your class isn’t for another thirty minutes,” Joohyun remarked to fill the silence that followed.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. It’s so nice outside, I’d rather be here than at the library again.”

Jennie wasn’t the only one who thought this way. Off in the distance, many other students strolled the grounds and took in the sunlight, more bright than warm.

Still, only she and Joohyun stood in this particular corner, half-darkened by the shade of the greenhouses and smelling of fragrant, healthy plants, along with the undercurrents of fertilizer and the less pleasant flora that grew there.

Seungwan's words came to Joohyun's mind and she pulled her hand away, shoving it back in the pocket of her robes. Could Jennie really have a crush on her? Or was Seungwan, just like everybody else, inclined to see romance in every friendly interaction?

Sure, Jennie was younger and probably looked up to the seventh-years, and she’d said herself that she found Joohyun intimidating. Intimidating and pretty, her memory recalled reluctantly. But she had work to think of, they both did, and they had no time for distractions like this. Joohyun especially was definitely not looking for a relationship, not with everything else going on in her life.

Her fingers brushed against parchment and her thoughts strayed, the topic of crushes forgotten in a second. She tapped against the folded sheet and waited, more impatiently than ever, for the seventh-year Herbology lesson to end already.

"Maybe Professor Haeri will let me get a head start on our lesson," Jennie commented in the sudden silence, trying to keep up the conversation.

Joohyun searched her mind for something to say, gathering her scattered thoughts back into order. She wasn't sure whether she was glad that Jennie had joined her on her way out of the castle. On her own, she'd have been free to examine her feelings and find some answer in them as she waited, but she suspected that she'd have done nothing but brood, and only end up feeling worse.

“Why don’t you enjoy the sunlight instead? We don’t get many days like this. And it’s good to take breaks.”

“Does that mean you’re postponing that Transfiguration quiz to tomorrow?” Jennie suggested with wide and innocent eyes, drawing a chuckle from Joohyun.

“No, it means you should enjoy this precious half hour of fresh air because I expect you at the library after your class.”

“What about… having the quiz outside?” Jennie tried again, leaning a bit closer to amplify the effect of her begging eyes and sweetly convincing voice.

Joohyun couldn’t deny that it sounded like a good idea. The library was beginning to drain her energy, already associated with so many late nights and hour after hour of studying and homework.

“Alright, fine. If there’s still sunlight by then.”

“Yes!”

Jennie pumped her fists, fully celebrating her small victory, but Joohyun’s attention was pulled sharply away as the door to the last greenhouse finally opened and the dozen or so seventh-years taking NEWT Herbology streamed out.

Just as her eyes scanned the few students in yellow, looking for the one she wanted, she found herself tugged into a short hug by an effusive Jennie, now blurting out a series of thank yous, and only stopped herself short of yelping in surprise.

Noticing her discomfort, Jennie pulled away with a quick apology, but she waved it off.

“It’s fine,” she assured with a smile, setting a hand on her shoulder before walking off. “I’ll come find you after your class.”

They waved their goodbyes and she hurried to meet her friend, throwing quick greetings at fellow Slytherins.

“Seulgi!” she called out eagerly, taking a few quick strides to settle by her side. “I have a free period, do you want some company before your Quidditch practice?”

Seulgi turned her way with an amused grin, chuckling slightly at the sight. “Oh, you want to keep me company?” Joohyun’s nerves flared at the unexpected question and she lagged behind as she struggled to answer. “Or did you want to come flaunt how you’re best friends with Jennie now?”

“What?” Her confusion only grew at Seulgi’s clarification, her lips moving soundlessly for a moment. “She’s- you’re my best friend. Are you jealous? I didn’t mean to,” she offered helplessly, fingers returning to her pocket to brush against the parchment, the contact equal parts soothing and stressful.

It was Seulgi’s turn to lag behind, this time to poke her finger in Joohyun’s forehead. “No, not me. To flaunt at Seungwan, I mean.”

“Seungwan? But she was never my best friend.”

“Not because of that, I-” Seulgi cut herself off, eyes fixed on Joohyun’s face as her expression moved from playful to concerned. “Oh. This isn’t about Seungwan, is it?”

Joohyun’s eyes began to prickle and she swallowed back her nerves as she pulled the parchment out of her pocket. “I got a letter.”

Seulgi’s gaze softened at once and she gently reached out for the letter, as if asking permission, Joohyun handed it over and watched in silence as her friend read every line, the two of them continuing to walk towards the Quidditch pitch in what had become an instinctive path for the Hufflepuff.

They were already seated in a corner of the empty bleachers, the only people in the whole field, when Seulgi finally put down the pages she’d been rereading and returned her attention to Joohyun.

“They want to come visit. That’s good, right?”

It was. It always was. To step out of Hogwarts and make her way to Hogsmeade with light steps, lighter than any of the students around her. To walk into the Lionheart and see them, right there, smiling at her. It made Joohyun feel like, if only for those brief hours, everything was alright and they were just a happy family. But then they left and reality hit again.

“I don’t know,” she admitted with a sigh that seemed to empty out every scrap of air in her lungs. “I don’t know anymore.”

“Joohyun...”

Seulgi’s voice was gentle, aching for her, as it always was in these times. Joohyun felt guilty for coming to her with this every time, for feeling the same every time. For making her say the same words, the ones she never believed for long but still needed to hear. It was different coming from Seulgi. It felt like the truth.

“Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t be easier to just… stop trying to make it work. You know? No more hoping, no more waiting.”

Her gaze was down on her hands, examining them much closer than needed, turning over each finger and poking at her nails with stubborn focus.

“They’re your parents,” Seulgi said quietly. Joohyun’s motions grew faster, tighter.

“You say that like it means so much.”

She squeezed at the tips of her fingers, watching as her nails dug into the skin, turning it white and leaving perfect little crescents when they pulled away.

Seulgi’s hands reached out and carefully pulled hers apart. The touch jolted her, loosened something in her chest that made her breath stutter on its way in, escape in uneven sobs. She blinked faster until the feeling faded.

“Not always,” Seulgi allowed, fingers brushing over hers and carefully soothing each red mark she’d left behind. “But it does for you, doesn’t it?”

“I just wish things were simpler. A little easier.” Her words sounded like a plea, as small and weak as if she were eight years old again. Seulgi’s grip on her felt like the only thing keeping her grounded.

“You know you’ll be happy to see them. And they’ll be happy to see you too.” Seulgi’s hand brushed over her dry cheeks, a familiar motion, almost instinctive. One that had caught tears many times before. Then she tipped her head up, caught her gaze. “There’s so much more than that, and it makes everything confusing, but you know that that’s still true. And that’s what matters the most.”

Joohyun pursed her lips together, letting the words wash over her. Like always, it worked. She tilted her head and avoided eye contact, embarrassed at herself. “How are you so good at that? Making things feel like they aren’t the end of the world?”

Seulgi shrugged enigmatically, a bright smile on her face as she quirked her brows in what was probably supposed to be a cool gesture but came out more as goofy. “Hufflepuff secrets.”

Joohyun slipped her hands from Seulgi’s just so she could smack her shoulder.

(...)

Joohyun’s table at the library had been particularly crowded lately. If it had just been Jennie’s constant presence, it wouldn’t have been so bad. She was quiet and respectful and, well, Joohyun couldn’t exactly complain about a punishment she’d brought on herself with her rash actions. Especially one that was so much more pleasant than scrubbing pots and pans by hand next to some blockhead like Park Chanyeol.

But all of her friends seemed to have teamed up to annoy her, one or two always insisting on tagging along whenever she headed to the library. Hyuna was disruptive, Sunmi tried to strike up a conversation every five minutes, Yerim doodled on Joohyun’s carefully organized notes. Nobody worked, except for the one person Joohyun wished would be there the least.

Seungwan was always invited to join their table, without exception. As soon as her friends tracked her, wherever in the library she might be sitting, even if it was on the very opposite end, they would make it their life’s mission to drag her over.

And worst of all, the girl would always give in. Joohyun suspected she might be a bit embarrassed about how their last conversation had gone and determined to show that she was the reasonable adult between the two of them.

In reality, she was the one who stormed off with comments about crushes. But she was free to convince herself otherwise any time now, if it meant that Joohyun would be relieved from her presence.

Her childish presence.

“Sorry, I just need your help to decode these ancient runes,” Jennie cut through her mental grumbling, ing a page in her sight.

What? They weren’t even doing- Wait, that was her own writing!

“Not this again! This is a completely reasonable way to write ‘f’s!”

“That’s an ‘f’?” Jennie exclaimed with exaggerated surprise, which only earned her an eyeroll.

“If you have time to mock my handwriting, then you have time to answer a pop quiz on Arithmancy,” Joohyun retorted ruthlessly, poking her finger into Jennie’s shoulder for emphasis. She jerked away with a giggle, contorting her expression into deep remorse.

“No, not the Arithmancy pop quizzes! You don’t remember half the material and it’s so embarrassing to watch!”

“Seungwan is doing Arithmancy,” Yerim cut in innocently, chewing on a piece of Muggle candy. “Maybe she can do the quiz.”

Joohyun threw Yerim a single threatening glare before glancing at Seungwan, who was still studying her notes quietly.

“Seungwan is busy with her own work,” she declared with the air of an authoritative parent, “and so should you be, if you’re at the library. And don’t eat in here,” she snapped, reaching for the candy, which Yerim hid just in time.

“Oh, I was just joking, I don’t actually mind Joohyun’s quizzes,” Jennie quickly offered, as nervous as she always got around the topic of Seungwan. Joohyun supposed that she wouldn’t be too comfortable when her only exposure to the girl was through their tense study sessions where all Joohyun wanted was for her to be gone.

Joohyun shut her eyes for just a moment, trying to find some peace. It felt like every moment of her day was packed with unpleasantness, with demands on her time and attention, with undesired invasions. All she wanted was a moment to herself, just to think, before all the worries in her mind jumbled into a hopelessly tight knot, never to be undone.

She knew her friends must have good intentions, probably hoping to heal whatever rift had come between her and Seungwan, but the constant crowding was doing nothing but leave her feeling breathless, cornered, exhausted.

It was easier with Jennie. She was comfortable enough to joke around now, to tease Joohyun’s handwriting and memory, to sit by her at the long dining tables of the Great Hall and criticize her taste in breakfast. Joohyun wished they could leave all the studying behind and sit somewhere, take advantage of the next sunny day to stretch outside and spend an entire afternoon talking, playing, anything to clear her mind and pull her away from all the mess in her life.

But even that was less than ideal, because every time she got too close, she began to wonder all over again whether the girl really had a crush on her, and that made things complicated, and Joohyun was so tired of complicated. Why did Seungwan have to go and say that?

Joohyun reluctantly opened her eyes. She had to admit that being left alone with her thoughts didn’t seem to lead to much better results than the current situation.

Maybe she was just too worried about the coming weekend trip to Hogsmeade to be able to relax. She pushed down the nerves, but they insisted on surfacing, making her clench her fists for stability, bite down on her lips for distraction, any distraction.

Seungwan was chewing on her lip as well. Then again, she always was. And she hadn’t looked up or offered a single comment on the discussion, even after Yerim had mentioned her name. It wouldn’t be the first time for that either. She had a tendency to focus too intently and lose track of the world around her. At those times, there was only one way that Joohyun had found to pull her away. It wasn’t the nicest way, and maybe she would have found a way to be gentler, if she’d tried.

But all she knew was to call out a sharp “Seungwan,” like the crack of a whip, short and dry. Not yelling, not raising her voice at all. Just the charge of authority that a single word could carry when carefully enunciated.

And then Seungwan’s head would snap up from her work and she’d gaze at Joohyun sheepishly. Sometimes she’d rub at the back of her neck or suddenly notice her own disarranged hair and pat it into place. Then she’d offer a placating smile and a quiet “Sorry, got a bit carried away.”

This time she didn’t say anything. She only gazed levelly at Joohyun, and the latter finally realized that she’d actually called out her name. And it had worked, like it always did.

“It’s not going great?” She nodded towards Seungwan’s notes, not bothering to elaborate. She could feel the tension in the air, the eyes of the two younger Slytherins resting on her with confusion and anticipation. Seungwan’s eyes were frustratingly unclear as she nodded.

“I’m just stuck on the Amortentia details. It won’t click.”

“You should ask Park Sooyoung! She’s great at Potions!” Yerim suddenly announced, too excited at the concept to respect the silence she’d been keeping.

Joohyun grasped the opportunity at once, retreating back into herself and shifting her eyes down to her notes as she left the conversation to Yerim.

Why had she done that? Was she really so distracted that she couldn’t even keep track of whom she was talking to? She’d almost walked them right back into the pit of awkwardness she’d been trying so hard to avoid.

If only she could hold out long enough, Seungwan was bound to give up on them, right?

“Oh, I know Sooyoung,” Jennie mentioned, entering the conversation as well. Joohyun thanked her in her thoughts, grateful for all the help her friends were providing. “Ravenclaw, right? I take Potions with her, she really is impressive. I didn’t know people from other years knew her as well, though.”

“Of course, everybody knows her! She’s-” A swift elbow to her side, aimed to be hidden from those across the table, silenced Yerim halfway through her sentence. Joohyun caught her eye before gazing pointedly at Seungwan – the Hufflepuff Head Girl, badge well in sight, who would absolutely send anyone with an illegal potions smuggling business to detention, or worse – and Yerim immediately understood, swallowing the protest on the tip of her tongue. “She’s so good at Potions.”

“That’s a great idea! And don’t worry, I know about Sooyoung. We’re friends.”

Seungwan smiled reassuringly at Yerim, but her eyes followed Joohyun’s, as if trying to ask something, or find something, or… Joohyun still wasn’t sure. The situation grew more unbearable by the second and the need to be alone mounted in her chest, digging up .

“As long as she doesn’t mention her… extracurriculars, then neither will I. You didn’t really think I’d sell out your friend like that, did you?” Seungwan quipped with an easy smile, and Yerim laughed because of course she wouldn’t, Seungwan would never. Joohyun felt the bile grow and spew out of her before she knew what she was doing.

“Yeah, Yerim. How could you just expect the worst of her?” She matched Seungwan’s gaze, wondering if she could see everything she searched for in there, now. If she did, then maybe she would finally go away. “Don’t you know Seungwan at all?”

A hand settled on her arm, but she wasn’t sure whose hand, because her vision had tunneled until she only saw Seungwan, the hurt in her eyes, and it was so unfair that she could barely breathe.

“Maybe we should just...” Yerim began cautiously, already sliding back her chair, and Joohyun reached out blindly in her direction, stopping her.

“Don’t bother,” she spat out. They were going to do it again, leave her and Seungwan to work out their differences, and could they really not see by now that it would achieve nothing? Hadn’t they tried that stupid trick enough times? All it did was throw all her frustrations back in her face.

She got to her feet, not even bothering to collect her things. Yerim could take them, or Jennie. Hell, Seungwan could keep them all to herself. At this point, she really didn’t care. She only wanted to leave.

She her heel and walked off. Nobody tried to stop her.