“You… were that girl?”

Joohyun clenched the folder in her hand tighter. It seems that Seulgi had finally recognized her with those words. That’s right, I was the girl who bullied you, who harassed you like you’re nothing, even adding something to add up to your self-disgust, like adding salt on your wounds. But then, how dare me to have you do this for me?! Having you bear responsibility because of what happened to me and that guilt of lying, when I was the one who willingly jumped in to save you in the first place?! What kind of person am I?! When exactly did I become this filthy and greedy?! Such a pathetic excuse such as an amnesia?! I really hate it! I hate myself! “That’s why I do not deserve to be with you Seulgi-yah…”

“Heh.”

Joohyun heard Seulgi chuckle. That’s right. Laugh at how pitiable I am now, for I deserve your mockery. You can even kill me now, you have all the right. She flinched when suddenly that laughter somehow sounded like a sob. She turned to Seulgi and was shocked to see her, still standing by the doorway behind her, laughing and crying at the same time. “W-wha—”

“You… you were… that girl…”

Seulgi muttered in between her sobs and laughs, much to Joohyun’s confusion.

“So… you do have something to remember… about me…”

Joohyun’s eyes widened in surprise. Why isn’t she angry at all? Does she really realize all the revelation in front of her?

“I thought… once you remember that… I lied to you… because you wouldn’t have any memories of me… It’ll all be over… our connection… that’s the end of it… B-but… if you are saying that… you’re that girl… that mysterious blond-haired blue-eyed girl… then… you really have something… to remember about me…”

Joohyun’s brows twitched at what Seulgi said in between her sobs that she ended up standing up. Why are taking this so lightly?! “Are you out of your mind?! Do you realize that I was the one who bullied and harassed you?!” Joohyun heard Seulgi sniff as she laughed.

“Y-yeah… I remember… You….”

Joohyun flinched when Seulgi suddenly looked straight into her eyes and smiled gently with tear-tainted face.

“You… stole my first kiss…”

+++

Joohyun fidgets on her sitting position as Seulgi served some tea inside her apartment after cleaning the mess inside it, reasoning that they can’t possibly talk properly if it’s all messy. She shut her up with just those words, making her obey what she says because Joohyun was all flustered. She rolled her eyes to her, and wondered if she’s really not angry with what she found out, if she’s really not angry at what she did before.

Seulgi can feel the weight of Joohyun’s stares from behind her. She turned to her a bit, and caught her looking so she immediately looked away. She chuckled. She still cannot believe that that mysterious blonde-haired blue-eyed girl was Joohyun. She looks very different, now. How can she say it, she looked like a bad girl before, unlike now. A devil turned to angel sort of thing. She smiled to herself as she continued preparing the tea. After that, she brought the tray with the tea on it back in front of her bed, putting it down on the floor where she was sitting. She saw Joohyun fidget on her position. She chuckled. “Relax, Joohyun-ah.”

Joohyun’s brows twitched at that. She snapped her head towards her and saw her just leisurely drinking her cup of tea. “Are you playing with me?” She can’t help but ask angrily. She was seriously getting herself worked up with thinking but Seulgi doesn’t seem to treat her seriously.

Seulgi gulped the tea then placed it back on the tray on the floor. “If you’re wondering whether I was angry with what you did to me before, well… I wasn’t.”

Joohyun’s eyes widened at Seulgi’s answer. How can that be possible? After what she did to her, there’s no reason for her to not hold grudges on her.

Seulgi smiled at Joohyun, to somehow convince her of her answer. “Those words I uttered because of what you did back then, actually saved me, when I was depressed after my parents died.”

“W-what… do you mean?”

“If you didn’t do that, I wouldn’t be spouting those words.”

“Y-you’re right… I liked it…”

“This… ugly feeling of pleasure… I like it…”

“But… no matter how vain, no matter how impossible… I still wish to do these things… with someone I love… Don’t you feel that way too, don’t you want to do these things, to someone you love? Not just with someone like me because you want to bully me…”

“At my worst stage of depression, I have decided to commit suicide. That was the time I was reminded of our encounter, because I suddenly had the urge to do it inside a comfort room. I remembered those words I said, about liking that ugly pleasure, and wishing to do those with someone I love, no matter how vain or impossible it is. That time, I dropped the blade that was almost sinking on my wrist, then cried, like a child, a thing that I refused to do when my parents died. I refused to do it, because I thought I had no right. I blamed their death upon myself, convinced that it was my punishment for coming out. But when I remembered those words, it made me want to continue, to pursue that impossible wish. After all, the reason I didn’t mind all the bullying was because they’ve supported the decision I made all the way. I felt like, they’d want me to continue living, and make that wish come true.” Seulgi paused. “That’s why, there’s no reason for me to hold grudge on what you did.”

Joohyun looked away. She did not expect that Seulgi sunk so low in the bottom, that she even thought of committing suicide. But even though she had explained herself, even though she understood her perspective, she just couldn’t… forgive herself for what she did. “B-but…”

Seulgi sighed, Joohyun probably hated herself after doing that to her. “Honestly, I didn’t really put that event to mind, considering it just one of your group’s sick bullying methods. I have steeled my heart to all that. But after that depression episode, I realized that what happened held something deeper than just bullying. Your last words that time was, ‘I hate you, after all.’, like you were convincing yourself that you hated me. Wasn’t that because, you were… secretly in love with me?” She spoke that gently as possible, to not sound so conceited.

“W-wha?!” Joohyun’s jaw dropped at her question. How did Seulgi…

“Well, although the approach was aggressive, the… kiss was… passionate… When I really thought about it, it was like you were conveying it through your kiss. I felt love, cravings and hatred among others. It’s like a messed-up mixture of confusion, confirmation, disbelief and acceptance. And, that kind of kiss, you won’t be able that to someone you don’t really love…”

Joohyun felt her face blushed at what Seulgi said, it made her remember the feelings she had back then. And she enumerated those correctly. She looked away, feeling embarrassed at the topic.

“I only realized it after my suicide attempt though, so…” Seulgi scratched the back of her head as she looked down. “It was kind of a waste though, that I realized it later. And the timing was off, my parents died after that day. But, I think, if the circumstances were different, I would’ve considered as a ray of hope and probably pursued you…”

Joohyun blushed at Seulgi’s declaration. She felt that she has finally calmed down after all her explanations. She felt an intense feeling of relief, that somehow, what she did before, even though it was cruel, somehow saved her—the person she cares about the most.

Seulgi gulped. Thinking if she should really ask what’s in Joohyun’s mind. She should, this is the perfect opportunity for it. But she shouldn’t rush. “So… uh… Joohyun-ah… Are you not angry with what I did?” She looked up to her.

Joohyun met with Seulgi’s nervous smiling face. She was looking down as she scratched the back of her head animatedly. Angry with what she did? Ah… “About going along when I thought we were lovers?” She asked with a smile on her face. “Wasn’t that because you were… secretly in love with me?”

The smile on Joohyun’s face slowly turned into a teasing one. Seulgi knows she was teasing, but she coudln’t get herself to play along. Joohyun might be in love with her, but that was before. She smiled weakly as she looked down, then nodded her head slowly. “I love you, Joohyun-ah.” She paused. “But… well, I don’t know if you can accept this kind of love that only took advantage of you when you were weak. And plus, I am a lesbian so—”

Joohyun wasn’t able to stop herself when she saw Seulgi like that—full of self-disgust and doubts, so she lifted herself up from her sitting position, closing the small gap between them, kissing Seulgi suddenly, to shut her up. She felt her froze on her position. She slowly opened her eyes as she slowly separated their lips, meeting her wide-open eyes. “I love you, Seulgi-yah. Even before. Until now.” Joohyun saw how Seulgi’s shocked face turned into an indescribable frowning smile, as she let herself cry and laugh at the same time, making her do the same, like an idiot.

“You’re… such… a bully… Joohyun-ah… Stealing… a kiss… again…”

“W-wha… Didn’t you… like it… This… ugly… pleasure…Seulgi-yah?”

+++

“Oh? Seonsingnim’s not here yet?” Seulgi asked as soon as she entered her apartment. She removed her shoes by the doorway as she peeked her head in the kitchen. She saw Joohyun wearing an apron with a chopstick of yakisoba lifted by , blowing her breath to it. It seems like she’s almost done cooking.

“Ah!” Joohyun gasped when she saw Seulgi by the door, removing her shoes. She just came back from the nearest convenience store to buy some drinks. She signaled her to come near, to have a taste of the yakisoba she’s cooking. She saw her obediently come. She blew more, since she knows how she hates it when she gets burned by food. “Here…” She lifted it up and watched her ate the food. She excitedly waited for her reaction to it.

Seulgi chewed and gulped, then smiled widely at Joohyun. She lifted a thumb up, a sign that it was delicious. She saw her giggle then got back to her cooking. She placed her hand on the top of her head as she watches the yakisoba being mixed by her. “You’re getting good at this.” She patted her head.

Joohyun pouted at her remark. “I don’t have a choice, do I? You’re living alone yet you can’t cook. You’re hopeless.” She heard Seulgi laugh so she looked at her. She walked towards the table and placed the drinks there.

“I am not alone. You’re with me now.” Seulgi looked back at her and caught her snapping her head away from her. She chuckled. “You’re blushing.”

“Shut up Seulgi-yah.” It was frustrating, to think that there are times when Seulgi is the one who teases her now. She sighed. She thinks they each have a teasing-forte. She can using sweet words, and it really makes her fluster. But Joohyun also have her own, which she thinks has the upper-hand. Oh well, enough of that. She should concentrate on cooking since Sooyoung said that she’s going to visit them.

Seulgi sat by the table, as she waits for Joohyun to finish and wait for Sooyoung. She stared at her. She looks so beautiful when she cooks. She smiled. It has been a week after they have confessed to each other and became lovers. They are now both living in her apartment. She still can’t believe it. She actually have to make sure every day that she’s not dreaming. To have someone you love, love you back is like magic.

“Stop staring, Seulgi-yah.” Joohyun blurted when she felt her stares. She looked back at her and found her just smiling like an idiot. She smiled and laughed. “You look so love-struck.”

“Well, I am.”

“If you don’t stop with those stares, I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing you.”

“No one’s stopping me, no one’s stopping you.”

“Oho~”

They both snapped their heads to the direction of the voice and saw Sooyoung peeking her head by the door with a smirk on her face.

“You two are so lovey-dovey.”

Seulgi stood up in surprise. “Ah, come in Sooyoung-seonsingnim.” She said then walked towards the door, fully opening it for her to enter, as Joohyun followed suit behind her. They were both shocked to see someone familiar behind Sooyoung. They paused for a while to think who might that be and both gasped at the realization.

“Son-seonsingnim?!”

+++

Seulgi was pouting in annoyance. Joohyun was doing the same as well. It was frustrating to know that, Sooyoung and Son Seungwan actually knew each other. And they both knew about their connection. But they didn’t tell them. It was like they were setup.

“I’m telling you, Seungwannie doesn’t know anything. It’s all my fault, I am sorry.”

Seulgi was raising an eyebrow at Sooyoung. Sooyoung confessed that she actually knew about their past, from Seungwan’s story.

“Seungwannie’s been telling me stories about her students after all. She said she was particularly interested with Seulgi’s and Joohyun’s story. She said that Joohyun was one of Seulgi’s bullies but then when graduation came and Seulgi wasn’t able to graduate, and Joohyun came to her like a different person, asking to help Seulgi.”

“You don’t have to remind me of that…" Joohyun’s brows twitched when she was reminded of how she bullied Seulgi before.

“When I met you two as my students…”

“She won’t even listen...” Seulgi sighed after she looked at Joohyun who had an even more annoyed face.

“I realized that you two were the students in Seungwannie’s stories so I silently watched the two of you. And well, things happened and I think it was fate that brought you together so I thought of that idea to bring you closer to each other. All’s well that ends well right?”

“Somehow, you’re pissing me off, Sooyoung-seonsingnim.” Seulgi sighed as she thought that it’s no use getting upset about it now. Besides, she has a point. Everything’s well now.

“Forgive Sooyoungie, please? Please, Joohyun-ah, Seulgi-yah?”

Joohyun looked at Seulgi and saw her smiling that ‘I forgive you’ smile of hers. She sighed. She guesses she should let it go now. Everything went well after all. “We can’t really change the past, so it’s fine now.”

“Did you hear that, Seungwannie? They forgive me, yey!”

Seulgi watched how Sooyoung almost threw her body to hug Seungwan. She looked at Joohyun and found her with the same wondering expression as hers. “Say, Sooyoung-seonsingnim… are you two…”

“Lovers?” Joohyun continued Seulgi’s question. They both looked at them with warm smiles on their faces, with just that, they knew that those expression were the same as theirs…

“Yes.”

+++

Seulgi slowly slipped herself inside the blanket beside Joohyun after turning off the lights. They are sharing the old mattress since Sooyoung and Seungwan decided to stay the night. Her heart was thumping, as this will be the first time they’re going to share the mattress after becoming lovers. She sighed deeply.

“Are you perhaps nervous?” Joohyun giggled at how Seulgi flinched at her question. “You’re a ert Seulgi-yah.”

“I’m not even thinking of anything! It’s you who’re having erted thoughts, Joohyun-ah.” Seulgi retorted in a whisper. Joohyun was facing her with a smirk on her face. She sighed then smiled. She poked her forehead slightly. “Go to sleep now.”

Joohyun pouted then smiled. “I’m not sleepy yet.”

“I see. Then, let’s just talk for a while.”

Joohyun nodded.

“Hey Joohyun-ah, do you have any plans? I mean, you’ll be on your third year of high school this spring.”

Joohyun smiled. “I think I want to go to college. And become a teacher.”

“Oh, was it because of their influence?” Referring to Sooyoung and Seungwan.

“Probably.” Joohyun giggled. “How about you, Seulgi-yah?”

“Hm, I’ll finish high school, while still doing part-time at the same company. After that, I’ll take their offer of absorbing me as a full-time employee. They’ll be giving me training so I think the offer’s not bad.”

“Don’t you want to go to college?”

“I’m lazy so I think I’ll pass. Besides, it’s not everyday that an offer like this comes so I want to grab it.”

“I see. They seem to like you there.”

Seulgi chuckled. “Seems so.” She paused. “I want to support your dream too Joohyun-ah. That’s why I want to work already.”

Joohyun pursed her lips to prevent herself from smiling widely.

“Besides, it’ll cost more if we both go to college. It’s practical too.”

“I guess you’re right.” Joohyun smiled then reached out her hand to hold hers. “We look like a newly-wed couple, don’t you think so? Having late-night conversation of future plans together, sleeping together, holding hands…” She giggled at how Seulgi blushed at her statement, even her hand flinched.

Seulgi rolled her eyes away. “Y-yeah, I guess so…” She agreed shyly as she held her hand back.

“Hey Seulgi-yah…” Joohyun slightly tugged her hand. “Can we kiss?” She asked, emphasizing the word ‘we’.

Seulgi’s eyes widened at her question. “W-wha—”

Joohyun pouted as she seemed to be against it. “Well, it’s like I’ve only been the one who’s initiating it. Our first back in our middle school, second when I asked you to, and the third time when we confessed…”

“Uh…” Joohyun actua