Seulgi stared at Joohyun’s hand that was about to turn the door’s knob of her apartment open. Before she could even stop herself, she had already reached it, making Joohyun stop what she’s about to do.

“Do you want to… live with me?” .

“What?”

“Ah, no, nothing…” Seulgi looked away, releasing her grip from Joohyun’s hand. What she said sounded like a proposal and it was so embarrassing. But she couldn’t help it. She was so afraid, thinking that she’ll be living again in that empty apartment of hers. She was so afraid, imagining her there, all alone, crying her eyes out. But, it’s time for her to go back. She has been discharged from the hospital after all.

Seulgi heard the clicking sounds of the unlocking of the doorknob and she came to her senses. She lifted the bag that has her things and clothes that she volunteered to carry. She kept her gaze at the floor, afraid to see any reaction from her. Joohyun had entered the apartment and she just followed suit. She stayed by the doorway, putting the bag there. She took a deep breath. “I’ll be leaving now Joohyun-sunbaenim. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything. Well then.” She said without looking at her. She turned around and went out of her apartment.

Seulgi took a deep sigh once outside the apartment. Will she be okay? She sighed again as she started walking. She should’ve just lied and told her that they were already living together so there’s no need for her to go back to her apartment. But that kind of lie, was too much.

She continued walking, thinking her thoughts are invalid now since Joohyun had already gone home. What she can only do now is to hope for the best. She turned to her right, to descend the stairs. But before she could take a step, she heard Joohyun call out to her.

“Seulgi-shi!”

Seulgi halted then took a step back, turning to the corridor she walked from and saw Joohyun standing there just outside her apartment. Even from where she was, she can see how her body trembled. Her eyes widened in fear at seeing that form. Her head was hanging low, but she can guess that she was crying. She opened , as she tried to say something. But, no matter how hard she looked for the right words, none came out.

“Your offer… Can I still accept it?”

Seulgi heard her ask in between her sobs. She clenched her fist as she decided to take a step, another step, and then another, until she was right in front of her. She watched her trembling shoulder as she continuously sobbed. She didn’t mutter any soothing words to comfort her. She just found herself wrapping her arms around Joohyun, letting her head fall into her shoulder, patting her head in the process, hugging her tightly, so that she won’t fall apart. “Of course.”

+++

Joohyun saw how Seulgi’s body stiffened as she stared at the mattress neatly folded on the corner. They have just arrived at Seulgi’s apartment and was now preparing to sleep. She can guess that she was troubled by having to ask to share the mattress with her.

Joohyun pursed her lips, amused at how nervous she can get. “It’s okay. We can sleep together.” Although Joohyun herself was flustered by the thought, she should at least try to make her feel that she was fine with it. It’s no big deal she guesses, for all throughout when they were at the hospital, Seulgi refused to touch her like a lover would do. She highly doubts that she’ll think about it now. Except for that moment…

“Of course.”

Joohyun shook her head as she tried to get that scene out of her mind again. That was the first time, she did some gesture that was lover-like. She guesses she couldn’t stop herself after seeing her cry. She was probably restraining herself for so long, because Seulgi held her so tight, that she didn’t fall apart. For she has seen something that will make her do so. Some ugly memories…

“N-no, I can sleep on the floor instead…”

“No, really. It’s okay Seulgi-shi. Seeing all your things, means that I almost lived here, right? So, I should be fine.” Joohyun was referring to the plates, glassware, cups, and even the chairs—it was all in pairings. Someone who lived alone wouldn’t bother having things in pair, one would be enough, right? So, Joohyun probably stayed over here most of the time, so, sharing a mattress with her shouldn’t be an issue. Furthermore, as she had concluded before, they’re in that kind of relationship where Seulgi dressing her up was already normal.

“A-ah… T-that’s…” Seulgi stuttered, unable to look at Joohyun straight.

“It’s really okay, geez.” Joohyun went ahead of her and unfolded the mattress, much to Seulgi’s surprise of course. She heard her sigh in defeat, then helped her arranged the mattress on the floor.

After that, Joohyun watched Seulgi turned off the lights after confirming to her if it’s alright. And then she slowly tucked herself inside the mattress, beside her.

“G-good night Joohyun-sunbaenim…” Seulgi greeted awkwardly.

Joohyun-sunbaenim? Seulgi still calls Joohyun that even though they have been dating for long, well, at least based from what she had concluded. Why is she so formal? “Seulgi-shi… Why do you still call me so formally?”

Joohyun felt Seulgi flinch at her question. She turned to face her and was surprised to see that agonizing look on her face again. Even though the place was only illuminated by the light post outside, Joohyun clearly saw those again. She looked away. Was there something wrong with the way she asked that? Why did my question seemed so hard for her to answer?

“It… must be hard… to not be remembered by someone you love… I’m sorry…”

Ah… Was it that? Did it hurt her because Joohyun does not remember? But she was only curious as to why they’ve been calling each other so distantly when they’re supposedly already dating for so long.

“Uh… It’s just that… That’s what we call each other…”

That’s what we call each other? Joohyun doesn’t get it. She turned to her and found Seulgi shifting her body so that she’s lying with her back facing her. Ah, that back form again. She’s running away from the conversation again.

“Good night.”

Joohyun just doesn’t get it. Why? Why would they call each other so normally, like they’re not even lovers…?

Like we’re not even lovers...?

Joohyun gasped. Oh no, is that it? Was it because they didn’t want anyone to know they are lovers, that’s why they call each other normally? Did they agree on that? Did Joohyun… agree on that? Her love… was it too dense for her to decide on that kind of agreement? Is her love something without depth? Is her love something so weak that it cannot shout to the whole world that she loves this person?

Joohyun looked at Seulgi's back. That was why she looked so hurt when she asked that question. Was she the one, who initiated that agreement? Was that why she cannot answer her directly?

Joohyun felt a tear fell from her eye. Even though Seulgi stayed with her even if she couldn’t remember her. Even though she took care of her as she restrained herself from touching her. Even though she held her so tight that she did not fall apart… Joohyun did that to her… She’s an idiot.

Joohyun laid on her side to face Seulgi’s back. She curled up and rested her head on Seulgi’s back. “Seulgi, you can just call me Joohyun, from now on.” She felt her flinch. She knew she wasn’t sleeping yet. She heard her took a deep sigh.

“Good night, Joohyun-ah.”

“Good night, Seulgi-yah.”

+++

“I’m going to be coming home late tonight so you don’t have to wait for me for dinner.”

Joohyun turned to Seulgi, who was finishing her cup of hot chocolate in front of the sink. “Why? Do you have some overtime work?” She asked as she brought a piece of toasted bread in .

“Uh… That’s… I’m going to buy another mattress.”

Joohyun gulped the bread she was chewing. “Is this still an issue for you, Seulgi-yah?” She saw her flinch at what she just called her. From where she’s sitting, she can see her earlobe getting redder. “What? Weren’t you able to sleep well?” She saw her flinch again. She just kept on facing the sink, washing the cup she previously used.

“Uhm… Well… You can say that…”

Joohyun eyed her. She smirked, as the feeling of wanting to overcome her thought. “Ah, I understand. Were you so disturbed that even though we’re sleeping on the same mattress, you cannot do things to me? Ah, so erted, Seulgi-yah.” She smirked more when she saw her frozen on her position. “You think you can ease that with increasing our gap from each other by buying another mattress? I don’t think so.” She giggled. She saw her sigh as she placed the cup on the sink’s bin. She dried her wet hand on the towel then approached her, spanking her forehead slightly, then walked towards the door.

“Idiot. That’s not it. I couldn’t sleep because you hoarded the blanket, leaving me fully exposed to the cold. It’s because of your selfis