looking by the window now won't feel the same anymore.

LUCKY

Things happened so fast before my eyes. Just months ago, during the spring season, I got a call from someone who claimed me as her twin sister. I don't know how but she convinced me somehow. 

I had no memories of my earliest childhood until with Kiara, my best friend. I don't remember meeting cousins on occasion, celebrating birthdays with other kids other than Kiara and her sweet family, nor seeing any baby pictures of me.

Well, Bella was on the other side of the world. And she was special. I liked her the most. I hope she didn't know that. She was fragile and timid. And so was I. 

I always knew the woman who stood as my mother wasn't my real mom. I just knew. I felt it growing up. But I didn’t say anything to her nor ask her about it. She raised me, bathed me, dressed me up, taught me good manners and everything. I couldn’t be more grateful every day for the life she has given me.

I told Kristen, my so-called "twin", who has been helping me regain some of my memories of my old life, to go to a specific town in Cumberland. Our biological dad happens to have severe mental issues. Kristen said, he killed our mom and he was very violent towards her. 

I cried for days when I learned about that. I’m living the best life with a different family, while my sister was left alone with an abusive man who treats her like some beggar.

I can't even recall how she found Nona. Kristen said that she was our mom's mother. She just dialed me one day that she's in Cumberland.

Then, I remembered Bella. They lived almost next door to Nona, the Old Lady.

I wanted to call Bella and ask if she could find out if Kristen was really there, but I merely couldn’t. We were out on vacation at that time with Kiara. And honestly, she’s a little possessive. She wants my full attention only to her. I grew fond of it since she was already like that since we were kids.

Kristen and I texted each other from time to time. And even facetime each other, it did feel like I was talking to myself, though. We were twins. And that’s the happiest I’ve ever been. I was going to visit her in Cumberland before we finally fly back to Japan. I told her about it and we were both excited.

Finally, I was going to meet her after all these years.

I bought many many gifts for her. I want to make her feel special. I was going to make up to her. 
 

I knock three consecutive times at the door. “I’m coming in,” I tell her and tilt the doorknob without waiting for her to answer.

Bella never spoke to anyone after the funeral, even her mom, Nona, or her friend Natie, who traveled from Texas.

“Bella…” I bring another tray of meals for her but she ignored me like I don’t even exist.

I stare at the food on the tray I brought this morning. She left it untouched. She didn’t eat again. “You didn’t even touch your food.”

It’s been almost a week since the funeral of my sister. Bella was still wearing the dress she used on that day. She has never eaten or taken a bath and just lay there all week. 

My heart aches so much seeing her like this. I was clueless that they spent the whole summer together. That they were in love. I wish I knew. Because I knew Bella would lose her mind over Kristen’s death. I wish I could have stopped Kristen. I mean… I did, but I regret that I didn’t try harder.

I stand by the window, our feet touching, and she feels cold, almost like a block of ice.

Oh. God.

She looks so ing tired. The dark circles underneath her eyes become visible each day. Her eyes are puffy and red. She’s crying again…quietly while hugging close in her chest to the letter I found in Kristen’s room for Bella.

I feel a pinch in my soul that a tear dropped from my eye but I didn’t let it run down like a river. I feel that I need to be strong for her. I’m the only one here. Because the person she’s longing for is gone.

My twin, Rafaela Kristen was dead.

I lie down in front of her, facing Bella.

“Bella, please… Eat some… even just a little.” I say while caressing her hair. 

She gives me no response and she won’t even look at me.

“Kristen would hate that you’re being like this, you know?” I’ve been keeping myself not to using that card on her. Now I feel awful. But Bella is going to kill herself if she keeps doing this.

She takes in a deep shaky breath… “Lucky… I couldn’t even dare look at you.”

“You don’t have to look at me, Bella. I’m just here.” I quickly assure her while caressing her face. Bella flickers, nodding her head. Then, there I know that she’s giving me a chance. I lift her slowly. As I wrapped my hand around her waist, I could feel how much weight she’s lost. She couldn’t even stand on her own.